There are lots of things people have done to me that, while I no longer dwell on them, I can’t say I’ve “forgiven” them. Even so, I do believe forgiveness is a gift you give yourself; to release yourself from the burden of being angry or hating someone. I just don’t think it’s always so easy, particularly when someone doesn’t even care that they’ve wronged you.
I know forgiveness shouldn’t be contingent on it but it really does help if the other party at least feels bad about their transgression…but what do you do when they clearly don’t? I think those are the hardest people to forgive.
Some things that I’ve yet to forgive are just too fresh. Some involve people you might even know. And I’m not going to step in that particular pile of manure today. It will have to keep a while longer.
The thing I do need to forgive someone for, many someones, really, are all the people who kept a very big secret from me for most of my life. If I hadn’t found out by accident, they’d still be keeping it. I just can’t get past that. Oddly enough, I’ve forgiven the person at the center of that particular shitstorm—I know my father never meant to deceive me.
The others…I don’t know what they could have done differently but I still don’t forgive them because it felt and still feels so much like a mass betrayal; a conspiracy, a plot in which I was the dupe…the fool.
I can talk to them and be cordial to them and send them the obligatory Christmas card every year but in the end, they remain unforgiven.
It’s been forever since I’ve done a meme.
To be honest (heh) I think I *may* have even gone through a phase after my first year of blogging where I thought I was too cool for a meme, that they were for newbies and people who were unable to come up with their own content.
Well, I stand corrected. I’m SO not a newbie ;p
This meme, 30 Days of Truth, for whatever reason, really makes me want to play along—something about giving yourself permission to be completely honest is very compelling.
So…I may not do every one on the list but I’m going to try.
The 30 days are listed below should you want to be uncool along with me :)
Day 01 Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself