Who Dreams Up This Crap Anyway?

I thought I’d seen it all with padded bras for six year olds and Girls Gone Wild-inspired hot tub party bus toys and stripper poles being sold in the toy section and unmistakably phallic Dora toys and 1970’s Tab commercials that would make any modern woman retch but alas, it’s a bottomless pit, people.

Time to get your barf bags out again…

The Axe Effect, brought to you by the same people who also bring us those fabulous Evolution of Beauty videos (Dove). Be sure to click the different “Choose a Vixen” options under the girls (dressed in french maid and animal costumes) and take note that this is something you actually download to your computer (PC only) and use your voice to “command” your Vixen. Nice. Just what I want my son to learn about women…

Barbie’s Fashion Fever Shopping Boutique. Only slightly less insulting and stupid than those Teen Talk Barbies from 1994 that exclaimed “Math is tough! I love shopping!” this toy lets you shop ’til you drop with your ATM card and “you never run out of money!” because you know, fiscal responsibility is soooo lame and like, totally not fabulous.

My daughter showed me the vomitrocious Beauty Cuties website where “Beauty is our duty!” and then we sat there and ragged on it together. Ahhh…mother-daughter bonding; I do love it so. Note that the dolls look frighteningly similar to a certain other line of nasty, trashtacular dolls that I love to hate.

And finally, try not to get jealous, you guys, but I followed a strange referral from my blog stats and apparently one of my posts has been linked from this site. (NOT work or kid safe!).

WTF?

WTF Wednesday ~ It’s Ba-aaack

Granted, it’s like two minutes until Thursday but WTF Thursday just doesn’t have that same alliterative ring to it so it’s Wednesday until I say it isn’t, dammit!

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It’s not like Walmart doesn’t have enough to answer for already but now someone needs to explain why they’re selling this really f*cked up shirt.

As someone who has experienced the unique displeasure of being stalked, I think it’s rather tasteless, particularly the red blood-like lettering.

Ruth Sheehan of The Charlotte Observer writes:

What’s next?
“Some say it’s rape, I call it hot sex”?
Or “Some call it domestic violence, I say I’m just teaching her a lesson”?

WTF, Walmart???

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On a lighter note…

I know the ladies will agree that having to squat and pee when there’s no bathroom can be sometimes be a challenge.

First of all, you have to find a place that’s kind of private because squatting down with your arse out there for all the world to see? So not suave.

Second, you have to find a spot where there’s no tall grass or brush because hello? Your hoo-ha is inches from the ground and unless you like that sort of thing, it’s just icky to commune with nature in that way when all you really want to do is take a pee.

Third, if you’re not positioned just so, you WILL pee on your pants. This is a fact. Trust me. And returning to the car, campsite, whatever with pee-soaked pants? Uncomfortable, embarrassing and SO SO SO not suave.

But fear not, my fair ladies. I have THE solution. I give you…THE SHENIS! Yes, someone has actually invented this a very large 12″ golden penis device that will allow you to stand up and pee like a man.

click to enlarge…heh

To be fair, judging by the photos on the Shenis website, it does appear to work but I don’t know…gold just really isn’t my color.

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Have you checked out Moms Speak Up? Here’s my most recent post. It’s a video all mothers of girls should see.

First MySpace, Then Facebook, Now Harvard? (Edited to Add v.2)

You may recall several months back that MySpace kept removing a photo of a breastfeeding baby from a member’s page (because it violated their obscenity rules) and threatened to remove her from MySpace altogether if she continued re-posting said photo. (You can see one of the “obscene” photos here.)
Now Facebook is doing the same thing. Most people (sane ones) would agree that it’s absolutely ludicrous to deem breastfeeding an obscene act, right? Right.

So glad we’re all on the same page.

But the kicker, one that takes my breath away, is that Facebook hosts, with no compunction whatsoever, over 350 pro-anorexia groups. Yes. 350.

Blogger David Wescott makes an excellent point in his post on this issue:

Facebook has come down on both sides of a “free speech issue” here - once clamping down, once letting speech and organizing go - and in each case it’s come down in a way that arguably sets women back.

Apparently there have been some pretty monumental protests on Facebook over the “breastfeeding is obscene” issue. I’m not sure about the pro-anorexia groups. Either way, if you’re a breastfeeding mom or the parent of a child/children of either gender (boys get anorexia, too) these topics affect you.

I’m asking for all of you (You DON’T have to be a mom OR a parent OR a woman) to take action by writing a post on one or both of these topics. The links above reference more information on both topics. After you’ve written your post, let me know so I can link you here and over at the group blog Moms speak Up.

Awesome Women Speaking Up!

