Posted by on September 8, 2008

In the interest of getting a grip and doing something that would make me feel a bit shinier and less mom-ish, I decided to use some of my birthday money (Yes, I had a birthday last week, didn’t mention it because hello? AM OFFICIALLY OLD. No need to celebrate THAT) to update things a bit, namely my wardrobe.

I have sworn on my just-finished copy of Twilight that I will never, EVER buy another cheap v-neck tee shirt from Target or anywhere else because there just comes a point where the “it’s just so easy” factor is surpassed by the “you totally look like a boring mom who hasn’t had fun in a frillion years” factor.

Furthermore, the casualness of such attire doesn’t connote some kind of carefree attitude about clothing and style. It merely connotes that I’ve given up, that I’ve conceded to putting all my time and energy into my children and family and to hell with me because I’m just good old mom.

To hell with THAT.

And thus, I’ve acquired some kick-ass jeans, four shirts, a pair of shoes, three new bras and several pair of the coolest underwear ever. Now don’t laugh at me. I’m admittedly behind the curve…but I decided to deviate  from what I normally buy and got some hipster (as in, on-my-hips) underwear with lace edging and they’re SO awesome. No more sticking out of the back of my pants or slightly pinching my hips and forming a junior muffin-top. They’re frakking brilliant. Why have I been religiously buying six packs of Hanes Her Way bikini underwear for so damned long? Why didn’t you tell me about these fantabulous underwear, people? WHY?

The wardrobe updating will continue until I feel sufficiently transformed and there’s no telling when that will be but in the interim, I’ve decided that a new bag is in order and thus I’m moving on to an updated version of a trés cool Kenneth Cole that I used to have and literally used until it was falling apart. CAN’T WAIT for it to get here.

And now, some unsolicited advice after spending many hours at the mall today…

Ladies, WHY do you bring your men shopping with you? I’ve never seen so many bored, miserable looking guys as I did today, all either following a woman around while she shopped (one dutifully pushing a stroller) or waiting outside the fitting rooms.

The looks on these guys faces said things that fell somewhere between “Man, why didn’t anyone tell me BEFORE I got married that I’d have to do stuff like this? I’d rather be out with the guys. Or watching the game. Anything but this. I’m going to doze off and hopefully dream about (insert the name of hot chick who doesn’t make her man go shopping). Don’t wake me until it’s time to hit the food court” and “Where are my balls? I swear I had them yesterday”

I’m not trying to be mean but these guys did NOT look happy. Do your relationship a favor and leave the menfolk at home —  unless they actually ask to come shopping with you.

In other news, I’m finally getting a haircut this week. It’s been almost two years since I had a trauma-inducing cut and it’s taken this long for me to get my nerve up again. If they ruin my hair, which is finally long again, and I have to cut it all off to fix it, someone will die. So wish them luck.

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  • blogversary says:

    I am glad you have bypassed the Target racks for something more stylin’.

    I too just got a new haircut; next new glasses.

    Also, the mall thing with bored men; I feel sooo sorry for those guys too. Seriously, all that depressing negative energy in one bldg is not good mojo.

  • catnip says:

    I never bring my husband to the mall. Why would I want to torture myself like that?! I don’t even bring him to shop for his own clothes, I just buy what I like and make him try them on at home.

    Good luck with your haircut! I know how traumatic they can be.

  • Aprylsantics says:

    Good luck with the haircut. I have an aversion to all things salon myself. I can’t remember my last haircut. I’m a long flowered dress away from looking like a commune inhabitant or an extra on Little House on the Prairie.

    Don’t you just love the way stylists can make you feel like the biggest loser for not getting your haircut every six weeks?

  • Jerri Ann says:

    Just my 2 cents but…I have some awesome crop pants that I’ve had …..since I was preggo with Jace 3.5 years ago….yes I’m still wearing my low rider maternity pants (that’s what happens when you lose weight when pregnant instead of gain it)…anyway, each year I buy a few t-shirts at walmart/target/kmart to go with the pants, that way I have a different looking outfit each summer…but I also have a nice dressy shirt that goes with each pair that I keep year after year.

