Hatelists: Everyone Should Make One

Posted by on April 2, 2009

Don’t you sometimes just want to write a list of all the things/people you hate, piss you off or just plain annoy you? I do.

But then I’m all “Oh, but that’s so negative. I don’t want to be THAT person…all I HATE THIS and I HATE THAT!”

And then I hate myself for being so wimpy and spineless because seriously, why should I care? I’m feeling the hate and I want to vent and sharing is good—or at least that’s what they tell you in kindergarten and kindergarten teachers don’t lie, right? Because I would really hate them if they did.

So yeah, I’m gonna share the hate. And if  you start feeling the urge to lecture me about it, you should probably just not—or I’ll add you to my list.

The short list (because I’d hate to blow my whole hatewad in one shot):

• I hate when people walk away when you’re still talking to them. It makes me want to roundhouse kick them in their kidneys. Why? Because it’s just rude. Let’s roleplay for a sec… You be talking to me about something, anything, and I’ll just meander away while you’re talking. Makes ya wanna kick me, right? I knew it. You’re my kind of people.

• I hate when people send me an email or use the contact form on one of my other sites and try to convince me of how wrong I am about something BY INSULTING ME and then they link to their site which is, presumably, being left as a point of reference to my supposed wrongness and THEN? They throw in a little PR blurb about themselves. It makes me all “Dude. Do you seriously think I’m going listen to you or feature your product/service after you just talked a bunch of smack to me? You’re a social moron and if I cared about you at all, I’d send you a copy of Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People” and try to save you from your own stupidity but since I hate you? I won’t.

• People who work in stores and know NOTHING about what the store sells and are completely unapologetic about their ignorance. EXAMPLE: I go to Office Depot to buy some ink for this Kodak behemoth of a printer/scanner/copier because while I don’t need to print at this moment, I do need to scan stuff and this stupid piece of crap won’t let you SCAN until you buy more ink. Scanning is a completely inkless process and yet I’m held hostage until I throw down for ink. How am I going to put all those old pix that showcase the fact that I used to be hot and cellulite-free on Facebook without a scanner? Note to self: I also hate Kodak. Anyway, I search the ink section only to find there is ONE pack of Kodak ink and it’s for some other Kodak device. So I ask some Office Depot dude zipping around on one of those old people scooters if they carry Kodak ink and he doesn’t know. Whatever they have out is “probably” all they have, he says. He waves in the general direction of the aisle I just came from and zips away. Must be nice to get paid for being lazy, stupid and useless. I’m certain there’s a cubicle at AIG with his name on it. So yeah, I hate Kodak, I hate Office Depot and I hate that jerk on the scooter.

• I hate people that see you heading toward a certain register at a store and haul ass to get there first, even though you were closer. I hate them and if I thought I could get away with it, I’d totally set their hair on fire without a second thought. This also applies to people who pull this same shit with parking spaces. They get extra hate points if they’re one tiny little woman driving alone in a Hummer, Suburban or Excursion.

Wow…that felt really good. I can feel the clouds of hate dispersing already. I highly recommend making a hatelist, if only to make you feel less hateful and more tolerant of the things you hate.

Wait! Do I feel a brainstorm coming on? YESSSS!!!! Seminars, books-on-tape, infomercials, Home Shopping Network—an entire empire built on getting people to recognize their hate, vent their hate and eventually be at peace with their hate. I’m gonna be a zillionaire.

HA! Wrongcards rule.


45 Comments

  • LizSara says:

    Oh my I hate all of those things too, every single one of them. I would have been fired from my first job in a supermarket if I hadn’t known about our produce, and if I wasn’t sure I would certainly know the right person to ask.

    HATE!

    LizSara’s last blog post..Think-about Thursdays (24)

  • Brooke says:

    Ditto all of that, except I’m kind of guilty of the first one – especially with my husband. He’ll be talking and I’ll be, you know, doing stuff around the house and I’ll walk away and say “I’m still listening!” so he knows I wasn’t completely ignoring him. But I know how rude it is. Go ahead – kick me in the face if you want. But maybe he just talks too much?

