It feels kinda good!

I was tagged by Blackbelt Mama (or maybe it was her sassy alter-ego, Blackbelt Bitch???) for this 20 Things I Hate meme. I allowed my own bitchy alter-ego to come out a little and I have to admit, it felt kind of good to think of things you hate without worrying about whether you’re being all negative and unpleasant.

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Here’s my list, in no particular order:

1. Litterbugs – The world is NOT your trashcan, you lazy, selfish, festering boil on the ass of society.

2. Bass/stereos so loud that other people have to feel/hear your music, which, I might add, ALWAYS SUCKS ASS. How come people with GOOD taste in music never do that?

3. Bad manners, rudeness etc. (see these posts for specifics)

4. People who just casually let their dogs crap anywhere, including right on the sidewalk, and make no attempt whatsoever to remove it, which also happens to be THE LAW, assholes. Additionally, my yard, THAT MY KIDS AND I WALK AROUND ON, is not a toilet for your dog. How would you like it if I came to your house and just shit in the middle of your living room? Even if I scooped it up with a bag, it would still be pretty fucking gross, no?

5. People that you only hear from when they need something.

6. Passive-aggressive clerks. Yes, I know your job sucks but pretending I’m not standing here while you pick your hangnails or pretend to be engrossed in some other aspect of your job is not going to make it any better.
7. In a similar vein, I hate when the garbageman throws the lid to my can on top of my flowers. I mean really…that’s just a shitty thing to do.

8. People who have complained to me about the same self-created problems for years and never do a thing to change them. Um, stop wasting my time.

9. The “profits at any cost” corporate mentality.

10. Those stupid black W…the President stickers. They’re so ominous and creepy looking. They remind me of Darth Vader. Plus, isn’t it getting a little embarrassing to have one of those on your car? I think this is a much better choice.

11. Hypocrisy. I hate hypocrites. Any questions?

12. People who leave their dogs outside 24-7. Not only is this mean and inhumane (why do you even have pets???) but they also tend to bark constantly and annoy the ever-loving hell out of me which then makes me hate the dogs as much as I hate their ignorant, selfish owners.

13. When people say “nucyaler” instead of “nuclear.” Not only is it incorrect but it sounds really dumb, too.

14. Twenty excruciating minutes of trailers before a children’s movie, especially when the trailers are wholly inappropriate for the age of the kids there for the movie. Hollywood? I’m kinda starting to HATE you. Oh, and add to that children’s movies where the characters SCREAM through the entire thing. Hello? Ever heard of that thing…you know, TALKING? If you ever want me to bring my kids to a movie again, you’ll stop with all the screaming characters. It gets on my last. Mother. Fucking. Nerve.

15. Negative, naysayer types that crap all over everything. Go away from me. You suck all the fun out of life. (Those of us doing this meme are excluded, of course)

16. Living in one of the few countries of the world that doesn’t give paid maternity/paternity leave to working parents.

17. Big, giant, ostentatious SUV’s driven by some lady and her ONE child. Hello? Is a Hummer REALLY necessary to drop your child off at school and run to the market a few times a week? Or do you have some 4-wheel drive needs that you attend to regularly that would justify your driving such a ginormous resource and road-hogging vehicle?

18. Weird, crunchy things like pickles, relish, onions, celery etc. in any kind salad (chicken, potato, macaroni, tuna etc) I know a lot of people like that stuff but it seriously grosses me out.

19. I really hate that Gerber is starting to package organic baby food in plastic containers that leach chemicals into food. Hello? It’s oxymoronic and pretty much defeats the purpose of buying chemical-free food. Thanks a lot, asshats.

20. Paying an insane, obscene amount of money for health insurance while the CEOS of such companies get record-high bonus’ in the area of TWENTY MILLION DOLLARS a year. That’s a REAL figure, folks.

I’m tagging Dawn for this meme and anyone else who wants to be tagged for it. Just sign my name to it and say that I tagged you :)

Who Doesn’t Love a Twofer?

First things first….

If you didn’t bawl your eyes out (or at least sob a little) while watching the season finale of Grey’s Anatomy, you may need to check your pulse and make sure you’re alive.

I know it’s just TV but it was one of the most heartbreakingly sad (fictional) shows I’ve watched on TV in a while. And I hope my namesake isn’t gone for good. Seeing Izzie curled up in bed with Denny was almost too much for me.

Oh! What about when they were dancing and Meredith and Derek’s eyes were locked? I was FREAKING!

