Category Archives: Curiosities

Twisted Toys: Sixfinger!

In other appendage news…  Awkward Boners—they’re EVERYWHERE!
(hat tip to Danny)

Creepy Kiddie Accessories 2.0

A long time ago, I recall seeing wigs for babies and being all What? The Hell. But in all fairness, at least BabyToupee.com recognizes that their wigs fall into the patently ridiculous/OMFG category.

But lo, there’s a new kid on the wig block and they’ve made it their mission to insure no bald-ish baby girls are ever mistaken for boys, thanks to their Baby Bangs. Scariest part? It’s not a joke.

Sure, your daughter will never be mistaken for a boy again when sporting her Baby Bangs but DAMN THEY’RE UGLY!

Something tells me these will be a BIG hit with the beauty pageant moms who seem to function under the premise that  natural, un-bedazzled little girls cannot be considered beautiful.

But wait! It gets better because in addition to beribboned baby wigs, there are also… Get ready for it…

Creepy...

Creepy...

HIGH HEELED BABY BOOTIES.

No, I’m not shitting you. Yes, I’m completely serious. And while I think the baby wigs are dumb and rather unattractive, they cannot even begin to touch the Heelarious shoes. Freaky factoid? They’re apparently a pretty hot seller.  But WHO buys this shit? Even as a gag, who would actually put those stupid things on their baby???

Cute!

Not creepy!

Is it possible I’ve gone through a wormhole and ended up in some bizarre parallel universe where people DON’T think babies in wigs and high heels is creepy as hell?

My oracle tells me you can soon look forward to baby spray tans and tiny little Lee Press-On nails for the diaper set. Add a wig and some heels and see how SEXAY your baby can be!

Dontcha wish your baby was HOTT like mine…dontcha wish your baby was a freak like mine?

I suspect I’ll get at least one or two comments from people saying “Baby Bangs and Heelarious heels r soooo cute! Ur just jelus u dint think of it first and u jus hate pageant moms cuz ur baby isnt pretty”

Walt Disney is Turning in His Grave *whirrrr whirrrr*

(Actually, Walt is turning in his cryogenic chamber thing and you can bet when they finally thaw him out and bring him back to life, he’s gonna be pissed about this)

Every now and then, I feel the need to acknowledge the things I don’t understand. At the top of the list is Disney Eggs. Yes, I said Disney EGGS. Like chicken eggs. With Disney characters stamped on them. Am I the only one who finds this incredibly (and edibly) surreal? And really, just WHY? Are they supposed to be collectible? Heh. Or served whole so kids can see the characters stamped on them and get all excited about eggs?  And since when does Disney dabble in agriculture?

Maybe it’s one of those bizarre licensing agreement situations, like Hannah Montana and High School Musical macaroni and cheese (seriously…I bought some because I knew nobody would believe me), where you have to wonder…WHO SIGNED OFF ON THIS??? Because it’s just dumb.

Anyway, I’m probably the last person on the planet to know about these, in which case, forgive my ignorance. It’s merely a case of my studiously avoiding the Disney channel—and clearly, if this is what they’re selling, I’m 100% correct in doing so because again…DUMB.

Would you buy these? (And I’m asking all you normal people out there, not the folks who obsessively hoard Disney stuff)

Creepiest. Babies. Ever.

Prepare yourself for the weirdest, freakiest babies you’ve ever seen. Note their expressionless faces, their soulless eyes. Note their uncanny ability to sing like old pros while still unable to speak intelligibly. This is the devil’s handiwork, I tell you. We’re still asking why—WHYYYYY did our eyes have to see this?

Okay, okay, I confess. The freakishly talented Stepford Babies are the result of some seriously low-tech trickery. They came to us on a benign looking videotape called Singing Babies, given to my son by a friend. We like to put it on for company and pretend there’s nothing unusual about it.

A Mindsticker? WTF?

Friends and passersby, I give you what is quite possibly the stupidest (and most sexist) ad EVER made. And the soundtrack? OMG. It’s bad.

Seriously, you HAVE to watch this 1970′s TV commercial for Tab, if only to hear them say “be a mindsticker.”

In fact, I should have saved this one for WTF Wednesday because I can’t even believe women were ever marketed to like this. Ughhhh!

Behold…

You can also watch it by clicking here