    On my list? People that drive their toddler-sized kids around without seatbelts. Not to even mention carseats, but I have seen THREE cars in the past day where the kids – smaller than my three year old, for sure – in the backseat where climbing up into the middle of the front seat, dancing around, or turned around making faces out the back window. I would like to SERIOUSLY injure their parents.

  • Shannon says:

    Sometimes you just need to get the hate out. I agree.

    And just this morning someone rushed to cut me off in the grocery line and I was pissed. But then the cashier in the next aisle over opened up and told me she could help me right away. So I walked away feeling self-righteous and superior. Clearly she was being punished by the universe for her rude behaviour. :)

  • SciFi Dad says:

    I hate people who interrupt me when I’m talking. It’s like, “Well, whatever you’re saying isn’t as important as what I’m thinking at this very moment, so I’m just going to start talking MID-SENTENCE and get my thoughts out there.”

    SciFi Dad’s last blog post..Buddy At Six Months

  • Jennifer says:

    Okay. This line:
    “How am I going to put all those old pix that showcase the fact that I used to be hot and cellulite-free on Facebook without a scanner?”
    made me laugh / snort so loudly that I woke my dog.

    Sometimes you just need to vent to your friends. I’m glad this made you feel better.

  • ~beth says:

    Yay! It’s a hatefest!!!! Vent the hate! I have pretty much abhored everything all week long. Oh! Double hate for those that walk away when you are speaking to them. Aaaargh!

    ~beth’s last blog post..A Few Loose Screws

  • Suebob says:

    You KNOW you never have to apologize to me for being the hatey hatiest! I am right there with you.

    Mine lately is because I live in So Cal: traveling along the freeway in one of the middle of four lanes. Mr SuperSpeedmonkey is in fast lane and decides about 50 feet before an exit that he has to get off the freeway, so he zooms horizontally across four lanes and the exit lane, narrowly missing 4 cars along the way, scaring the crap out of everyone.

    Yes, Mr SuperSpeedmonkey, I KNOW you rock at MarioKart, but that doesn’t mean you get to drive that way in real life. Jerk.

  • Vent on, my dear. It does a heart good to let it out. And, BTW, I share your frustration over that first one. My husband does that to me frequently, and I want to KICK. HIS. ASS. Grrrrrr!

    Desert Songbird’s last blog post..Manic Monday – Bird

  • Kristabella says:

    UGH! So right there with ya, sister!

    I HATE Office Depot. And my company uses them for everything even though everyone in the company complains about how shitty they are. I miss my old company and Staples.

    Also, right now I’m hating on the fact that the maintenance in our office building won’t fix the bathroom in our office, which means we have one working bathroom for 40 people. And I drink a lot of water!

    Kristabella’s last blog post..Spring Awakening

  • FUNNY! I hate these things too! And I hate puppies!

    Kidding.

    But I hate a lot of stuff!

    DJ Kelly-Kell-Kell’s last blog post..My Underwears

  • Apryl's Antics says:

    I hate Home Depot, because when I go in there KNOWING what I’m looking for, the male employees treat me like here-comes-another-housewife-who-watches-HGTV-all-day-and-thinks-she-knows-what-she’s-doing customers. I actually had an argument with one of them when he said he did not know what I was talking about and that HD did not carry that. I ended up walking him to it myself.

  • Apryl's Antics says:

    I hate Home Depot, because when I go in there KNOWING what I’m looking for, the male employees treat me like here-comes-another-housewife-who-watches-HGTV-all-day-and-thinks-she-knows-what-she’s-doing customers. I actually had an argument with one of them when he said he did not know what I was talking about and that HD did not carry that. I ended up walking him to it myself.

  • Apryl's Antics says:

    I hate Home Depot, because when I go in there KNOWING what I’m looking for, the male employees treat me like here-comes-another-housewife-who-watches-HGTV-all-day-and-thinks-she-knows-what-she’s-doing customers. I actually had an argument with one of them when he said he did not know what I was talking about and that HD did not carry that. I ended up walking him to it myself.

