A Very Princess Christmas
If you have daughters, it’s quite likely that you have plenty of princess movies, books, dolls, clothes, posters, cups, plates, utensils, rugs, robes, lamps. . . you get the idea, princess EVERYTHING around the house. With two daughters under the age of seven, in our house, there is plenty of princess paraphernalia. There is much said these days about these princesses and their so called “fairy tales” that always feature a damsel in distress needing to be saved by a handsome prince.
As mothers we watch our daughters playing with Barbie and Princess dolls or worse (we all know what I’m talking about as you’ve all heard Izzy’s rants) and know that we did the same things. We turned out o.k., right? No one talked about Barbie’s waist proportions or her ample bust back when I was a kid. If they did I wasn’t aware of it. I was too busy driving my Barbie dolls in their super mega camper to get to the Barbie pool. But for years now, there have been debates. There have been people comparing “The Spice Girls” to Barbie, and the list goes on.
A little while ago I picked up a copy of the book “Growing a Girl: Seven Strategies for Raising a Strong, Spirited Daughter” by Dr. Barbara Mackoff. I haven’t even finished the book yet, but feel I’ve already been fairly successful in this area. We’ve got “spirited” pretty much down, at least for the early years. You should see my daughters snap kick. Seriously.
One of the things that really caught my attention in the book was the couple paragraphs about “Sleeping Beauty.” In the book, the author’s daughter chooses to read this particular book frequently. The author, thinking it’s a fairly annoying and trite story of the damsel in distress being saved by the prince in the end, offers up some alternative ideas to her daughter.
“‘You know what bothers me about this story, Han?’ Hannah shook her head, only slightly interested. ‘It’s that when Sleeping Beauty goes to sleep, she doesn’t even try to wake herself up; she waits for the prince to come and do it.”
The author decides that she’ll allow these princess stories, but she’s always going to be there to provide some alternative commentary. I decided to try it myself with my daughter. While watching Cinderella get locked in her room, I paused the movie and asked my daughter how she would get out if she didn’t have any mice to help her. We had quite an interesting conversation, which included thrust kicking the door down as just one of our creative options. For obvious reasons, we also enjoy watching Mulan. That is one kick-some-serious-butt Disney girl, and she definitely makes real karate girls proud.
This holiday season, I wanted to offer up a suggestion for those of you with daughters, nieces, or other little girls in your lives (actually big girls might get quite a kick out of it too), maybe as an accompaniment to a Barbie or Princess doll. Although many of you may have already heard of “The Paper Bag Princess” by Robert Munsch, it’s worth mentioning again.
If you don’t own it, go get it. If it’s hiding out on a dusty book shelf, dust it off. It’s a fabulous fairy tale where the roles are reversed and the princess has the role of savior. What she finds is that what she thought was worth it, isn’t so much worth saving after all. It’s a staple in our house of girls, and you’ll thank me for making it a staple in your house as well.
BBM writes at Black Belt Mama, and The BBM Review. She also accepts birth stories at Birth Story (and could use some desperately). Thanks for letting me blogsit Izzy. Sorry for the state of your fridge. Oh, and when I got your mail and was checking our your local store advertisements, I ripped out all the Bratz ads to spare you the trauma. You’re welcome.
Thanks for the book tip, it sounds very good. As a father of two gals (3 3/4 yr old and 6 months) I have been fortunate so far in that we have not a single princess or barbie in the house. Now, she is a little ballerina almost every day, but there is no Disney merch to be found. We joke abut princesses, cause she knows about them from friends at school and dance class. We have a book called “You think it’s easy being the tooth fairy?” and in it, the fairy makes a crack at cinderella and my oldest loves it and repeats it often. Thus far, I am a very lucky man.
My four grown daughters are 34, 32, 29, and 25. As a fervent feminist, I would have been appalled by the princess craze. I even refused to buy Barbie dolls. As a result, my oldest bought 5 of them with her First Communion money when she was 7. After about a year, they all had their hair chopped off or their heads removed. Several were drowned in our wading pool. Still, I would never buy princess stuff for a granddaughter.
