May 13 48 comments

Secrets & Lies

As I stand on the precipice of yet another Mother’s Day, I struggle with what direction I want to take in writing this post.

Do I write about my mom again and how I feel about Mother’s Day when she’s been gone for 27 years? I fear there’s not much new to say on that topic and I really hate to be redundant (except when discussing those trashy, skanky thong-clad dolls, of course) so maybe I’ll just link to last years Mother’s Day post and leave it up to you as to whether you want to read it.

Or I could skip the Mother’s Day thing altogether and write about how this past week my six year old has started to ask questions about my origins; questions that only have complicated answers that I’m not sure I can simplify for her. The truth is, I’ve grappled with how to discuss my personal and familial history for a long time. I just didn’t think she’d start probing into all of it so soon.

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Filed Under: Adoption, Blog, Family & Parenting, Personal
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May 01 28 comments

Not to be a Sexist Jerk…

But have you read about the “Women’s Town” Chinese tourist attraction? It’s a town where women rule and men get in trouble for disobedience. No, seriously.

The new motto of the town will be “women never make mistakes, and men can never refuse women’s requests.”

Hmmm. I wonder if they’ll ever franchise and open one up over here???

The article from Yahoo:

Chinese tourism authorities are seeking investment to build a novel concept attraction — the world’s first “women’s town,” where men get punished for disobedience, an official said Thursday.

The 2.3-square-km Longshuihu village in the Shuangqiao district of Chongqing municipality, also known as “women’s town,” was based on the local traditional concept of “women rule and men obey,” a tourism official told Reuters.

“Traditional women dominate and men have to be obedient in the areas of Sichuan province and Chongqing, and now we are using it as an idea to attract tourists and boost tourism,” the official, surname Li, said by telephone.

The tourism bureau planned to invest between 200 million yuan ($26 million) and 300 million yuan in infrastructure, roads and buildings, Li said.

“We welcome investors from overseas and nationwide to invest in our project,” he added.

The motto of the new town would be “women never make mistakes, and men can never refuse women’s requests,” Chinese media have reported.

When tour groups enter the town, female tourists would play the dominant role when shopping or choosing a place to stay, and a disobedient man would be punished by “kneeling on an uneven board” or washing dishes in restaurants, media reports said.

The project, begun in the end of 2005, was expected to take three to five years to finish.

Is that not the most bizarre thing you’ve read all day?

Edited to Add: There seems to be some misunderstanding that I am not aware of or don’t care about the women/human rights issues brought to light by this new venture.

Au contraire, people… Women/human rights are known to be poor in China. That’s a given. I do think the women who live in this particular town are lucky because they do not have to suffer as second class citizens as most women do in China and in countless other places around the world.

As for the men being submissive to women, I think it’s just the way things are there. I don’t believe anyone is forcing them to stay. In any case, the reason this area is being exploited for tourism is because the whole female-dominant scene, as a way of life rather than a source of sexual titillation, is an anomaly as well as a novelty.

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Apr 26 77 comments

Our Kids Deserve Better

The topic at hand today is Bratz dolls. Well, no. It really isn’t Bratz dolls so much. It’s more about how our society has become so numb to the constant sexualization of girls that it’s hard for some to even recognize it anymore. And it’s about one small thing we can do to stem the proverbial tide.

So what am I carrying on about now? Well, for starters, I was recently vindicated by the American Psychological Association who ALSO sees a problem with society projecting sexuality onto younger and younger girls. While many insist that it’s all in good fun and that people like me are perverts for thinking otherwise, all I can say is “Ha! My instincts were spot on!” Padded bras for six year olds and toddler dolls in thongs and dolls dressed like hookers being marketed to little girls are NOT harmless.

See, the thing is, Bratz dolls are not going to make your daughters become prostitutes. But they are one very visible component of a culture of which the resultant cumulative effect is a loud and clear message that a girl’s worth lies with her sexuality. The dolls, simply put, are just a small part of something much larger; a general but very perceptible shift in how women are regarded in the world at large and it’s starting with our preschool age daughters.

