This is My Brain on Drugs (Edited)
As recently noted, I started back on antidepressants (Zoloft) six days ago and I was extremely hopeful because in the past I’d always felt improvement in a relatively short amount of time but this time? Not so much. I do have a bad cold and I feel like shit but I also feel so…I don’t know. Like I’m just lost in my head most of the day.
I’m also finding it difficult, today in particular, to get motivated to do anything and I’ve been reluctant to answer the phone or interact with anyone besides my husband or children. I just feel sort of detached from everything, which is eerily similar to the way I felt when I had postpartum depression except without the irritability and crying jags. I guess that’s one bright spot.
Also noteworthy…I haven’t been particularly cranky and I’ve been exceedingly patient with the kids. Not that I’m not usually patient but seriously, I’ve been super chill, like I can’t even spare the mental energy it takes to be annoyed.
Ultimately…I feel like I’m getting worse instead of better and quite frankly, all I really want to do is go to sleep and not think about any of it.
(That said, if I haven’t responded to an email or been by your blog, I hope you’ll cut me some slack. I’m trying but with P and I both sick and me feeling like an antisocial slug, I’ve been pretty useless.)
I wanted to thank everyone who left comments of encouragement on my previous post on this topic. I was hesitant to discuss any of this in such a public forum but after seeing how many of you have been where I am or are on antidepressants and doing well, I’m glad I did and I appreciate your candor more than I can say.
It’s very hard to discuss this with people in real life. You feel like you’re just flogging a dead horse and that nobody really wants to hear about it and really, they don’t. Why would they?
At least here, I can write about it and if someone doesn’t want to read about it they can leave and I won’t even know. There’s also something comforting about confiding in strangers. Not that I think of everyone who comes here as a stranger but you know… It’s different than real life. And I’m babbling. Never mind.
I wanted to ask if anyone has had the experience of getting worse before getting better on AD’s. The thought of having to try different ones scares me and I don’t want to do it. Thank you in advance.
And Happy Valentines Day :)
——————–Edited to Add——————–
After a night of restless semi-sleep, I am feeling better than I did when I wrote this post. Unfortunately, it’s time for my next dose and I’m reluctant to take it now. I guess if I do take it, at least I will know if it’s the AD’s making me feel weird or something else. Crossing my fingers and toes…
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Izzy, so sorry to hear you aren’t feeling yourself. I’m sorry I can’t offer any help with your AD question, but I’m sure someone will. I hope your cold goes away soon. It is so rough being a sick Mama. Hope you have a nice Valentine’s Day…not one full of Sudafed and lotion tissues.
Ps. I am starting my blog up again. Stop by and say hello when you are feeling social again.
I am unable to take SSRIs because they do to me just about what Zoloft is doing to you. Numbing, anestetizing (how DO you spell that word) and basically making me somewhat zombie-like. I wish I could encourage you that it will get better, but in my datapoint of one, it doesn’t. I’m unlike most people, who do fine on SSRIs but there are those that just do not. Which means SNRIs, and they work great for me, but getting off them is supposed to be wicked. I don’t plan to ever get off them because I can’t function without them, but I’ve heard horror stories, so I’m not going to recommend looking into them.
I gues you have to give it the 3 week trial and see if they eventually kick in and you’ll feel better. great assvice, huh?
I’ve never been on antidepressants before, so I don’t know. Maybe when you’re over the cold they’ll seem to be working better? Are you taking a lot of cold meds?? They could possibly hinder the effectiveness of the Zoloft.
At any rate, I hope you’re feeling much better soon! Hugs!
Happy Valentine’s Day to you as well! :) I hope the antidepressants take a turn for the better soon..
I would always get an immediate “buzz” from some of them and then they would just stop working. It took a while to find the right mix. Turned out it was a combination of two that did the trick. I would talk to your doc. They won’t know what to adjust unless you tell them you’re still not feeling the way you’d like to.
The physical illness probably isn’t helping. I encourage you to talk to your doc. You have to let them know it’s not working. You deserve to feel better!!
Hang in there!!!
Been there…many different times. PPD was the most recent.
Hang in there. It will work if you are on the right meds for you. Talk to your doctor too…They may change your dosage/rx/something better suited for you…Don’t give up just yet.
I hug you.
I don’t have any particular words of wisdom, but I do wish you the best. I’ve been there, and it sucks. And I know exactly what you mean about somehow, someway, being extra patient with the kids even while all this other stuff is going on… Strange, huh?
I don’t have any answers, but I’m thinking of you.
As I told you before, I’ve been of & on AD for over 2 years (currently back on Zoloft). There are so many different kinds & some are targeted for different issues. It always seemed to take about 2 weeks for my to kick in…I think I remember my dr saying it could be 2-4 weeks (which sucks when you’re drowning and they tell you give it a month!).