    Usually what happens to me is that by the time the end of the summer rolls around, the shirts are looking bad and I will inevitable drop some kind of food on them that makes a stain that I can’t get out, I don’t fret it, I know I haven’t spent a fortune on this shirts and I wear them for the really relaxed activities…..so as much as I love my “good” clothes, I like being able to throw on a pair of crop pants with a t-shirt and not worry if one of the kids gets a purple popsicle on them

  • Lynn says:

    Can you post a link to your new bag? I have a bit of a handbag problem, I’m afraid!

  • Sarah says:

    My husband loves to go shopping. Of course it’s usually shopping for himself that he loves, but at least I don’t have a problem getting him over the threshold into the mall!

  • verybadcat says:

    Took WH shopping with me exactly twice.

    The first time he threw a fit and gave up upon discovering that women wear sizes like 2,4,6, and 8 instead of 30/30 or 32/34. He was really pissed. “You wear a size 4? What does it MEAN?” I don’t know, that my pants fit? “I’ll be in the car.”

    The second time I was looking for a party dress. Four hours later, he surrendered. Waved his white flag. So I sent him to the bar.

    Both times he insisted on coming with. I hate it, because he rushes me. No more. Not since dress hunt 2003.

  • Cathy says:

    I’m glad I’m not the only one with a husband who HATES shopping. I gave up bringing him to the mall a long time ago because it just ruined the experience.

    Good underwear makes the outfit!! Or so I’ve heard from Tim Gunn from Project Runway. That being said, I really need some new bras.

  • Brandy says:

    The last time I remember my hubby at the mall was while we were dating 14 years ago and he was tring to impress me. Now I have him keep the kids so I can enjoy my shopping alone.

    I am going to someone new tomorrow for a color and cut, I am so very nervous!!

    I too would love to see your new bag.

  • Jaime says:

    Love the underwear rant. That had me cracking up. Its amazing how something so little can do so much for our self-esteem, right?

  • Yay for shopping. THAT always makes me feel better.

    I caved and read Twilight Series in one week.

    I just watched Superbad…again…this weekend. It just cracks me up.

  • I AM McLovin’!

    That movie was cross-my-legs-so-i-don’t-wet-myself funny.

    Glad you’re feeling sexy mama again, fighting the frump or at least indulging in some mad retail therapy.

  • HeatherPride says:

    OK, so I know I didn’t see totally eye-to-eye with you on the whole “wild and crazy” stuff but OH do I hear you on the wardrobe stuff!!! I went to hell after my kids – never fit totally back into my old wardrobe and never felt thin enough for “hip” clothes afterwards. Kept thinking I would eventually get “thin” again and would go back to wearing cool stuff and in the meantime, maybe no one will notice my baby-belly if I wear this giant, stupid looking t-shirt! Yeah, I guess it’s time to give up the ghost and start at least being hip, if I can’t be thin.

  • Maria says:

    I still haven’t read Twilight. Damnitt.

  • motherbumper says:

    Damn – happy belated birthday and as long as you stay younger than me, you will never be officially old. Oh and I have no time to blog anymore because I have fallen head-first into Twilight et al. Glad you are happy with your underwear, that should be a right not a privilege.

  • Happy belated birthday!

    Resisting the call to Twilight. Have no freakin’ idea what they are about but after hearing so many of you talking about it, I’m revising my initial thought that they were super-religious and about how to live a more godly life (no offense; I’m sure you are plenty godly).

  • Becky says:

    I’ve totally given up, and I’m not ready to change it yet :) In fact, the Target v-necks would be a step up for me right now. Not only am I wearing Old Navy $5 tees, I’m wearing my husbands. On the other hand, I’m generally wearing barf by 9am, so at least I’m not destroying MY cheap ass t’s!


    I do wear the Hane’s Her Way bikinis. In fact, I’m wearing a pair right now. I wouldn’t mind upgrading *those*, as they rarely get barfed on (don’t ask). If you don’t mind, where did you find your comfy, lacy hipsters?