My older could not care less about princesses. Now astronauts and artists are another story…
My younger dresses in princess costumes every day, tiara too. And yes, goes to school like this. The kicker is, the peer response has been nothing except encouraging.
Anyway the funny part is, a little by design, a lot by happenstance, we don’t really have any princess movies or books here. They aren’t really even sure which princess is who.
But I am intrigued by the spirited daughter book. That describes my girls 100% I think so I’d be intrigued to see strategies for encouraging that.
Thanks fro blogsitting for Izzy.
Julie
Using My Words
Thanks for the two book tips - I need some help combating the princess mentality…mostly all brought home from school.
How cool! What a great idea to stop the story and ask what else could be done. And the book sounds very interesting.
I LOVE The Paper Bag Princess. I love even more the look PunditGirl had on her face the first time I read it to her. We got to the last page and she thought it would be a “happily-ever-after prince-gets-princess” ending. She was shocked and took some time to process it. The good news is that today, on the verge of her 8th birthday, she knows she does not need a prince!! ;)
Along the same lines, check out Princess Smartypants by Babette Cole
That sounds like a good book.
We’re not so heavy on the princess stuff in our house, although she does love herself some princess panties. We try to spread the interest around (usually without much success when it comes to non-commercialized characters), so she intermittently gets into Curious George, Dora (ack), and other characters.
Look also for Munsch’s book : “Stephanie’s Ponytail” about a girl who want to look the way she wants to look even though everyone at school first makes fun of her and then copies her. There’s also “Amazing Grace” by I don’t remember, about a girl who tries out to play Peter Pan in the school play even though her classmates insist that Peter Pan isn’t black and isn’t a girl.
Great recommendation! I’ve wondered (and written) about the effect of the princess craze on my girls as well and am happy to have an alternative to offer up.
I love that book! I hate the princess craze too. My daughter is princessy little thing. I had nothing to do with it. It’s all grammy’s fault. I get so angry at those dang Disney movies with the prince always swooping in to save the day. I try to provide balance in our house though.
We just watched Happily Never After the other night. It was a good twist on Snow White. And Politically Correct Fairytales is entertaining too.
Bossy’s kids never went in for fairy tales. Too much fairy and not enough tale.
The Paper Bag Princess sounds like must-have. While I enjoy watching my daughter be girly (something I wasn’t growing up a tomboy), I struggle with how to teach her that being a princess isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Although, I’m happy to report that she hasn’t totally succumb to it since she also loves Thomas the Train. A toy helicopter/airplane is and has been a favorite toy for some time now! Happy Holidays!
You know, those are some great tips. I also have two daughters and also live in “Fairytopia”. I never thought of that tip about giving your opinion on how sleeping beauty didn’t even try to wake herself up. Very good, I will surely be using this, next time we read another princess book. I enjoyed your blog, you will be seeing me around often.
I think changing the end to Cinderella might be more believable, but Sleeping Beauty was under a spell that was cast when she was a baby. The good fairies, unable to reverse the magic, changed the spell so that she could be awakened by her true love (clearly beyond her control). Therefore, there is little Sleeping Beauty could do. Cinderella, on the other hand, is a total wimp. She definitely didn’t need to take that crap from her step family. And where was that freaking fairy godmother when she got locked in?
Of course, you could say that Cinderella got some help from her friends, because she was nice and kind. When you’re nice and kind, you have friends and friends help each other. Something to think about….
Finally, I do think Disney takes advantage by bombarding our kids with product after product, but I grew up with the stuff, too, and I (think) I’m okay.
That’s exactly what I do, too - I either tell the story myself and tweak where I want to, or read a version and talk about it as I read. It’s also a really good preliteracy tool to talk with your kids about what might happen!
And I also love Babette Cole’s book Princess Smartypants, about a princess who doesn’t want to get married and drives off all her suitors one way or another so she gets to hang out with her animals, happily unmarried. Similarly, the version of Atalanta in Free to be, You and Me is about a girl who doesn’t want to be just married off by her father, but wants to see the world.
Good suggestion, Iz!