To those of you that are too cool for television, I salute you. I’m not there yet. As long as there is sexual tension between Meredith and McDreamy, I’m keeping my TV. Last nights episode was hotter than anything you could ever rent at the dirty-old-man movie store. Seriously.

Now, to my regularly scheduled post…

Who Doesn’t Love a Twofer?

Well, when it’s two memes, probably everyone. But I was tagged for two different ones and ever the gracious (and easily-flattered) host, I’m gonna do them.

This is the “My Neighborhood Barbie” thing and I was tagged by Wendy. I didn’t really do my neighborhood’s Barbie because she would be boring and downright uncomedic. See, I don’t live in a neighborhood full of idle rich people. I merely live in very close proximity to them and breathe their air and shop in their stores. I’m middle class and that’s just dull. So…to up the ante, my Barbie is based on the women I see every morning and afternoon five days a week at my daughter’s school.

I like to call my neighborhood Barbie “Trophy Wife Barbie.” Almost always a well-coiffed bottle-blonde, TWB’s are often 10-15 years younger than their husbands and are always in better shape. The husbands, when in town, will come to the occasional Christmas or Spring Show but are rarely seen at any other time because of his busy work/golf schedule. TWB is also frequently crunched for time… Thank God for the nanny because TWB would never have time to squeeze in all her personal care activities if she had to take her two and four year-old girls to their classes, lessons and enrichment activities. Looking good is her job, dammit!

Every morning, she unloads her two perfectly color-coordinated and perfectly-spaced children out of her Escalade/Volvo/
BMW/Lexus/Range Rover/Hummer SUV and hustles them to their classrooms at their private day school. Always clad in a perky ponytail and designer work-out wear, she rushes because she wants to beat the other TWB’s to the gym and get one of the better ellipticals. When she’s finished working out, getting a massage and tanning, it’s time to shower, dress, and put on makeup before heading over to her eurotrash hairdresser for a blow-out. She then heads out for a little shopping before a calorically-void lunch with the other TWB’s and then she will possibly give the nanny a break and pick the kids up at school IF she has time. TWB’s life is soooo exhausting.

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I was also tagged for the “I Am” meme by Mommy Off the Record:

I AM: a mommy blogger. I got your baby poop schtick right here, suckers!

I WANT: another bedroom and a bigger kitchen in my tiny house but I’d settle for world peace and universal healthcare.

I WISH: that I had the power to change the world

I HATE: hypocrisy and bad manners (not table manners so much as the “why the hell don’t you people RSVP?” kind of manners)

I MISS: having time to pamper myself.

I FEAR: the state of the world right now.

I HEAR: A story on Nightline about abandoned, institutionalized children in Romania. It’s heart-wrenching.

I WONDER: if things will get better when George Bush leaves office.

I REGRET: nothing. Okay…that’s not true but the things I DO regret are not going to be forever immortalized in a meme.

I AM NOT: above wearing the same underwear two days in a row.

I DANCE: in my kitchen. The floor is perfect for it.

I SING: when I’m in the car by myself. I put in MY music and sing unabashedly.

I CRY: when babies are born, at weddings, at sappy commercials, at anything where children or animals are hurt.

I AM NOT ALWAYS: as self-absorbed as I think I seem on my blog.

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: these tiny felt dresses on tiny wire hangers. They’re so damn cute but I have no idea what to do with them…lol

I WRITE: myself a lot of post-it notes.

I CONFUSE: most people…hehe.

I NEED: a week of good sleep and a week of pure fun.

I SHOULD: be folding the ever-present baskets of laundry that languish in my living room or writing a review for Cool Mom Picks.

I START: my day wishing I’d gone to bed earlier.

I FINISH: hoping I will fall right to sleep.

And now I’m going to tag Kristen for the Barbie meme (because I think she could really have some fun with Mississippi Barbies)

For the “I Am” meme I am tagging Redneck Mommy, Mama Tulip, Midwestern Mommy and Kittenpie.

Have fun :)

Six Things

While I never thought I was too cool for a meme, I have mused aloud that when people see a meme on my blog, they seem to leave faster than I can say “I’m a comment whore” but that doesn’t mean I don’t like the much-maligned meme. Memes are fun. Memes are illuminating. The meme rocks, dammit! And apparently I am no longer on the meme blacklist. I was tagged by Amy and Jana for the Six Things: Weirdo Edition meme.

You wanted weird? I got your weird right here, folks. *grabbing crotch*

1. I like my food really well-done & crunchy. This includes homemade cookies, grilled cheese, french fries, pop tarts and pizza. Nothing is more disappointing than opening the pizza box and seeing that the cheese ISN’T a little brown. And soft cookies are just wrong!

