Attitude is Everything!!!

Posted by on September 17, 2009

When I woke up this morning with my head throbbing, husband grousing around and my children carrying on about one thing or another…I wanted to roll over and go back to sleep. I feel like that a lot lately, as noted in a previous post. I think my exact thought this morning was that every day lately my life feels like it’s imploding “to collapse inward as if from external pressure.” I don’t know if it’s me, like my perception is skewed and nothing is really as bad as it seems, or if it’s exactly as it seems and I’ve just reached my saturation point.

I actually said this morning, in a moment of extreme fed-upness, and in my husband’s general direction,  “I can’t stand you people anymore. One day I’m going to run away and never come back.” Nice. That mother-of-the-year award I was coveting is definitely a pipe dream now.

It’s not that every second of every day is awful. It’s not. In between the impatience and outbursts and complaints, there is love and laughter and fun. But if I had to sum it all up…it’s still pretty sucktastic. I’ve totally been phoning it in with the kids being back in school. PTA membership papers sit on my desk ignored. Girl Scout event emails calling for parent volunteers make me want to run and hide. It’s all I can do to get up and get the kids off to school. Everything that’s not mission critical just keeps getting backburnered. How long can you do that, exactly?

I just…don’t feel like I have both feet on the ground. I feel tethered by a very, very thin thread and I’m up there just blowing around in the wind…waiting for something to pull me back down. I’m not depressed, per se. But it’s something.

Every day is the saaaaaame. My husband is always in a bad mood and I’m overwhelmed. I never get enough done. I’m always ten steps behind everyone else and playing catch up…just trying to get through the day so I can lather, rinse and repeat the next day.

Again, I have to ask…is it just me? Am I seeing things through a warped lens? Could I shake this off if I really wanted to?

Whilst lamenting to my BFF this morning about my husband, who has been PMSing for about a year straight, she brought up something I haven’t thought about in a very long time—the law of attraction. Basically, you attract what you put out there. She was talking about how it can be difficult to get yourself out of a funk because you’re feeling so negative and thus, attracting more of it to you.

We were actually talking about my husband but in that moment, I started thinking of myself and wondering if I was the architect of my own misery. In my head I envisioned one of those photocopied flyers that an old boss had tacked up in her wood-paneled office. It said “Attitude is everything!” and proceeded to tell you all the ways in which a bad attitude will defeat you.

Shit. My attitude SUCKS, I thought. But then I countered that with “How can you have a good attitude when you’re surrounded by people who are perpetually dissatisfied? SOMEONE is always unhappy and we’re never all happy at the same time. We’re so…out of sync. And I don’t know how to fix that, even with the world’s bestest attitude.


25 Comments

  • It sounds like you need a staycation :). I don’t experience exactly what you go through, but I can definitely sympathize with you. Your lenses aren’t warped at all. There are just times when we get into a bit of funk and not matter what, everyday just seems to get worse or stay the same. I agree with what your friends says, whatever you give off is surely what you will receive. And I also see your point, how can you give off positive vibes when there is so much chaos going on around you?
    My answer is simple, find some me time. For at least thirty minutes out of each day do something that makes you happy and makes feel relaxed. Sometimes it’s good to just let things go instead of making it be a hassle to you. So go ahead, watch a comedy series, grab some Starbucks. How about a little guilty pleasure? Something that makes you smile and say, “aah, yessss.”

  • Mansi says:

    Hey..i read through your blog & can surely understand the way you are feelng right now. I can say that its a negative feeling & one should try hard to overcome the same. It’s strange but even i am going though the same feeling. i have a small family but there’s something within me which is constantly telling me that I am unhappy. I really have no clue as to what will help me but surely looking for answers & solutions.

    do help me, once you find the answers
    .-= Mansi’s last blog post…Dimnishing peace of mind =-.

  • DUDE!! Don’t fall for “the secret!”

    Sometimes life sucks. (wow am I a supportive reader or what?)

    Just saying I think it’s okay to feel shitty sometimes. Looking around the web, I’m wondering if a number of us aren’t hitting some midlife crisis or something.

