Really, Like, Deep Thoughts on Marriage…
I recently wrote this post over at Aiming Low today about the things men do that will cause them to NOT get sex and while I was writing it, it got me thinking about marriage.
I got married in my mid-twenties. We were madly in love and you know..it was all going to be sunshine and rainbows and good times.
Of course, the honeymoon doesn’t last forever and neither did the sunshine and rainbows but overall, it hasn’t been a bad ride. However, I’ve always wondered what exactly it is that makes that initial WOW factor fade, for most couples, shortly after settling into marriage.
If you ask a scientist, they’ll tell you it’s all chemical.
If you ask a sex therapist or marriage counselor, they’ll tell you that the novelty of romance can’t last without a lot of work.
I do agree with both of those but if you ask me, it’s the way WE ALL regard marriage that is the biggest buzzkill of all.
I mean think about it…
A man gets married and he has to have a bachelor party to mourn his impending nuptials and the fact that, theoretically, he won’t be having sex with any other women ever again. Way to support your friend in one of the biggest decisions he will ever make, guys! THANKS.
Then there are the euphemisms… Men stop calling us their girlfriends or anything even remotely cute or fun and start referring to us as “the wife.” It’s a total cliché and I HATE IT.
I am not “the wife.” And Christ on a crutch….I’m sure as hell not “the old ball and chain” If a man thinks that about the woman HE chose to marry then WHY did he marry her?
And then there are the ways that married people make marriage appear really lame and uncool and give endless amounts of fodder to sitcom writers…
The stuff-naming… Holy mother of all things good and decent—please, married people, do NOT give cutesy names to your stuff. This really DOES make marriage look like the stupidest institution ever.
Dude, they got married and suddenly all their stuff has these dumb names. WTH? <– What your single friends are saying behind your back.
I know people that have named their cars, their boat trailer and probably the husband’s penis, as well. I’m asking nicely that you not do this. Really. Just don’t.
Another one that I don’t like because is on message boards, blogs and forums, women refer to their husband as their DH. I think it means their Dear Husband. Or Darling Husband. Whatever. It’s goofy and dorky and just adds another layer of stupidness to the way society thinks of married people…like we go around referring to each other as DH’s and DW’s. Ugh. DONOTLIKE.
When my husband refers to me to his friends, he usually says “my girl” i.e. “No, my girl hates sushi…how about Thai or Indian instead?”
And for this? I am eternally grateful.
In return, I refrain from saying things like “My hubby” which always reminds me of Chubby Hubby ice cream and has to be the most horrible husband reference ever invented.
And? Totally NOT conducive to thinking of your man as that hot number you married X years ago. He’s now HUBBY. Yickkkkkkk.
Now, to be clear, I’m no expert on marriage and maybe, BEYOND ALL REASON, you find all that stuff super hot and romantical.
If you do, GREAT! Please disregard this post and go on with your bad self. I promise not make fun of you for saying “hubby” or naming your stuff…
Oh, who am I kidding?
I probably will.
I din’t have a bachelor party for either of my marriages and my penis doesn’t have a name. However, my 2nd wife called me “hubby” all of the time, one of the reasons she is no longer my wife. One of many reasons.
MayoPie’s last blog post…Neil Diamond: We Offer You Our Protection
Hubby is reason enough!
Did I post a comment? I think I did. I don’t see it. Well, hi.
MayoPie’s last blog post…Neil Diamond: We Offer You Our Protection
Is it ok to call it his junk?
Haaaa…yes, as long as it’s not Mister Junk!
I’m with the junk comment too. It has to be fine. It’s not a cutesy name. It’s an appendage and it has a function. period. Pet names have always made me want to vomit as well. I mean really? Are they really necessary? Don’t get me wrong, I’m one of the people who don’t mind being called hubby. only because there are worse things to be called, like asshole, or the ex. O_O
NONONONONO…Hubby is SO WRONG.
OK. I promise to not call you Hubby. Better?
