God Save the Queen (of Spain) — From Ever Driving in Florida Again

So last night I had a hot date.

No, really. I did

With the Erin (aka the Queen of Spain). She’s here in my neck of the Devil’s Buttcrack with her kids, avoiding the smoke from SoCal’s unfortunate fires. And by my luck, she’s only staying about 45 minutes north of me (unless she ignores my carefully crafted driving directions via Google maps and ends up at the wrong mall, ahem, in which case, it will take a whole lot longer ;)

We met at a mall near my house because, well, I don’t get out much unless you count the little Thai place that we order takeout from every week so I really didn’t know where we should meet for dinner.

We settled on P.F. Changs (I think they have those everywhere, don’t they? It’s like an Asian Bennigan’s minus all the crap on the walls) and after we figured out she was at a completely different mall and then almost went over a very long bridge toward the beaches, she found her way to me and comes rollin’ up in a really nice ride that made my momvan look positively square. Well, MORE square, that is…

So anyway, we were promptly seated in a nice raised booth, above the noisy din of the masses (because she IS the Queen, after all) and we proceeded to talk NONSTOP, pausing only to order cocktails, eat some dinner and indulge in some kind of chocolate and raspberry sin on a plate.

We CLOSED the freakin’ place down and then we sat outside under a giant horse for a while longer until we looked at the time. It was after midnight and she had a post deadline to meet so we said our goodbyes and she headed on her long drive home.

So this morning I get an email and it seems the road I told her take to get on the expressway was closed and she got re-routed all over creation in yet another driving debacle (hence the title of this post) and yet? She still got home and wrote her post before her deadline. Amazing, she is…

Now, I’ve met Erin before and I read her blog and of course, I’ve always liked her and admired her moxie (who else would have the balls to form the Tit Brigade?) but now?

I’m in lurrrrrve. She’s so smart and down to earth and cool and on top of it all, very kind and compassionate so I’ve decided that if we ever end up relocating to California, as my husband insists we will, I’m moving right next door to Erin.

Thanks for a great time, your highness.

Stop back later for the pix. I can’t find the cord to download them from the camera and some husbandly intervention may be required.

•••

A not-so-happy happy pill withdrawal update… I’m doing better taking half (50mg) of a Zoloft a day but I’m still a little nauseated, achy and tired. It seems to come and go throughout the day but at least now I feel semi-human again. Thanks to everyone for your well wishes and advice. ’tis all greatly appreciated :)

I May Very Well Be the Stupidest Person on Earth

Blech. I feel like crap. Actually I’ve been feeling like crap continuously since the beginning of the week when I made a very stupid decision.

It all started when I realized I only had two Zoloft left. I knew my doctor’s office wouldn’t order a refill for me without seeing me because that’s what they told me last month when my scrip ran out and they so kindly called a new one in for me. I know. So irresponsible. Can you believe they let me raise children?

So, I make an appointment and go in last Friday and when I hand them my insurance card, the girl at the little window informs me that the practice has been sold and that they no longer take Blue Cross.

Of course, I’m like “WTF????”

And she says I’ll have to pay $70 for an office visit.

And I proceed to tell her and some doctor who has wandered in that they should have informed me of this change by mail or at the very least, when I called to make my appointment and that I’m not paying $70 for a doctor to ask me how I’m doing on Zoloft and scribble out a new prescription for me.

And the doctor mumbles in his very poor English that if he performs a service, somebody has to pay for it.

And I say “I’ll pay you what my co-pay is, which is $10. The other $60 is not my problem. You’ll have to absorb that since you couldn’t be bothered to notify me that you were no longer taking my insurance.”

And he tells me that I have no relationship to this office or to any doctor there and he’s not going to help me.

And I tell him that if they have my file over on the wall with all the others, with five years of my medical history in it, and that they called in a prescription for me last month, I DO, in fact, have a relationship with this office.

And then he goes on again about getting paid for his services and how he’s not the owner of the practice and all this crap, to which I reply that he needs to take that up with his bosses, not me.

And then he tells me to call Blue Cross and find another doctor.

And I say “I have TWO pills left and it’s 4pm on a Friday. You’ve GOT to be kidding me.”

Now sufficiently worked up, I continue on to tell him that he is he’s useless and greedy and uncompassionate and to just go away.

Much to my irritation, he doesn’t go away.

So then I bring out the big guns and tell both him and another woman who has joined our little pow-wow that they will be 100% responsible for whatever happens to me if I don’t get my medication.