It may be that you need to change the dosage or maybe try a different kind? I’ve heard that a new one called Cymbalta kicks in faster? I’d definitely talk with your dr. I know it’s hard to discuss with someone in a white coat, but hey that’s why they get paid the big bucks!
Hang in there! Hope you get over the cold soon - I’m sure that doesn’t help!
I have no answers either, but I think it’s best to describe this specific feeling you’re having to your doctor. It’s possible that your body makeup is very different now that you’ve had a second child (a male child at that), and your chemical reaction is not the same as it was previously. Just something to think about…
Hang in there, and I’m pulling for you!
All things you have mentioned are reasons I recently stopped taking zoloft. It was like nothing bothered me, but not in a good way. Also the weight gain, dear god the weight gain. But when I weaned off of it, suddenly everything bothered me and everything warranted an over the top reaction.
I just started Lexapro two days ago. I am hoping it works. really really hoping.
i wish i could offer something constructive, but i am hoping that once you are not sick any more you might feel a little more normal. take care of yourself…
I’m just repeating what MamaLoves already said. Tell your doctor. Today. Pick up the phone, Iz. You don’t need to figure it out on your own or only on your blog. You are on the right path already and your self-awareness is terrific. You just need some fine-tuning Dude.
I got worse before I got better the second time I was on antidepressants. First time I felt immediately better, but the doc said that was likely “psychosomatic.”
Not that you shouldn’t call the doc, though. It may be that your levels need the six weeks to adjust, that’s the bitch of ADs — it takes time to know if it’s going to work and then you have to start all over again if it doesn’t. I hope you feel better soon.
Keep going Izzy. It took me about two weeks to start noticing any difference with I started on Zoloft. I was tempted to quit taking them too, but try and give it a little more time.
Dear Iz,
DO talk to your doc, but keep in mind your cold – whenever I have a cold it gets me down more than it seems it should. Reduced oxygen to my already semi-addled brain perhaps? Doc K’s prescription for the it’s-February-and-I’ve-got-a-cold-(and kids)-blues: chocolate chips (eaten slowly one by one as needed throughout the day, keeps the calories down, but the mental boost high), mint tea in buckets, hot baths with epsom salts, and a light read; preferably some dog-eared old Judith Krantz. And last but not least - lots and lots of sleep. Sleep gets a bad rap. Sleep is gooood. Oh – and be patient with yourself darlin’. You need not be wonderwoman, not ever, but especially not when you are starting a med and you have a cold and it is February.
Salud chica,
Wonderwoman’s Red-Headed Step-Child
“I’ve been super chill, like I can’t even spare the mental energy it takes to be annoyed.”
That is exactly how I was on Citalopram (Celexa?). The Cranberries wrote a song about me. Dude. Call your doctor. Just in case.
Izzy I am with you… But like Wendy and Mamaloves… You have to call the doctor and your pharmacist… they can help you find the right fit of meds that you need… A great deal of times the pharmacist can let you know the side effects and you can call your doctor equipped with knowledge that the meds are giving you the side effect warned… and then they can figure out something else…
sometimes it takes a few to figure out the right choice…
I am thinking of you Izzy… You are on the road… and that is part of the journey…
I’ve never experienced any depression so I’m probably not much help other than lots of e-hugs and e-support and always an ear (eye?). I also spent many years working in mental health and it does sound to me like if you get the same feeling after this morning’s dose, you should really call your doctor. Trying something else wouldn’t be the worst thing…especially if it works.
Happy V Day! (Maybe sex will help?) ;-)
(I’m kidding - don’t everyone go jumping down my back…I know sex doesn’t cure depression but it might make her feel better for an hour or so, right?)
Crossing my fingers and toes too!
I think Paxil does the same thing of which you speak. I was under-reacting. But it sure was better than all the overreacting. I say keep it up for the recommended time and then make your assessment from there. I wouldn’t compare it to the quick relief you received last time. Your hormones levels are probably different this time around and it may take a bit longer. Thinking of you!
I think the cold probably isn’t helping things. SSRI’s tend to make me feel a little tired and numb, which is why I usually combine Zoloft with Wellbutrin. Wellbutrin helps negate the bad effects from Zoloft, and they work together nicely.
Warning, though - if you ever try it, know that Wellbutrin will have you feeling very awake for the first few days, until you get used to it. At first it’s like being on uppers.
I’d give it another week or so, once your cold is gone, and re-evaluate how you feel. Then talk to your doctor. It is possible for one AD to no longer work for you like it used to.
Like it was said before, just keep taking it until your cold has cleared up and give your body some time to adjust.
If after a few weeks things haven’t improved, talk to your doc.
It took about 2 weeks for my body to catch up with the AD’s.
