So Yeah…I’m back

Posted by on April 26, 2009

Allow me to explain…

Sometime in January, in a very impetuous moment, I decided to do something I’d been thinking about for a while. I closed this blog and put a redirect to another one that I had set up and had not yet had the nerve to do actually BLOG upon. Within? Whatever.

I’d been grappling with my identity, for lack of a better word, as a mommyblogger for a long time. I was beginning to feel limited and penned in and just…more restless than usual.

I was becoming uncomfortable blending all the different parts of me into this one homogenized identity: the mommyblogger. I know some people are not good with compartmentalizing their lives but I am excellent at it and rather like it when my worlds don’t collide. That just makes me feel too…exposed. Toooo…out there. Tooo…holy crap—everyone knows all my shit and all my feelings and what makes me tick and the fact that I have had a handful of mini-mental meltdowns on this blog (due to my inability to take antidepressants like a responsible adult or because I try to randomly go off of them just, you know, on a lark).

I’m not good with feeling exposed. I mean I’m okay with it for a little while, when that urge to “share” is overwhelming but then I get all “Oh my God, I can’t believe I let the whole world into my head like that. Now they know this thing about me and, and, and…”

So, moving along, I decided that having this mommyblog wasn’t a good thing for me anymore. It didn’t “fit” anymore. Did I mention this was an impetuous decision? Have I mentioned that I do shit like that all the time? I get an idea and just throw myself into it without nearly the consideration it deserves?

And I also got this idea that I was going to drop my bloggy nickname and start going by my legal name because you know, when you don’t like feeling exposed, using your real name is a fabulous idea! Or not.

But I did it and in many ways it was very freeing to just be who I am and own what I write and know that at any moment someone I would never want to read my innermost thoughts and feelings could come along and um…read them. Well, that last part is maybe not so freeing but nonetheless, I feel more…something. Better? More real?

In the same breath, I decided I would unleash myself onto the world in a new way—not as a mommyblogger but just as a…blogger—The Caffeinatrix. And she would be a better representation of my non-mommy self and all would be right with my world(s). And that’s what I did.

So I closed IzzyMom, opened The Caffeinatrix and for a while it was good. But then I kind of missed IzzyMom and I missed writing about my kids although I damn sure didn’t want to turn The Caffeinatrix into another mommyblog. So I grappled a bit.

And then people at BlissDom were all “But that’s, like, your brand. You can’t just throw away all the years you spent there” and I realized they were probably right to some extent. So after giving it minimal thought, as per usual, I decided to bring IzzyMom back from the dead. Only thing is? Nobody really knows it. Well, maybe they do because I still have feed readers *waves to feed readers and mouths “thank you”* but they don’t comment all that much so it’s sometimes hard to not feel kind of alone over here. I mean some folks still click over and comment and I’m really grateful for that *waves at commenters* because it makes me feel like I’m not talking to myself. But the old blog ain’t quite what she used to be and I guess that’s a lesson I had to learn the hard way.

Nonetheless, I’m back and I’m here, plugging away, sort of. And I miss you all!

And there you have it… IzzyMom lives. The Caffeinatrix Lives. I am blogger, hear me yawn :)


35 Comments

  • Cristina says:

    Welcome back!

  • Lala says:

    *waves back* never took you out of my feed. Welcome home.

  • Maria says:

    So I can look forward to updates from both blogs? Yes? :D

  • patois says:

    I can’t remember when I saw IzzyMom was alive and well again, but you made a comment and I was like, “Eh?” Waving to welcome you back. Glad to have you take up twice the space in my Bloglines.

  • Lady M says:

    Welcome back! Hope to see you at BlogHer this year.

  • Erika Jurney says:

    I’m glad you’re back because I’ve never been able to remember your real name. You’re always going to be Izzy to me!

  • Ameya says:

    Glad to see you back! I’m one of those jerky rss readers who rarely comments, but I do read & enjoy! My subscribers do the same thing. Even when I call them out (feedburner tells me they exist!) they still don’t say anything. We’re all quite impossible, really ;)

  • catnip says:

    ~waves hi!~
    I never deleted your feed from my reader, you know, just in case. Glad you’re back. :)

  • SciFi Dad says:

    I’m here, and I think I even commented on one of those post-departure Izzy Mom non Izzy Mom posts or whatever… even though neither the Caffeinatrix nor Izzy comments on my blog *cough*. j/k

    Whatever. Honestly? I’m used to the conflict, the “should I/shouldn’t I” from parents who blog. Hell, I did it myself, and went through an entire reboot because of it, losing the “brand” I had cultivated.

    So yeah, I get it. I’d say welcome back, but you never really left.

  • of course you couldn’t give this up entirely.

    It was inevitable. Don’t you feel so…free and yet…oh, I dunno….free to be you and…well, you!

  • Welcome back…kinda. You’ll always be in my reader. ;-)

  • April says:

    <<— Feed reader

    or reed Feeder… something like that.

    anyways welcome back [waves]

  • illahee says:

    it’s times like these when i’m glad i don’t get rid of all my links at bloglines. glad to see you back here. sorry i don’t comment often.

