I Pretty Much Wasted My BIG! DAY! OFF!
Ah…those weird government holidays that about only half the United States gets off from work. You gotta love ‘em. Well, unless you’re me. I merely resent them because not only do I never get the day off but my husband is home, all up in my bidness and so are both kids. It might as well be a Saturday or Sunday, which are not at all relaxing to me. Those days mostly translate to more people asking me for stuff. Incessantly. And no grown-up TV.
To clarify… Those are the words not of a woman who hates her family but a woman who desperately needs one entire day off and all to herself, preferably with unfettered access to her home, her things and all the stuff she has saved on Tivo.
But alas, we don’t live in a perfect world and after much grumbling on my part I was graciously granted (read: forced out the door) a chance for a having a semi-day off (which really just means I get to leave the house alone — no bed to loll around on, no fave snacks to indulge in and no Tivo, dammit)
While it isn’t particularly relaxing, this gave me the once or twice in a decade opportunity to shop by myself. This means looking at clothes with both eyes instead of keeping one on the kids at all times and in between saying things like “Stop touching that. And that. And those.” and “Please don’t open the door. I’m in my underwear and nobody wants to see that.”
So what did I do? Well, I actually needed a few things from Target so that’s where I went. And because my wardrobe is in desperate need up sprucing up, I started to look at clothes — despite the fact that they have the WORST dressing rooms I’ve ever seen. The lighting is such that you see EVERY bump, bulge and dimple and the dual mirrors that let you see yourself from behind? OMG. BAD IDEA. Nobody wants to see what their ass looks like under those cruel and unforgiving lights nor do they want to acknowledge their backfat. But you see, because of it’s location, it’s super easy and totally normal to deny any existence of one’s backfat — but at Target? Nooooo can dooooo! The backfat just sits there, tauntingly. If it had had a tongue it would have stuck it out at me…
Anyway, I tried on, seriously, about 20 items of clothing but it was a complete bust. I hated everything. However, on my last trip out of the fitting room, I did notice some super cute tops and dresses. I ventured closer and started to get happy. These? These were going to fit properly and look awesome! I could just tell!
And then I saw them. The labels. They were FREAKING MATERNITY CLOTHES!!! I was coveting maternity wear — which would be fine IF I WAS ACTUALLY PREGNANT.
Arrrrgggghhhh.
My “away” time had so far been terribly unsatisfying, making me wish I’d gone to a movie or called up a friend instead.
I suddenly longed for the comfort of my sofa and with that I made my meager purchase of a few household items and promised myself that next time? I was going someplace besides Target. Just because it’s close and they have really cool housewares does NOT mean I have to buy everything there.
Convenience be damned, I had a change of heart and decided not to go home just yet but rather to hit the mall; one of my least favorite places on earth but totally chock full of clothing choices and in some cases, far more flattering lighting.
Stay tuned for Scenes from a Mall — with pictures!
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I just go to the movies when I need time for myself.
Chris Austria’s last blog post..7 Most Important Parenting Commands From Mom
I had the same experience eyeing some cute and “roomy” shirts until I realized I had waddled into the maternity section. Yikes.
I would KILL to have a Target near me! Seriously…poor, ass inflating, back fat highlighting lighting and ALL.
At least I have a DVR or I would be inconsolable.
Sigh.
loralee’s last blog post..Sideblog:Peep of the Week!
That is the worst…when you want to shop yet the mirrors and the lighting kill any and all of your self esteem…
Redneck mommy’s last blog post..Good Bloggers Gone Bad
Oh, ergh. There is nothing more vexing than a wasted day off. Target clothes are completely unflattering on me. They’re cheap, man. Cheap! And it shows.
LOL, this was hilarious from beginning to end.
My husband asked me this weekend if I needed some “time to myself”. Of course I did!
So he suggested I leave the damn house!
I insisted he take the kids mini golfing and leave me home with ANTM and Project Runway reunions instead.
Miss Britt’s last blog post..My Glamorous Night As A Centerfold
You’d think the stores would figure out that if they put decent lighting in the dressing rooms, we women would stay longer and try on more clothes. The worst? Trying on BATHING SUITS in that light. *gag*
Tracey’s last blog post..Fun Monday! What’s In a Name Part 2
I’m laughing so hard right now, only because I was at Target this morning, looking through the clothes and thinking “Oooh, I love this top!” only to realize it was a maternity top. Ack! Damn them for their stylish maternity clothing and ill-fitting regular clothing.
Very funny. You described my dream day off perfectly. My parents are always offering to come watch the kids at my house. Nice, but not as nice as taking them to their house.
Beth’s last blog post..when I grow up
Target, damn your maternity clothes. I’ve done the same exact thing. Also, I have a pair of capri pants from there that are three sizes larger than my actual size and they fit perfectly. Talk about self esteem damage.
A smart retailer knows how to make a size 10 feel sexy in a size 8. Of course they’re lying to me, but do I care?
I don’t know how many times I’ve seen the cutest tops and gone up to sadly discover that they were maternity tops. Or the other end of that spectrum, to discover that it’s a “juniors” or “petite” top. How disheartening. Why can’t the cute things be in MY size?
I cannot tell you how many times I’ve begged my husband to take our son out of the house so I can lounge in peace. He doesn’t get it. “Don’t you want to get out of the house?” he’ll ask. No. I want to be alone in my house. Why don’t these men get this?
And I hate Target dressing rooms, too. Mostly because I always seem to have the 3-year-old in them with me and he likes to escape by crawling under the door, while I’m half naked. Ugh!
Dana’s last blog post..Caption Contest
LOL - the last time I was in Target I spied some cute tops and was chagrined to realize that they were, yup, maternity tops. Oops.
My daughter called me from the mall yesterday and said mom..she has 7 children two youngest 4 and 13 and needed to just be by herself. I understood. I hope you get more time to just veg…its well needed. Regarding the maternity tops..we’ve all done that. Who cares be happy with who you are in your heart and soul. The body is a shell your soul is the beauty part…the mind executes…and your a great mom and that is really what counts in the end. Take it from a gram at the end of her career. I never cared about my lumps and bumps…I only cared about the heart I was willing to share. You sound like a 10 to me….you’ll have no regrets when your time is over…hugs..
My best,
Dorothy from grammology
remember to call gram
Dorothy Stahlnecker’s last blog post..Memory Lane with old family photographs