Veggie Tales of the Non-Religious Variety

Posted by on April 23, 2009

I’m not a huge fan of the vegetables. Actually, let me rephrase that… I’m not a huge fan of cooking the vegetables.

Or buying them.

I don’t know how to tell a good *insert random vegetable name* from a bad one or an overripe one from an overpriced one—actually, vegetables seem to be quite a bargain to me and I’m perplexed when I hear people bitching about the price of peppers or avocados or whatever.

Anyway, to reiterate, I don’t hate vegetables. I just really like them a WHOLE lot better when someone else buys them (because they probably KNOW how to NOT buy bad veggies) and even more so, I like when SOMEONE ELSE cooks them.

Me? I typically mutilate them first and then proceed to undercook, overcook or underseason them and generally render the poor vegetables inedible—unless they come in a bag, drowning with processed cheese sauce in which case, they’re kind of already inedible by most standards..

Also, I must confess…I am of the mind that just about everything in life worth eating can be improved with a little hot oil and a skillet. Potatoes? They’re good. Crispy hash browns, however, are heavenly.

Salmon? It’s okay. Salmon in a crusty, crunchy pan-fried little croquette thingy? Nomnom-a-licious.

Toasted cheese sandwich? Meh. Grilled cheese sandwich? Far superior in every way.

As luck should have it,  today, while perusing my iGoogle page and reading news (an excellent procrastination tool, if I do say) I came across a recipe for veggie pancakes on NPR. Naturally, this appeals to me per my unbridled love for all things crispy, crunchy and savory and I really want to try to make them but I’m reticent…


First, I’ll have to buy all the vegetables, which we’ve already established is a challenge for me; then I’ll have to cut them, grate them—whatever—without losing a digit (or any precious knuckleskin) and of course, try not to burn them which, in case I didn’t mention, is always hard because I am an impatient cook who frequently jacks up the heat “just for a second” and then wanders away to screw off on Twitter or read email or check out the news on iGoogle. The ceremonial ringing of the smoke alarm usually ensues.

Urggghhh. Maybe next week…


  • SciFi Dad says:

    Hiding vegetables is evil… EVIL…

    SciFi Dad’s last blog post..“Mama”

  • Kristabella says:

    All I had to do was read the title of this post and now I have the Veggie Tales theme song in my head. “Broccoli, celery, gotta be…..VEGGIE TALES!”

    Mind you, I don’t even have kids.

    Kristabella’s last blog post..And Now, For My Next Trick, I Shall Jinx Myself!

  • I admit to being an inept veggie cook as well. Bearing that in mind, we spend the extra money on precut veggies and veggie trays and eat them raw. It’s the healthiest way, anyway, and the family prefers it. Fine by me! Less cooking you know…

  • Maria says:

    I can steam zucchinni and I can microwave a sweet potato. But that’s literally it.

    I like veggies when someone fries them or grills them for me, with a ton of salt. Or if my mom steams artichokes. Otherwise, I’m pretty much screwed on veggies.

    Maria’s last blog’s not just because she could kick my ass

  • Jerri Ann says:

    Hey I don’t like to eat them and I certainly have no clue how to cook them…yack!

    Jerri Ann’s last blog post..How I become a Handbag Whore

  • Cara says:

    If shredded knuckles is what it would take to produce a vegetable dish my child would eat, I would sacrifice myself. Sadly, I fear even a veggie dish as tantalizing as this one won’t squeak past my finicky eater.

    Cara’s last blog post..Come Back Tomorrow

  • Sarah says:

    A friend mine claims she makes killer zucchini pancakes. I have just mastered the art of steamed veggies and pureed veggies. I would love to make something fancy like veggie pancakes. Someday we shall do it right.

  • verybadcat says:

    What you need is one of those horrible old housewife manuals- mine is my Grandma’s home ec textbook from high school “Foods and Homemaking”. That was before Bird’s Eye, so it talks about how to buy, store and use veggies. Plus, they are entertaining. Stuff about making sure to take the time to put some lipstick on and straighten your hair before hubby gets home, so he’s properly received. ;)

    verybadcat’s last blog post..Cattails: Adventures of a Very Bad Cat

  • Hannah says:

    I’m a big veggie fan and think you can’t go wrong with the following items:
    -red and green peppers
    -green beans

    Fry them on medium heat, mix them with some cooked rice and meat or tofu, and you’ve got a great stir fry.:)

    Hannah’s last blog post..Brightest Blue

  • Thank the lucky star that Gigi loves more veggies than me. I eat them raw, but prepping/cooking them for the rest of the family – can’t stand it. I think I’d prefer if all veggies could be deep fried and served with plum sauce or sour cream (oh sweet juju, I think I just heard my arteries scream for mercy)

  • Ha, I’ve burned so many things doing exactly the same stuff. Luckily my 9 year-old’s autism comes in super handy nowadays and he sets the timer, then comes and gets me before I destroy the tasty vegetables. Okay fine, it’s pasta, not vegetables. Or fried things that used to resemble vegetables. Hey, great minds think alike…

  • MiaHysteria says:

    I too am veggie-impaired. THAT is why I married a man who will do the shopping AND cook it for me. Then again, he doesn’t like veggies either. Maybe I didn’t do as good as I thought.

