The Age of Unreason
Well, I’m back after a brief trip to Camp Unspeakable. I cannot, however, tell you specifically where I was or what I was doing because the first rule of Camp Unspeakable is that we don’t talk about Camp Unspeakable.
So, you are please to be missing me, no?
I missed you, too.
Not to prattle on incessantly about that which cannot be spoken (hello ad network agreements) but I really did have a great time there. Uh uh…don’t even ask. What happens at Camp Unspeakable STAYS at Camp Unspeakable.
Suffice it to say that spending time eating, eating, oh, and eating (they fed us well) and attending a jam-packed day of weird (feed your kids Splenda!), wild (rBGH is perfectly fine!), wacky (1,4 Dioxane is harmless!) and somewhat frightening (Uterine prolapse can be fixed!) corporate edumacation with a few of mah favoritest bloggy betches was just what I needed.
Unfortunately, it’s just like when I used to go to camp every summer as a kid and then come home all deflated because what could possibly top four weeks of playing spin the bottle and slow dancing to Freebird every Friday night? Ummmmm. Nothing?
So I’m home and it seems more…noisy and chaotic. But otherwise, it’s just the same as I left it except my mostly occasionally angelic kids are now behaving like obnoxious, whiny and inexplicably loud crack monkeys. Because? It’s spring break, of course.
Did I ever mention that I loathe spring break only slightly less than having my eyeballs penetrated by an army of flying salad forks. Well, I do.
And my son, almost three, recently entered the “age of unreason”. You know, it’s the age where rational thinking and rational behavior are NONEXISTENT? The age where tantrums are thrown over Every. Little. Thing?
But since I’ve been home, he’s taken things to a whole new level. Now, when he hears something he doesn’t like, instead of just throwing himself to the floor in a kicking, screaming heap, he’s added LOTS of high-pitched whiny, squealy, screamy, brain-bleed inducing howls of protest to his repertoire. DONOTLIKE.
And the banging. What is it with little boys banging on everything?
ARRRGGGHHHH
On the upside… The devil pills? I don’t seem to need them anymore. Well, for now anyway, although I may take them anyway if this new behavior doesn’t cease and desist soon.
A peek inside the imagination of a mom on the verge:
“Here,” said Betty as she handed Joan the little brown bottle labeled Devil Pills. “I call them my Mother’s Helpers and they’re simply marvelous! Just take one whenever you feel anxious. I’ve got to run now and put a roast in the oven. Jim’s boss is coming for dinner tonight. Cocktails around three?”
“See you then. Don’t forget that gelatin salad recipe!” Joan called after her, wondering when the man would arrive to fix the Frigidaire — the thought of cocktails without ice made her shudder.
Heh. I know just how she feels.
•••
Congratulations for making it to the end. Your reward? Photos from Camp Unspeakable here and here. Try to curb your enthusiasm :)
My nephew’s 3 y/o son threw a tantrum when we went out to lunch because his hamburger was “Scary.”
And jello molds? Do I have jello molds? Check my flickr collection: http://www.flickr.com/photos/11302994@N00/sets/72157603879134988/
Talk about scary food!
Suebob’s last blog post..No, as a matter of fact, you aren’t
Oh god, I hated three. It started about a month or two ahead, and has ben intermittently hellacious ever since. I’m hoping four gets better…
Oh, but I DID miss you! Glad you’re back!
My son just turned two, but seems to have regressed to being six months old again. What is up with his new found separation anxiety and wanted to be held all the time… sigh!
I’m very disappoint to hear that three is only going to be worse… Gah!
Hang in there!
The age of unreason is exactly correct. It makes me wanna scream. Hey if you can’t reason, you might as well join them!
Jana’s last blog post..The Death of Me
Three is the absolute WORST. No matter what I say my daughter will try to put her hand over my mouth and say “But MOMMY, just LISTEN TO ME.” And the screaming. Oy.
Shannon’s last blog post..Dirt Girl and Ball Boy
OK, I just saw your photos on Sweetney’s site and, though, I HAVE seen you in person, I think I forgot how shiny your hair is. And how beautiful you are! And shit that makes me sound a little lesbo, but that’s not where I’m going with this. I just, well, I have come to the conclusion that I am too fugly to hang with you.