You know what? I don’t know anyone who talks like this, in real life anyway. Funny. “Hubby” in blog posts and on Twitter usually gives me the heebie-jeebies.
There’s a whole string of those infernal internet shorthands: DH, DD, DS, DW, and every time I see DH, I think Damned Husband. But I digress.
It took me YEARS to figure out what those stupid acronyms stood for. Am slow, apparently.
I’m going to say a hearty “Amen!” to all of your points. “DH” makes me retch. Of course, so does “LOL,” so what do I know?
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I plead guilty to using LOL *shameface*
DH has also been known to mean Dickhead!!!
Brandy’s last blog post…Long overdue!
I’m guilty of referring to my husband as “hubby.” Does it help that I hate myself for doing it?
I am happy to learn that I’m not the only person who finds it incredibly annoying when a couple has their own personal set of cutesy names for things.
Average Jane’s last blog post…Average Jane Fails at Book Club
Don’t hate yourself. We’ve all had slip ups…like when we call our spouse Mama or Daddy because we’re so used to saying to the kids *cringe*
IF I ever refer to my husband as DH, it is short for D#@%Head. Sorry. It’s true.
Naming things! GAH! I hate that.
I hate DH. makes me nuts, although I always thought it stood for Designated Husband. Whoops. I’m not married, but have one of those 12 year relationships with kids involved. So on the cell phone I am programmed as “The Wife” and I am referred to as “My Girl” , so as long as I don’t have to hear him call me The Wife, I’ll take it
It’s not just me that hates “The Wife”? YAY! Vindication is mine!
IzzyMom’s last blog post…Really, Like, Deep Thoughts on Marriage…
Aww, “My girl.” I’m going to make my boyfriend start calling me that right away!
Gaaah, I effing hate DH, and just as equally hate DD and DS.
Oh, I despise “DH” and “Hubby,” too! We typically call each other “Hon,” which isn’t exactly sexy, but it could be a lot worse.
Deb’s last blog post…Bullsh*t duty
I am ashamed to admit that I do use “hubby” and “hubs” in my fb status and blog. What would you recommend I replace it with? “My guy”? I guess that does sound better. Look, I answer my own questions! *pat on back*
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Hubs isn’t so bad, really. Although when I hear it I always have this really weird visual of a guy with a car tired around his mid-section…
IzzyMom’s last blog post…Really, Like, Deep Thoughts on Marriage…
Duh…TIRE not TIRED!
IzzyMom’s last blog post…Really, Like, Deep Thoughts on Marriage…
I have an ex who named his ‘thing’ Mr Happy. It didn’t make me happy. Emphasis on ex.
HAHAHAHA! My ex called his Mr. Bobo. I swear to God… (emphasis on ex also)
IzzyMom’s last blog post…Really, Like, Deep Thoughts on Marriage…
Hanging my head, cause I do call my wonderful husband both “DH” and “hubby” but only online. In life I call him by his name or “handsome”! Online I prefer not to use his name and DH fits in tweets more easily, lol. We don’t name our stuff though!
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Awww, now I feel bad. Don’t listen to me…I’m an ass :\
IzzyMom’s last blog post…Really, Like, Deep Thoughts on Marriage…
With you all the way here. The successful marriage, I think, has healthy communication between both parties. And not naming your junk.
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ha…. I find this one kinda funny because I think if you go back through the responses to your blogs, you’ll find more nicknames for husband that people have used when referring to them, “cute” stuff like “the huz”, “the hubster”, “the huzzinator” etc…. I figured they were trying to be funny, but it always came off to me as forced humor…. so I’m kinda surprised you never mentioned this was a pet peeve of yours also, before now….. but you’ve also performed your public service for the day in that I now know that I should refer to my girl as “my girl”, things like that are always good to know….. :-) lastly, this isn’t a peeve, but I’ve always thought it interesting that guys will refer to all their friends, male or female, as “friends”, but women refer to their female friends as “girlfriends”…..
kuba’s last blog post…Robert signs for a fan after the show….