Instant Karma

Posted by on October 11, 2007

Do you believe in karma? I do. But until tonight I’m not sure I would have said I believe in INSTANT karma.

See, I have this neighbor with a pool and this morning as I was sitting out on the back porch enjoying some coffee and reading a magazine while I had the whole, peaceful house to myself, I started to notice a rather loud, grinding noise coming this neighbor’s pool pump.

I knew it would only get worse because Neighbor Guy’s pool pump has done this before. It grinded and screeched for 18 hours a day, getting louder with each excruciating day until it finally broke. Only then did I get my back porch and my solitude back.

So anyway, by this evening the noise was so loud the huz and I could barely speak to each other out there and forget about relaxing and conversing like we normally do. It was torture.

So I go over to Neighbor Guy’s house (he’s about 55 and really crotchety) and ask very, very nicely if he would consider turning his pool pump off for a couple hours.

In a very annoyed tone, he informs me that the timer goes off at 10:30pm (it’s currently 7pm) and he KNOWS it’s malfunctioning and that he will be fixing it on Saturday.

So I say, while mentally calculating that it will be over three hours until the unholy racket subsides, “I was just hoping you could turn it off for a little while. I’ve been listening to it all day and it’s very loud, so much so that I can now hear it in the house.

And he says in his typical rude, cranky old bastard tone “Yeah, well I have to look at your trash can sitting out front all week.”

And I say “Yes, I know. But the new ones (we just got these new GIANT blue trash cans provided by the city to work with the new fancy schmancy automated trucks) are so wide, we can’t get it between the cars to put it away.”

(I’d like to note that we have a special paved area next to the street where we put the trash can and it’s obscured by this tree-bush thing. It’s very unobtrusive. He puts his can right IN the street. Idiot)

And he says “Yeah, well you should just move your cars.” And you should just BITE ME!

Now I’m getting pissed but I don’t want to fight with someone I have to live next door to so I DON’T say:

“Yeah, and we have to watch you mow your lawn while your rather unsightly ass is wearing a fricken speedo”


“Yeah, and we have to listen to you blare Rush Limbaugh from your backyard every weekend while you nude sunbathe”


“Yeah, but I have to listen to you gush about George Bush every time I get stuck talking to you and I bet it was YOU that set my John Kerry sign on fire a few years ago, you miserable asshat.”

I could go on and on but you get the point.

So all I say is “I’ll be sure to mention that to my husband” while gritting my teeth and promising myself that we will NEVER bring Monster Can up to the house EVER again.

When I return home, I relate the exchange to my husband and he gets pissed, too.

You should know that we are AWESOME neighbors. We are quiet, considerate, helpful and always friendly and had that butthead ever NICELY asked me to consider bringing the Monster Can up to the house, or anything else within reason, I would have begrudgingly tried to honor his request. Instead he uses it against me. Jerk.

I tell my husband to let it go because I don’t want to have a feud with Neighbor Guy and his Ukrainian mail-order bride (Seriously, the word on the street is he ordered her over the internet) or his teenage mail-order stepson that he works like an indentured servant. It’s just not worth it.

So we get the kids ready for bed and tuck them in and then while I’m out on the porch feeding the cat and musing over how we’re going to survive until 10:30pm, let alone Saturday, the pool pump starts making a new noise. A hideous scraping, clunking, winding down, death knell noise. And then it was very quiet.

Official time of death? 8:30pm

God. I LOVE instant karma!


  • Kelley says:

    Bwwwa Haaa Haaaa,

    You could perhaps write him a letter, like I did to my neighbours (but I chickened out on sending it) and then post it on your blog so we can all laugh at him and his broken pool filter….

  • Kelley says:

    I guess your comments thingy-majiggy doesn’t like links (or I did it wrong) but my comment disappeared!

    Anyway I was linking to a post I did ‘Letter to my neighbours’ mine are truly freaky! But I chickened out sending it to them. Perhaps you should do the same and post it for out gaffawing pleasure!

