In the interest of getting a grip and doing something that would make me feel a bit shinier and less mom-ish, I decided to use some of my birthday money (Yes, I had a birthday last week, didn’t mention it because hello? AM OFFICIALLY OLD. No need to celebrate THAT) to update things a bit, namely my wardrobe.
I have sworn on my just-finished copy of Twilight that I will never, EVER buy another cheap v-neck tee shirt from Target or anywhere else because there just comes a point where the “it’s just so easy” factor is surpassed by the “you totally look like a boring mom who hasn’t had fun in a frillion years” factor.
Furthermore, the casualness of such attire doesn’t connote some kind of carefree attitude about clothing and style. It merely connotes that I’ve given up, that I’ve conceded to putting all my time and energy into my children and family and to hell with me because I’m just good old mom.
To hell with THAT.
And thus, I’ve acquired some kick-ass jeans, four shirts, a pair of shoes, three new bras and several pair of the coolest underwear ever. Now don’t laugh at me. I’m admittedly behind the curve…but I decided to deviate from what I normally buy and got some hipster (as in, on-my-hips) underwear with lace edging and they’re SO awesome. No more sticking out of the back of my pants or slightly pinching my hips and forming a junior muffin-top. They’re frakking brilliant. Why have I been religiously buying six packs of Hanes Her Way bikini underwear for so damned long? Why didn’t you tell me about these fantabulous underwear, people? WHY?
The wardrobe updating will continue until I feel sufficiently transformed and there’s no telling when that will be but in the interim, I’ve decided that a new bag is in order and thus I’m moving on to an updated version of a trés cool Kenneth Cole that I used to have and literally used until it was falling apart. CAN’T WAIT for it to get here.
And now, some unsolicited advice after spending many hours at the mall today…
Ladies, WHY do you bring your men shopping with you? I’ve never seen so many bored, miserable looking guys as I did today, all either following a woman around while she shopped (one dutifully pushing a stroller) or waiting outside the fitting rooms.
The looks on these guys faces said things that fell somewhere between “Man, why didn’t anyone tell me BEFORE I got married that I’d have to do stuff like this? I’d rather be out with the guys. Or watching the game. Anything but this. I’m going to doze off and hopefully dream about (insert the name of hot chick who doesn’t make her man go shopping). Don’t wake me until it’s time to hit the food court” and “Where are my balls? I swear I had them yesterday”
I’m not trying to be mean but these guys did NOT look happy. Do your relationship a favor and leave the menfolk at home — unless they actually ask to come shopping with you.
In other news, I’m finally getting a haircut this week. It’s been almost two years since I had a trauma-inducing cut and it’s taken this long for me to get my nerve up again. If they ruin my hair, which is finally long again, and I have to cut it all off to fix it, someone will die. So wish them luck.