The look of panic in the woman’s eyes as she glances at the doctor doesn’t escape me.

She suddenly gets up and fetches my file and begins reading the notes from when they called in my scrip the previous month. She whispers something to the doctor and he says something back and then they write me a one month prescription.

I write them a check for $10, thank them and snatch my scrip before they can change their minds.

Victory!

Except I really didn’t want Zoloft.

My plan was to talk to my REGULAR doctor who apparently no longer works there (thanks for telling me, betch!) and ask her to switch me to Wellbutrin or something that is less toxic to my sex life because I’ve been on Zoloft for about a year and I can’t take the frustration of, you know, reaching the big O, only about 20-30% of the time. It’s maddening, particularly when that area of my life has improved vastly in recent months. But alas, with no actual doctor to see, my plan was totally foiled…

So, I dropped my prescription off at CVS. I took my two remaining pills and still hadn’t gotten my new ones yet. A few days passed and I felt FINE so I decided I would just go off the Zoloft for a few days longer so I could have the pleasure of a proper and hopefully mindblowing um, you knowwww.

And I did and it was awesome…but then idea of going BACK on the Zoloft and going back to the complete opposite situation was so unappealing that I opted to stay off of it altogether.

When I started feeling like shit this week, I thought I was getting sick. I’ve had muscle aches and nausea and headaches and dizziness and this feeling of something heavy and leaden perched on my forehead, which I attributed to a virus coming on. Drug withdrawals never even occurred to me because I’ve never had them before.

But today I had one of those freaking lightbulb moments that Oprah loves so much and decided to look up the withdrawal symptoms of Zoloft and uh…I think I facked up REALLY bad when I decided to forgo my medication in exchange for some great sex. *sigh*

Now I’m positive that the awful symptoms I’ve been experiencing are from not properly tapering off the Zoloft. All I want to do is sleep because I feel so crappy and ill. Fortunately, I don’t happen to feel depressed which seems like a total bonus given everything else I’m dealing with.

But now I don’t know what to do. In the past, I’ve quit Zoloft cold turkey and never had anything like this happen.

Do I ride it out for another few weeks to a month (NOOOOOO!!!) or do I start taking it again and then taper off the way you’re supposed to? I’ve read some really horrible scenarios on a depression medication message board about withdrawals and I’m now paralyzed with indecision.

Maybe if I had a facking doctor to advise me, I’d KNOW what to do. But alas, I was once again irresponsible and didn’t tend to that during the week because I was too busy feeling like holy hell in a handbasket.

Make no mistake. Depression is bad. Horrid. Crippling. But being continuously ill for an undetermined amount of time is depressing in it’s own right. DO NOT WANT!!!

So, it’s many hours later from when I started writing this post and in that time I broke down and took half a Zoloft, which is 50 mg. I don’t feel 100% but the 500 lb anvil that was camping out on my forehead seems to have gotten a lot lighter. I’m also feeling less fatigued and the muscle aches are almost unnoticeable, relatively speaking. It worked THAT FAST — and I’m glad — but it’s also scary as shit to think I can’t function without it.

How the hell am I ever going to get off this stuff?

Give Some Green (and I don’t mean cash!)

You know the holidays are coming up, right? And you KNOW what that means, right? Yep, shopping. Lots and lots of shopping. And lots of bags. Paper and plastic.

The paper bags from everyone in America buying groceries for Thanksgiving alone will probably set us back a few frillion trees and a lot of oxygen, ya know?

And then Christmas and Hannukah…more bags. Especially plastic ones from malls, department stores etc.

So I have this idea!

I’m suggesting that instead of, or perhaps in addition to a regular gift, that you give the gift of re-usable bags to your friends, family, kids’ teachers, the mailman, the lawn guy — anyone! Everyone!

I know it sounds super crunchy and not at all glamorous but let me tell you… I never felt so cool as I did the other day when I carried my Green Bags (purchased at my local Publix grocery store for $1.49 each) into Wild Oats and had the guy put my groceries in them when I checked out.

Everyone around me, including the ultra-hippies and greenies, were using paper whereas I saved about FIVE paper bags that day using my awesome, super strong, super sturdy and super cheap Green Bags.

That’s when I decided that at $1.49 a pop, I was going to give my bags away to other people and just buy new ones. And that’s what I did!

And then it occurred to me that those bags (or ANY re-usable bags that are made to last) would make great presents because they’re like a gift that helps someone be green (or greener) and it keeps giving to the environment, too.

Can you tell that I’m excited about this?

Squeeee!!!

