Category Archives: Incessant Whining

A Startling Revelation

I know people hate it when bloggers start blogging about not blogging. I mean duh, if you can blog about not blogging, then you can just as easily blog about something else… something that doesn’t suck.

Right?

But see, this is different. Because I’ve had a revelation. As the title suggests, a startling one, in fact.

Are you ready?

I can NOT blog when I have other work-y type obligations hanging over me.

This is way more revelatory than it seems.

I’ve heard some people say they can’t write when their desk is messy.

I had a similar issue in college. I couldn’t write important papers when my dorm room was messy…which meant my awesome BFF had to come over and help me clean my room so I could get my paper done.

I know what you’re thinking… I sometimes wonder how it is that I’m allowed to raise small humans, too.

But messy desks no longer prevent me from writing. I can do ‘messy desk’ for months without flinching.

No. Now it’s work.

Do you know what I do for work? I’m not sure I ever talk about it here.

I’m a graphic and web designer and I help people run and maintain their web sites. I’m  a creator and a fixer and a teacher and basically, and I stay super busy.

I stay busy enough, in fact, that I always have something hanging over me.

There’s always something to be done. ALWAYS.

How can I collect my thoughts when I have all this crap to do?

I have to be relaxed to collect my thoughts; to see the humor in everyday things; to extract from my brain all the things I fleetingly thought of sharing here.

I can, however, watch TV, read books, play Words with Friends and goof off on Twitter. None of these have ever presented a problem.

Lucky me.

*sigh*

When I started this blog, my only job was taking care of my kids. When it was time for preschool and naps, it was also to think and ponder and let my thoughts wander freely. When they went to bed, it was time time to sit down and write.

Now school time signifies the first shift of my work day and bed time signifies the second. When is there time for anything else (TV, books, Words with Friends and Twitter notwithstanding)

I don’t mean to complain. I’m grateful for all my good fortune and the ability to contribute without having to go to a workplace and miss being around my kids.

And I won’t even consider turning down work. I’m afraid if I do, it will jinx me somehow and the steady stream of work will dry up.

But like all working moms, something has to give. The myth of having it all is just that…a myth. Something always suffers— no matter what we were told back in the 70′s, there just isn’t enough mojo to go around.

And for me, there are two very specific things that suffer (we’re not even going to count house cleaning, mmmkay?):

• My relationships both in and outside the magic box

• My writing (and pretty much any other creative endeavor)

(Sidebar: does it sound pretentious to call it writing? I mean it’s a blog. Can I call it ‘writing’ without sounding ridiculous???)

What about you? What, if anything, impedes your blogging/writing?

Or if nothing does, maybe you’ll share your secrets for keeping your eye on the ball.

 

The Truth About Santa: A Cautionary Tale

I knew this day would come eventually but I never dreamed it would be so heart-wrenching.

You see, my daughter has been dropping hints about her wavering belief in Santa Claus for a several months now. Her questions about the existence of Santa, however, always came when my six year old was nearby so I tended to hedge a lot.

“Let’s talk about this later”

“Can we have this chat another time?”

I didn’t want to lie to her any more than I already have with the whole Santa myth but I also didn’t want to spoil it for my son, who is already fully indoctrinated into the Santa Claus Believers Club.

I figured if she asked me when we were alone, I could be honest with her. But she never did.

And I would assume she’d forgotten about it and exhale, thinking I’d dodged that particular bullet one more time.

Get the whole story »

Selling a Car is SO MUCH FUN

OMG…last night these people came to look at a car we’re selling and they TOOK MY KEYS with them. I realized it this morning when I couldn’t find them so I call the guy and I’m like “Hi, you came to look at our car last night. Do you have my keys?” and he’s like “Yes, I have them”

Um…OKAY. So when exactly did you notice that you had the keys to everything I own in your possession? We’re you planning on LETTING ME KNOW? Did it not occur to you that I might NEED THEM???? That I might be tearing my house apart looking for them so I could take my kids to school?

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S-E-X

A couple days ago I took my son, daughter and my daughter’s friend to the movies. We went to a theater in our historic district which bears an uncanny resemblance to Bourbon St in New Orleans. There are bars, restaurants, nightclubs and shops all up and down 7th Ave, the main drag. I think the only thing missing are the booby bars every 100 yards.

During the day it’s pretty tame with mostly tourists and business people walking around, so as I searched for a parking spot on 7th Ave, I didn’t even stop to consider that my ten year old can now read or that 7th Ave isn’t the most kid-friendly spot in town.

While we were stopped at a light, I heard her say to her friend “Look! Look! Look at that sign.” Me being the nosy parent that I am, I turned to see what she was looking at. I saw nothing unusual so I asked her what she was talking about. She pointed to the window of  popular gay club that was too far back for me to see.

“What? What does it say?”

Get the whole story »

I’m Sorry We Made Fun of You, Gerabaldine

When I was a little kid, my friend had this kind of ugly, knock-off Barbie that was almost completely bald save for a few follicles of millimeter-long brown hair. I don’t know why she was bald but we named her Gerabaldine. And we laughed and laughed. What a hoot, right?!

I had actually planned on blogging about something only marginally related to my hair situation and not at all about my hair itself. But… I figure I’ll see some of you sooner or later and I won’t be able to hide it so…we may as well just go there and get it over with.

My hair is falling out. A lot. Get the whole story »

I’m Just Not Ready for Any of This

Ugh…today is a hard day and it’s only 10:45am.

It started last night with the huz and I talking about our ten year old daughter who is starting to ask questions about Santa Claus. Of course we want to be honest with her but 1) she asked when our five yr old was around, so we really couldn’t and 2) once you spill the beans about Santa, the whole house of cards will come tumbling down—Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny—all that magic will evaporate in an instant. I’m not ready for that.

And today, my daughter has her last cheer event of the season. They cheer at games until October and then they do competitions for a while and then the season is over. I’ve been a very involved cheer mom and so it was hard to put her in a car this morning with her team, knowing I won’t have any contact with her until after 7pm tonight. At the last competition, cheerleaders and parents weren’t totally separated all day but at this one we are and I hate it. I didn’t even get to hug her goodbye this morning. She was in the car doing something and then BAM…they were leaving. I told her I loved her and she’s like “Okay, bye mama”  OUCH. Get the whole story »

Braindump

The feeling. It’s subtle but it’s there…quietly threatening.

The only way to describe it is to say that I’m starting to feel disconnected from everything around me…again. I hear you, I see you, I talk to you—but it’s like there’s glass between us; between me and the world. It’s like a…precursor to depression; not as bad as the real thing but not so great either.

It could just be hormonal mood swings that will be gone as quickly as they came.

I hope.

I’ve been weaning myself off Wellbutrin realllllly slowly and it’s working out okay. I just hate being beholden to medication. I know if you need it you should take it but there’s this nagging voice in the back of my head that always reminds me that this is my BRAIN we’re tinkering with and that being on any brain-tinkering drugs long term might be bad for you and really, who’s going to tell you that? The drug makers? Pffffftttt. RIGHT.

So anyway, what I think I really need right now is to TALK, with actual spoken words (as opposed to emails and IM’s) to someone who isn’t my husband or children. I’ve been isolating myself….burying myself in new projects and hiding from the world. That can’t be healthy *sigh*

/braindump