Yeah, well YOUR mom is a lunch box sniffer…
I’ve seen enough Hannah Montana crap in the past four days to last me a lifetime. Can you guess what I’ve been up to? Yep, I’ve been school shopping and birthday party shopping, both for my brand spanking new eight year old daughter.
First was the quest for a lunch box and backpack, as the ones I made her use for the past two years are just entirely too beat up and broken-zippered to make it a third year. Yes, people. I’m guilty as charged for I committed near child abuse in making my daughter use the same backpack and lunch box for more than one year, all in the name of reducing our carbon footprint and being green.
Perhaps you saw me in Target the other day. I was the tall brunette sniffing lunch boxes to see if I could detect the telltale scent of PVC (bad stuff that you should avoid whenever possible!!!). I tried to be discreet but after a while I didn’t care who saw me because spending more than 15 minutes looking at lunch boxes is just nuts. But sniffing lunch boxes isn’t, right?
We ended up settling on one that was actually certified lead and PVC-free and we got a kick-ass backpack made out of recycled bottles. And since I know you’re dying to ask, yes, I did sniff ONE backpack.
So after trips to Target for the lunch box/backpack combo, JC Penney for school uniforms, the party store, and an unfortunate late-night emergency run to the only store open, Walmart (please don’t hit me, internets — I had no choice) I’m pretty sure I never want to see Miley Cyrus’ mug ever again. Ugh…that poor girl is EVERYWHERE and she’s going to fall hard, as they always do, when the rest of the world is as sick of her as I am. I fully expect to see her homemade sex tape hit the internet in a few years when her popularity begins to wane. Or read about her robbing a video store ala the late Dana Plato. Or both.
And because every now and then I am compelled to behave as a true mommyblogger…please allow me to regale you with an amusing exchange I had with my offspring this morning…
Me: I’m going to the party store to get a piñata. Want to come?
Eight Year Old Daughter: No, but can you get the one that’s a juice box machine?
Me: A juice box machine pinata? What’s a juice box machine?
Eight Year Old Daughter: You know, it’s a juice box machine that plays music.
Me: Oh, you mean a juke box?
Eight Year Old Daughter: Yeah! What’s juke mean anyway?
Me: Um, you know, like jukin’ and jivin, groovin’ to the music, gettin’ down (I have NEVER felt dorkier in my life as I did when I made this statement)
Eight Year Old Daughter: *totally nonplussed*
Me: It’s a really old term. I’m not exactly sure what it means.
Eight Year Old Daughter: It would be better if it just gave out juice.
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I happen to respect lunch box sniffers. Also, I think you should add Jukin’ to the Urban Dictionary. That made me laugh out loud.
HA!! I got you beat! If you buy from Lands End, those backpacks are seriously sturdy and my kids just got their first new backpacks in 3 years.
BTW, I just read your essay in Sleep is for the Weak. And WOW, what a beautiful piece.
Happy birthday, Izzy JR!
I agree with your daughter. Juice would be so much cooler! ;)
Hannah Montana? UGH! I am SO glad that I have only a son. Yay!
Jukin’ and jivin’ and getting down…wow…my Diet Coke nearly came through my nose…
Now going to see if “jukin”” is in Wikipedia…
Ok, it is in Wikipedia. Apparently Lynyrd Skynyrd, Atlanta Rhythm Section and Manhattan Transfer have all used “jukin’” in a song.
Yeah, I’m totally not buying my girl a new backpack for starting her first year of school, either - she has a cute one that she loves, so it will be just fine. I’m being VERY restrained and not getting the cute one I saw, because really, it’s not necessary. Nor does she need a lunch box or bag at all, since her daycare will feed her. Yay! So really, no school shopping at all!
I’m so glad to be done with the school supply shopping. My daughter used hers for two years also, although making her reuse from preschool to kindergarten is probably easier than it will be in the future.
This year I had to make sure that she didn’t pick something she’d get teased over. She wanted a Dora backpack, which would probably get her teased this year, not to mention next if it survives her abuse of it. Thanks goodness she isn’t into Hannah Montana yet, though most of her friends are. Seeing how long I can keep that one at bay.
I don’t know how anyone could possibly go through life without sniffing lunch boxes in this day and age.
Or backpacks…or pencil boxes (do they still make those?)
At least she didn’t ask for an iPod pinata.
I’ve used my daughter’s old lunch boxes for so long that I finally bought myself a new one last year! Lands End and jansport backpacks have lifetime warranties; it’s worth the extra money to buy a good one. It’ll last years. We redecorate by hanging fun things from the zippers.
Don’t they make metal lunchboxes any more?
Don’t you feel sorry for kids now for not getting to sniff freshly-mimeoed worksheets?
What’s wrong with shopping at Wal-Mart? Even my fiance’ and his parents, who are as liberal as they come, shop at Wal-Mart, griping the entire time that they are forced, forced, I say, to shop there because of the low prices. (Me, I say, Yay for the consumer that someone will sell this stuff so cheaply!)
@class-factotum
Before last night, I hadn’t been to Walmart in probably a couple years but I don’t blame people for shopping at there. The low prices are very compelling. However as someone who cares deeply about the environment, workers rights and the preservation of non-big-box-America, Walmart is, to me, kind of the poster child for everything that is wrong with capitalism-on-steroids. Just my 2¢ of course.
