I’m Getting Him a Leash
Er…I meant a “child safety harness” — I wouldn’t want to get anyone’s panties in a wad by suggesting my son is something akin to a dog because I used the “L” word.
Can you tell I’m feeling a little um…defensive about this topic?
Honestly, I don’t understand why child safety harnesses OR leashes are such a freaking hot button issue. People put their babies to sleep cribs (WITH THOSE JAIL-LIKE BARS! OMG!) and are willing to strap their kids into carseats and strollers for safety reasons without hesitation. So what’s the difference exactly?
It seems to me that if someone is concerned enough about their child’s safety that they are willing to brave such harsh judgment and scrutiny from gawking onlookers who know nothing about them or their child, they must be a caring and presumably decent parent.
So why AM I willing to brave such such harsh judgment and scrutiny anyway? What pushed me to the bleeding edge of parental sanity and into the realm of kiddie bondage?
Let me tell you…
My son (2 yrs) is a Houdini. And a runner. And a handjerker.
Get your mind out of the gutter!
What I mean is that he’s very capable of breaking free of my hand when I’m holding it (and then he runs like the wind, giggling maniacally) or he’ll allow himself to drop and hang by his arm until it feels like I might pull it out of the socket and I look like I’m abusing him when I’m totally NOT!
P can also wiggle out of a 5 point stroller harness as well as a waist-strap in a shopping cart which then frees him up to stand in the cart and even climb out if he so desires. And he DOES desire…
And yes, if I had absolutely nothing else to do when I go out in public but stand next to the cart or stroller and stare at him, waiting for him to activate his special escape powers, then sure I could make sure none of the aforementioned ever happens.
But I can’t. I have things to do when I leave the house. I don’t load up the kids (plural, which means I have TWO kids to watch over) and go places so I can stand guard over my son and get absolutely nothing accomplished.
Unfortunately, being a mom doesn’t mean I get to stop grocery shopping or running errands or walking on sidewalks near busy streets or in parking lots or anything else — although I really wish it did.
My other child needs some of my attention, too, so no, I can’t “just watch him better” to make sure my son doesn’t pull any of his tricks. To me, suggesting that it’s just that simple implies a certain lack of experience with children and what caring for them actually involves, which is a LOT of patience, as well as the good sense to know when regular safety measures (i.e. hand-holding and safety belts) aren’t quite safe enough.
So I’m thinking of getting one of these contraptions. It’s definitely a leash of sorts but it’s disguised as a cute little backpack so as to fool onlookers and spare myself some stinkeye.
I get to hold the tail of the monkey, which is a little weird, but it looks less bondage-y and leash-like than those other harnesses.
Doesn’t it?
A little?
Come on! Help me out here, will ya?
I have no idea how my son will react to wearing one of these but I have a feeling he’ll be jerking on it until he gets used to it and probably fussing a lot, too.
Trust me, neither of those things is particularly appealing to me but chasing my son through stores, schools, libraries, parking lots, sidewalks and other places or having one more well-meaning person tell me that “allowing” my son to stand up in the seat of a shopping cart is dangerous (NO! Really?) like I APPROVE of it or something is even less appealing.
So even if you think I’m the worst mom on the planet for considering a leash (one in disguise, no less) wish me luck! I’ll report my findings, for better or for worse, after I purchase the Necessary Evil and we have a chance to use it a few times.
Oh, and just to provide a little perspective, read THIS and then tell me I’m a bad mom. (Thanks to Tracey for the link and for allowing me to instantly feel better about my parenting choices and skills)
Thank you!
After all the very valid reasons I’ve supplied for considering a harness/leash etc. there are still people that insist they’d never use one, no matter what.
Does this mean they don’t use cribs or carseats or seatbelts or life preservers, also?
Bottom line is that unless they’ve walked a mile in my shoes, they should should never say never. They clearly have a different kind of child than I do, which I think is really hard for some people to comprehend. Kids are not one size fits all.
If you have more than one, you already know this…
Looks like you are getting quite a lot of support here, but I just wanted to give you a wider view!
My husband, self-diagnosed with ADHD at age 40, was put on a leash, um safety harness, when he was a little boy by his grandmother. He was SUPER hyper all the time according to the stories his family tells.
He says he has only fond memories of that leash. He probably never got out of the house until they got it!
So no permanent scarring will be happening for your little one either! :)
I subscribe to the “ya gotta do what ya gotta do” line of thinking when it comes to parenting. Especially when it comes to children’s safety.
On vacation at a theme park we lost our little guy for about 20 minutes. (He was actually hiding with a new found friend and didn’t realize we were panicing and looking for him.) I was screaming and crying because “what if he wandered off with some child molester/killer.
Honestly, all the guy would have to do is offer to buy a kid a cool spiderman t-shirt and tell them, “Hey, let’s get your face painted. It will be cool surprise for your mom.” And a kid could go along with it and if the guy tried to leave the park with him, most adults would assume the child was having a fit because he didn’t want to leave. And with face painting and a different shirt, it would be even tougher to find the child in those first few hours.
