Archive for February, 2007:
Is That Lake Michigan in Your Underwear?
Or did I just make you laugh too hard? Ba dum dum!
The mantra on the Labor and Delivery Postnatal floor of the hospital where I had my only vaginal delivery was “Do your Kegels!” I heard it several times a day from every single nurse and from my midwives at every postpartum checkup.
Well…somewhere along the way, I must have forgotten that mantra because lately every cough, sneeze and unexpected laugh has me grabbing my crotch like Michael Jackson or running to the bathroom to change ye old wimpy panty shield.
How did I go from being a potty-trained adult to a… a tinkler? Could have been that toddler I birthed a couple years ago…
Will I have to start buying economy size boxes of Serenity pads from Sam’s Club? Over my dead, lifeless body!
You know how when you spill even just a little bit of water, it’s volume spreads and it seems like so much more when you have to clean it up?
It’s the same concept when you leak even just a tiny bit. You feel like a toddler who held it too long and dribbled a little pee on the way to the training potty except that they probably wear Pull-Ups and you don’t. Even just a drop or two makes your underwear feel like you have Lake Michigan in there. Yick.
And even if you end up having a a c-section, a baby tap dancing on your bladder for ten months can sometimes render your pelvic floor a little weak. My unsolicited advice to all the women out there that will give birth soon or someday? DON’T FORGET ABOUT YOUR KEGELS!
I’m doing mine RIGHT NOW
And to all you non-postpartum women AND MEN, rumor has it that doing Kegels can also improve the quality of your um…climactic experiences. So get busy ;)
I just wanted to thank Miss Ravin’ Julie and Miss Jessica OTJ Thang for bestowing upon me the Thinking Blogger award and saying such nice, blushworthy things about me. I fully intend to pass on the love later this week. Mwahhh! Thanks, you guys :)
Alive and Kicking…Sort of
Oh. My. God.
Saturday night I got hit with the most evil, vile stomach flu I’ve ever had. I spent the hours between 3 and 5am becoming intimately acquainted with my toilet and trashcan whilst I vomited, dry-heaved and hyperventilated and concurrently spewed something that felt like water out the other end. I wouldn’t know the specific details because I couldn’t lift my head from between my knees. Once I was able to get up, I collapsed on the sofa, drenched in a cold sweat.
A short while later, I drank some water and it was right back to the bathroom for a another repeat performance. I tried to sleep afterwards but couldn’t because every joint in my body was racked with excruciating pain. I ended up utilizing some old Phenergan suppositories from a previous stomach virus to try and get some sleep.
Yes, suppositories that go up there.
In minutes the Phenergan started to work and I dozed briefly but mostly just felt all floaty.
When the kids woke up about an hour later, I took a chance on my iffy stomach and ate some Benadryl (to induce a dead sleep) and holed up in my bedroom. Husband was on childcare detail while I slept almost a whole day away, only waking to use the bathroom and guzzle liquid Tylenol.
Today I feel somewhat better. Not nearly as achy but still weak and rubbery. I have to try and eat something, I guess, but there are two things I will never, EVER eat again… chocolate chip ice cream (because I ate a little bit before bed and I could taste the chocolate chips the whole time I was barfing) and honey barbecue chicken tenders because I nibbled on one a few hours before I got sick and will forever associate them with this experience that literally made me pray for death.
I only got up this morning because I was starting to feel an indentation in the bed and imagined, in between very vivid dreams, that I could feel bedsores forming on my ass. And to find out what day it was because I really had no idea. Thank God Husband stayed home today to take care of me and P.
So, if I haven’t replied to an email or done something I said I would do, please forgive me. I hope to be back in the swim by tomorrow. But right now, I’m giving serious consideration to taking a nap on the sofa because I’m exhausted again…
MySpace Says Baby on Boob Must Go (Edited - Now with MORE INSANITY!)
It never fails…. You’re sitting at your computer wondering what you’re going to blog about today and just when you’re about to give up and go eat something junky and yummy instead, you come across yet another absurd story that makes you wonder how the United States ever became such a “superpower” because we’re so goddamned backwards in this country.
Behold the instant blog fodder provided courtesy of MySpace and brought to my attention by Linda Thomas over at the Seattle-Post Intelligencer.
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You’d think a major player like MySpace would have learned from those who came before them (like the Pork Board, Delta Airlines and Fred Meyers stores) that bullying breastfeeders and those who support breastfeeding is just plain bad business. But noooo…
It appears that MySpace’s attitude can be summed up in two lines:
Boobs for fun and profit = VERY, VERY GOOD!!!
Boobs for breastfeeding = PORNOGRAPHIC and OBSCENE!!!
In a nutshell, there is a mom over on MySpace who is a breastfeeding advocate. On her page, she has the above photo of her baby breastfeeding and you’ll note that you can hardly even see her breast but MySpace has already deleted it three times because it “violates MySpace policies against nudity and sexually suggestive images” and has threatened to boot her off MySpace.
WTF? Do the people at MySpace EVER look at their own site??? There is nudity and “sexually suggestive” imagery all over that beyotch. And they want to pick on a breastfeeding photo? It’s so ludicrous that it’s almost funny.
According to Linda Thomas, the mom put the image back up on her MySpace page and is ready to take on this challenge. YGG!
EDITED TO ADD: This other story was just sent to me by a reader/friend about a woman in her hometown being told to leave a mall because she was breastfeeding. That’s not as insane as some of the comments, particularly ones left on the follow-up story here. What kind of lunatic-ridden country are we living in???
