5 yr old: Mommeeeee? Will you wipe my butt? I can’t wipe it like you do
Me: Why is that?
5 yr old: Because I might get poop on my hand
Me: *stifled giggle* Dude. That’s what soap and water are for
5 yr old: *indignant* Noooo…that’s for when your hands are dirty
Me: Um…I think having poop on your hands totally qualifies as “dirty”
5 yr old: Nuh uhhh
Me: Uh huhhh
5 yr old: NOOOO! Dirty is when you have dirt on your hands!
Me: So you don’t think you need to wash your hands with soap and water when they have poop on them?
5 yr old: YES I DO!
HAAAA! See what I did there?
I should have been a trial lawyer.
Or a Jedi.
YES. I KNOW HE’S FIVE.
Whatever. It totally counts.