(It took a few stiff alcoholic drinks for me to calm down to the point where I wasn’t just bursting out crying.) GOd it was horrible and scarey and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
So yeah, I had thought seriously about those leashes too. There’s only one you and two kids with lots of energy. SO you’ve gotta do what you feel is best.
I travel alone a lot with my 3 & 4 year old and I have a little monkey leash too. it works great, has storage for a few special treats in the backpack and keeps my 3 year old escape artist with me. I say do what you have to do to keep your kids safe. Forget about the negative people; they will always find something to complain about…
I’m all about the declarations — I will never, ever use a leash with my kid. Ever. It’s insane. I said the same thing about junk food. woops. TV. damn it! Baby talk. Oh lord man. Talk to me after number 2 arrives and I’ll probably be able to give you a rundown of the best and worst in any and all child leashes.
And thanks for the child horror movie link — I honestly feel like the best parent alive right now.
We got one of those for my niece when she was around three or four. She did the same thing. We could never keep track of her. So we harnessed her. It seems so much more logical than the alternative - someone stealing her and selling her in Mexico for a buck! They work. Never mind the people who think they know how to parent your child better than you do. Good for you.
I will have one of those as soon as I have two kids. My son’s the same and its WAY more important that he’s safe than what other uninformed folks think. ;-)
I mean, is there really any difference between a leash and I stroller???? The only 2 differences is that now you don’t have anywhere to put your coffee and he’ll get exercise which means he’ll sleep better.
Sounds like the best damn idea ever.
Cordy has a puppy version of that leash/harness/whatever. We used it a lot for about a year.
Some people have kids that will stay with them, and good for them. But for those of us with runners, these are necessary in busy/dangerous places. It’s better than letting that half second go by where you turn your head and turn it back to find them gone. Or out in traffic in a blink.
We have a leash for our oldest. He is exactly how you described your lil one. He runs, yanks his hand away and runs, wouldn’t stay with us, etc. He’s getting better about it now (when we are someplace that is not crowded we let him carry the “leash” and lead himself, we’ve gradually been able to work away from it but it’s taken him alot. baby steps!) Anyway, my point in all this…before Christmas last year we were at the mall shopping and munchkin was wearing the “leash”. We actually had mall security stop us and THANK us for caring enough to put our child on a leash!
Our second child doesn’t run nearly as much as the first. But. He does have Houdini-like qualities so I’m sure at some point he’ll be using the leash as well!
Hey there, I absolutely agree with your choice 100%. I use two harnesses, due to having two 2 year olds who are both prone to either dropping themselves to the floor (the heaviest one!) or the houdini flexible maniac who can move at the speed of light.
I just want to mention something though, the harnesses I use do up at the back for a very good reason! both of them can undo those clips and you may find this a problem with your son too. Just a thought.
Now, you know better than to even care what other moms think. Moms of Leashed Toddlers Unite!
I leash my baby.
My daughter dances to the theme music of General Hospital.
Sometimes, she eats cookies.
I pumped breast milk at a table in Applebee’s while others watched in awe.
And you know what, I say F**k all the people who are too busy worrying about me and my child to actually realize that they voted for Bush twice.
Currently looking for one in teen size. Will keep her from darting out in front of boys.
After Cass very nearly got clipped by an inconsiderate twit that was driving like a maniac at the park, I’m considering one of these things, too. But I have to stop and ask myself if I would’ve had the darn thing on at the time even if I had bought one? I suppose it’s like a seat belt or safety belt on a stroller, you become accustomed to not rolling without it?
Busy Mom–
Snork!
Safety first.
The monkey harness is a pretty cute way to go!
Round here they’re known as ‘reins’. Horses are way better than dogs.
I’m totally with you on the “leash” issue. Honestly, I wish more parents would use them. We’ll be getting one for Miss E when she’s older.
I believe you do what is best for your child. I didnt use the harness only cause of my kids sensory issues with things, so I used the double stroller. My kids are 6 1/2 and 4 1/2 and I still have that stroller.
I do look at Mamas who have their kiddos on those leashes…with envy! I then hit my forehead with my palm because I forgot to check them out–again–last time I was at Target! Sorry to say, it doesn’t get any better–my son is 3 and a half and he seems determined to get himself abducted. And I agree–with more than one kiddo, it becomes exponentially more difficult to keep track and focus at the same time. Good luck!
Hi - Just came over from Suburban Turmoil…….get the leash. It’s your kid, you know him, and no one else does. You have to do what you have to do to keep him safe. And screw anybody who makes a comment to you - like they’re perfect…..bah.
*fwds this post to her husband, the main
leashharness hater*Ahhhh … reminds of the cute little shock collar I used to have for me kids …
ummm … did I just say that out loud??
I sincerely hope you are not comparing a harness to a shock collar…
I use to be anti-leash (harness). But I am beginning to totally understand their usefulness and practicality. My little man is 18 months now and can get out of the grocery cart seat belt. He too can wrigle his little hand out of my death grip and take off. I am lucky that he would still rather be carried than walk on his own, but when that changes I will seriously consider a harness. Do you think I could use it while at home too????
Your an awesome parent for being honest about what you son can and will do and what you need to do. Rock On Izzy.
de-lurking to make this comment.