2. Like Domesticator, I love, love, love chewing ice, particularly the finely crushed kind that you typically get at the movies. Does anyone remember that old rumor that chewing ice meant you were sexually frustrated?

3. I’m a picker. I get a perverse enjoyment from popping zits and I cannot refrain from picking a hangnail no matter how much it hurts. If I get sunburned and peel, there is no greater thrill than pulling off big pieces of dry skin. I do not, however, pick things that bleed. I’m not a fan of the red.

4. Awhile back I had a little mishap with some oven cleaner crap (I realllly needed to clean the damn oven or otherwise I would NOT have messed with that stuff) and it got kind of smoky – okay, it was a lot smoky – and I breathed in a lot of those toxic fumes. Now I have this chemical-ish smokey smell stuck in my nose that comes and goes. I’m afraid it will never go away. Proof that I’m not imagining it? Hubz has it, too.

5. I like getting shots. I don’t know why but I do. I just get a weird endorphin rush from it. And no I’m not a cutter or practicer of masochism or anything like that. I’m just weird.

6.I can’t go to bed without using some kind of Chapstick or lip balm. It’s a cute little quirk that will send me into a tailspin if I can’t find one of my 5 or 6 tubes of the stuff.

I tried to mix it up a little for my tag list and if my taggees are really cool, they’ll do the dang meme. Why? Because the dooce did a meme about a month ago and now, like wedgie shoes and gauchos, memes are cool again!

Here are the rules:

1. Reveal six weird facts/things/habits about yourself and then tag six people.

2. Leave a “You’re Tagged!” comment to let the people you have tagged know they have to reveal six things (or the entire blogosphere will explode and it will be their fault).

3. Leave me a comment letting me know that you have completed your mission (if you have chosen to accept it!).

I’m tagging Bridgermama, Cameo, Chag, Marcie, Sue and Blog Antagonist

Phriday Phun Phive

I hardly ever do memes but what the hell, it’s Friday. If you’re reading this, you’re tagged! Yeah, yeah…you hate memes. I know. Do it anyway :-)

Do this on your own blog and then copy/paste it into the comments here. That last part is VERY important. It will be much “phun” (har har…clever aren’t I?)

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1) What is your favorite word?

2) What word irks you everytime you hear someone say it? You can have more than one.

3) Name the first concert you ever went to.

4) Name a song will you never get sick of hearing.

5) What song, album or band influenced you most as a teenager OR what song/album is the soundtrack of your youth? You can pick more than one if you have to.

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Here are my answers:

1) “Elysium” because I like the way it sounds and I like the definition.

2) “nourish” and “moist” really bug me. I hate when people say “voanerable” instead of “vulnerable”. That drives me crazy!!! (plus it reminds me of “boner”) This is the short list. There are so many more…

3) Donna Summer - age 10 (not sure if this counts because we were with my friend’s mom and we had the WORST possible seats) The first concert I went to sans parental supervision was Van Halen- Diver Down Tour, age 14.

4) Feeling That Way/Anytime by Journey or if you prefer a more updated choice, there’s always this clever little ditty (I heard it on Grey’s Anatomy) that gets stuck in my head for days.

5) Influenced by:

-David Bowie, All albums
-Pink Floyd, All albums
-The Smiths, Hatful of Hollow

Soundtrack:

-assorted Led Zeppelin from about ages 9-11 because I had this total burnout, pothead teen babysitter that played LZ nonstop when she was over, which was every night.

-Pink Floyd - Dark Side of the Moon & The Wall from younger teen years

-assorted progressive/new wave/art fag/alt-rock stuff from older teen years i.e. Depeche Mode, Violent Femmes, The Smiths, New Order, Pixies, Janes Addiction etc.

My 80’s Alter Ego

I was tagged for this by Mrs. Fortune and Kristen. So here we go! My 80’s Alter Ego is *drum roll* none other than…

Molly Ringwald (Samantha) in “Sixteen Candles”. She was a little bit of a dork but a very cool dork, she listened to great music and she was a fairly snappy dresser (considering it was the 80’s). Plus…NO BIG HAIR! I never had big, crunchy hair EVER but I do confess to having a bi-level *cringing*

Also in keeping with the 80’s theme, I was inspired by Rhonda and have decided I must buy a Smiths t-shirt just like the one I used to have. Right now.

Also…if you haven’t yet been tagged yet for My 80’s Alter Ego and you’re not a total meme hater, then consider yourself tagged. Come back and post here that yours is up so I can come read it.