It Was a Tough Decision But the Winner Is…

Hey— remember that caption contest I sponsored like almost two weeks ago? Well, it’s time to announce the winner!

I had a really, really hard time picking just one winning caption but here are the ones that repeatedly made me laugh, chortle, chuckle, grin etc. The winner can be found after the list!

Verybadcat “Silence, subjects! You is rub ma belly or ELSE!!”

dcfullest “I too sexy for my hair.”

Amie “My harbls. You has them?”

Plain Jane Mom “Hair. Do not want.”

Mary Mert “I can has tummy tucks? Oh, and hair transplants. KTHNX.”

Peach “No.More.Frat.Parties.”

Ali “no more yanky my wanky”

NotAMeanGirl “Jabba teh Kittay…”

And the winning caption is:

“My harbls. You has them?” by Amie!

In the event that Amie does not claim her free BlogAd, a runner-up will be chosen. Thanks to everyone for submitting an entry. Ya’ll funny!

•••

So hey, have you noticed that little blue icon at the top of my right sidebar? IzzyMom is Parent Magazine Podcast’s Blog of the Month. Weeehooo! I’m so excited.

You can download the FREE Parent podcast by clicking that blue icon or get the deets about it here and here. Thanks, Parent Mag!

•••

No Kid, Huh?

Before I had kids, well, actually way before I was THINKING about having kids, I thought I didn’t want any. It wasn’t because I had a fully-mapped out “life plan” or big goals in which children would have been an impediment. Definitely not that. Burning ambition has never been my strong suit…

I just didn’t have that maternal yen back then. And it wasn’t that I hated children. I simply had no feelings about them one way or the other and seeing as I didn’t ever envision myself being married, it stands to reason that I never spent any time envisioning myself as somebody’s mother, either.

I felt I was destined for bigger things, though I had no idea what those things would be. Of course, looking back on that, I have to laugh. What on earth was I thinking? And smoking?

The biggest irony of all, however, is that I ended up exactly where I never thought I’d be and frankly, becoming a mother, even with all it’s drudgery and sacrifice, is still the best and biggest and most important thing I’ve ever done.

Some people will nod their heads in agreement. Others will scratch their heads because they don’t quite understand. And others still will gag in disgust because they hate breeders, particularly self-congratulatory ones like myself, and they hate children. Not dispassion for us or even dislike for us but hate. They hate me and they think my kids shouldn’t exist.

Now I can understand people not wanting to have children and I don’t think it makes you a bad person to not want to be a parent. I know people who have decided not to have kids and they’re nice, normal, well-adjusted people so far as I can tell and I have no issues whatsoever with their decisions.

I do, however, take issue with those who have a more…extreme point of view; people who feel nobody should have children.

Corinne Maier’s book No Kid: Forty Reasons For Not Having Children is exemplary of this kind of extreme thinking. Maier herself admits the book is “50% provocation and 50% a serious book…”

Maier wrote the book because she has moments in which she bitterly regrets having kids and also as a response to France’s “cult of motherhood”, fueled by generous state subsidies and incentives to have children, which were intended reverse a decline in its birth rate.

Says Maier. “In France, people go on too much about the glory of motherhood and you’re not allowed to talk about all the problems having kids causes…” The Glory? HELLO? Mommy/parent bloggers have already pulled back that particular curtain, thankyouverymuch.

I’m the first to admit that motherhood is hardly glorious. It’s a lot of work. Duh. We all know that. What I don’t dig are some of her ridiculous statements about a child-free France:

“Just imagine. There’d be fewer of us around so rents would be cheaper, it would be easier to get a job and there’d be fewer traffic jams.”

Just who does Maier expect to change her diapers when she’s a miserable ninety year old? I have a newsflash for you, lady… No new babies being born = a city full of old people with nobody to care for them.

Now, I’m sure her statements are somewhat tongue-in-cheek and primarily intended to provoke and rile up oversensitive mommy-types like myself and I can accept that. Ann Coulter does that crap all the time but SOME of the COMMENTS in reference to an article about Maier’s book are kind of sad and disturbing (and very poorly written).

Here are some of th comments, verbatim, with my own (biased) responses following in italics:

Corinne is fantastic! Having children is a form of environmental pollution. We need less people consuming unconsciously the blood and life of this planet. — Andya , Coulson, UK

It’s too bad your mother didn’t share your philosophy, Andya. But hey…since you think the world needs less people, perhaps you’d like to sacrifice yourself in the name of of your convictions?

