Is That Lake Michigan in Your Underwear?
Or did I just make you laugh too hard? Ba dum dum!
The mantra on the Labor and Delivery Postnatal floor of the hospital where I had my only vaginal delivery was “Do your Kegels!” I heard it several times a day from every single nurse and from my midwives at every postpartum checkup.
Well…somewhere along the way, I must have forgotten that mantra because lately every cough, sneeze and unexpected laugh has me grabbing my crotch like Michael Jackson or running to the bathroom to change ye old wimpy panty shield.
How did I go from being a potty-trained adult to a… a tinkler? Could have been that toddler I birthed a couple years ago…
Will I have to start buying economy size boxes of Serenity pads from Sam’s Club? Over my dead, lifeless body!
You know how when you spill even just a little bit of water, it’s volume spreads and it seems like so much more when you have to clean it up?
It’s the same concept when you leak even just a tiny bit. You feel like a toddler who held it too long and dribbled a little pee on the way to the training potty except that they probably wear Pull-Ups and you don’t. Even just a drop or two makes your underwear feel like you have Lake Michigan in there. Yick.
And even if you end up having a a c-section, a baby tap dancing on your bladder for ten months can sometimes render your pelvic floor a little weak. My unsolicited advice to all the women out there that will give birth soon or someday? DON’T FORGET ABOUT YOUR KEGELS!
I’m doing mine RIGHT NOW
And to all you non-postpartum women AND MEN, rumor has it that doing Kegels can also improve the quality of your um…climactic experiences. So get busy ;)
I just wanted to thank Miss Ravin’ Julie and Miss Jessica OTJ Thang for bestowing upon me the Thinking Blogger award and saying such nice, blushworthy things about me. I fully intend to pass on the love later this week. Mwahhh! Thanks, you guys :)
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Ha, I was just thinking about how the word kegel has not crossed my mind once this entire pregnancy. I think I lucked out with stuff last time and so this time…well, just leaving it to chance. God I hated doing them. But something tells me I’d hate leakage more. Thanks for the tip.
Yeah, at 32 weeks, it’s pretty demoralizing every time I laugh, cough or sneeze. I can’t imagine how much worse it will be after I push this kid out.
The timing is too uncanny. I recently caught a cold (while in the hospital, of course) and I have been piddling my pants ever since. Forget the panty liners… I went for the full-size napkins, esp. overnight. And I am not pregnant. I also had a C-section (18 years ago) so never had to know what Kegels were. Since I also don’t have opportunities to have sex, Kegels have been even less of an issue. (God, my life sounds terrible!) In the interests of not having to shop for a whole new batch of underwear, however, I will do the damned Kegels.
It is like you wrote that for my benefit. I never had any trouble with #1, but at only about 2-3 month pregnant with #2 every sneeze or cough sent me running to the bathroom. I am 23 weeks now and needed that reminder.
No trouble here with #1 or #2 so lets hope if there is a #3 that I’ll get lucky again. Doin’ my kegels right now ;)
Oy. I was really good for my first 7 months of pregnancy. Then they got harder for some reason and I haven’t done them since. I’ll start now in preparation for #2!
My second child’s delivery was so traumatic that the nerve that controls your bladder was temporarily paralyzed. I went for 10 days not knowing I had to pee until I wet myself. It was fun. Not.
Now, if I so much as think about dribbling, I have to cross my legs and race to the bathroom. And don’t get me started on the trampoline….Unless you like looking at a woman who wets herself.
I have lots to look forward to…like adult diapers. And I’m only 31. Sigh.
I really have to start doing these more. We do an exercise featuring kegels in prenatal yoga where we do ten and then hold the 10th one for a count of ten, and usually I realize halfway through that I’m not “holding” anymore. Whoops!
The goal now is to do ten reps a day. Today I’ve remembered to do three, which is a personal best.
I have found that kegeling will remove a dancing fetus from atop one’s bladder, if that helps anyone …
Kegel shmegel, I don’t have time to grocery shop and if I did I wouldn’t waste my precious National Enquirer reading time doing Kegels!
Another annoying thing nobody ever tells you? When you hit menopause, your leakage gets even worse. Hard to believe it COULD get worse, but it does. I have stock in Always. I recommend it highly.
Thanks for the reminder…I really should get busy now that I’m 28 weeks pregnant with #2 and pee my pant EVERYDAY.
I can still get disgraced by a surprise sneeze every now and then. Maybe I could get a little banner built in to my toolbars on screen to remind me to do them while I sit here?
