Category Archives: Family & Parenting

Dolphin Smooching and Other Cool Things

I’ve lived in Florida my entire life. I’m a native. I practically grew up in the Florida Keys, spending innumerable weekends down there at my grandparent’s house and later at my parent’s place. But even being that lucky…there is one thing I’ve never, ever done—swim with a dolphin.

 

 

Two weekends ago, I finally got to do both at Discovery Cove and let me tell you, it was both amazingtastical AND surreal. While holding onto her fins and having her pull me through the water, all I could think was I CANNOT BELIEVE I AM SWIMMING WITH A FREAKING DOLPHIN—A 25 YEAR OLD DOLPHIN!!!

Also? I got to kiss her!!!

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The Father’s Day Postmortem

Another Father’s Day has come and gone and while I like to give the father of my children a special day so he knows we all appreciate him, I kinda hate these types of holidays. You know…the ones where it’s implied at every turn that you must spend a bunch of money to show your love and appreciation.

Because my husband and I share a mutual distaste for pretty much all gifting holidays aside from birthdays and Christmas (the latter hanging by a very thin thread, I might add) we have a casual agreement to not make too big a deal out of these “special” days.

But alas, while I seriously do NOT want greeting cards, flowers, candy, balloons or a necklace from Kay Jewelers for Mother’s Day, I tend to break the agreement every year and get him something from the kids.

As I pondered what we should get their daddy for this day in which he’d probably be happiest to just be free of excessive chatter and the standard eight frillion daily requests, I considered some of the typical Father’s Day gifts:

 


 
 

Despite working in IT, he only wears a tie to work maybe twice a year. Additionally, it’s my thinking that ties remind people of work and nooses and other lame things.

So no, no ties. Not even ones with Captain Kirk  or Yoda on them. Get the whole story »

Jedi Mom Trick

5 yr old: Mommeeeee? Will you wipe my butt? I can’t wipe it like you do

Me: Why is that?

5 yr old: Because I might get poop on my hand

Me: *stifled giggle* Dude. That’s what soap and water are for

5 yr old: *indignant* Noooo…that’s for when your hands are dirty

Me: Um…I think having poop on your hands totally qualifies as “dirty”

5 yr old: Nuh uhhh

Me: Uh huhhh

5 yr old: NOOOO! Dirty is when you have dirt on your hands!

Me: So you don’t think you need to wash your hands with soap and water when they have poop on them?

5 yr old: YES I DO!

………..

HAAAA! See what I did there?

I should have been a trial lawyer.

Or a Jedi.

YES. I KNOW HE’S FIVE.

Whatever. It totally counts.
 
 

Motherless Day Redux

Every year on Mother’s Day, I struggle a little bit. I’m not sad or depressed but I have mixed feelings about this day.

After giving it some thought, I concluded that those feelings haven’t changed at all since I wrote about Mother’s Day 5 years ago so instead of trying to re-invent the proverbial wheel, I’ve pasted it in below. Get the whole story »

S-E-X

A couple days ago I took my son, daughter and my daughter’s friend to the movies. We went to a theater in our historic district which bears an uncanny resemblance to Bourbon St in New Orleans. There are bars, restaurants, nightclubs and shops all up and down 7th Ave, the main drag. I think the only thing missing are the booby bars every 100 yards.

During the day it’s pretty tame with mostly tourists and business people walking around, so as I searched for a parking spot on 7th Ave, I didn’t even stop to consider that my ten year old can now read or that 7th Ave isn’t the most kid-friendly spot in town.

While we were stopped at a light, I heard her say to her friend “Look! Look! Look at that sign.” Me being the nosy parent that I am, I turned to see what she was looking at. I saw nothing unusual so I asked her what she was talking about. She pointed to the window of  popular gay club that was too far back for me to see.

“What? What does it say?”

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Noise with Dirt on It

Yesterday, after school, I took my daughter to a new dentist…a grown-up dentist. Apparently our insurance thinks when kids turn 10, pediatric dentists are a specialty they shouldn’t have to pay for anymore.

This office was weird. It was so…mature feeling. And having just been at my son’s pediatric dentist last week, the differences were glaring—no toys in the waiting room. No kids shows playing on a TV. No balloons or goody boxes.

The waiting room was finely appointed in a way not suited for kids, the magazines were definitely of the non-kid-friendly variety (I’m looking at YOU, Cosmopolitan and Sports Illustrated Annual Boobies and Swimsuits Issue) and it was quiet. So very quiet. Get the whole story »

An Open Letter to Google

Dear Friends at Google,

Why don’t you start a video sharing site just like YouTube…except for kids? So much of what’s on YouTube is way inappropriate for children (and that would be putting it mildly) and yet there it is, co-mingled with things that are fine for children.

I know you probably think it’s a parent’s job to keep their kids from watching inappropriate things on your esteemed video sharing site, and you wouldn’t be incorrect, but it’s just not as easy as it sounds. Get the whole story »