Comments on: What About MY Rights?

By: IzzyMom

IzzyMom — Mon, 18 May 2009 04:47:02 +0000

The world needs to know that many birthmothers DO want to know what happened to their children, that they didn’t necessarily WANT secretive, closed adoptions.

Thank you so much for sharing this. I appreciate your taking the time.

By: Ien in the Kootenays

Ien in the Kootenays — Mon, 18 May 2009 04:40:21 +0000

I have no personal interest in this, but most people I know who are either adoptees or birth parents feel more complete when the whole picture is known. I have two cousins who are adopted. One of them knows her birth parents, not a happy story but that is not the point. She has a birth-brother who she really enjoys knowing. She was the best daughter my dear aunt could have asked for. Her brother is still wishfully searching for for his birth mom. I know 3 birth mothers who ALL wanted to know where their children ended up.

By: Marianne

Marianne — Sun, 10 May 2009 19:47:29 +0000

I’m betting you’re an adoptive parent. You people are always the most vocal against your own children knowing the truth about themselves. How incredibly selfish of you. It’s not enough that God gave you a child to raise? You have to hide the truth to feel like a ‘real’ parent? If you were a ‘good’ parent, you’d have no reason to fear the truth and no reason to fear your children will choose biology & genetics over a piece of paper. Get over it.

By: IzzyMom

IzzyMom — Fri, 08 May 2009 15:57:33 +0000

Every time I read the comments here, I get furious all over again. Those of you who don’t want to know your origins do not have to. Nobody will FORCE you to access that information. For the rest of us that do wan to know, it’s our right. Every other person has access to their real birth certificate. I fail to see why an adoptee should be treated any differently. Also? Birthmothers were NEVER guaranteed anonymity by the law or any other governing body.

By: A Delicate Dance | IzzyMom

A Delicate Dance | IzzyMom — Fri, 08 May 2009 05:44:44 +0000

[...] Post: What About MY Rights? Tags: adoptee, Adoption, birthmotherPosted in Adoption, Personal [...]

By: MJ

MJ — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 05:10:54 +0000

I’m reading this with all the focus on birth mothers, but what about the men (and boys) who get women (and girls) pregnant? What about sperm donors?

Family has been redefined. It’s time to move beyond feeling like the people who participated in our conception owe us rights. Yes, all people deserve to know the truth about their genetic background–as much as it can be known. Even if you have your genetic family tree back 20 generations, there will be questions–it’s biology.

Children/adults who grew up in adoptive families have rights. Of course. Those rights end at knowing the truth of the situation, not names.

By: Izzy

Izzy — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 15:27:56 +0000

Isn’t HIPAA about medical records privacy? If so, that’s really not the same thing as adoption records. Additionally, birth certificates are only changed upon adoption. if a child remains in the foster care system until they are adults and are never adopted, they will always have access to their OBC so the idea that birthmothers have or are legally entitled to anonymity or privacy is not accurate.

By: motherofbun

motherofbun — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 04:47:29 +0000

Times have changed. I remember when “adoption” was a dirty little secret.

A childhood friend found out his high school sweetheart was pregnant a few weeks before he started his military training. They decided on an open adoption. They chose the adoptive parents as his sweetheart was 16. Even the friend’s parents as well as and his girlfriend’s parents were still allowed to be a part of this little girls’ life. The adoptive parents often came to the birth grandparents’ homes for parties.

When my friend and his sweetheart got married, the little girl was in their wedding. The adoptive parents named her Cindy, after her birthmom.

The marriage broke up and now Cindy’s at least 16 years old. She’s always known she was adopted. She knows where her birth grandparents live. She knows her parents are no longer together and that it was a very painful split.

My friend rarely calls his bio daughter. His ex rarely calls her as well. I think that although they are very grateful she’s being raised by such wonderful people, they want to keep their distance so she never gets confused — her adoptive parents have been the ones to take care of her and watch her grow. THEY are her parents.

By: swirlingnotions

swirlingnotions — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 19:19:45 +0000

We adopted our baby girl from Guatemala, and my husband and I are blue-eyed Gringos, so it’s no secret that she’s not our progeny. But we fully intend to foster a sense of her own heritage and history in her, rather than try to cover it up or gloss over it, and ultimately let her decide how much or how little she wants to know.

I recently met a family who had adopted a girl, domestically, at birth (they wanted a domestic adoption so that she’d look like them). She’s now six years old and has no idea she’s adopted, and she’s showing a few troubling signs. I don’t know the full story at all, but what really bothered me was that within 3 minutes of meeting them at a cocktail party I knew their daughter was adopted . . . and yet she didn’t know herself. That just seemed horribly disrespectful to me, and I hear that feeling echoed in your post. We’re making a deliberate point of revealing very little about Noe’s birthmother to others–even family–because we view it as information that she should learn first, if she so chooses.

By the way, I know this is off-topic, but if you have a moment, check out http://www.generouspour.com, a partnership project I’ve been involved with between Clos du Bois and Share Our Strength, working towards ending childhood hunger in America. There are recipes, entertaining tips and music playlists, along with a full on “party kit” with downloadable invitations, menu templates, recipe cards, votive covers and even donation cards in case you’re moved to turn your feast into a charitable fundraiser to benefit Share Our Strength.

And . . . when you download a holiday song–either an exclusive remix of Like a Star by Corinne Bailey Rae or another featured song–on the site, Clos du Bois will donate $1 to Share Our Strength.

Cheers!

By: cameo

cameo — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 14:18:36 +0000

hear! hear! i have always thought it completely ridiculous when i hear stories of people searching for their birth parents. it makes no sense to me why that info isn’t available to the children - for medical reasons alone!!! it must feel like you’re walking around with no true sense of who you fully are. there’s a void.
i would lose my mind if i were the one in that situation. i think it’s legally and morally wrong for people to NOT be able to gain all information about who they are and how they came to be. our history is vital to our identity. and for someone to deny us our ability to fully know who we are, for whatever reason, is totally wrong.
could you imagine doing that to someone else? could you imagine walking through your life knowing you had a history that you were completely denying, BUT EVEN WORSE, someone else’s history you were denying them? and it was all okay in the eyes of the law.
like i said before, i think it’s ridiculous, and i really doubt there would ever be anything anyone could say that would change my views on this subject.