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Oct 26 20 comments

Blog, Character Flaws, Meta Junk, Personal

30 Days of Truth – Something I Hate About Myself

I know some people that couldn’t come up with ONE thing they hate about themselves. I, on the other hand, have a list as long as my arm.

Oh, how I wish I could be one of those people.

And I think that statement pretty much sums it all up. I hate that I’ve spent my whole life wishing I was someone else. I hate that there are so many things I wish I could change about myself.

Actually, I’m not sure what I hate more…the wishing I could just accept myself or the things I wish I could change. Maybe it all just falls under the same umbrella…

I hate that I’m an introvert. I hate that I’m not boisterous and outgoing. I hate that I’m always lost in my thoughts. I hate that I’m sensitive and care too much. I hate that I have to get to know someone on a one-to-one basis before I can be truly comfortable with them. I hate that I don’t enjoy the spotlight. I hate that I don’t like throwing parties. I hate that I don’t extend myself to people because I naturally assume they don’t care to know me. I hate that I don’t know how to let myself shine.

But more than anything, I hate that I can’t be anything but who I am, that I can’t change any of these things, that they are hardwired into me and always will be.

…

It’s been foreverrrrr since I’ve done a meme.

To be honest (heh) I think I *may* have even gone through a phase after my first year of blogging where I thought I was too cool for a meme, that they were for newbies and people who were unable to come up with their own content.

Well, I stand corrected. I’m SO not a newbie ;p

This meme, 30 Days of Truth, for whatever reason, really makes me want to play along—something about giving yourself permission to be completely honest is very compelling.

So…I may not do every one on the list but I’m going to try.

The 30 days are listed below should you want to be uncool along with me :)

Day 01 Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Aug 30 9 comments

Blog, Meta Junk

My BlogHer Photos!

I can’t believe these are the only pictures I took at BlogHer 10 but alas, it appears to be true. Excuse any grammatical atrocities in the captions—I really struggled over the whole me vs. I thing since they are captions, not sentences. Blerrrgghhh. Feel free to (gently) correct me.

Okay, since I can’t put links in the captions, which makes NO sense, here are the folks featured in my pix:
Megan Deb Jenny Katie Jessica Suebob Adam Anissa Kate Debbie Devra Rita Pillsbury Doughboy

Megan and I, hosting The People's Party

Megan and Deb

Megan, Jenny, Katie, Me and Jessica: The People's Party Hostesses!

Suebob & her awesome tutus. Suebob the Tutu Fairy!

Jenny, and I (doesn't she have the most amazing smile?)

Jenny, Adam & Me. (I look so freaked out!)

Me, Anissa and Katie

Me and Kate

Debbie and me

Me and Deb

Devra, Rita, Mr. Rita, Me and Suebob

Caffeinatrix and Yknot, Twitterbuds!

Katie and Megan

Jessica and Deb

Katie and the Pillsbury Doughboy

Jun 22 5 comments

Blog, Meta Junk

Have I Told You Lately That I Love You?

This is just a little love note to my readers and even more so, to my commenters.

I don’t give anyone much of a reason to come back here on a regular or even semi-regular basis. I know that.

But you guys are always here for me, regardless.

You lift me up when I’m down, you shoo away my overwhelming self-doubt when I can’t do it myself and you even talk me off the proverbial ledge every now and then.

I just want to say thanks. You’re the best XO

Jun 11 17 comments

Blog, Meta Junk

Identity Crisis

I’ve had many identity crises in my life. The worst was when I became a mom. I just didn’t know who I was anymore and it took a good long time to settle into this mom role. Eventually I sorted it all out. I know who I am. I don’t need my name sewed into my underwear. Nope.

But I don’t think I want to be IzzyMom anymore.

Is that weird?

