ME: So I’m at the airport and I bought Fifty Shades of Grey
FRIEND: No!
ME: What? I was bored and it’s a bestseller. How bad could it be?
FRIEND: It’s a creepy S&M book
ME: I know, I know. This is “viral buzz” working its evil magic on another unsuspecting reader
FRIEND: You’re gonna be all ‘Team Christian’
ME: Do I have a choice? Who else is there?
FRIEND: See? You’re already becoming submissive
ME: I didn’t even start reading it yet (thanks to the chatty stranger next to me)
FRIEND: Apparently Christian Grey’s powers of domination are just that strong
ME: shut your whore mouth! I’m the boss!
FRIEND: Oh yeah, you’re Tony Danza!
ME: I’m NOT Tony Danza. I’m Judith Light but with way better hair.
ME: So wait…why do people hate this book so much?
FRIEND: Because it sucks?
ME: Then why is it a bestseller, huh smartypants?
FRIEND: Because americans are titillated by porny mainstream S&M stories
ME: Ha you said titillated
FRIEND: Ha! I totally did
ME: That’s a dumb word
FRIEND: You know what’s a dumb word? Tumescent
ME: Yeah it sounds like the complete opposite of what it means
FRIEND: So does glib
ME: And pithy
FRIEND: You’re right. They’re like tricky SAT words.
ME: pithy sounds vaguely insulting doesnt it?
FRIEND: it does. Fuck those stupid tricky words
ME: totally
FRIEND: I bet tumescent is in your dirrrrty book
ME: Probably. Ewww
FRIEND: i know right?
ME: Why did I buy this crap book anyway?
FRIEND: bc you’re a secret pervert
ME: or a sucker
FRIEND: you’re both haha
ME: bite me
FRIEND: perverted sucker
ME: Shut up before I ball gag your ass
FRIEND: those go on your mouth, not your ass!
ME: same difference for you beeyotch!
FRIEND: touche!
ME: *beams proudly*
FRIEND: i bet mitt romney is all Christian Grey in the bedroom. “I like spanking and nipple clamps and I really like leather masks”
ME: oh ewwww. File under gross!
FRIEND: it’s always the square, religious ones. And rich guys, too. He’s all three
ME: you know a lot about this subject *snicker*
FRIEND: because I’m edumacated, fool!
ME: yeah you have a masters in S&M Haaaaa get it?
FRIEND: clever!
ME: I’m always handy with a good pun
FRIEND: you should have lived in victorian times. They loved a good pun
ME: yeah Ive heard that. But I suspect people smelled really bad back then.
FRIEND: yeah, way too much clothing, not enough showering
ME: and bloomers with no crotches so the women could pee
FRIEND: is that for real? Cause if it is spanx totally ripped them off
ME: IDK. I might have made that up. Or not.
FRIEND: you watch Downton Abbey. You oughta know
ME: okay Alanis
FRIEND: isnt it ironic? Dontcha think?
ME: like rain on your wedding day
FRIEND: thats not ironic, just bad luck.
ME: she clearly failed the tricky word part of the SAT
FRIEND: do they have the SAT in Canadia?
ME: yeah, they’re allowed to drink beer while they take it.
FRIEND: thats a stereotype!
ME: but it’s a good one
FRIEND: true, it’s not like you said they eat dogs or something
ME: yeah. Beer is a good thing. Way better than eating dogs.
FRIEND: martha stewart has never deemed beer a good thing
ME: she clearly dropped the ball on that one. We all make mistakes
FRIEND: like buying that book
ME: you know you wanna borrow it
FRIEND: just to see if it’s as bad as everyone says ;)
Friend’s name has been changed to “FRIEND” to protect her identity as someone who secretly really, really, really does want to read ‘Fifty Shades of Grey.’
AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION: Did you read Fifty Shades of Grey? If so, did you like it or am I a total sucker for even thinking about reading it? If you didn’t read it…why not?
I have not read it, and you are a total sucker for reading it.
I’m an all-day sucker, too, because it’s on my Thanksgiving Break reading list. I just have to see what the hell everyone else is talking about. Based on the few excerpts that I’ve seen, I’ll probably want to scratch out my eyeballs before I’m through the first quarter of it.
It’s really just a romance novel in disguise. If you can make it through the numerous and very loooong sex parts and not expect it to be great literature, it’s not a bad book. There are also innumerable similarities to Twilight, which I couldn’t help noting every five seconds.
This is hilarious. TOTALLY love.
I’m a Canadian and I don’t know what a SAT is. Can I have some beer now?
Ugh. I totally read it. All my friends we like, “Oooh, Christian Grey is so dreamy… blah, blah, blah.” Then I read it and was more like, “WTF! He’s an abusive ass and this writing sucks worse than mine on ambien.”
I hang my head in shame. Someone needs to take me to a pain room now.
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Hahaha! I was just scoping you out for future PR opps and stopped to read this. Super funny! Sounds like a conversation I would have with my friend – sent it to her too!
I bought it (while waiting at the airport), read the first 2 chapters before I met my crap threshold. The writing was horrible and it just didn’t hold my interest.
Really? I thought the writing was okay (not great but not unbearable) and the story interested me enough to read all three books. I know…I’m a sucker!
Bravo! Commentaire très bien argumenté sur ce raisonnement grossier qui suppose un rapport direct.
I really appreciate spending some time to talk about that, I believe firmly regarding this and so really enjoy understanding more about this kind of subject.Keep up the good work!
Comon!
Ha awesome post!
I’ve read them…
Canada is awesome, and I totally just did a two day post about how much I love Vancouver because I lived there for 6 months.
Did you like them? I thought the first two were not so bad. The last one seemed kind of blah.
Hello,
THis looks so fun)
I am not an expert, but it seems unlkiely.You say most likely my friend has it . I think your friend needs to seek proper medical attention and find out. The condition is easily treated, but can be very serious if neglected.
I bet i know who FRIEND who is just from the conversation!!!!!
I got it from the library, and tried to read it. It was such a poorly written book, I could barely skip through it to the “good” parts. So awful.
Yeah, it was definitely no “Twilight”.
Kidding :) It was hard to read at times but believe it or not, I’ve read worse.
Great conversation,. the book was a best seller. I dont really like reading book also I dont think this book will even help me with my sex problem :D
LMAO I wonder why this book was a best seller also? I mean it’s like reading a magazine :)
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