Do You Know This Song?

My kids have had this toy keyboard for EVER and for as long as they’ve had it, I’ve been racking my brains trying to remember what this one song is.  Nobody else has any idea what it is either and then one day I had this brainstorm to record it with my phone and put it on the internet because the  internet knows all.

So without further ado, I give you “The Song Which May Never Be Identified” and I challenge you to name that tune!

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Like Junk Food Truffle Pigs

When my daughter was old enough to eat real food, I was very conscientious of what I fed her. I avoided giving her any kind of junk food or overly sugary stuff and encouraged fruits and whole grains and all that. I could hardly even bear for her to eat things that weren’t organic.

*cue record scratch sound effect*

Fast forward to 5th grade and the addition of a sibling, now age 6…

I always pack them healthy lunches but on the not-so-rare occasions when I am stupid enough to bring a bag of Cheetos or Dortios or Oreos into the house, they are like junk food truffle pigs.

They race in the door from school, wash their hands (possibly the ONLY thing they do without having to be asked ten times) and head straight for the kitchen to start rooting around for whatever crap food may be around.

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Three Things I’ve Learned This Month

DO NOT chat with your massage therapist. Just lay down and shut your fool mouth. Why? Because you might say something really dumb to him like “Go as hard and deep as you want. I need it badly today” and even though you were innocently referring to the knots in your shoulders, you will spend the entire hour internally cringing over your choice of words and hoping that he doesn’t think you are yet another cougar hitting on him with cheesy double-entendres.
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Tween Compliments Adult: Hell Has Officially Frozen Over

Aside from wanting to be involved in my daughter, N’s, life (because she’s 11 and I know my opportunities will soon evaporate), I also find being around the groups of young girls in her extracurricular activities absolutely fascinating. They’re such strange creatures and the ever-shifting group dynamics are a better study in human behavior than any of the sociology courses I ever took in college.

So the other day, we were walking a long distance back to our cars after an overnight Girl Scout camping trip.

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The Truth About Santa: A Cautionary Tale

I knew this day would come eventually but I never dreamed it would be so heart-wrenching.

You see, my daughter has been dropping hints about her wavering belief in Santa Claus for a several months now. Her questions about the existence of Santa, however, always came when my six year old was nearby so I tended to hedge a lot.

“Let’s talk about this later”

“Can we have this chat another time?”

I didn’t want to lie to her any more than I already have with the whole Santa myth but I also didn’t want to spoil it for my son, who is already fully indoctrinated into the Santa Claus Believers Club.

I figured if she asked me when we were alone, I could be honest with her. But she never did.

And I would assume she’d forgotten about it and exhale, thinking I’d dodged that particular bullet one more time.

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Selling a Car is SO MUCH FUN

OMG…last night these people came to look at a car we’re selling and they TOOK MY KEYS with them. I realized it this morning when I couldn’t find them so I call the guy and I’m like “Hi, you came to look at our car last night. Do you have my keys?” and he’s like “Yes, I have them”

Um…OKAY. So when exactly did you notice that you had the keys to everything I own in your possession? We’re you planning on LETTING ME KNOW? Did it not occur to you that I might NEED THEM???? That I might be tearing my house apart looking for them so I could take my kids to school?

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Tired of Picking Up Socks? What Worked for Me

Of all the brilliant things I’ve put into place in my household, what I’m about to tell you may well be the brilliantest.

I know, I know… It’s hard to imagine anything any more brilliant than Ritz S’mores or the Chore System of Awesomeness but hear me out and then decide for yourself.

Two words.

Three syllables.

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