Dear Body,
Happy belated Valentine’s Day. Yes, I was being facetious. You know I don’t subscribe to made-up holidays that leave at least half the population sad and depressed that they don’t have someone to give them some Hallmark-mandated love and a red velvet box of chocolates from the local Walgreens. I prefer my consumerism-on-steroids holidays to at least be FUN, like Halloween!
Anyway, I’m writing to let you know that I’m very disappointed in you today. No, it’s not that last eight pounds I’ve been trying to lose for, like, two years—although we do need to discuss that at some point. I’m actually talking about the hangover that you led me to believe I would NOT be having today. What the hell?
I know, I know…I don’t take you out drinking nearly enough and you’re probably not used to it but that’s no excuse for your behavior today. You had fair warning that when we went out to celebrate the huz’s birthday last night (it was fun, yes?) that it would be a late night. Christ, we had safe, dependable babysitters for the first time in three years (Thank you, MIL and SIL!) that would be keeping our kids overnight. What did you think I was going to do? Drink soda all night?
All things considered, I think I did pretty good. I took a sip of my first beer at 9pm and finished my last around 2:45am. All together, I probably consumed about four or five high quality beers AND I had some pizza. (Yes, I agree that it was ridiculously salty but I was powerless to stop. You know how hungry I get when I drink). Anyway, the point is that I really didn’t go overboard and I don’t think I abused you that badly. In fact, I observed last night, firsthand, what long term alcohol abuse can do to a body and I’m so glad I got married and stopped clubbing and partying in my mid twenties. I could seriously be a poster girl for the virtues of generally clean, albeit mostly exercise-free, living.
But I digress…What I wanted to know is WHY did you lead me to believe this morning that I had escaped the hangover I was fully expecting? Even my prim, proper and very Catholic mother-in-law remarked that we didn’t look hungover when she brought the kids home at noon (NOON!!! God bless that woman!) and other than being a bit fuzzy-headed, I felt great. I didn’t begin to feel betrayed by you until about 3pm when the headache and queasy stomach started to kick in. Eventually, I felt so crappy I had to take to my bed for several hours whilst the huz went to the grocery store, fed the kids AND took them out for ice cream. He’s a fricken rockstar dad and I’m the pathetic mom that’s still hungover at six in the evening.
WHY???
Don’t you know how damaging this was to my self-esteem? How loser-ish it made me feel?
I just don’t understand and I anxiously await your explanation.
Yours in suffering,
Janet
PS: And the for the love of all things good and decent…what’s UP with the gas? Haven’t you punished me enough already? Is further humiliation really necessary?
Can I save this letter to modify and send to my body EVERY TIME I drink? Because apparently I get hangovers no matter what.
Glad you and huz had a good time though, ESPECIALLY the babysitter/sleeping in part. Heaven (hangover aside)!
Lucie @ Unconventional Origins’s last blog post..7 things I learned at my first blogging conference
OMG – I had the same thing happen to me Saturday morning. I had three Captain & Coke’s on Friday. That’s it! I did not understand the grossness that I felt all day Saturday, it made no sense.
Hope you’re feeling better today.
What a dirty, rotten trick! It sucks when the hangover sneaks up on you later in the day, doesn’t it?
It sounds like you had fun, though. A beer and pizza birthday party? Awesome!
Ew. Sucks to be you, Janet. At least right now.
Bodies can be fickle bitches after 35.
I hear ya, sister. My good gah, the shit our bodies pull on us when we hit our thirties is just plain mean!
But I’m so glad you and the hubster had such a great KIDLESS night!
Dory’s last blog post..Can’t Remember Diddly!
Uhhhhhh… I just noticed your eBay ad up there “Mesh Babydoll & Flower Trim &open-Crotch Thong 1x/2x” and I gotta say, that shit is just 1- WRONG and B- hilarious! *snickers*
Dory’s last blog post..Can’t Remember Diddly!
I haven’t had more than a glass of wine in two years (pregnant and now breastfeeding). Although I am go gung-ho ready to get back on the horse, I am terrified of how it will affect me. I had become a real lightweight before. Now, it will be a holocaust.
Cara’s last blog post..Except When I’m Hungry
Now you know you should have had more. Why not do the crime if your’e gonna have to do the time? I’m just sayin’.