    Shall I order us up so cabana boys and fruity drinks?
    .-= Amie aka MammaLoves’s last blog post…Did I Mention I Knit? =-.

    • IzzyMom says:

      The law of attraction is the premise of The Secret? Well shit…*I* could have written that damn book and with my cleverly-gotten millions, I could be ordering cabana boys for us RIGHT NOW. Hmmph.

  • LAH says:

    Hello!! I hope you are feeling better soon. Just so you know, when my kids were young and I was totally overwhelmed with things all the time, there were times when I felt like you do now. I was overwhelmed having to remember and think about and plan all the events for 3.5 people (hubby counted as 1/2 because at least he could get to work by himself!). Hang in there!

  • magpie says:

    Oof. Something like this post, in concept, is drifting around in my head too – I’m just so very out of sorts…

    I’ll join you in drinks with umbrellas. Or wine, anyway.
    .-= magpie’s last blog post…Wordless Wednesday: File Folders =-.

  • jennster says:

    i think about that all the time…. that we put things out into the universe and i really don’t like putting negative or unhappy things out there, but hello, it’s not realistic that you will be fucking chipper and happy 100% of the time you know?

    we virgo’s are going through a SUPER TOUGH time right now. super tough.
    dude.. read our scope. this month sucks for us.

    http://www.astrologyzone.com

    but yes.. i have really been thinking a lot lately about how i need to feel better and be happier and how can i achieve that when i’m truly NOT happy inside??? it’s been a crappy couple of months
    .-= jennster’s last blog post…astrology and um.. happy pics! =-.

  • Momish says:

    It’s not just you! I went through (still go through) the same point of break. While I want to say attitude is part of it, I will only say a small part of it. The bigger part is the reality. The too little time, too much to do, too many needs. Sounds to me like your family has hit “survival mode”. Everyone out for themselves, struggling for their needs to be met, no longer working as a team or even seeing the others around them. I can pass on what my therapist told me: Instead of working on better attitude, work on a louder voice. Practice one word, very loudly: Nooooo!
    Say no to the extra work, say no to the one-more-time-please, say no to the can-you and will-you requests. Carve out some me time for yourself because that is the only thing that will refuel you. Then you will be able to lead your family out of the survival mode and back into the family mode. I wish you all the luck and strength and patience in the world. You are not alone. I have been there, still find myself there all too often! It isn’t easy.
    .-= Momish’s last blog post…What’s Your Time of Mind? =-.

  • Assertagirl says:

    I know what you mean, sometimes whole days seem to be taken up with the boring minutiae of household administrative-type tasks, and there are days when I think, “When is this all going to be done?” Then at one point I figured out that that stuff is never going to be ALL done. You can only do so much in a day. Once I accepted that, the challenge didn’t seem so overwhelming.

    I know you were talking about other, deeper issues but I just thought I’d throw that out there.

    xo
    .-= Assertagirl’s last blog post…My early encounters with breastfeeding. =-.

  • Aprylsantics says:

    Just so everyone knows, I’ve never read or watched “The Secret”. The little rebel in me develops a natural aversion for all things recommended by more than one person, which is why I have never seen “Gandhi” and have not read the “Twilight” series, yet. Also, if you want me to watch a movie, don’t buy me the DVD. I will never watch it if I own it.

    I’m thinking that there must be some harmonic convergence of shit right now. Because, I’m there with you. What’s difficult to achieve is the balance. I find when I get tired of the BS and quit giving of myself and allow myself a little laziness, I’m overwhelmed by the guilt. More stress!

    If you decide to run away, let me know so I can start packing.

  • Mayopie says:

    Hmmm…. it sucks that you’re sad. I am a firm believer that attitude is everything, yet that belief doesn’t mean you can turn it on and off. Something has to happen in order for your attitude to change, be it an epiphany or an event that changes your perspective. I know with me, I get into a self destructive pattern where I don’t even care to try and change my attitude, knowing full and well it will only make things worse. I also like to punish myself because I know better. Then I call myself a loser and wear a funny hat. I know this is about you, but I’m pretty sure I need help. If nothing else, take solace in the fact that you are considerably less screwed up than I am. It’s true.
    .-= Mayopie’s last blog post…Killer robots: Can they get any scarier? Uh huh. =-.