  • Apryl's Antics says:

    I hate Home Depot, because when I go in there KNOWING what I’m looking for, the male employees treat me like here-comes-another-housewife-who-watches-HGTV-all-day-and-thinks-she-knows-what-she’s-doing customers. I actually had an argument with one of them when he said he did not know what I was talking about and that HD did not carry that. I ended up walking him to it myself.

  • Christie says:

    You are so my homegirl! I also hate old people drivers, semi-truck drivers, the homeless beggers, automated telemarketers that tell you to call them back, to be honest, I hate most people I don’t know.

    Except you, of course.

  • Cara says:

    I had a woman do the cut in line thing today at Target. There I am with my adorable, but restless, child and like five things and she races to get in front of me with a FULL cart. I almost rammed her in the ass, but then I remembered that I am far too passive aggressive to do anything so blatant.

  • Amanda says:

    Honestly I dont get too hatey on most things. I however do like your list. I could add retards on ATVs with 14 babies hanging off of the ATv and no helmets on.

    In fact I’m finally starting to think of some other things and may make a blog post out of it if I can force myself to blog at some point this week.

  • Musing says:

    Oh, I hate having to educate sales people on their own jobs! Like the time we needed to know how to reset my daughter’s computer so the DVD would play region 2, called Best Buy’s Geek Squad only for them to say “region 2? what’s that?” and I’m like “you know, that thing President Clinton did, where by law certain regions’ DVD players are encoded to play only those regions DVD’s” and he’s like all, “uh…okay…well, I think if you try this…um, no…that won’t work…” so I just google it and finally find the instructions and we get it taken care of and I’m tempted to call the geek back and say, “THIS is how you do it, stupid!”

  • I had almost the same thing happen at Staples – they also didn’t know if they carried Kodak ink.

    I had to go to Best Buy for it eventually.

  • I had almost the same thing happen at Staples – they also didn’t know if they carried Kodak ink.

    I had to go to Best Buy for it eventually.

  • I had almost the same thing happen at Staples – they also didn’t know if they carried Kodak ink.

    I had to go to Best Buy for it eventually.

  • I had almost the same thing happen at Staples – they also didn’t know if they carried Kodak ink.

    I had to go to Best Buy for it eventually.

  • You are my soul mate, you know that?

    We should start a club.

    Kelley @ Magnetoboldtoo’s last blog post..Jules Verne is like a boys name right? Betcha his mother has a sense of humour. With a u.

  • MiaHysteria says:

    You had me laughing out loud because I SO know what you mean about ALL of it. And, it’s just in time…I’ve been needing an outlet. Can I share a little hate with you….

    I HATE my neighbors. They all have pretty pristine back yards and they insist on running their dogs like they’re in a dog park on everyone else’s FRONT lawns. Throw the ball, fetch. Tear up the yard. Pee on that, add a little crap there, oh wait, over there too and the doggie parents DON’T PICK IT UP. They just watch. They also watch when their large dogs bum rush my 2 and 1 year old and try to jump on them. It’s even more fun when they jump on my 6 year old with cerebral palsy. Run across your own damn lawn, or better yet, go to a dog part, or even better, keep your dog leashed or in your backyard. And if you’re not going to do that…WATCH them. Don’t leave them out for everyone else to doggie parent while you go inside with your BFF to make mojitos.

    We used to really, really like dogs. Now we’re not sure if it’s them or YOU!

    Okay, thanks for letting me release that. My shoulders feel so much better.

    MiaHysteria’s last blog post..Circle The Wagons ~ I Fell Off

  • HATEWAD! Love it! I’m using this from now on, as in “Don’t be spewing your hatewad at me, mister!”

    Oh, and number 2? There are people WHO DO THAT? Thank god my blog is little and hardly anyone every comes ’round, otherwise, that would PISS ME OFF!

  • Hannah says:

    I hate people who park right outside a store in the fire lane, even though there’s ample parking just a few feet away.
    I’m lazy but c’mon! Is it necessary to park your big butt that close to the store so we’re all forced to go around you?!

