Home Depot is My Bitch

The other day our ancient over-the-range microwave finally died. We didn’t mourn it’s passing in the least. I mean, it had faux wood grain on it, for God sake. We were glad it finally shit the bed and went to microwave heaven so we could justify buying something new and sleek that didn’t reek of the Reagan years.

So…on Sunday we made the pilgrimage to that electronics mecca, Best Buy, and their selection sucked. They were out of everything we wanted and their stuff was notably overpriced so we bought a bag of Combos and split for Home Depot.

Good selections, the right color, reasonable prices, helpful staff. We were sold. We made our selection (a nice Maytag) and took it home.

Well, we finally got the fricken thing mounted and hello? It doesn’t work. Well, it does if you don’t mind standing in front of it, slowly incinerating your innards while you hold the door closed. To say Husband was pissed would be an understatement. We’d spent the bulk of our kids-in-bed Sunday evening screwing around with this and we still had no microwave.

I went back to Home Depot Monday night, returned it, got a new one and brought it home. We got it up in minutes, but when we went to attach it to the cabinet, the screws don’t fit the holes in the microwave. I go back to Home Depot. They give me the screw kit from another box and I go home. These screws DON’T FIT, EITHER!!!

Husband is so annoyed he has to take a nap. I, on the other hand, am merely irritated, thanks to my Zoloft, which seems to prevent me from getting spitting mad about much of anything. I soothe my irritation by watching “I Love New York” and eating Hershey’s Kisses.

It’s now Tuesday. We’ve had no microwave since the previous Friday and I’m starting to have withdrawals. I mean, cooking on the stove top is really quaint and all but I want the power to nuke and I want it YESTERDAY!

I call Home Depot’s management and tell them what the deal is. Of course they tell me to bring the microwave back in and they’ll give me a new one. And of course I tell them, as nicely as I can, that there is no fricken way I’m loading that thing up and bringing it back to the store AGAIN. Nor will I come in and pick up new screws or anything else that would involve any more wasted time on my part.

I then suggest that if they really want to make up for all the trouble this microwave has caused me they should pack up an assortment of screws and BRING THEM TO ME.

And holy shit! They totally DO. They actually deliver screws to my house.

SWEET!

But none fit. So the guy leaves and comes back twice. Finally on the third try, he brings mounting screws that actually fit the damned microwave.

We have liftoff!!!

Problem totally solved and I didn’t even have to leave my house.

It would have been even better if I hadn’t had to get dressed either but whatever…

Home Depot is mah BITCH!!!!

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Ultimately, I was pleased with Home Depot’s response. Maytag, however, is still on my shit list for their very poor quality control.

Remember My Ball Gag? Ann Coulter Needs to Borrow It.

I’ve never cared for this woman. I find her to be incredibly obnoxious and once again, she totally justifies my opinion. She’s like the Howard Stern of the political world, saying anything to get a rise out of people and generate some press for herself.

If you haven’t seen this video of her calling presidential hopeful John Edwards a faggot, take a look. She’s so smug and full of herself. And it’s really unbelieveable to hear the audience tittering at her remarks and clapping. Who ARE these people?

Where DID I put that ball gag?

Things that Make You Go Ewww

We recently had to remove the stopper from our bathroom sink because it wouldn’t stay open. Now there is just a hole in the sink. Husband intends to fix it. And I believe he will.

Next year. Or the year after.

So…one of P’s favorite things to do is stand on the toilet seat and lean over to the sink, turn on the water and play in it, turn TQ’s Hello Kitty spinbrush off and on, throw stuff on the floor and other impish things.

Like throwing our toothbrushes down the nasty black hole in the sink.

I know. It’s funny, right?

Have you ever seen what collects in a sink drain? It’s a disgusting blackish gunky goop. And our toothbrushes were down there. In it.

And silly me, I thought I could reach the topmost one with my tweezers. And then those disappeared down the hole, too.

Oops

So we’re now down two toothbrushes and a pair of tweezers.

I got my scissors that were too big to go down the hole (heh…clever, no?) and managed to rescue my toothbrush. And promptly threw it straight in the trash.

Husband had to take the pipes apart to get the other stuff out. And he touched the gunky goop. With his hands. Ewwww! *toes curling*

He scrubbed his hands and scrubbed the tweezers but alas…we were left toothbrushless.

So we’ve been sharing TQ’s barely used Piglet toothbrush that she abandoned for the Hello Kitty spinbrush.

We’re going on day three.

We gross.

***Your generosity is overwhelming me! So many offers of free toothbrushes! But I can afford to buy them myself. What I really need? Is someone to GO GET THEM and bring them to me. Any takers?