  • Izzy, I’m right there with you except replace “bad mood” with hubby constantly ranting about politics and kids back in school with “new baby in the house” :-P

    I don’t want to tell you because my attitude is totally down the toilet too. I just wanted to commiserate and hope that BOTH of us get out of this soon. I wish I could take you out for a cocktail and a long, mutual vent session. hugs!

  • Jane says:

    Flylady.net

  • Jane says:

    Rats! Sorry!
    I meant to say that the routines that Flylady helped me carve out for myself really helped me. I was at a point where I though I was going crazy from being so dissatisfies and untethered.
    It’s not just you and it’s not just your hubby. And there are ways to change your attitude. Flylady is the way that worked for me.
    Good luck and I hope you have a good day today.

  • roo says:

    Izzy, I know presactly where you’re coming from. Hate to say it, but the symptoms sound like your garden-variety functional chronic depression (I say this because I’m familiar with the beast.)

    Both you and your husband. Again, I’m familiar (both sides.)

    Not that giving it a name really helps to DO anything about it.

    Sometimes running helps. I’ve been trying to remind myself of that lately. But it’s hard to get the oomph for a jog when your feet won’t get firmly planted under you.

    Yeah, my attitude could be better, too.

  • As you can see, I linked to you.
    Thanks for this. You are not alone. Your lenses are fine, I think.
    .-= Katherine Stein’s last blog post…How would you like your eggs? =-.

  • Marjory says:

    Whatever you call it, you’re exactly right. It feeds on itself. You feel rotten so you act rotten so anybody worth having around to cheer you up either sensibly runs screaming from the room or catches your funk.

    Moving around does help if you can get moving (considering how crummy you feel). I think you should give yourself permission to do something different for yourself. Something you would have done before. I think I deserve to spend a Saturday afternoon guilt-free at Barnes and Noble reading the books and chatting with strangers in the magazine section.

    What do you think?

  • IsiMom says:

    I’m with the Izzy’s of the world who love their families but sometimes just want to run far, far away from them and hole up in a hotel somewhere with a pool and room service and someone else’s credit card….! I think the best advice that I’ve seen/heard here, and what OFTEN works for me (and yes, I do have depression, and yes, I do take meds and exercise and vitamins, etc.) is to take that “me” time!!! Especially as a mom, whether we work for pay outside the home or just the daily domestic grind of a “home-mom” we are always taking care of others before and sometimes at the expense of ourselves. So grab that
    mocha/latte/chai and put your legs up with a good novel, or take an hour out of your day to browse in a bookstore, or email a friend/catch up on Facebook, go the YMCA jacuzzi, watch a movie of YOUR choice on Netflix at home while the kids are asleep…whatever you do, do something for YOU, at least 30 minutes per day, and I guarantee that you will have a better attitude/outlook which will help you cope with your familial and other challenges. If you have a supportive partner, so much the better, but even without, find a way to have that “me” time and we all know that a Happy Mommy will be a Nicer Mommy! God bless and Good luck!!

  • IsiMom says:

    BTW, Izzy, I’m concerned about the headaches. Those of us who are peri-menopausal (around 40′s – 50′s) are prone to hormone-induced migraines, but whether it’s the tension (see my previous comment on “me” time) or the “Change” or something else, make sure you tell your health care provider to rule out anything more scary (aka, brain tumor) and to help you cope with or avoid the headaches if they’re not symptoms of something scary. I am sorry you have to deal with the Floridian humidity and heat, that really sucks. Here in Maryland we are actually enjoying a crisp, beautiful autumn. Although I am from California and miss the ocean, I do appreciate the fall and spring here in the Mid-Atlantic region. Try to find what you like about Florida and focus on that. Hang in there!

    • IzzyMom says:

      Thanks for your thoughtful reply. I think they are tension headaches as I constantly knots in my shoulders. I actually worry more for my poor liver than anythng else because of all the aspirin, tylenol, aleve and advil I take :)

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