i feel so much when i read your post. my birth son is 25 and we have been reconnected for almost five years (i contacted him). he told me if i hadn’t found him, he never would have looked for me.

i never had the issue of trying to hide my situation from others in my family, but i can’t imagine how the burden a self imposed secret like that must weigh on your birthmom, whether she acknowledges it or not.

of course, i’m just guessing, but having had to close the door myself on things that were too painful to contemplate, it becomes a habit after so many years. i realize that this sounds too horrible, but i find myself forgetting that i can actually pick up the phone and call my son, to include him in decisions and vacation plans, etc. i worked so hard to keep those thoughts out of my mind for so many years, that now, in our hectic life, the habit continues. gah. we text several times a week, but only talk on the phone about every two weeks or so and sometimes i wonder if i should be calling him every day. if that’s what he wants me to do. i do worry about intruding on him, his time, his life. that’s the last thing i want to do to someone i love so deeply.

oh crap. nothing is coming out right. but i’m sorry for your pain. truly, into my heart.