    MiaHysteria’s last blog post..Change in the Home? ~ TherExtras Blog Carnival

  • The Other Elle says:

    Heh heh, I trained *my* kids to eat frozen peas and carrots. They felt good on sore gums when cutting those 6-year molars. And they were nice and cold during the hot summer dinnertimes.

    Plus, you can bink ‘em at your little brother when he isn’t looking.

    Or so I’m told. Ahem.

    My mother still freaks out, but at least my kids eat their veggies and love ‘em. Not like the pale, sad-looking, overcooked, mushy things we had to eat when I was little.

  • ali says:

    the way you are with vegetables? it’s how i am with fruit…i stand in the supermarket and have NO clue what’s good, what’s bad, what’s ripe, what’s not…

    (well, i do know that if bananas are green they aren’t ready yet, so i guess that’s something)

    ps. EVERYTHING tastes better once it has been skillet-ized!

  • Christie says:

    In the veggie section, usually by the bagged salad, they have pre-cut veggies. Like broccoli, carrots, onions, garlic, cauliflower, and such. You can even get it pre-shredded sometimes. And you know it is good. I would suggest that. And I find steaming veggies is the easiest. You just steam for a few minutes, and viola, good veggies. You can even put the freshly steamed veggies in a pan with some melted butter and chopped garlic for some added flair. Promise, it’s easy.

  • mayopie says:

    You had me at “processed cheese sauce.”

    mayopie’s last blog post..Mayopie

  • Former vegetarian here.

    I once didn’t like vegetables much either. But it’s because I grew up with a mother who thought there were only three — corn, peas and green beans — and that their natural state was in a can. Once I got out on my own and learned to cook . . . and discovered, oh-my-gosh there is such a thing as FRESH vegetables, I learned to select and cook them.

    And you know what? You can’t go wrong steaming just about any kind of vegetable and drizzling a little butter and lemon on it. It couldn’t be easier, so start there and expand. It’s a whole new world out there.

  • Apryl's Antics says:

    The good news is that your body absorbs the nutrients in vegetables when they are combined with a fat. Go ranch dressing!

  • Apryl's Antics says:

    The good news is that your body absorbs the nutrients in vegetables when they are combined with a fat. Go ranch dressing!

  • Apryl's Antics says:

    The good news is that your body absorbs the nutrients in vegetables when they are combined with a fat. Go ranch dressing!

  • Apryl's Antics says:

    The good news is that your body absorbs the nutrients in vegetables when they are combined with a fat. Go ranch dressing!

  • leah says:

    i’m a huge fan of the fruits and vegetables, i wasn’t raised with them i acquired my taste for them.

    i too am a fan of the crispy. anything crispy.

    leah’s last blog post..daily piglet

  • RHW says:

    Steam’em and top’em with some grated cheese. Simple and fast. Also, skewered and done on the BBQ are good – try cubes of eggplant, mushroom, peppers, onion, etc until they’re a bit soft (you can brush any sauce on them).

    I have made little pancakes with 1c zucchini, 1c carrot, 2/3c potatoes (all grated), a little salt and 2tbsp of flour. They fry up quite nice and are good warm and cold. I got the recipe, simply as it is, from Annabel Karmel’s First Meals book.

    I am a semi-vegetarian and have done my fair share of vegetable experimentation.

  • kittenpie says:

    I think if you steam them and then drown them in butter, any veggies (or even, say, pieces of cardboard, for that matter) are yummy. Misterpie also likes to sautee them with butter and some sweetness like some brown sugar or maple syrup for a nice glaze – this is best on carrots or parsnips – YUM.

    kittenpie’s last blog post..Biscuits in the Oven

  • feefifoto says:

    They looked so good in the picture that I had to look up the recipe. My son made up a recipe for potato pancakes to which he added grated carrots and apples. Come on, try it! The best thing about a recipe like this is that once everything is mushed together you won’t be able to tell what’s what, so if the vegetables are a little bruisy or whatever, no one will know.

  • The Caffeinatrix says:

    Hiding vegetables???

    You’re a skimmer, aren’t you?

  • The Caffeinatrix says:

    Dude. *I* don’t even know the theme song from Veggie Tales!

  • The Caffeinatrix says:

    I wish my kids would eat them raw! It would save me a hell of a lot of vegetable angst.

  • The Caffeinatrix says:

    You’re right. I do need one of those. And even if I don’t learn anything from it, those hokey man-pleasing sections are priceless.

  • The Caffeinatrix says:

    Damn, I wish I’d thought of that!

  • The Caffeinatrix says:

    Can you believe *I* was once a vegetarian, too? For SIX years. I mostly ate a lot of pizza and cuban cheese toast and the occasional salad, Vegetarian FAIL!

    But thanks for the butter/lemon idaa. Never considered that—it actually sounds good.

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