  • SciFi Dad says:

    Honestly, I don’t even talk to the ones I don’t like. Aside from the few immediately left and right of our front door (and one of those is only out of necessity since we share a driveway), everyone else is nameless; as in, I don’t know their names.

    We have “separated dad who brings home a random car every night” and “people who can’t control a nine year old who decided getting a german shepherd was a good idea” and “creepy single mom who always talks to us and touches my kid’s face”.

    I’m pretty good at looking ornery when I want to, so that keeps the idiots at a distance (except for the aforementioned crazy single mom who seems impervious to my powers).

  • We live in an apartment…on the bottom floor.

    The guys who live above us can’t seem to understand that when it’s 11 pm, we don’t want to be able to hear them stomping around over our heads.

    Since my mom had to drive 16 hours today, she really chewed our neighbors’ butts last night when they decided to roll bolling balls around at 2 am.

  • b*babbler says:

    Excellent! If only something like that would happen here.

    We are in a semi-detached house. The side with our attached neighbours are pretty good. They are neat and tidy, and don’t make that much noise. Except, that is, when they have raging fights. To be specific, it’s really only the wife yelling and wailing hysterically at her husband, complete with stomping up and down the stairs and slamming of doors. Unfortunately, they argue in Portuguese so we still don’t know what its about.

    The other side is a a whole other matter. It’s a large house that’s been converted into units. The owner always seems to rent to the scummiest, trailer trash folks. The most recent residents have taken to smoking pot at all hours in the backyard or on the front porch. All day long. Recently they decided to get a pit bull. When they decide to be really classy they sit in their car out front of OUR HOUSE (all four of them from one unit) drinking cheap bear and smoking pot with the music up loud. If we’re really lucky they set off fireworks. It’s really not that type of neighbourhood, and this house is anomoly, but we don’t know what to do. We’re putting the house up on the market soon, so we don’t really want to piss them off. However, maybe after its sold I’ll call the police right when I know they have a huge stash… that might be fun.

  • Snoskred says:

    In Australia Speedos are known as “budgie smugglers”.

    An inane piece of trivia for you, if you didn’t already know. And let me say, Aussie men have some serious budgies to smuggle. ;)

    Neighbours are evil. And I’m with you on never putting the bin away again. ;)

    (who just moved to WP, check out the blog!)

  • kgirl says:

    Yup, it’ll getcha every time.

  • Kaleigh says:

    Um yeah, so our old neighbors were so bad that we moved. Was it their out-of-control, huge dogs that attacked, and nearly killed, my cat? (They did take her to the vet and paid the vet bill, but even so!) No, that wasn’t the problem. It was their son. Their 12-year-old son who held down my 6-year-old daughter and kissed her, against her will. The same kid who I caught peeking in her bedroom window at 6 a.m. And when we talked to the parents, all they could say is that he wasn’t like other kids and there was nothing they could do.

    The whole time our house was on the market I was terrified that he (the kid) would do or say something to scare a prospective buyer (he has bipolar disorder and the meds made him physically sick so he was unmedicated). The police came to the house repeatedly because he had violent outbreaks where he gave his mom a black eye two days before Christmas, etc. I didn’t feel like my family was safe. So we moved away. To the ‘hood. Where we all feel safe. Go figure.

  • MamaLee says:

    One neighbor is a little odd, but is a good soul. He likes to hang out with his buds on his porch, drinking, playing classic rock. I can’t see him thru the trees, but he doesn’t bother me much. It is my OTHER neighbors who bother me. Nice enough people, but SLOBS. The hubby has his own business and proceeds to leave all his CRAP near our property line. It’s worse in the winter, of course. He’s promised to put up some trees, but we aren’t holding our breath.

    We’ll keep whining to ourselves until we can afford to put trees up ourselves.

    Good lucky with Mr. Pain in your Buttocks!

  • Sometimes I do. I’ve seen it work fast and also slow, but then again, also not at all.