Ugh. Kegels. I have never been able to remember to do them. I guess I avoid them like I avoid all exercise. I suppose I can add to the to do list again….
1. return emails
2. empty dishwasher
3. exercise hoo haw
Oh, do I know what you mean.
I HATE Kegels, but after delivering a 9 pound baby with foreceps things just haven’t been right in the plumbing department. I must need a valve replaced. It makes jogging interesting (do I just hold it in and leak a little with every step, or just stop, savor the injustice and let it all run down my leg right now?)
keegler!~ you’re a keegler!!!!
LOL
I get totally agitated when I try to do kegels, I don’t know why. My sister said the same thing happened to her. For the life of me, I can’t ‘hold’ them…it’s more just like a ‘pulse’. I must have some weeeeak-ass muscles down there! I already had a sneeze/laugh/pee problem. Maybe in addition to cloth diapers for the baby, I’ll also regsiter for depends for me.
My name is Jamie and I pee my pants. I also happen to be the only one of my girlfriends to have a child and was the first to spill the beans about the trickler problem. They are all soooooo grossed out. ha ha. Their time will come. oh yes, their time will come.
Thanks for the laugh and the inevitable panty change afterwards. No wonder I don’t wear thongs.
Jamie
If I laugh too hard- pee. Mother f*cking pee.
The first was a c-section, so I didn’t need to worry about losing my, uh, tone down there. I’m determined to go natural with this one, though, so Kegels are a part of my daily routine.
I’m doing them right now, and no one can tell. Almost dirty, isn’t it?
I can’t do kegels unless there is music on. How sad and cray is that?
(I’m so gonnd write a post on the breastfeeding thing. I’ll let you know!)
I think kegles should come with lox.
You make me laugh. Oops! Dang.
But seriously, I’ve avoided trampolines ever since my first pregnancy. And according to my gyn I’m in decent shape–what ever he mean by THAT.
Improves climactic experiences? Really!!!!!!!
Aww, man, I hate kegels too. I think it’s because it feels like I am trying to masturbate and I am too sexually repressed to even go there.
But now that we are being all open and stuff, I have been known to tinkle when I sneeze. My hubby thinks it’s hilarious. I. do. not.
I’m totally doing Kegels now!
Agh, yes. Kegel’s. I can remember the L&D nurse trying to explain to me how to do them…she actually said “squeeze your coochie muscles in sweetie”! And then she asked me if I wanted her to put her hand between my legs in my crotch area and feel if I was doing them right!!
Needless to say I freaked a bit!
my friend recently told me that she could…ahem…um…you know…finish…doing kegels at her desk at work!!!
Oh KEGELS.
Let’s not go there.
Anyway, you are so welcome!
Gah, Kegels. I could never master them, and prefer to not think about them.
Good old Kegels. I had a girl friend, who’s daughter is about the same age of my youngest ask me on girls’ night out one time last year “I love to dance but I can’t move up and down cause I pee! Do you?” She had never heard of Kegels! I was like, Oh honey…. LOL! I did not however offer to feel and tell her if she was doing them right, OMG, Fenicle, that is… ummm…. YUK!
Have you tried jumping rope recently? I did. Talk about demoralizing.
Eeek. I consider myself warned. Am going to now do kegels every time I read your blog and comments.
I was so going to blog about this today!!!! So weird. I opted for gas instead. LOL
I totally hear ya sista!
I regret not doing Kegels, and now I’m doin’ ‘em. Thanks!
Here’s a helpful hint. Don’t go on message boards for women who have weak bladders or you’ll end up stalked by men who are into that sort of thing.
I speak from experience here.
Had c-sections with both kids. If I have to pee there is no waiting, go directly to the bathroom, do not pass go, do not collect two hunderd dollars.
two c-sections later, i pee in pants at target, talking on the phone and even after i just peed.
it totally sucks and screw kegels. it doesn’t work.
Yes…I admit…I have that unfortunate problem as well!! I REALLY have been trying to remember to do the Kegels…I just don’t remember until I cough or sneeze—oops! I have been wearing Kotex Lightdays. They are a bit thicker than the regular pantyliner, but not “diaper pads”! Hope this helps!
Congrats on this thinking award - which is earned for many reasons! One of my favorite reasons though - is the way you draw together the best ideas and add these to fix some of the practical problems we all face in a day. Great discussion on thoughts you raise too — another sign they work! Cool site.
Have you ever heard of jadeeggs.com? I’ve heard that jade eggs are even better than kegels and I’ll be purchasing some soon myself?
Thank you for the reminder! Even women who get C-sections aren’t off the hook–we all need to work on the ol’ pelvic floor!