•••

Overpopulation creates pollution (think about that , Mr A. Gore, having 4 (!) children). My wife and I are also childfree and loving every minute of it! Let’s abolish child benefit and the world will be a nicer and cleaner place. — john, ghent, Belgium

Dude, I know. I can’t believe they gave Al Gore the Nobel Peace Prize. I mean he has FOUR children. OMG! But seriously, John, who has done MORE to stop Global Warming? You and your happily child-free spouse or Al Gore?

•••

I never wanted a child but because of a highly correctable mistake we ended up having one. The result for me was something that I never experienced before…total collapse and depression. Real depression. I became a stay-at-home dad, moving away from my home town of Toronto where I had a wonderful job and a marvelous group of friends, to Ottawa, a provincial, conservative and unfriendly town where I know no one. Furthermore, the child that I care for is loud, confrontational and has “special needs” as he has Asperger’s Syndrome, a flavour-of-the-month problem that supposedly denies the kid any social elan, which is certainly evident in this kid. Now I am poor, looking for low wage jobs and I am lonely and depressed. AND I HATE IT! Ms Maier’s book cannot correct the stupid error, but it it so refreshing to know that I am not alone. After reading the responses on this page, I really know that I am not alone. Thank you, Ms Maier. You are a true friend. — John, Ottawa, Canada

I’m very sorry to hear that you are suffering from depression but you know, there ARE treatments for that. Perhaps a visit to your doctor is in order, no? And by the way, Asperger’s is NOT a “flavour of the month problem.” Are you really that ignorant? He is your child, your flesh and blood. How can you be so cruel? In my not very humble opinion, you give creedence to the idea that some people shouldn’t procreate and it sounds like your son would actually be better off without you (and your negativity) in his life.

•••

I agree completely with Corinne. I have a 3 yrs old boy myself and seperated from his father. I’d give a lot of money to turn back the clock. It sounds cruel but it is the truth! But if you say that openly to anyvbody in your social circle, your a bad mother or even a bad person… — Caroline, Barcelona

Perhaps this will sound cruel as well, but why don’t you give your son up for adoption? You don’t want him but I can assure you somebody out there does and he would be much better off with them rather than having a mother who wishes he were never born.

•••

Less truly is more. haha! — molly, akron, ohio, us

Ahahaha, Molly! You’re sooo clever ;)

•••

Well, when we don’t multiply as a society, then our oh so pleasant society will cease to exist in 1-2 generations. And the other societies, you know, the less pleasant ones but with so many children, will claim the space with the remaining inhabitants. It’s that simple. — Esme, Prague, CZ

Finally, a voice of reason.

•••

Presumably the proudly childless will be expecting the offspring of the fertile to do all the work when they’re retired, man the hospitals, give them their medicine. Imagine if the work generation went on a tax strike. Why should their taxes go to pay for the welfare of those who didn’t want them to be born? — Guy, London, UK

Well said, Guy!

I’ve been reading this fascinating book called “The Nurture Assumption” and in it the author spends some time discussing how differently people parent today in the modern, urbanized world as compared to “traditional” societies (think villages and tribes etc). Even in just my lifetime, parenting has changed quite a bit.

For example, my parents never sought to entertain or stimulate me and didn’t even play with me all that much and that was NORMAL. And my parents certainly didn’t worship me or worry about boosting my self-esteem and college marketability every waking minute of the day. And that was NORMAL, too.

This is all to say that I know some parents (Not ME, of course. Heh) are kind of nuts and do some insane things that make them really easy to hate (Mandarin classes for toddlers anyone?) but wishing children away is not the solution.

Have you seen the movie “Children of Men?” It’s set in the future and human sperm counts are at zero. Nobody has been able to have babies for two decades and the youngest person on the planet is 21. While I totally get that it’s a work of fiction, it paints a very, very grim picture.

•••

For those of you who aren’t all anti-parents, anti-kids, I have some interesting news about a cool new mommyblogging anthology coming out next year. I’ll have a little something published in it, along with pieces by a TON of awesome bloggers that make me swoon when I think of the good company I’ll be keeping between those pages!

It’s called The Best Little Mommyblogging Anthology Ever and our fellow author and editor, Rita of Surrender, Dorothy, has worked tirelessly on this project for over a year. I am humbled by her abilities and mad skillz and just so thrilled to be included. Please pop by Rita’s place and check out the long list of contributors and maybe give her a ‘lil high five action because she truly deserves it!

•••

And finally, the caption contest winner will be announced in my next post! Stay tuned.

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