Category Archives: Jackassery

Selling a Car is SO MUCH FUN

OMG…last night these people came to look at a car we’re selling and they TOOK MY KEYS with them. I realized it this morning when I couldn’t find them so I call the guy and I’m like “Hi, you came to look at our car last night. Do you have my keys?” and he’s like “Yes, I have them”

Um…OKAY. So when exactly did you notice that you had the keys to everything I own in your possession? We’re you planning on LETTING ME KNOW? Did it not occur to you that I might NEED THEM???? That I might be tearing my house apart looking for them so I could take my kids to school?

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Why Buy the Cow When You Can Get the Opinions for Free?

This is a paraphrased and slightly embellished version of a conversation I recently had with a phone survey person.

•••

Phone Solicitor: Hi, I’m calling from Company XYZ. This is a survey. We’d like your opinions on (insert product, service or industry here) and it will take about 10-15 minutes. If you’re…

Me: You want me to take a TEN TO FIFTEEN MINUTE survey?  *incredulous*

Phone Solicitor: Yes, we can begin right now if you’re ready

Me: Whoa, hold on… You said this will take 10-15 minutes, right? Are you paying me for my opinions and 10-15 minutes of my time?

Phone Solicitor: Well, no, it’s voluntary. We’re not offering any compensation

Me: I’m sorry but clearly my opinions are worth something if they’re paying you to call me and ask for them   Get the whole story »

What the Real Mad Men Were Up To…

I love to watch retro commercials and look at old print ads because they consistently amaze (and sometimes amuse) me. See for yourself… Get the whole story »

Shame on YOU, Target

Obviously, criticizing this ad would have been more relevant before Halloween (and YES,  I may have been the last person in North America to see it) but regardless, I think it was really crappy and mean-spirited of Target to:

a) make kids feel bad about homemade costumes

b) make moms who take their time, energy and creativity to craft a homemade costume look like fools.

Seriously Target… do you really think this is the way to win over the “purse string controlling” demographic—by shaming them?

Let me put this in terms you will surely understand: You don’t bite the hand that pays your shareholders.

The BP Oil Spill is Your Problem, Too

You know what happens when news coverage of a shocking topic is on 24-7 for months? People become numb to it. They get tired of hearing about it. They feel powerless. Any outrage they may have felt is replaced by resignation.

I know this because it’s how I feel about the “war on terror.” But that’s been going on for almost 10 years. I think indifference is to be expected after that long as there is only so much emotional browbeating people can take every single night on the news. That indifference is, IMO, a form of self-preservation because who can maintain a consistent sense of active outrage for ten years? Most people just can’t.

But the Gulf Oil Spill Disaster (yes, I capitalized it—it deserves to be capitalized) is merely months old and yes, even I have reached my saturation point on many occasions where I just had to retreat and stop thinking about it.

That said, I can, to some degree, understand the indifference I encounter on, say, Twitter when we tweet horrific things about #oilspill but it hurts my heart to see how many people are COMPLETELY detached from what’s going on out there.

This disaster is NOT going away anytime soon and the effects are not going to be limited to MY backyard. The entire world will eventually be affected by this so even if you think this is not your problem because you live in the middle of the country where there are no beaches or fishing industry or stunningly beautiful marine life, you are wrong—it is hurting people YOU know. It is hurting YOUR breathing air. It is hurting YOUR food supply. It is hurting YOUR country.

Again, I understand how easy it is to allow yourself to detach from the intensity of this situation. I really do. I’m guilty of it myself at times but I have to ask…WHERE IS THE COLLECTIVE OUTRAGE? Why are we not standing together AS A NATION and demanding the cover-ups and cost-cutting and responsbility-shirking and victim-blaming STOP? Because THOSE THINGS *ARE* GOING ON.

That’s not to say people aren’t doing anything. There have been a ton of people doing things to try and help but honestly, insofar as I can tell, nothing is going to truly get any better until we demand that our governmental agencies, BP and the media cut the crap—helping BP to cover this up serves nobody’s interests except theirs.

People are getting sick, wildlife is dying, poison “dispersants” are being dumped into OUR water, trained and qualified volunteers are not being allowed to help, respirators are being denied, insurance and loss claims are not being acknowledged and NOBODY SEEMS TO CARE.

Well—and this is where I get nasty—I’m sorry that you’re tired of hearing about this and I’m sorry it’s not as entertaining as, say, The Bachelorette but if you want reality programming…THIS IS IT, PEOPLE. Get off your couch potato asses and write a letter, make a phone call, tweet something, call your representatives, sign a f*cking petition, write a blog post expressing your disgust and outrage—assuming you can muster any up—but please, for the love of your flat screen television, don’t ignore it.

DO SOMETHING—because at some point, this will be YOUR problem, too.

And if you do nothing, you really are letting the “terrorists” (read: BP) win because OUR indifference and complacency is what they’re banking on.

/rant

If you want to hear a first-person civilian account of what BP has been up to for the past two months or so, watch these videos. Kindra Arnesen, a Louisiana resident and wife to a Gulf shrimp fisherman, was invited inside the BP machine and apparently they forgot to censor themselves in her presence because she saw and heard things that will shock you.  These were already covered by some major media outlets already last month but they speak volumes about where BP really stands on all of this and if you haven’t seen them, you need to.

The first video discusses worst case scenarios in the Gulf regarding hurricanes, acid rain etc. and it’s heavy stuff. The second video is Kindra Arnesen discussing her time as an insider at BP.  As noted, what she saw and heard is jaw dropping. PLEASE WATCH BOTH!