So what do I want? I want something better. I want to change the world from place where a young girl’s worth is in her willingness to shed her clothes or trade basic human dignity for a few minutes of fleeting fame or infamy; a culture where girls don’t seem to mind trading themselves for things that are worthless.

I’m not talking about adults here. Adults can make as many stupid decisions on how to live their lives as they want. I’m talking about children and self-worth and I just can’t figure out where the disconnect is. I can’t find that corner we turned where respecting yourself stopped being as important as flashing for a free Girls Gone Wild hat, or giving a blowjob because it’s just oral sex and it makes you popular; or being “hot” completely displaced being accomplished or intelligent.

When did self-respect become so uncool? I’m not even sure I can effectively articulate what I mean to say here but if one single person considers leaving a comment lecturing me about how I can’t stop progress or the world is the way it is and I should just “educate” my child to be better or whatever, don’t bother. I refuse to accept that.

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Filed Under: Blog, Commentary
Apr 10 38 comments

On Being a Holiday Poseur…

Picture 1.pngThis past Saturday night I realized two things. I hadn’t gotten any Easter basket stuff for the kids and I had not a single acceptable thing to wear to dinner on Easter Sunday with my in-laws.

If jeans and t-shirts were a viable option or wearing black on Easter Sunday wasn’t generally frowned upon, I’d have been all set but alas, Easter is the holiday of pastels and nice, lady-like attire, which are things that my wardrobe is sorely lacking. Not that I mind, though, because I just feel like a big fraud when I’m wearing such things anyway.

It actually reminds me of going home for the holidays during college and well into my twenties and feeling like such a misfit with my regular wardrobe that I would actually shop before my trip for something bland and suburban that would make me blend in a little better because being the thrift store-clad black sheep at those large family gathering? Is not fun.

Clearly, I still feel compelled to perform the same ritual before attending gatherings with my in-laws because I actually went to the evil empire (Wal-mart) on Saturday night (because Target was about to close) and not only procured Easter candy and related tchotchkes but also a few shirts in bright, peppy Easter egg-like colors with the intention that I could pair them with some bright, peppy capri pants that I secured for some other “Yes, I’m a total fraud” event. I even bought myself a pair of spring-friendly sandals since all my other sandals have seen better days.

So yes. I spent my Saturday night at Wal-Mart buying candy and clothes which is only slight less humiliating than the following Sunday morning conversation with my six year old daughter wherein we are discussing what I am going to wear to Easter since I’d said the night before that I didn’t have diddly squat –

TQ: Mommy, you can wear this shirt for Easter *holds up my new sky blue top* It’s perfect for Easter and it doesn’t even matter that it’s a maternity shirt.

Me: Wha??? Why do you think it’s a maternity shirt?

TQ: Because it’s GIGAAAAANTIC!!! *runs off laughing*

Kids say the darnedest things, don’t they?

And yes, I did don my “gigaaaantic” shirt for Easter and would you believe that for the first time ever everyone was dressed casually in jeans? Yes. Due to cool weather they dressed in jeans while I’m wearing this hideously bright blue shirt and coordinating plaid pastel capri pants and looking like a dorky Easter egg.

The moral of this story is?

Um… Be yourself?

Buy better clothes?

Be better prepared so you don’t have to settle for the rather limited selection at Wal-Mart?

Don’t be embarrassed about looking like a schlub in front of your in-laws because one day they will all surprise you and wear jeans to Easter dinner?

Select tighter shirts so your daughter doesn’t think you bought maternity clothes?

I need to go on “What Not to Wear”?

Anyone?

Bueller?

Bueller?

Filed Under: Blog, Family & Parenting, Incessant Whining, LOL
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Mar 27 OFF comments

The Public Library Never Disappoints

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I don’t know what it is but a trip to the public library never fails to produce some story or anecdote and our most recent visit was no exception.