    I do have to LOL…what a moron, how much more damage did he do by not shutting it off?

    Sorry you have crappy neighbors. So far so lucky with my own. Other than one time one house ago with Grass Strip Man (would leave one foot wide, three feet long strip of grass unmowed b/c it was Our Property) we’ve been really lucky.

    Using My Words

  • I’m sorry – I lost it a Ukrainian mail-order bride.

    What was the question?

  • verybadcat says:

    Most of my neighbors are wonderful people. This asshat, however, is just lucky enough that we haven’t had a good rain in almost six months. He’s a developer from out of state who is trying to develop ruin every acre he can get his hot little paws on before he moves away. To ruin some other place. Asshat. Mostly I just talk about him behind his back.

  • Ree says:

    You wrote: “Yeah, and we have to listen to you blare Rush Limbaugh from your backyard every weekend …”
    Or “Yeah, but I have to listen to you gush about George Bush every time I get stuck talking to you and I bet it was YOU that set my John Kerry sign on fire a few years ago, you miserable asshat.”

    —- Oh Mah Gawd Izzy. We live next to the same people!!!! Wait, is your guy blind? And does the Ukranian mail order bride refuse to let the dog in the house so that he comes over and shits in your flower bed? No? Well, then they may not be the same next door neighbors, but both sets are idiots.

    Unfortunately, I don’t like to fight with neigbors either, and Mr. Hot is a lover, not a fighter. So he bitches to me and I bitch to him until it goes away.

  • maggie says:

    I just have the crazy neighbor, the one who blows his leaves in the dark, and who drove his Fiat through his garage door and then left it like that for months, where I had a nice view of it every time I looked out the bedroom window.

  • RIP ‘ole pool pump.

    My neighbors are OK but my parents have had a few feuds with theirs. Like the time that one of their neighbors accused my parents of neglecting their cat because the cat roamed the neighborhood (like MOST cats do that are indoor and outdoor). This same neighbor threatened to call SPCA if the cat was seen on her property. WTF?

  • You crack me up. Yes. Perfect timing. It was meant to be.

  • Jodi says:

    I just did a mental count and I have lived innineteendifferent apartments or houses. This does not even include dorms. I must be lucky because I’ve only had a one encounter with a neighbor telling us to turn down the stereo (after midnight, because we didn’t realize we had it turned up full blast…no comment on why we were so clueless – it was college, OK?).

    Then I had a landlady (we lived in a basement apartment) who was just garden variety old lady grumpy. Really, I think it is silly that she got upset when I brought my skunk-sprayed dog into the apartment at 2:00am for a bath. How was I to know that the heating system would suck the smell upstairs?

    My mother, however, had a truly CRAZY neighbor. Crazy as in she ended up in a mental insitution for a while. I could go on for days about the things this woman did, but eventually you’d stop reading so here are just a couple of examples. She snuck over to my mother’s on random nights (my mother lived on 5 acres, so this took effort) and cracked open her car door just enough that the interior light stayed on all night. The battery would be dead when my mother tried to go to work the next day. This went on for months before my mother figured out what was happening.

    Crazy Lady also dragged my mother into a very long lawsuit over their property line, because she decided out of the blue that the line was off a few inches in mother’s favor.

  • Sharyn says:

    Of course, you must realize that he will find a way to totally blame you for the broken pump.

    Have you considered throwing Jello in his pool?

  • kittenpie says:

    ba ha ha ha. I love it.
    And we just moved away from out last noisy neighbours. Don’t miss ‘em.

  • bunchkin says:

    We lived in an apartment next to a couple who were VERY nice whenever we talked to them or saw them outside. But as soon as they went inside they fought all the time, day and night. One time I heard banging on the wall, stood closer to the wall, and heard, “Put down the knife baby!” Umm, yeah. I called 911. Before the police got there, their front door flew open, and the guy stomped out and threw a bag into his car. Right as he was pulling out of the driveway, the woman ran out of the house and jumped in the back door, but since he was already moving, she only managed to get the top half of her body in the car. He flew down the driveway and onto the road WITH HER BODY HANGING OUT OF THE BACK. He must have been going 50 or so miles an hour. Not long after that they split up.

