Every now and then, you get some comment spam from someone who seems like they really know you…
“Hey super fun internet person, be my valentine? Just kidding, but you’ve got a spectacular writing style. If you weren’t a figment of my imagination, I’d write you poems and such.
I mean only someone who knows my heart and soul could know that those words? Are just the words I needed to hear. Except for the part where they call me a figment of their imagination.
I’M A REAL GIRL!!!!
But upon further reflection, maybe they meant that someone as awesome (and super fun!) as me couldn’t possibly be real.
Or that I am IN their imagination, you know, like the one starring in all their daydreams and fantasies. That must be it since they want to write me poems and such.
I was so taken by their spam, I sent them a reply.
Dear comment spammer, I so would be your valentine if I wasn’t married. Regardless, you are still welcome to admire me from afar. That’s totally fine.
Another spam gem I recently received:
I’m really enjoying your blog, seriously, it’s great. So happy I found it, I seriously can’t stop checking for updates! Thank you, and keep up the hard work! ;)
Finally! Someone appreciates my hard work. Seriously! And I’m making them happy. As far as I can tell, this is probably one of my biggest fans—they seriously can’t stop checking for updates which yields the always appreciated gift of PAGEVIEWS!
Thank you, comment spammers. You make me so happy, too. I just can’t stop checking for comments from you. Your commenting style is spectacular and I feel like writing all my posts just for you!
Really great article with very interesting information. You might want to follow up to this topic!?!
(Yes, I cleaned out my comment spam folder just for you.)
You should really consider becoming a spam professional. You’re super good at it. And super fun, too, of course.
I wish my spam comments were that friendly: “That is a super-peachy-keen post. Thanks for really blathering on like that! Seriously, I don’t think I could have spent more effort wishing for something heavy to fall on me to erase that nonsense from my mind!”
I can come over and pretend to be a spammer if you like?
My latest post got a comment that has all the hallmarks of spam but doesn’t link anywhere, so I decided to just go ahead and leave it. It’s kind of complimentary but also rather weird, but I figured it wouldn’t hurt anything to let it stand.
Complimentary? No link? Let that baby ride.
Maggie took my comment, damn her.
Some of my most entertaining comments are spam. They almost always say they love me and that my post is well thought-out. Clearly, they know me.
Wow. I only get the “I hate American women” guy. Yours rock.
I don’t think that last one was Spam!
The best one I ever got said, “I’m Tina Yothers and I always will be.”
What. The. Hell.
I don’t think I could have spent more effort wishing for something heavy to fall on me to erase that nonsense from my mind!”
its a nice post about