DO NOT chat with your massage therapist. Just lay down and shut your fool mouth. Why? Because you might say something really dumb to him like “Go as hard and deep as you want. I need it badly today” and even though you were innocently referring to the knots in your shoulders, you will spend the entire hour internally cringing over your choice of words and hoping that he doesn’t think you are yet another cougar hitting on him with cheesy double-entendres.
I’ve recently come to realize that the awesomeness of a good strapless bra cannot be understated. Now this sentiment might not be shared by those of you with a larger bustline (is it just me or does “bustline” sound wayyyy seventies?) but me? I’d almost rather wear a strapless bra under everything instead of a regular one because I hate when my bra straps slip or show, which they always do.
Of course, that probably means I’d benefit from a professional bra fitting with a stout European woman named Helga but that will have to wait until I get over that last mammogram I had…eighteen years ago.
When you buy cheap towels? You GET cheap towels—cheap towels that will FOREVER have the lint of other things stuck to them and a lot of stupid strings hanging off of them and you will be embarrassed when you accidentally hand one to a guest since they really should have been put in the crappy towels section of the linen closet with all the other crap towels that are best suited for drying the bathroom floor when your six year old invariably leaves an inch of water after his bath or cleaning up the gross liquid that always surrounds a pile of cat barf.