These are not ranty, conspiracy nut videos appearing on some left-wing fringe group’s site (as Fox News would have you believe). The web site on which they appear is just a convenient place to send you to see both videos. These have been covered by the mainstream media already (in June 2010). This is the real deal.

We have to do something but like everyone else, I feel largely helpless in the face of such unfathomable tragedy. One thing I DO know? The people living right on affected waterways in places like Louisiana are getting sick from breathing the benzene—and dispersants, I assume. They need to be moved away from there.

Donations to the Gulf Coast Oil Spill Fund will go, primarily, to help the fishermen and residents of the most affected parishes in Louisiana—Plaquemines, St. Bernard, lower Jefferson, Terrebonne, and Lafourche. Please make a donation—if 1 million people gave $10 each, it would do a world of good in helping the sickened residents and those who have lost their livelihoods to rebuild their lives.

If you know of any other reputable charities to help oil spill victims, please let me know.

Just a few of the MANY petitions out there, if you care to sign…

Allow Media Access to Oil Spill Clean-Up

Hold Big Oil Accountable to Paying Full Price

Tell EPA: Take Away BP’s Billions in Federal Contracts

I could post links all day and not even come close to being done so I’ll stop here and get this up. Feel free to share must-see links to news, video, blog posts, petitions etc in the comments.

And I apologize for being so harsh up there. I’m frustrated. I hope you understand.

If you would please TWEET, STUMBLE and DIGG this post, I would be eternally grateful!

Dear Craigslist People

Dear Craigslist People,

I know you turn to Craigslist to find a bargain (unless you’re one of those jackasses that posts nekkid pix of yourself from your Grandma’s bathroom…the crocheted poodle toilet paper cover is a dead giveaway, just in case you were wondering how I knew you were at your Grandma’s house perving it up in her bathroom. Also, FYI, pictures taken in your nasty bedroom with the Whitesnake poster on the wall OR a Spongebob blanky anywhere in sight? NOT HOT )

Anyway, I know you folks want to save a few bucks so you look around on Craigslist but seriously, you need to KNOW a few things…

If I’m selling 60 pieces of name-brand girls clothing, all in excellent condition and I’m only asking $20, which, for the math-impaired, is 33¢ an item, I’m NOT taking pictures of every single item and I’m NOT going to answer stupid questions about every item and I’m NOT going to sell it to you for five freaking dollars—especially when I know your cheap, sorry ass is probably going to turn around and sell it on eBay anyway. Which is fine. I hate eBay so better you than me. But I’d give it to Goodwill before I’d let you have it for that—go buy it from them. I mean really…have you NO shame? I’d be embarrassed to ask people to give me a SEVENTY FIVE PERCENT price break…

The same goes for the Little Tikes Craftsmen Tool Bench. Dude…it’s in mint condition and I’m asking twenty dollars for it. Do NOT send me an email asking if I’ll take five for it.  Is there anything in my listing that says this is “Let’s Make a Really Bad (for me) Deal?” If you seriously can’t afford more than five bucks, maybe you should SELL YOUR COMPUTER (I’ll give you five bucks for it) and get rid of your internet service instead of lowballing people on Craigslist all day long.

And finally, for all you asswipes that bug the living crap out of me and beg me to not sell my stuff to someone else and then don’t show up… I wish you a scorching case of herpes with a nice sprinkling of genital warts. I mean you clearly have a phone, since you called me 17 times to make sure I hadn’t sold the item(s) you so desperately wanted. How about picking up said phone and letting me know you won’t be coming? I might even be nice and understanding and NOT wish you a lifetime of oozing blisters and weird bumpy things on your nether regions. But if you offer me five dollars? All bets are off.

As ever,
IzzyMom

What Kind of an Idiot Thinks This is Okay?

Ahhh…it’s that time of year again. Time for witches and ghosts and goblins and of course, the trashy, slutty costumes for little girls that make my blood boil. But…I’ve railed about those plenty in the past. Everyone who gets mail probably already knows of a certain national party store chain that carries an assortment of inappropriate costumes for elementary aged girls which, given how I feel about corporate America sexualizing children, kinda makes me want to hurl.

Before I go any further, though, let me ask if you, as a parent, make a habit of letting your 5-7 year olds (or even 8-10 year olds) watch movies like Nightmare on Elm Street or The Texas Chainsaw Massacre or Friday the 13th or Saw or Hostel? I’m sincerely hoping the answer is no and I’m just going to assume that the vast majority of you are responsible parents who would never do something so reprehensible.

So, that said, you probably wouldn’t be able to explain to me WHY THE EVER LOVING HELL why the aforementioned national party store chain is selling Freddy Krueger (of Nightmare on Elm Street) and Jason (Friday the 13th) costumes for FIVE to SEVEN year old kids and Leatherface (of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre) masks for children?

Can you tell me? Because I sure as hell can’t figure it out. In any case? It’s messed up.

5-7 years old???

5-7 years old??? Even 8-10 yrs old is effed up.

Fits Most Kids???

Fits Most CHILDREN???

Nice.

Nice

And riddle me this…even if you haven’t let your kids see these movies but you DO buy them the costume, out of some kind of twisted nostalgia, I assume, WHAT do you tell them their costume is, exactly? Do you say “Oh, Leatherface is this guy in a movie that dismembers and kills tons of people with a chainsaw. Oh, and his mask? It’s made from the skin of his victims!”?

I mean seriously, I’d LOVE to know.

And yes, it’s very likely that I AM judging you for that. I admit it.

But I’m judging the store that sells this crap for little kids even more more harshly—what the hell are they thinking?