  • margalit says:

    We used to have the worlds worst neighbors on both sides. We moved. The guy on the right of us sounds like he would make a great friend for your neighbor. In his 70′s. married to a woman we never laid eyes on, had a 25-ish year old son who was unmedicated and schitzophrenic and used to smoke 24 hours/day on their back deck, screaming obscenities and arguing with himself loudly. He was a scream. Bob, the neighbor was politically right of Attila the Hun and an antisemite that didn’t make the connection that we were Jewish and kept making horrible anti-Jewish comments to me. He also decorated his lawn all year round with political signs, which was helpful because anyone he supported was immediately on my NEVER support list. I actually drove by the other day to see his signs (about 15 of them) to write down who not to vote for in our local election.

    Then, on the other side, we had the 4 gay potheads who had parties every freaking weekend with disco music that they blared out of speakers on their 3 decks, one on each level of the house. The people would go up and down the stairs from deck to deck screaming. They had a fire pit that would bloze up so high I had to call the fire department because I was afraid the house would burn down. Then, to top it all off, they decided that they needed more privacy and put up a 3 ft high addition to OUR fence without asking, which made a 9′ high fence. Because the houses were all 3 stories high, we could still see everything, especially after they decided to hang fairy lights all year round on their decks and stairs and leave them on 24/7. These asshats had the gall to ring our doorbell one night when my son, unable to sleep AGAIN because of the Donna Summer marathon, opened his window and started screaming at them. I have never had to call the police and fire dept so much in my life as I did in the 3 years we lived there. I couldn’t wait to move. We still refer to this little corner of hell as “the slum’. Sad thing is, these houses were $700K+ houses. It totally sucked.

  • saintamyjane says:

    that man is an idiot. Why the hell would he keep that mess on anyway?

    I think I was or am the bad neighbor. LOL.

    I don’t really live on the right side of the tracks. So everyone is a bad neighbor really. When we moved out of our last place one neighbor was upset we were leaving because she screams at her kids and we don’t trip. The other neighbor was concerned if his teenage sons were going to be able to practice the rock band thing they got going on (drums almost everyday, but i’m a rocker so i can’t complain) because the next neighbors might not like it.

    Now we live on the second floor and i know the neighbors hate us down there… us three walk like a herd of cattle.

  • the new girl says:

    Oh, Izzy. I could win ANY contest with my ‘big daddy’ of bad neighbors. We called him ‘Manson,’ if that’s any indication…lol. I’ll tell some stories one day.

    About you and your story. Hil. ar. i. ous. A speedo wearing republican?? Who knew?

    And. I think there’s a special place in hell for those who order brides over the internet. No offense anyone. I’m just sayin.

  • Aprylsantics says:

    Our neighborhood is pretty quiet now, but we’ve had some real doozies. I will say that I really don’t like the lady across the street, though. When we were renovating/moving in, I noticed a little girl across the street who looked to be my daughter’s age. I was so excited, I went over to the woman in the yard and introduced myself. I told her I had a daughter. She told me the little girl was her visiting grandaughter, sigh. I explained that we were renovating the inside of the house and invited her over to see it when we were done. She replied “we keep to ourselves here”. WTF? She doesn’t even wave when I drive by. Total BETCH. She also lets her dog poop in our yard. (when we get a dog, I will be training it to poop in her yard. I will put the dog on the leash and personally walk it over and WAIT for her to challenge me, in fact. Can’t wait. I’ve considered pooping there myself.)

    Now when I drive by and she’s out in the yard, I just look at her like she’s a giant steaming turd and pull into my driveway. I just don’t have it in me to ‘kill with kindness’. Although, I should wave at her like a total idiot and fuck with her.