I had taken P, now 21 months old, to story time at our local branch library. At first he wasn’t really into it, much preferring to wander around and turn doorknobs, climb chairs and generally check out the room.

But finally, after several false starts, he made his way up to the group of other children and sat down — until he spotted the fabric draped over the Story Lady’s table. See, she brings a colorful fabric that she drapes over the table next to her like a floor-length table cloth and she displays a bunch of books on top it.

P immediately approached and then crawled under the cloth. And then poked his head out out. And then went back under and then came out again, grinning like he was the star of a show doing an encore instead of an incredibly cute toddler disrupting story time.

I bounded out of my seat and tried as discreetly as possible to go under the table from behind and coax P out but he was wily and hard to catch. On my hands and knees, I stuck my head out the front to see about 20 pairs of eye staring back at me.

After much under-the-table wrangling to grab a giggly and very wiggly P, I finally managed to get a hold of him and as I tried to hold onto him and stand up at the same time, my postpartum stress-incontinence reared it’s ugly little head and I peed my fricken pants a teeny bit. Crap.

As I stood up with P in my arms and smiled sheepishly at the crowd, I decided that my bucking and squealing toddler and I should go to the bathroom and survey the state of my jeans and let the Story Lady finish up. Fortunately, as it were, my jeans were spared. YESSSSSSS!

We went back in the room as story time was wrapping up so I could collect our stuff and the nice Story Lady told me that in all the years she had been doing this, no child has ever crawled under the fabric before (which I find incredibly hard to believe.) I apologized to the Story Lady, who actually is very sweet & understanding, particularly of toddlers, and we left.

Rest assured that I was sufficiently embarrassed by my son’s shenanigans. Not, however, because I felt like he was misbehaving but rather because of people looking at me the way they did. Not a single smile of understanding in the bunch except from one lone daddy. Thank you, kind sir.

You want to know what I have to say to that?

Lighten UP, people! He’s not even two years old and it’s toddler story time at the library; not dinner with the Queen of England.

I peed my pants for all you people and your perfect spawn. Isn’t that punishment enough? Geez!

(I have no idea what happened to all the comments on this post. They’re just…gone ???)

Filed Under: Blog, Family & Parenting, Incessant Whining, LOL, Personal
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Mar 05 48 comments

Remember My Ball Gag? Ann Coulter Needs to Borrow It.

I’ve never cared for this woman. I find her to be incredibly obnoxious and once again, she totally justifies my opinion. She’s like the Howard Stern of the political world, saying anything to get a rise out of people and generate some press for herself.

If you haven’t seen this video of her calling presidential hopeful John Edwards a faggot, take a look. She’s so smug and full of herself. And it’s really unbelieveable to hear the audience tittering at her remarks and clapping. Who ARE these people?

Where DID I put that ball gag?

Filed Under: Blog, Commentary
Feb 06 40 comments

You Say Vagina, I Say Shut Up

I’ve read several posts this past week referencing “the big talk”. You know, the talk about the facts-of-life stuff that most parents are dreading because of the sheer awkwardness of it all.

Hell, I still haven’t told my daughter the right names for her female body parts. Well, no. That’s not entirely true. I did tell her. Once. But I don’t refer to them by their proper names in everyday conversation. Because? It’s just…ewww.

Mature, aren’t I?

And anyway, most people call the outer part of the female crotch area a vagina and that’s actually not anatomically accurate. So that brings us to “labia.” Do people actually call it a labia? Not so much. So what do I do? Tell her the not-as-correct name? Or the one nobody uses? Or do I have to use both??? Cripey! Is it any wonder I don’t want to deal with this stuff?

I also have a son which presents a whole other host of things we will need to address and for some reason, it almost seems like it will be easier but seriously, I hope to never find myself in this position (see video).

Poor Ricky…

Filed Under: Blog, Family & Parenting, LOL, Personal