  • The Other Elle says:

    Yay! You are back!
    Yes, I confess, I am a “Feed” reader. A Feed Reader reader? Heck, who cares. The point is, I missed Izzy while still enjoying the Caffeinatrix.
    Welcome back, IzzyMom.

  • fiona says:

    Well, welcome back! Feed reader here!

  • ella says:

    Another feed reader waving back!

  • Momish says:

    *waving back at IzzyMom* Welcome back!
    Commenting to let you know I am still here! Read feeder and all…

    (I talk to myself all the time, and have actually made peace with the silence!)

  • Rae Ann says:

    I’m glad you are officially back! I figured out that IzzyMom wasn’t really gone when you posted on Caffeinatrix about Maddie and linked back to your old blog. I am happy to follow both!

  • sue says:

    Great post! Here’s something to blog about too.

    Do you still consider your children to be YOURS.

    Most of us are not aware that a threat to our parental rights is close to being ratified in the U.N. under an International Treaty Law. The whole story is too complex to post in forums. Suffice it to say that you will no longer be in charge of your children’s education, discipline and more. I urge you NOT to ignore this. Please check it out here:

    http://www.parentalrights.org/index.asp?Type=NONE&SEC={520635A0-D52D-4DA9-8AE7-CA574A3228F0}

    And PLEASE share this info too.

  • Lynette says:

    Well as it happens I was just IN my reader and I was all WTF? there’s a post there. So. I’m reading AND I’m commenting. (Do I get a gold star?)

    :)

  • ali says:

    well, welcome back.
    or something.

    i’ll read you anywhere, miss ;)

  • jessica says:

    I’m glad you’re back. I’m not a feed reader, I just have you saved in my bookmarks and checked in from time to time…you know, just in case you changed your mind…and I’m so glad you did. I love your brutal honesty and witty posts! No one else writes quite like you.

  • Stacy says:

    Welcome Back, Izzy!

  • Aprylsantics says:

    Never deleted it from my favorites. I’m lazy like that.

  • I’m feeding, I’m commenting, I’m waving too! Welcome back.

  • Meagan says:

    Just stumbled upon IzzyMom when I was directed to your discussion of padded bras at Target which came in size 6. I commented on this topic as I agree it sounds totally disgusting, but I concede that it actually could be used for modesty (my daughter began developing at age 8). The manufacturer and Target are not concerned with your daughter’s need for modesty, of course. They just want to make money and they’ll happily sell padded bras to skinny pre-teens who think the little bras are sexy or cool. Anyway, since Izzy is so direct and comfortable speaking her mind, could we have a discussion about going green? I have lead a rather mainstream life and I now find myself waking up and wanting to tread more lightly on the planet. However, how do you teach an old dog new tricks? There are many, many changes we should all be making if we care about the earth (and our children’s futures) but, damn it, it is SO HARD to change your ways, even when you sincerely want to. I carry my own ceramic mug now for my stops at Starbucks or Peet’s, I keep the heat quite low in winter and hardly run the A/C in summer. But avoiding driving or taking public transport (one mile walk to the closest bus stop)? I feel like a caged animal when I sit home and consistently forgo driving. And how does one avoid driving when kids have soccer, basketball, or piano practice??? So, let’s hear it, Izzy! Let’s complain about going green. Not very PC, but cathartic, I bet!

  • Good, ’cause IzzyMom never left my blogroll and I am SO GLAD you’ve decided to keep her…I mean…you…d’oh…you look good.

  • Assertagirl says:

    This is the very essence of blogging…you can do whatever the hell you want! BE IMPETUOUS. I love it. (And it’s somehow comforting to see that little devil up top again.)

  • Christina says:

    I’m still here, too. I’m slow getting through my feed reader, but you know I still follow along.

    I always say do what works for you. If you’re happy putting mommy stuff here and non-mommy stuff at The Caffinatrix, then go for it. If you’re happy, we’re happy too.

  • tara says:

    welcome back!

  • Betsy Christian says:

    If I hadn’t gone to your site to look for something I would have never known this! I’m absent from your notification list. ANYWAY, glad there is a new/old blog.

  • Diana says:

    IzzyMom stayed in my feed reader all along, but because I’m a slacker and a half about actually reading it? I just saw this.

    I’ve been struggling with the whole caged-in as a mommyblogger feeling for a good long while and finally decided a bit ago to open a second blog all about ME. I’m keeping the mom blog open… I think… for now anyway. But opened the second as an outlet for all the other junk. Are you still keeping the Caffeinatrix blog, too or switching to just IzzyMom again?

  • kittenpie says:

    I’ve been seeing your posts build up on my feedreader – but my reading is in occasional big gulps rather than constant little visits, so expect me to swing by now nad then, blather all over the place, and then disappear for anothe rfew weeks… It’s just a lack of time and hands thing that’s driving me nuts, but is life for now. sigh.

  • Is there a need to choose between blogs you write? Can’t you writer more than one? I’m sure the readers here, including myself, would love to read more of your writing. Welcome back, of course… but, do you need to choose one blog over the other? I guess it might be a time issue since I’m sure you don’t spend countless hours every day simply writing things for internet readers. Anyhow, enjoyed what you’ve writtena nd look forward to more. Thanks!

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