  • Never get a haircut when you are trying to get a grip. Just my two cents. Wait a week or two. Or damn it, just go for it.

    I never take my husband shopping. Unless there is a martini bar at the store, it’s a lose lose situation.

  • Erin says:

    I HATE shopping with men! They slow me down and do nothing but complain! It just never turns out well!

  • Well, to be honest, I don’t shop much at stores. Usually I shop online. But on the rare occasion when I DO shop in a real store, I bring hubby because he knows our finances, and he usually lets me get the more expensive stuff!

  • Target v-necks? Have you been snooping in my closet?

    Cheers to you (and belated happy birthday!).

  • I also don’t bring hubby to the mall with me! Also I had a bad mullet experience 6 months after Kya was born and have YET to get my hair done.. it was bad! I think I am still traumatized!

  • I love the hipster underwear. That’s all I buy. VS has some really cute ones to make you feel all pretty. :)

    Will have to watch superbad-still haven’t yet but since you recommend it I will. Have you seen Forgetting Sarah Marshall? Probably one of the funniest movies I’ve seen lately. I think it also has some of the same actors.

  • Way to go on taking care of yourself – we moms have to feel and look good when we can, it’s so easy to fall into the rut of just throwing whatever on (uh, yeah that’s how I dress – maybe you’ll inspire me!) New underwear, I think that might be my first stop! My nursing bras are falling apart and finally no longer needed!

  • Shhh….don’t tell SciFi Dad, but after this baby is born and after I feel a bit more comfortable with my body, I SO can’t wait to buy some more “hip” clothing. I don’t know about the hip riding underwear though–I always find they fall down….hmmm…maybe it’s my body type or something?!

  • I thought Al Gore invented online shopping to avoid this ol’ cliche. Dang, failed VP!

  • stupormom says:

    I picked up Twighlight for an airplane ride. I read it for 2 days straight and ignored my extended family to do so! I read the second book in one day! My advice? Get earplugs cuz your family whining for attention and food can get on your nerves if you don’t completely block them out.


  • I try hard not to look mom-ish. I really, really do. But comfort is of the utmost importance when chasing 3 kids, doing laundry and (of course) blogging. Although the fear that I will run into Take Home Chef (since he has been known to frequent my local grocery establishment) at least makes me wear something “cute” whilst shopping.

    Plus I work full-time in downtown Beverly Hills, so at work I am painfully non-mom and VERY uncomfortable :-(

  • I HATE it when I agree to tag along at the mall for something specific and end up WAITING for hours with a restless 3-year old.

    And to make matter worse, most stores have removed the man-waiting chair!

    Truly and inhumane world we’re living in…

  • Jane Choo says:

    My husband loves to go shopping. Of course it’s usually shopping for himself that he loves, but at least I don’t have a problem getting him over the threshold into the mall!

  • mrs. chicken says:

    My husband is the best shopper in the world. When I am in doubt, I ask him. This is, after all, the man who has the balls to wear a bowtie that he ties himself.

    And please? Pictures?

  • kuba says:

    there is a flipside….. I used to drag people to the record store (remember those???), until I realized that unlike me, they didn’t want to spend a couple of hours flipping thru everything looking for that hard-to-find import…..

  • Michelle says:

    I’ve been thinking about calling my younger cousin to ask her what kind of jeans I should buy because I totally don’t know what’s cool and I don’t have a pair of jeans that fit me right now. (Because I recently lost weight) Please don’t call me out on the Target V neck, it just hurts because its so true!

  • Congrats on the new garb. I seriously thought you got the memo about the low rise undies – sorry! They are divine and I partake in them daily!

  • Gray Matter says:

    Ok, first of all, the trick to shopping at Target, but not looking all Mom-like is simple JUNIOR’S SECTION. Sadly its the only place you can find sexy clothes anymore. I love your recommitment to fabulousness. My final piece of advice, show cleavage (chest not ass)–you’ll definitely stand out from all those playground prudes.
    Great line from “Little Children–most moms treat their breasts like fine china, only to be displayed on special occasions.” I may be paraphrasing, but you get the idea.

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