I Will Never Understand
Our local paper published a story about Anissa a few days ago. I only just found out about it today. Reading it is just another reminder of how much she and her family have been through over the years.
Honestly, I don’t get it. I don’t understand why these good people have to suffer so much. I know there’s some kind of order to the universe and I know everything happens for a reason—but as a puny little human, it makes no sense to me at all.
Nonetheless, I refuse to give up hope that my friend will be okay. Hope is all we have sometimes and to give it up is just not in my nature…so numerous times a day, I ask the universe, God and anyone else who might be listening to heal her, to make her be okay, to bring her back to us.
Sometimes I even have conversations with Anissa, imagining that her compromised state has given her the ability to tune into the universal radio and hear all the prayers for her AND the messages we’re all sending her to keep fighting. I also like to throw in a few jokes and remind her of all the fun things we’ve done this past year. I even told her not to be too annoyed about missing New Moon in the theater because, like Twilight, it’s supposed to be pretty crappy and when she’s better, I’ll come over and we can watch it on the sofa and totally make fun of it together.
Mostly, though, I just beg her to not give up because the world needs her back, that her family needs her back and that her friends miss her like crazy.
I’m not an outwardly emotional person.
That doesn’t mean I won’t tear up at an ASPCA commercial or shed a tear of pride watching my daughter perform in her school talent show or that I’m not a deeply sensitive person underneath it all.
I just reach a point where I don’t feel like my tears and emotions are helping the situation and I slip, involuntarily, into business-mode. Just the facts, ma’am—my tweets will not be overly gushy and rife with sentiment about Anissa and my blog posts will be mostly well-tempered brain dumps.
But underneath my well-tempered exterior is someone who feels a lot, sometimes too much, and is terribly sad for my friend. I will NEVER understand why she has to go through this. Again.
Please think of Anissa every day and send her your thoughts of strength and encouragement. She is SO MUCH MORE than just a cause of the month—Anissa is our friend and loved one—PLEASE don’t forget about her. She needs you now more than ever.
Updates on Anissa’s recovery can be found here: Hope4peyton.org
You’re a good friend. I’ve been checking their site every day, thinking of her every day, and I sent her a get well card last week. I wish, I hope. I hope she pulls through.
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