    I guess if I had to choose, I’d pick anti-social over loud and invasive. So, I guess I’m fairly lucky.

  • g-man says:

    Too Funny. The “Instant” part came about by you biting your tongue. Karma really appreciates that.

  • Miss Britt says:

    I think we are just finally GETTING neighbors. We live in one of those places in Florida where you have more “beach” then neighbors because they can’t seem to build an entire neighborhood at once.

    But last night I saw someone taking pictures of the house next door.

    I’m crossing my fingers they don’t suck. That they would be cool is probably too much to hope for.

  • Daisy says:

    We’ve been lucky, mostly, with our neighbors. The neighbors with the dogs who pooped in our yard moved, and the new ones are really nice.

  • bitsy parker says:

    I’m so happy that life was fair!!

  • Mom101 says:

    Trash complaining about trash – it has a wonderful irony to it.

    We have a neighbor with a little yappy shitty dog that bites kids and goes after our dog. But because we have a bulldog (ooh. Scary.) she always screams that our dog is trying to eat her dog. Also she walks around our hallways in a bra on the phone like it’s a dorm. She’s a classy one.

  • crazymumma says:

    I am blessed with awesome to semi great neighbours.

    thank god.

  • We have a neighbor that is crazy as hell. She has been totally terrified of our border collie that would lick her to death because she likes to stand on her dog house. We have moved the dog house twice now and she is still convinced the dog will jump into her backyard Matrix style.

    Even though her fears are unfounded, we complied.

    Great fences make great neighbors, I guess.

  • fidget says:

    Oh we have had our share of baaaaad neighbors. Since settling in the ghetto, our bad neighbor juju seems to have gotten better. I mean, sure we have some whack jobs, but they mostly seem to keep it to themselves

  • S says:

    Apparently can’t figure out the html links, but it’s Sorry!

  • Christina says:

    Awesome. Just awesome.

    How can I get some of that instant karma? ‘Cause with the aggressive redneck neighbors we have (with their yappy dogs and four kids always in our yard), I could use some. I keep hoping they would hurry up and lose their house.

  • FENICLE says:

    I totally believe in karma! And we have a neighbor with similar issues that I’ve written about before too.

  • Izzy says:

    OMG…thanks for the laughs. That site is HILARIOUS!

  • Yes! I have bad neighbors! Last week I had to tell the neighbor across the street to stop having their dog piss on our mailbox, three times! I happen to mention it at the bus stop and another neighbor says “Oh, yeah, they told me that your mailbox is their favorite place to let their dog go.” Are you kidding me! We’ve lived here for 12 years and have had absolutely no issues with them, until now. So I just bought a dog repeller high frequency thingy. It should arrive this week. “How do you like me now!” Dickheads.

  • Melinda says:

    I have them. The worst thing is they are little back stabbing, two faced, Wisteria lane Biatches. I love my house and so I put up with them, trying to “be the better person” although sometimes that seems to hardly get you anywhere. Anyway, I will wish instant Karma on them as well.

  • oh stinker! I lost my comment b/c I didn’t see that simple Math! Anyhow, as I was saying, you brought back some bad memories about jackass, inconsiderate neighbors we had. We lived in a townhouse next to a family of 5 sons, the parents decided to sell their house and left the townhouse to the oldest son, and he had 3 roommates, and every night/weekend is a keg party and at 3 am is hot tubbing! So, what did we do? we moved to our current house and to find out they moved right after! @sshole!!

  • Your neighbor sounds like a wonderful guy! I know there\’s a saying \’what goes around, comes around\’ but not usually that quick. He probably thinks it was sabotage though!

  • Pitbull says:

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  • It is unbelievable that Italy lost. Quickest exit ever. I expected that they had a great opportunity to do well in this years world cup. Maybe in 4 years. Maybe its time to jump on the Argentina bandwagon. Looks like Demichelis has already scored. Go Argentina. To make me feel better from that devistating loss by Italy, I have been listening to some funny jokes.. This is one of the funnier ones:

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