Really, Like, Deep Thoughts on Marriage…

Posted by on March 8, 2010

I recently wrote this post over at Aiming Low today about the things men do that will cause them to NOT get sex and while I was writing it, it got me thinking about marriage.

I got married in my mid-twenties. We were madly in love and you was all going to be sunshine and rainbows and good times.

Of course, the honeymoon doesn’t last forever and neither did the sunshine and rainbows but overall, it hasn’t been a bad ride. However, I’ve always wondered what exactly it is that makes that initial WOW factor fade, for most couples, shortly after settling into marriage.

If you ask a scientist, they’ll tell you it’s all chemical.

If you ask a sex therapist or marriage counselor, they’ll tell you that the novelty of romance can’t last without a lot of work.

I do agree with both of those but if you ask me, it’s the way WE ALL regard marriage that is the biggest buzzkill of all.

I mean think about it…

A man gets married and he has to have a bachelor party to mourn his impending nuptials and the fact that, theoretically, he won’t be having sex with any other women ever again. Way to support your friend in one of the biggest decisions he will ever make, guys! THANKS.

Then there are the euphemisms… Men stop calling us their girlfriends or anything even remotely cute or fun and start referring to us as “the wife.” It’s a total cliché and I HATE IT.

I am not “the wife.” And Christ on a crutch….I’m sure as hell not “the old ball and chain” If a man thinks that about the woman HE chose to marry then WHY did he marry her?

And then there are the ways that married people make marriage appear really lame and uncool and give endless amounts of fodder to sitcom writers…

The stuff-naming… Holy mother of all things good and decent—please, married people, do NOT give cutesy names to your stuff. This really DOES make marriage look like the stupidest institution ever.

Dude, they got married and suddenly all their stuff has these dumb names. WTH?
<– What your single friends are saying behind your back.

I know people that have named their cars, their boat trailer and probably the husband’s  penis, as well. I’m asking nicely that you not do this. Really. Just don’t.

Another one that I don’t like because is on message boards, blogs and forums, women refer to their husband as their DH. I think it means their Dear Husband. Or Darling Husband. Whatever. It’s goofy and dorky and just adds another layer of stupidness to the way society thinks of married people…like we go around referring to each other as DH’s and DW’s. Ugh. DONOTLIKE.

When my husband refers to me to his friends, he usually says “my girl” i.e. “No, my girl hates sushi…how about Thai or Indian instead?”

And for this? I am eternally grateful.

In return, I refrain from saying things like “My hubby” which always reminds me of Chubby Hubby ice cream and has to be the most horrible husband reference ever invented.

And? Totally NOT conducive to thinking of your man as that hot number you married X years ago. He’s now HUBBY. Yickkkkkkk.

Now, to be clear, I’m no expert on marriage and maybe, BEYOND ALL REASON, you find all that stuff super hot and romantical.

If you do, GREAT!  Please disregard this post and go on with your bad self. I promise not make fun of you for saying “hubby” or naming your stuff…

Oh, who am I  kidding?

I probably will.


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