If you have a few minutes, I’d like to recommend an incredibly interesting short movie called the Story of Stuff
http://www.storyofstuff.com/
The mimeos…oh, how I loved the mimeos. And yes, you can get metal lunchboxes at lunchbox.com but my kid says they clank around too much. Bah!
Oh to be at the dividing line between Miley Cyrus and juice boxes.
mispronounced words, department stores and Miley Cyrus..not a good combo.
I can’t stand M.C. at all!!!
I can do the big stores…but I have to do it alone. Escaping HAS to be on MY terms.
The word things are cute though
“Jukin’”?
I’m laughing near you, not at you.
(Also told Tacy that she will use the same backpack again this year, as I managed to use the same one for four years of HS, five years of college, and three years of grad school. She was just about as nonplussed as TQ, I expect.)
My husband and I just had a discussion about plastic smell, where in I schooled him on the the telltale odor of toxic PVC. He then left it to me to make disappear the new and highly prized flea market trinket my child had only just forced us to buy.
Don’t worry, you’re not the only one, if my oldest’s backpack hadn’t broken at the end of last year she wouldn’t be getting a new one either. And this would be year three of the same one. If it’s not broke, why replace it?
As for the lunch boxes… you know my gripe? Reusable containers, I cannot for the life of me find a divided, non-plastic one. I hate having to send 3 or 4 separate dishes with her for lunch but I am not packing it in plastic so there isn’t much other option.
And wal-mart is officially known as evil-mart in our household. I have a panic attack if I have to so much as drive into the parking lot. UGH! Despise that place for far too many reasons to get into.
*lol* Classic conversation.
Hannah Montana is banned from my house. Only because I. cannot. stand. her. Ugh.
iCarly is about to head out of here too.
I ordered both of my oldest kids lunch boxes and backpacks from Land’s End last year, and they know they have to use them until they wear out. Which they never will. HAHAHAHA I have taught them, though, why they don’t need to get new things all the time and how to be good stewards of our environment. I think they’ve gotten it. No complaints so far, except for the constant whining for legos from my son.
Happy Birthday to your little big girl. May you still have a couple of years before shrieks of “I HATE YOU!” and running into her room with slammed door. We didn’t make it to 9, which my oldest will hit in October.
I love the brutally honest admission that even a leftie environmental advocate and outspoken liberal blogger can break down and go to Walmart for a licensed character product under certain circumstances.
And juice box machine? Brilliant. Brilliant!
I’m so glad I’m not the only mom out there that sniffs for PVC. We can start a club if the kids start picking on us.
Hannah Montana truly IS on everything. The other day I was looking at the Zellers flyer (or maybe it was Wal-Mart), and my jaw dropped open.
They were selling Hannah Montana sandwich bags.
Yes, that’s right, SANDWICH BAGS.
Strangest celebrity product ever.
I’m hoping for Hannah Montana toilet bowl cleaner. ;)
By the time Miley “falls” she is going to be falling into so much cash that if she is making a sex video, it is for her own kicks and not because she needs the cash.
We avoid lunchbox “sniffing” by buying the lead testing wipes. One quick swipe, and you know whether it has lead in it or not.
Then we just wised up and ordered a lunchbox online certified Lead free… need some lead testing wipes? ;)
I also have fell prey to Wal-Mart once or twice, but generally give my business elswhere when I can. The only thing I don’t “get” is why some people can stand strong against Wal-Mart, but “forget” that Target, K-Mart, et al. are no better (just not as cheap).
I think you should make and market a a juice box pinanta, perhaps with little mini juice boxes that fall out instead of candy.
@ JayMonster
As noted, we did select a lunch box that was certified lead free. Also, our research into consumer lead tests at Green Mom Finds has revealed a high false negative rate so be careful with those.
Re Miley Cyrus: The sex tape would be used as a desperate last-ditch effort to get back into the public eye, like Screech from “Saved By The Bell.” The video store robbery would be after she pissed all her money away as dysfunctional former child stars tend to do.
And when someone builds a website about Target devoted to exposing shady and abusive practices like walmartwatch.com does, then I’ll be sure to give it my full attention. Until then, I’ve got Walmart in my crosshairs.
That’s so cute! I never thought of a pinata giving out juice!
i love it when kids mis-hear stuff like that. Juke box = juice box.
M does this a lot too. interestingly, in almost every instance her version is MUCH cuter than the original :)
I could think of worse things to be caught sniffing. Hannah Montana sandwich bags? That almost exceeds the weirdness of the Elvis Milk Bath I found in the discount bin at a grocery store years ago. Shoulda bought it. I’m still kicking myself about that one.
I went to the school supplies aisle at Fred Meyer and told my daughter to read the list.
“It says BLUE, GREEN and RED folders. Not Barbie folders. Not Barbie folders. Follow the list.”
No way is Hannah or Barbie or Dora getting my money.
Aprylsantics > lol, Elvis milk bath!
i think your daughter is on to something, juice and music? now that would be awesome :)
I recently added your blog to my reader. I enjoy your writing and look forward to reading your blog posts.
What? I was supposed to sniff the lunch boxes? How come no one ever told me about this important issue? I probably sent my three kids off with their lunches in cancer-causing lunch boxes this morning…
I think your daughter is on to something. I’ve never seen a juicebox vending machine.
I agree with your daughter. Juice would be so much cooler!