It really, REALLY irritates me when people who don’t even have children give you unsolicited parenting advice. Thanks, but no thanks. I’m just really not in the mood for any simplistic, one-size-fits-all-advice-from-someone-without-a-clue-about-children this year.

The best, however, is the way they give you this unsolicited advice. It usually starts with “Well, why don’t you just…yada yada yada”, spoken in a tone that indicates irritation and exasperation, as if they’ve given you these pearls of wisdom a dozen times already and stupid you….you haven’t followed it.

What is WRONG with you? You didn’t do what that smart person with the clean house, shitloads of discretionary income and no children told you to do. Puh! You suck.

I don’t know about anyone else but unless I ask, I don’t want advice. If I am venting, I STILL don’t want advice. I want support or sympathy or something chocolate.

Please, know-it-all advice-givers of the world, I’m sure you have the best intentions and don’t mean to insult my intelligence or be condescending but for the love of God, just stop.

DON’T make me have to get all roller derby on your ass ;-)

On any given day, it wouldn’t be unusual, if you could read my mind, to hear me asking myself “What have I done???” This would be a reference to my children and the fact that we decided to have another one when the first one was 4 and becoming very independent. Now I’m up to my ears in more laundry, diapers, baby food, bottles and nursing pads that seem to end up all over the house. As if that weren’t enough to handle, my son is teethng and cranky and lately, seems to never sleep. I complain about this all over my blog. It’s not exactly news but for some reason bitching about it makes me feel better.

My daughter, who has become quite an amazing little girl, is a handful in other ways. For one thing, she’s like Pigpen. A mess seems to follow wherever she’s been. I used to be able to help her pick up but now I always have a baby in my arms. Nagging her to do it herself is exhausting in it’s own right. The end result is that my once mostly tidy house has become a torrent of toys, baby items and my own clutter that I don’t seem to be able to find a place for anymore or the time to even try (well, maybe if I wasn’t BLOGGING…)

My daughter also talks a lot. This is not at all uncommon for the age. Every mother of a five yr old will tell you the same thing but for me, it’s like sensory overload sometimes. The baby is fussing or crying or saying his new favorite word, dadadadadada, which may or may not be his version of “Daddy”, my daughter is happily chattering, singing or humming endlessly and usually some toy or other thing is making noise or music. Is it any mystery why I sound like such a crab sometimes?

Before you write me off as just another miserable SAHM, I do, thankfully, have other thoughts; pleasant ones even…

For example, I’m frequently thinking how much I love these two beings. No matter how stressful motherhood is or how tired I am or how much I long for peace and sleep and a clean house, my love for them prevails and trumps everything else. They are so beautiful and so perfect in every imaginable way. I swear to God they emanate light. Every smile, every moment of shared silliness and every hug reinforces my belief that I have, in fact, made the right choices in life.

If you could see how much my children love each other…it would make you tear up. My daughter is so protective of, so kind to and so patient with her baby brother. He gazes at her and follows her every move. He grins with absolute glee when she walks into the room. I never dreamed that I would witness this much love between them. I honestly thought she would be terribly jealous of him but she’s not. She seems to intuitively understand that he needs more of my attention and that my love for her is not diminished in the least by my love for him. See? I told you she was amazing. My son, equally enchanting, is now clapping his hands and waving bye-bye. I’m certain I’ve never seen anything more endearing and precious. Everyday I fall in love with him all over again.

These children have brought me closer to pure love and joy than anything else in my entire life. I know I am blessed every time I look at them. These are the thoughts I’m having when I’m not having that other one and prove that I am not a total bitch.

I know this is much sappier than my usual fare and I thank you for your patience. We now return you to your regular programming.

My stepmom recently left a copy of US magazine at my house. While I usually reserve my celebrity catch-up reading for the doctor’s office, but having recently given birth, I was very compelled to read about how celeb moms are under such pressure to lose their baby weight and of course, all about their personal dramas of postpartum weight loss.

Hah! There was NO drama to be found. Nothing but personal trainers and low-carb ZonePerfect meals being delivered each day. Hmmmph.

I exercise almost every day and I have not lost a single pound in 4 months. I breastfeed (and bottle feed) a voracious 6 month old but no weight loss for me. I keep asking everyone about that devious rumor that breastfeeding helps you lose your baby weight (it didn’t work with my first baby either) but my research yields nothing concrete. My doctor, however, has confirmed that many women don’t lose any weight until they stop breastfeeding. He advises me to enjoy this time and not sweat a measly 15 lbs.

I am enjoying this time but it’s winter. My ass is COLD and I want to fit into my size 10 (and that one treasured pair of size 8) jeans again. I can get them on and even zip them but they’re so embarrassingly tight. This is evident by the ring of loose skin/fat that now hovers over the waist and of course, by the painfully honest words of my 5 yr old daughter who came up to me yesterday while I’m sitting down, kinda poked at my stomach and said…

“Your tummy is still fat”.

Tell me something I don’t already know, Sugarbear

My husband, on the other hand, being the apparently smart man that he is, tells me all the time that I look great. I so appreciate that.

I want my old body back. Not this worn out old thing that wets it’s pants every time it coughs or sneezes… (embarrassing side effect of having a 9.6 lb baby).

Because I am a “glass half full” type of person (I know…just call me Pollyfreakinganna), I prefer to think about what I got in return for this sacrifice. And it’s true. I got something pretty great. But I sure wouldn’t mind wearing my old jeans on a cold night like this. *sigh*

My daughter just lost her first tooth on 12/3. At the risk of sounding completely cliché, when did she grow up? How did it happen so fast? It really seems like yesterday that she was a newborn. It makes me sad to think about how fast the time passes. I always question if I’ve paid enough attention to every moment, every detail. I wonder if I’ve documented things enough because I know how the memory fails. Conversely, growing up doesn’t make her sad at all. Like all children, she embraces everything ahead of her, everything that relates to being “bigger”.

I make a concerted effort to keep her from growing up too fast but I have to tell you; it isn’t easy. The whole world is against you. Nobody is interested in preserving your child’s innocence. If marketers and purveyors of media had their way, they’d just start kids out watching rated-R movies in pre-school and selling them beer, cigarettes and video games like Vice City in kindergarten. It may sound like an exaggeration but really, that’s where they want them to end up anyway. Why not just start them off there and skip the laborious indoctrination? Fuckers.