Thank goodness for my little happy pill. I hope you feel better soon.
I don’t know if this would help or not, but I have always taken my AD before bed. My doctor said that it would be a good idea, so maybe I would sleep through any effects.
I don’t have experience with ADs, but that’s not to say that I never will. However, as I have no experience I have no advice, but I am in your corner and hoping the Zoloft helps very soon and you don’t have to try anything else.
I tend to have an EXTREME reaction to all ADs, so I have to just tough it out and use therapy to fix myself, but I do remember that mood wise I was just kinda blah on ADs - not myself, but not overreacting, either (just couldn’t get rid of the shakes - I looked like I was going through detox or extreme caffeine intoxication). My SIL had a lot of trouble with SSRIs - she’s now on Cymbalta and says it’s great. I’d let it ride for a while if you can, and if you can’t, call your doctor - the cold may be a factor, February might be a factor (I always want to hibernate in Feb, even if I’m feeling well), or you may need a different med. I wish you peace, Izzy.
Izzy, sorry things have been so shakey lately, but I’m glad you’re doing something about it.
Happy V Day.
Hang in there, Izzy. A bad cold on top of a new medication is hard. I’ve been taking Wellbutrin for years, but after Kaitlyn was born I suddenly developed General Anxiety Disorder (I hate that label, but that’s what it is). Yesterday my doctor added Lexapro to my Wellbutrin, and it’s making me feel jittery and tense. I’m hoping I’ll adjust to it soon. Email me ANY TIME if you want to chat! xoxo
I don’t have any experience with that particular kind of ad, but for what it’s worth, my advice is to wait until you’re over being sick before reassessing the situation.
Hang in there.
No advice from me, but I thank you for sharing your experience. I really do.
I hope everything gets better for you. I’m sure it will once you get over your sickness!
I feel your pain. For me taking a benzo. like clonazepam while getting used to the AD really helps. I take effexor which took three months for the side-effects, like feeling out of body to go away.
That being said six months later i still don’t really feel better in terms of depression. I’m thinking of giving it up altogether.
Take care,
jess
I’m glad you shared your situation, too. So often I think people avoid assistance with depression because (a) they think they are the only one (b) they have some stigma about it (c) they think everyone else is okay or able to get over it and they should be too. Getting it out there is courageous, and helpful. Glad it is for you too.
Zoloft did improve me, I think within a week, during my really dreadful PPD. I went from no will to no cares, it’s true, but that was a huge improvement and relief.
If you have a concern, call your doc.
Take care and Happy Valentine’s Day to you!
I’ve never been on AD’s before (unless you consider candy an AD), but we have some friends that are. Hope all goes well
Hang in there IzzyMom. I’ll be thinking of you.
hey izzy,
considering how fast you responded to my request for blogger chicks–i wouldn’t have known you were wrestling internally.
i can definitely identify.
please read two of my previous posts:
http://exskindiver.blogspot.com/2006/11/happy-pills.html
and
http://exskindiver.blogspot.com/2007/01/chill-pill.html
i hope you feel better soon.
I hope you get to feeling better soon in all ways. Happy Valentine’s Day! :)
Well, I didn’t get worse… but I definitely stayed about the same till about a month when a lightbulb just clicked on. They do say 4-6 weeks for them to start working, so, to quote New Kids on the Block - HANG TOUGH!
hi. and i love you. even if you ignore me forever, my love won’t waver. dedicated- that’s what i am. lol
Can’t speak from any experience, but hope you’re feeling better soon.
I’ve always been told it will take at least 2 to 4 weeks to feel the impact of Zoloft and other antidepressants. Of course, it goes without saying that if you have suicidal thoughts or other major issues, stop immediately and call your doc. Zoloft worked OK for me while I was nursing (it’s one of the few antidepressants that is considered “safe” while nursing) but Wellbutrin XL is my drug of choice. I can’t remember the details, but it works slightly differently than Zoloft or Prozac. One other thing to consider is seeing a psychiatrist (rather than a family doctor) if you aren’t doing so already. They are better at mixing treatments and seem to have a feel for what might work just based on your symptoms. Good luck and you are definitely not alone. Too bad this is one of the few topics women discuss openly, yet statistically speaking, it HAS to be happening to a lot of us.
Izzy, I’m so sorry to hear about this. I’ve had trouble with anxiety and depression on and off through my life as well. It’s one of the reasons I started my blog, PPD. I took Zoloft for that for the first time and I felt pretty wacked out after about two weeks. My dosage was off and had me literally homicidal inside of a month. So just be careful. If you feel beyond sick and start to feel rational about doing crazy things like using your car like a monster truck at the grocery store parking lot, call home or call someone. I’m glad I did. Hang in there, it will get better. Keep us posted.
Iz, I haven’t gone through the comments, but it does take a few weeks for the full effect.