We’ve tried the bear and also the more harnessy one because it was less hot. We finally settled on a wrist bracelet thing when my son turned 3 because he is the most comfortable with it. But, we use one all the time - especially if we go somewhere where there will be lots of people. It’s total security.
He doesn’t mind it at all.
I had a couple comments and lots of looks with the harness, but I had no hesitation to tell people that if it protects my child I’m happy.
Seriously more people comment in a positive way than you expect
After having children I never judged a mother with a leash. No way. I have a runner too. Thank God it’s getting better and easier with each passing year but sister, I had a few scares with her so I get it! Don’t sweat the judgement. I’d rather have a cute harness than a missing or injured child anyday!
We USE the monkey backpack! And the boy LOOOVES Monkey!
When I figured out I had a parking lot bolter on my hands, I set the monkey on the kitchen table until the little noticed it and asked for it. I gave the little guy a size-you-up look and said something like “I guess you’re big enough for this now..”
He drug Monkey all over the house (sans tail) giving him the full tour with narration.
When he found out Monkey could ride on his back- he was happy, happy, happy.
After he and Monkey ran all around the house, I put on the tail. Do this at home, over carpeting. Loop the tail around your hand a few times so you can feed out extra length while he starts to feel tension. Otherwise, it can be ugly.
In public you’ll get lots of “monkey on your back” comments. People must feel overwhelmed with their own wit because they forget to have a cow over the harness.
It’s a wonderous thing. The only people who’ve really noticed it’s a harness tend to be in the pro-leash camp: “If only they’d had that when my kids were little…”
My MIL used them with her kids. I guess they were common in Germany in the 70s. My husband’s looked like the suspenders that hold up lederhosen- only they had little Bavarian costumed mountaineer bears tooled into the leather.
My husband’s only negative recollection of the harness was when they came back to the US- about 6 years after he had graduated from the harness. His toddler brother was wearing the harness during a layover at JFK airport (bad place to lose a toddler) and a woman came over and made his already frazzled mom cry by very publicly accusing her of child abuse.
Nothing like that has happened to us with the monkey pack.
Good luck!
I was TOTALLY against these things before having a kids and when my daughter was a baby.
Now that I have a toddler, I’ve changed my mind
Let’s put it this way. If you thought about getting the leash and then let some asshat talk you out of it because it’s “inhumane” or whatever the hell they think…. then you child got hit by a car in a parking lot, you would never forgive yourself.
Get it, who cares what some ignorant people say. Your child’s safety is obviously tops on your list and bravo to you for that!!!
I have always wondered if these things worked! I wouldn’t worry about what other people say, it’s your child, and you are doing what is best for you!!
Izzy,
I used a harness with my daughter (now 12). I got so many negative comments, and finally came up with a great reply at the spur of the moment. A woman told me “I hate to see a child on a dog leash.” And I told her “I hate to see them on a milk carton.!” So, get your harness and use it with pride!
I have often thought the same exact thing, as both of my children were the non-staying in the cart/stroller/etc.. types. I have been too much of a wimp to try the leash though, and thought my child would probably just squirm out of it anyway, but I applaud you for doing what is right for your child no matter what other people think. It is not always easy. Good for you!
I think it’s so absurd that there is even a “debate” about the topic here in the U.S. I grew-up mainly in Europe, where EVERYONE practically uses them. First-off it’s not connected to the childs neck, just a lead on a back-pack, and secondly it’s GOOD parenting to want to keep your very active, unpredicatable toddler close you, under your physical control, they dart, fall, (I’ve saved my son from MANY potentially harmul stumbles/falls, etc. with the “leash”), and most frightening here in the U.S. a parent can turn-around for just a few seconds and have ones child abuducted/murdered, or even molested in aisles of stores by patrons or even workers. OK, case closed! :) p.s. - So glad you’ve made a “venue” to discuss this! :)
I feel the same way as you. The only thing stopping me is the fact that I know trying to get my daughter to wear it will be hell. So for now, I bring lots of treats for her to eat in the grocery store and make sure her hair looks cute so people tell me how cute she is instead of what a bad parent I am for having my child running loosey goosey.
Does anyone knows where to buy a leash for a 10 years old boy ?
Thank you
It never fails to catch my eye when I see a leash, then notice that there is a child there, but I believe there are situations when those things are wonderful.
If you have more than one child, or can’t run fast enough to catch your running kid, or you have to be carrying other things, or are in a very crowded place.
Don’t worry about the looks. They clearly have no idea what it is like to have an active child.
Izzy,
I wonder now if you have bought and using the safety harness for your child…
I am a scottish lady, currently living in France, you may wonder as to the significance of my nationality in relation to this topic…generally in Great Britain it’s common practice for mothers to use safety harnesses, all my friends and family do, although whilst I currently live in France, it’s the opposite, and boy do we get some stares from the frenchies. Frankly, I don’t give a damn what they think, my daughters safety is far more important!! Yes, she’s a runner too!
In my experience, people will and do make all sorts of judgements on everything we do, especially as mothers, rise above those who have little else in their own life that they have to make comment on everyone else!
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