Now you know you should have had more. Why not do the crime if your’e gonna have to do the time? I’m just sayin’.
Now you know you should have had more. Why not do the crime if your’e gonna have to do the time? I’m just sayin’.
Now you know you should have had more. Why not do the crime if your’e gonna have to do the time? I’m just sayin’.
St. Valentines is sorry.
Sarah’s last blog post..The Ladyrather Diary
Wow. That is a very mean trick. A late afternoon hangover? That has to be against the law. Seriously. At least you were able to spend a happy evening with your husband sans children.
40 truly catches up with you in the drinking…and gas departments. You can hang with the younger kids until the next day. I laughed at this post! So true!
Michelle-WhiteTrashMom’s last blog post..Blissdom09 White Trash Mom Way, Part 2
now that i’m 30, my body totally hates me after i drink…so i have to limit myself to 2.5 beers. otherwise, i’m dead for DAYS afterward…
ali’s last blog post..a there’s-no-sugar-in-pixie-sticks and zoo-popsicle kind of family day
And it’s not like our body gives us anything in trade. Like, okay: I will take away your ability to recover from alcohol but in return I will boost your metabolism. It’s just unfair on all levels.
Well, thank goodness your hangover waited until
cocktail hour to kick in. Nothing like hair of the dog.
Wait. Maybe 3 is too early for drinking.
Can you hold out until 4:20?
Ack, I’ve come to terms that my body cannot handle my former partying ways, I can barely survive the punishment my body doles out for one drink these days.
BTW – so jealous of overnight late delivery back babysitters. Soooo jealous.
what’s the upside of getting older again?
Beer and pizza? AWESOME!
Hangovers suuuuck. I remember when I was young, going out drinking, getting sloshed and suffering the hangover, swearing I’d never drink again, only to do it the next weekend.
Thank goodness I grew out of that REAL quickly. :)
Hope you’re feeling better now!
Dana’s last blog post..Bee Eff Pee
The delayed hangover sucks. It seems that’s what I always get now that I’m older and mommier and only drink once in a blue moon.
You have been awarded the Lemonade Award by me on my site! Why the lemonade award? It is given as appreciation for those people who have shown a great attitude or gratitude this week no matter what the circumstances happen to be. (That and because you probably made me laugh, nod in agreement or just get what you are saying.)
You have always been a great blogger and friend. I am glad you are still blogging! I would miss you terribly if you ever stopped.
LOL!!! I have had so many conversations with my body like that. And do you know what my body is trying to do now? I can’t eat chocolate any more. Makes me sick. Yep, CHOCOLATE! That glorious elixer of the gods.
My body hates me.
I know, right? It’s definitely some violation of the laws of nature and physics and biology, too! But yes, spending Valentine’s Day night with my huz (and friends), even though we don’t really do the V-Day stuff, was really fun and almost worth being hungover until after midnight last night!
That sneak…he CURSED me or something!
I was in pretty rare form! I shudder to think how things might have ended if the bars here stayed open until 4 like they do in Atlanta :-o
A holocaust…lol I never did get my drinking chops back after having kids and breastfeeding for eons. Of course, I look about a good decade younger than a lot of acquaintances who’ve spent the last 15 years acting like they were still 21.
At first I was like WTH is she talking about??? And then I SAW IT! And took a screenshot for posterity lol
It really did suck to be me… I was still feeling bad at 2am last night. WTH???
Oh, I feel ya! I really do. The unexpected hangover is hateful!!
Oh yeah…can’t even tell you how many times I swore “I am NEVER drinking again”
Bah! Some nonsense about wisdom. I, for one, am NOT buying it…
Sudafed is the secret —the kind you have to get from behind the counter down here (pseudoephedrine, not phenylprine) is the secret to preventing mild hangovers. Swear to God!!!!
OMG…so true. It’s just plain unfair. And if you didn’t even have that much fun when you were out drinking, it’s even MORE unfair :(
Really though…isn’t it ALWAYS 4:20? lolololol
Yeah, we’re KLASSY! But it was an Irish pub with a fab outdoor deck and great food so yeah, beer and pizza did kind of = awesome after all ;)