Duuuude…Thanks but srsly, I was having the worst breakout of my entire life like 2 days before I went to Camp Baby and I was spacklin’ on the makeup. The shiny hair can only be attributed t the cold dry NJ air. In humid Florida? My hair is YUCK.
I survived three and am now endeavoring to survive three and a half.
I know the noise of which you speak.
You have my full sympathy.
Julie Pippert’s last blog post..You can’t always get what you want
I saw the photos and I concur, you looked gorgeous as always at that thing you went to, that event-which-must-not-be-named. And the screaming like a crack monkey? Oh yeah, my daughter. 28 months going on three, face down on the floor pounding her fists. I just stare at her like “the hell are you DOING, child?”
Elizabeth’s last blog post..Wednesday, not so Wordless
Oh so you played spin the bottle too this weekend!
Missed y’all terribly. We’ll always have San Fran.
We had tantrums at two and during early three. Now? Just a couple months short of 3 1/2 we have “If I continue what I’m doing and don’t make eye contact and pretend I didn’t hear you I don’t have to listen”. It’s a joy. Really. At least with the tantrums she acknowledged that I was in the room. So, how does one get some of those Devil Pills again?
Diana’s last blog post..A Whole lot of Body Talk in a Little Body World
Yes, I concur with the wierd corporate education. Also my favorite remark, “just think, after this session, you’ll ALL BE scientists.” OH MY FREAKING GAWD!
And um, HELLO. You looked beautiful as ever.
my son is 2.5 and just recently become a screaming, wild, tantrummy-MESS. I thought there might be something wrong with him but after reading this and the other comments, I realize we are entering the zone of 3 and I am scared!!
You are even awesomer than I suspected, and I had a blast getting to know you more.
Also: I thought TWO was terrible and three was benign. I refuse to believe otherwise.
Congratulations for having your blog mentioned in the Wall Street Journal today! You are definitely worth the fuss!
Wishing hard I was going to SF just so I can look upon your loveliness again. Talking with you is pretty good too. ;)
And we are HATING three around here too. Three is a bitch.
ooh pass those devil pills over to me if you no longer need them, they sound just the tonic !
Oh the tantrums…
Nobody ever told me there was a terrible-3’s stage.
Maybe my daughter needs Spenda.
I absolutely understand about 3. My little monster was amazing through 2 and I was aaaalmost done counting my chickens when BAM. The eggs all cracked. He’s still my little man and I love how affectionate he is at this age, but OH THE DRAMA. Honestly, you’d think he had some of my genes. Which… wait. Damn. It’s all my fault.
Anyway, you should check out my blog, because there’s a pretty hilarious pic of J. that I took today when he got himself into another of his little predicaments. We avoided the meltdown, but only because I resisted the urge to keep taking pictures instead of releasing him… you’ll see what I mean.
Anyway, best of luck with yours. If you find the cure for toddler tantrums, be sure to let us all know!
- B -
Love your new blog template!
Jodi’s last blog post..Let the Cards Do the Talking
Ooooh, pretty!
(sorry, but threes? Suck. I keep waiting for the 4s to kick in, now that she’s been 4 for a couple of weeks. Still no luck).
And yes, you have shiny hair, and you are gorgeous.
That is all.
I am assuming you know about this article in the New York Times that mentions you.
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB120778656388403417.html?mod=psp_editor s_picks
I came over from there. Just wanted to let you know that I am checking out your blog.
DUDE! The WSJ!!!
Suebob’s last blog post..Post-Bossy let down
Our youngest is 3 and he pretty much runs the house. BTW, I like your blog’s new look.
Chris Austria’s last blog post..A Father’s Advice To His Son on the Arts of Dating
I love the new look. And my daughter just told me my precious five year old grandson has suddenly started acting like a gremlin…so sorry to break the news that this doesn’t end soon.
Hugs to you having a bad chemo week trying to write on my blog to no avail…life sucks and then I hope I don’t die…too much to say yet…
Dorothy from grammology
remember to call gram
Dorothy Stahlnecker’s last blog post..Cancer Update
Great - now I’ve got the age of unreason to deal with - fudgecakes (trying to curb swearing so that B doesn’t get me in trouble with my parents anymore). Anyhow, loving the new digs - lickably luscious.