    Hannah’s last blog post..Brightest Blue

  • oh dude. we are so alike.

  • Miss Britt says:

    I’ve actually been thinking of doing a post about things I hate that people do on the Internet but I don’t – because I don’t want to be one of THOSE people either.

    At least you didn’t rag on the Internet. ;-)

    Miss Britt’s last blog post..fleshing out fear

  • Home Depot…for sales people who know what they are doing always go to HD. I am amazed at how sales people can listen to my clueless request and figure out what I want. Not easy as I am technically challenged.

    Musings from Me’s last blog post..New Coke, Tiny British Fridges, Milk Man

  • raino says:

    i’m with you on the first one – about people walking away when you’re talking to them.

    i hate when magazines don’t have page numbers on a page just because it’s a photo or something cause there’s usually like 10 of them in a roll like that. biggest pet peeve!~.

    raino’s last blog post..When will I ever learn?! Really, when?

  • Chris says:

    I hate decaf.

    Chris’s last blog post..If I Were King

  • mayopie says:

    You’re so wrong! About everything! Please visit my site to learn why. Thank you.

    mayopie’s last blog post..Mayopie

  • kittenpie says:

    Venting is GOOD! On the way home from BlogHer 07, HBM, Motherbumper, Sandra, Jana, MetroMama, and I came up with a genius plan to start a website where you submit what you want to say to someone. It was going to be called twatmail. but someone had already bought the site. Damn. There goes my big idea. What’s going to make me rich now?

    kittenpie’s last blog post..Biscuits in the Oven

  • Chii says:

    Bahh a volte non vi capisco qutsee a mio parere sono immagini in game precalcolate, e della Wii.Anche perch un fottuto 360 fa decisamente di meglio.finalmente qualcosa di veramente decente a livello tecnico. Mario Galaxy e molto curato come titolo, ma altrettanto poco ricco di particolari e nemici su schermo. ma questo e voluto ovviamente come tutti i mario in 3D.Niente di cui sbalordirsi, e quello che avrebbero dovuto fare dall’inizio.Anche se devo ancora papire come ditte come la Capcom che ha sfornato RE4 su Gamecube, non riesca a proporre un titolo devente a distanza di 3 anni sulla Wii, contando che il Kit di sviluppo sostanzialmente e lo stesso.

  • The Caffeinatrix says:

    I KNOW you rock at MarioKart…

    lololol…I KNOW people like that and they’re big douchers.

  • The Caffeinatrix says:

    lololol…I hate all those things, too. You’re my long lost twin. I just know it.

  • The Caffeinatrix says:

    but then I remembered that I am far too passive aggressive to do anything so blatant

    lol…yeah, me too. I’d just stand behind her and loudly talk to my adorable child about the mean, mean, MEAN lady who took our spot.

  • The Caffeinatrix says:

    could add retards on ATVs with 14 babies hanging off of the ATv and no helmets on

    Is it wrong that I laughed out loud at this the first time I read it and then again just now?

  • The Caffeinatrix says:

    Oooh really? Thanks for the head’s up. (I’m far too lazy to just call and check)

  • The Caffeinatrix says:

    I’d join any club you were in, but especially? A hateyness club :)

  • The Caffeinatrix says:

    Oh GAWD..the fricken dog people. Hate them. I mean I like dogs and I like RESPONSIBLE dog owners but the rest of them? HATE.

  • The Caffeinatrix says:

    Don’t be spewing your hatewad at me, mister!”

    OMG..this made me laugh til I gagged a little on my own spit and my eyes watered and then my mascara ran. it was that funny.

  • The Caffeinatrix says:

    OMFG…the page number thing? Drives me friggin bonkers! Good one!

  • The Caffeinatrix says:

    Yeah, I kinda hate decaf, too. What’s the point???

  • The Caffeinatrix says:

    I’m thinking spouses don’t count because we do it to each other. But our house is so damn small, I can still hear him no matter where I am and vice versa.

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