I feel hemmed in by it. I feel stifled and just, I don’t know…

Anyway, not sure what to do about this, if anything. I tried a couple years ago to transition to The Caffeinatrix when I was tired of being a mommyblogger but then I realized there is value tied to this name. People know it. It’s heavily linked (only because I’ve been blogging since late 2005, not because I’m completely awesome. No. I’m really only a little awesome).

So yeah, there’s also what one of the bazillions of social media experts on Twitter would call “brand recognition” and when I kind of impulsively jumped ship here to start The Caffeinatrix, someone at a conference asked me point blank why I was abandoning my “brand” that I’d worked so hard to build (I did?) and then I kind of freaked and was all “Nooo…I want back in! I want my mommyblog back!” mostly because it felt safe and comfy and familiar.

But you know, I don’t write about being a mom all that much, or my kids really at all. What business do I have even having the word “mom” in my name?

Like my before-babies clothes, it just doesn’t fit anymore. But if I leave again, will I be able to come back when I panic and need my mommyblog woobie?

Will anybody even care if I move again?

Would I even care if they didn’t?

Do I even need a personal blog?

Do I even like blogging anymore?

I do have things to say. I just feel like none of it fits in this space anymore.

And the most important question of all, because I’m all about the depth, folks…

WHAT WOULD I CALL IT???

Apr 12 OFF comments

Blog, Meta Junk

If You’re Going to BlogHer, You Should Read This

Click Me!

Okay, you’ve arrived at TEASER #2 and you should go on to TEASER #3

If you arrived here randomly and have no idea what’s going on, start at the beginning and hopefully it will make more sense.

And if it still makes no sense..well, that’s normal around here. Come back tomorrow or the next day and I’ll try to explain :)

Sep 10 11 comments

Blog, Meta Junk, Personal

The Internet Never Forgets

If you know me at all, you know I teeter on the fence between wanting to share and wanting to hide—under a big BIG black cloak of privacy. I do want to blog. I want to voice my opinions. I want to spill my guts. I want to pour my heart out. I just don’t want anyone I know in real life to read it (blogging friends and a few select others notwithstanding).

This also extends to my kids. I honestly have no idea what I’m going to do when they get older and don’t have such limited computer access but the idea of them combing through my blog and reading certain things bothers me a lot. I’m all for honesty but really, there are just some things you’d rather not share with your kids until they’re older. Or maybe never. That said, I sometimes imagine that after a certain point, I will have to cull this blog back to a bloody nub by removing a lot of content. Oddly, that thought has never bothered me much.

But people always say stuff will stay on the internet forever, right? And maybe that’s true but it wasn’t until I found about The Wayback Machine (no, not like Mr. Peabody’s machine) that I really pondered the gravity of that statement. So I checked it out and holy crap on a cracker—there was my whole site archived by month and year. It was freaky. And creepy. I didn’t like it.

Have you ever visited The Wayback Machine? Chances are your site is archived there, too. If you’re cool with that and you want every word you’ve ever blogged to be accessible for generations to come, then you’re good. No action necessary. Carry on.

But if you’re not so sure, the ability to make it all go away DOES exist. The instructions are right here. Good luck!

Sep 01 10 comments

Blog, Meta Junk

Every Day for a Month

Yeah, so this is kind of a cheaters’ way out of my first NABLOPOMO post but whatever. I’m doing it and you can look forward to all kinds of pablum here EVERY DAY for a month.

If you have no idea what I’m talking about… NABLOPOMO is this thing where you commit to post every day for a month. It’s an exercise to get me back in the habit of blogging regularly because I’ve gotten terribly lazy. I know…FASCINATING. Well, I’m not saying you have to read it but it will be here should you feel the need. ‘Cause I’m thoughtful like that.

The theme, which I don’t plan on sticking to, is “Beautiful” That’s one for the overthinkers of the world and maybe the photobloggers, too. To me, beautiful will be the feeling I get when I singlehandedly kick the asses of every bowlwinder who cuts the pickup line at my kid’s school. But that’s another post for another day.