That said, I think it’s helpful to note how you feel each day and work with your doc to adjust accordingly.
Hi Izzy - I am new here. Just hopped over from the Share the Love Awards.
I am so sorry to hear you are struggling like this. I am usually on Paxil - I just came off a week ago (NOT fun) cause I am pregnant. I hear that when coming back on an SSRIs the drug can have a different effect or different results. I am always so worried about that each time I come off Paxil (in my attempt to carry a child.)
I used to be on Prozac, but it didn’t help my anxiety enough, so we switched to Paxil. I don’t like that I am “cut off” from a lot of my emotions when I am medicated ( I NEVER cry on Paxil) but the horrible reality of not being on Paxil leaves me with my fate of forever being on it. At least when I am on it, I am not crying every time I read a slightly emotional story. Seriously, anything can make me cry when I am unmedicated!
I hope you find a solution. Life sucks when we are chemically messed up!!!!
So great you aren’t snapping at your kids though - I have been soooo snappy since coming of my paxil - (my poor husband!)
Izzy, it’s been awhile since I’ve been to your site, and I’m sorry to hear things haven’t been going well. I have been there too, as in- this past week I was there (with the moody contemplative posts to prove it). I completely know what you mean about not wanting to talk to people in real life about it. I had one friend get angry with me because I posted about how I was feeling on my blog and she felt that I should be confiding in her rather than her having to find out about things like this indirectly through my blog. I was so insulted by the whole thing.
Then I had another friend say that she decided it was time to “help a friend out” as per her fortune cookie’s advice so she thought she’d call me to make plans for us to hang out.
Again, I was completely insulted.
So, it’s funny you know? Because when you post about it sometimes your real life people want to talk about it in real life with you and it just makes it worse. Agh.
Anyway, I hope things get better for you.
Krista
I’ve never been on antidepressants, although they probably would have helped after my dad died a year ago. Just wanted to say I’m thinking good thoughts for you. I like your blog and I can tell you’re pretty special. Hang in there.
I don’t take ADs, but I know many who do and the inability to get them in just the right dosage is a common problem. I hope you feel better soon…really.
Job job for being runner up on “woman power”
I have two family members on zoloft. They both have to take it at night 5 p.m. exactly or else they are zombies. My Dad says that it makes him just not give a shit about anything, like he’s still down but he just doesn’t care. I hope it works better for you.
Hey! Talk to your doctor, but you might want to experiment with the time of day that you take your drug.
I’ve tried Prozac, Seraphim, Well-butrin and Lexipro. Lexipro works the best for me.
Good luck…hang in there!
Just offering a supportive {{{{HUG}}}}. I somewhat understand, having a child dealing with depression (bipolar) and medication. Take care.
Oh, Izzy! I’m so sorry I haven’t been by sooner to offer support - If I’d known I wouldn’t have been such a slacker lately on the whole blog-hopping front. *sigh*
I’ve been feeling down lately too, but I think mine is due to winter. Hubster insists this is yearly, so I’m just trying to wait it out - there’s been more sun lately and that has been nice, so…
Anyway, sorry I don’t have any experience with Zoloft, I was on Effexor after the birth of my youngest for PPD, that helped. But I was a mood roller coaster, so the zombie like effect that it had on me was a nice reprieve. The hubs said he didnt like it, but because it made me “happy” he lived with it. I still have the prescription in the bathroom, some days I take it out and stare at the bottle lately. I’m just not sure. I keep hoping spring will come and all will be better. That’s probably silly. And I don’t know why I am rambling like this…
Ok, (((HUGS))). Keep us updated, and hang in there. Sorry I don’t have any advice, but I know how you feel!
Fingers and toes crossed Izzy. All of them.
Thanks for sharing your bravery with us. I have the overwhelming urge to hop on a plane to Florida and hug you. And then take you out for Martinis.
Everything is crossed right now (including eyes) that you’re back to your old self soon! ((huggs))
Hi Izzy,
I was on Zoloft for several months when I first had PPD. It took AWHILE to kick in. Like a month. When it did, I felt a sense of well being, peace, and sweet relief. Unfortunately, it stopped working, and I had to up my dosage several times. Each uppage left me more and more numb and tired.
A few months ago my shrink switched me to Effexor. It worked well too for awhile. Then we upped my dosage again. Worked, then didn’t. Now I’ve added “mood stabilizer” called Lamictal. The combo was working very well, and just recently, not so well.
Mother father/i> it can be hard to keep the faith when everything stops working.
I also take Ativan for anxiety as needed. As I’m sure you can guess, I need that more often when the meds stop working.
Oh, I second making sure you see a psychologist. They’re MDs too, but this is their SPECIALTY. Your mental health is worth seeing a freakin’ specialist.