ALSO EDITED TO ADD BECAUSE TWO TALES OF MADNESS ARE JUST NOT ENOUGH!!!!: This story is from Jennifer over at The Lactivist — There’s a mom in Central Ohio whose day care center was charging her an extra $10 a day for “handling” breast milk. She eventually pulled her child from the center and she’s now prepared to take this story national. Apparently, the center may be putting a new policy in place to refuse to even accept breastfed children. You can read more about it here.
AND (Yes, there’s MORE!!!): Today I received multiple “Death to IzzyMom” and “Die IzzyMom Die” comments on this post about breastfeeder harassment (all from the same person). I deleted all but one. Unbelievable…
If you’re writing about these stories, let me know so I can link you here:
Rock ON, Sistahs!
A Mom, a Blog and a Life In-Between
Diary of a Reluctant Housewife
Carefully Put Together Thoughts That Are Not Random or Disjointed in Any Way
About a month ago, Husband finally agreed that we should move out of Florida. Since then, we’ve talked a little about where we want to go and he seemed stuck on California, however, I think I may have succeeded in talking him out of that idea because it would probably be impossible for us to ever buy a house.
I heard on the radio this morning that the cost of living in this part of Florida is rapidly outpacing what people are earning. Shit…I could have told you that with no research at all. It seems like the more money my husband makes, the more expensive everything gets. It reminds me of those greyhounds chasing the mechanical rabbit that they’ll never, ever catch. *sigh* He promised me he would work on his resumé soon, which is code for “sometime in the next three months” but still, it’s progress.
Now here’s where some of you can help me out. I know you’re excited about that.
What I need is for people in the south/southeast (because I can’t live anywhere that has fricken blizzards or gets three feet of snow) to think about places in your state:
- that are family-friendly
- that are not insanely expensive
- that have good schools
- that are progressive-minded
- where music and/or the arts are appreciated
- that are near a city if not in one
- that are not hit by hurricanes regularly
This is my wish list. I know we won’t find all of these but I need to know what’s out there. Your 2 cents on various locales is greatly appreciated.
Those Carefully Put Together Thoughts…
• I used to think Stefanie Powers had awesome hair in “Hart to Hart.” I don’t know what made me think of her this morning.
• I really LOVE ambrosia (the food, not the band).
• My son is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. I’m madly, crazy in love with him. I wish he’d stay this age forever, even with all the dangerous stuff he does that makes me nuts. He’s so effing smart it blows my mind. Now if he would just start talking…
• My daughter is growing into an amazing girl. I’m so proud of her and when I look at her, I can’t believe she’s mine. And she made the kindergarten honor roll. (yes, oddly enough they have honor roll in kindergarten)
• I’ve been completely fixated on the Anna Nicole Smith drama that has been unfolding over the past week. I don’t know why. And if you were planning on telling me to get a life, I’m planning on telling you to piss off.
• It really bugs me when TV pundits (like those on Fox News, for example) refer to Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton as “Hillary.” They don’t call the other candidates by their first names. I’m not necessarily her biggest fan but still…it’s rude.
• We’re going out to dinner tonight with my in-laws. My kids are usually pretty good in restaurants but it’s still a giant pain in the ass and I’d rather stay home and order pizza.
• I want to see “Factory Girl” next weekend. I read a great biography about Edie Sedgwick in high school called “Edie: An American Biography” which I highly recommend.
• Bullet points are great for those days when your thoughts just don’t flow.
• I should be paying bills right now.
That is all :)
Gotta Get Out of This House
Seriously, I’m getting shackwacky. With the exception of a few trips to the store, the bank drive thru and picking TQ up from school, I’ve hardly left the house since I got sick last weekend. Why? Well, for starters I’m STILL sick. I’m losing my voice and my snot is now slightly fluorescent. (TMI? Sorry)
But there are other reasons I need to get out of this house besides the cabin fever…
P needs some kind of activity; more stimulation & more challenges. He’s twenty months tomorrow and we can’t keep hanging around this house all morning, every day, with him turning the stove on or dumping his sister’s crayons out or playing in (and drinking) the cat’s water or standing on the dishwasher door and trying to reach the knife block or throwing his toys across the room (a NEW! trick) or 10,000 other things that he’s doing that are dangerous or crazymaking to his mother. The kid needs to run and play and get his ya ya’s out and while we do go to the park and play out back, it’s usually in the afternoon. We need some morning fun. Now.
Since P was born, I’ve gone from being very active and busy with my daughter to mostly hanging out at home because his nap always fell at a time that was completely inconvenient and basically, it has become a habit. A very boring habit. So my mission for next week is to find some activities for us to do in the mornings and I’m sure a little structure will do me some good, too.
Re depression… I’m still taking the Zoloft and I feel better than I did the other day when I was starting to weird out. Not great but much better. And that gives me hope that maybe this isn’t going to be a total mental health disaster.
Again, I want to say how much I appreciate your kindness via your comments, for reaching out to me and for taking the time to share your own experiences.
Additionally, there was something in particular that one commenter wrote that especially touched my heart in a way so unexpected. There was just something about those three words… “I hug you”
So simple. So sweet.
Thank you to all of you. You are good, kind-hearted people.
Group hug?
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On a much lighter note, we got a package today but as per usual with our semi-literate mailman, it’s for someone on the next block.
So the box is sitting there and my husband, not realizing it isn’t for us, looks at the return address and says “What is kechgroup.com?” Since I’m at my computer, I type “kechgroup.com” in my browser and I see that they are, much to my amusement, a company that does business on the internet under the name of “cheaplubes.com”
Yes. THAT kind of lube. And sex toys. Of every conceivable variety. And who knew that there were SO many different brands and kinds of personal lubricant? I think I’ll deliver this one in person rather than giving it back to the mailman…heheh