• Formula Fed & Flexible Parenting ~ Facebook and Breastfeeding
• The Wink ~ Hey Facebook, Suck it
• Cattails: Adventures of a Very Bad Cat ~ Breasts Are Obscene
• Pundit Mom ~ Breast Practices
• Resolving Timeline issues ~ I Burned My Breakfast This Morning
• Red Stapler ~ Unclear on That Whole Priorities Thing
• A Whole Lot of Nothing ~ Boob Juice
• VDog and Little man ~ Boycott Bill Maher
• A Mom, a Blog and the Life in Between ~ Dear Facebook and Bill Maher: You’re Idiots
• Suburban Oblivion ~ Bill Maher: Applebees Nurse In & Lactivism Are a Waste of Time…
• Queen of Shake Shake ~ Mysteries of the Universe Part 1
• Mothergoosemouse ~ It’s Not Just a Women’s Issue
• A Piece of My Mind ~ Lactivist
• Motherhood Uncensored ~ Petition Schmetition. Just Deactivate Your Account
• ValueWit ~ Raunchy Nippled Secret
• Motherhood Insanity ~ Warning: Breastfeeding Obscene. Use Caution Ahead

• Tiny Mantras ~ Bye Bye Bill Maher
• A Mommy story ~ OK Facebook, Let Me Get This Straight
• A Child is Born ~ Fuck Off Facebook and Bill Maher
• Bloomin’ Yaya ~ Boobies. Big Ones, Very, Very Big Ones
• The Fish Pond ~ Breastfeeding Brouha ~ No, It Isn’t Funny
• Silicon Valley Moms Blog ~ Lactivists Take On Facebook, Bill Maher…
• The Things We Do… ~ The Boobs Are Out
• The Mummy Chronicles ~ Sneakers Are For Your Feet, Not Your Head
• Suburban Oblivion ~ Bill Maher Makes This Lactivist Want to Breastfeed on His Front Porch…
• Our Freak Parade ~ I Always Had My Suspicions…
• Touching Dookie ~ Breastfeeding…the New Dirty Word
• Self-Made Mom ~ What I Would Blog About if I was Blogging
• House of H ~ When the Personal is Political
• Soul Gardening ~ Milk, It’s What’s for Dinner
• Sci-Fi Dad @ MommyBlogsToronto ~ What’s Really Offensive?
• Midwestern Mommy ~ An Open Letter to Facebook

(Thanks to David Wescott for bringing this stuff to my attention. I’ve been a bit out of the loop the past week or two with a gravely ill family member so I wasn’t aware of these latest slaps in the face to mothers and females worldwide)

Edited to Add: Alex Elliot just informed me that recently a Harvard med student was denied permission for nursing breaks during her exit exams.

Yes, a Harvard med student and mother of a 4 month old was denied adequate break time to pump during medical board exams. (I don’t about the rest of you but it would take me a good 40-45 minutes on a hospital-grade Medela single breast pump just to get 4-6 oz. of milk).

They (those in charge of the national board exams, not specifically Harvard) felt justified in this decision because “because breastfeeding accommodations are not protected under the Americans with Disabilities Act.”

SO WHAT? It’s still totally antithetical to the whole notion of protecting and improving human health which is a pretty important part of being a doctor, no?

You can read the NY Times article here but you’ll have to login or register for free access.

Edited to Add II: David Westcott of It’s Not a Lecture contacted Facebook about all this anti-breastfeeding and pro-ana crap. Want to know how they responded to his questions about their policies? Read it here but be prepared to get supremely irritated.

How Much Would You Endure to Lose More Weight?

So the other day I’m at the CVS pharmacy, also known as the store with the $50 cover charge because I always leave there with at least that much less in my checking account, and while I waited for a prescription I started looking at the Alli brochures.

Have you heard of Alli? It’s an over-the-counter FDA approved diet aid that’s selling out of stores everywhere.

Anyway, I was reading the brochure for this stuff that’s being advertised everywhere because I was curious. Like most women, I want to lose a few pounds. And hey! It’s FDA approved. It MUST work, right? *snort*

From what I gleaned, you lose weight with Alli because instead of absorbing fat, your body expels some of it when you um…take a poo.

Then I read the line in the “treatment effects” about how if you eat too much fat while taking it, you may suffer from gas with an oily discharge. Oh, and possibly some “loose stools” that may be difficult to control, too.

And then it hit me!!! That’s how it REALLY works!!!

It scares you into not eating as much fat because who, in their right mind, would take a chance on farting greasy discharge into their clothes and walking around all day with an ever-enlarging and presumably smelly oily spot on their ass, ESPECIALLY, when the average person passes gas EIGHTEEN times a day?

And the loose, uncontrollable stools? Uh yeah, those are definitely a dealbreaker because hello? Shitting in your pants? So NOT suave.

I also read that the makers of Alli suggest wearing dark clothes and carrying an extra pair of pants. AN EXTRA PAIR OF PANTS!!! Seriously?

Apparently there is an Alli Accident Support Group, too. For reals. Although a little weird, I guess that’s a good thing because it’s been ohhhh about 34 years since I’ve had one of those kinds of accidents and as an adult, I’m sure it would be a lot more traumatizing than it is when you’re six.

So tell me, folks, would the aforementioned side effects “treatment effects” scare you into eating less fat or would you just wear a big old pad or something and go about your business?

I mean, it probably does help eliminate some fat absorption (30% is the claim) but I do think the majority of weight loss, for me anyway, would come from avoiding too much fat so you don’t suffer those “treatment effects.”

They sound remarkably similar to the warning on those scary Olestra potato chips, which I have yet to try for fear of foul-smelling oily spots in my underwear and pants because you know…I’m average. I may very well fart eighteen times a day. That’s a LOT of greasy discharge..

Is anyone thinking of trying Alli?

Anyone out there that has tried Alli?

Would you tell us if you had greasy farts or leaked some brown in your pants?

Okay, okay. You don’t have to tell us that.

I’m mostly just curious to know if it’s effective and if it has made you consciously eat less fat.

Thanks in advance for sharing :)

Life’s Short. Get a Newer Model Spouse with Bigger Boobs & Better Abs

A billboard in Chi-Town. Whattaya think???