Crying it Out…Family Style

Posted by on January 20, 2007

I haven’t said much about this because babies not sleeping? So normal, so common, right? What about toddlers who abandon their formerly stable and predictable sleeping routines? Still not abnormal and certainly attributable to any number of things. And God knows I’m not alone here, right? 

Unfortunately, we’re not dealing with a little bit of sleeplessness or the occasional night waking. No. P has decided recently that sleeping and napping? It’s for suckas. And I honestly believe that in my quest to be a good mom, I may have created a proverbial monster.

How on earth did I do that? By always answering every cry or whimper. By never letting him cry for longer than it takes to appear cribside with a ready hug or cuddle or…the wrecker of all sleep habits…the “let’s snuggle for a minute on the big bed while you settle back down”. I know that last one is the culprit because now whenever I go to see what’s wrong, P leans his entire body, safety be damned, towards our bed, pointing and speaking in that mysterious language he prefers over English.

I just want to clarify that the waking isn’t just waking. It’s also the flat refusal to sleep in some cases. Either way, he goes from being perfectly fine to basically standing up in crib screaming like he’s being with poked with an electric cattle prod.

The first thirty or so times, the huz or I would go running in, convinced that he was, in fact, dying. But after innumerable diaper checks, itchy checks (he has a touch of eczema on his arm and sometimes it flares up and itches), considering the possibility of teething (and thus administering some pain relief) and countless bottles of milk (Yes, I said bottles. Shut up), we have concluded that there is actually nothing wrong with him other than his newly developed sense of autonomy, which we’ve decided we pretty much hate (and so does his sister because she can hear him through the walls.)

This means we have to do it. The evil three letter acronym…

Yes, we’ve resorted to the hated but generally very effective CIO (cry it out) or extinction method to put a stop to this because we have to dissuade him of this newfound and very accurate notion that if he cries, we will come running without fail and give him loads of love and affection. And I certainly don’t blame him. Who wouldn’t wake up several times a night for a yummy back scratch or a tummy rub or a cozy snuggle? But this waking up 4-5 times a night or just refusing to nap at all is like having an infant again. Except he’s nineteen months old.

And before you jump all over me, just know that it’s tearing my heart out. Listening to him cry like that and knowing that if I run in and pick him up, I will cancel out any bit of progress we’ve made, is incredibly painful for me, too. And the idea that he may think we have abandoned him is just twisting the knife. But I know it won’t work any other way so after going in one or two times and hugging him (without picking him up) and then laying him back down, we don’t go in anymore for at least 15-20 more minutes, which is an eternity for all of us.

It seems like the total crying time is slowly decreasing but it’s still horrible and admittedly, it’s also aggravating. WHY won’t he just give it up and go to sleep, I wonder silently? And eventually…he does. But we know he will be up again later so we brace ourselves and fight the urge to drink copious amounts of NyQuil so we’ll sleep through it next time. (Kidding. KIDDING!!!)

Dissenting opinions are allowed. Sanity-saving suggestions are welcomed :)

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71 Comments

  • I feel your pain. Rylan’s only 9 months so we are very careful with the crying at this point (we do – a little) but nineteen months seems like a “safer”? age to do it. Here’s hoping for some good sleep for all of you – really soon!

  • Wendi says:

    my 18 month old is doing the same thing. I have never let him cry it out before. Last night and today for his nap we had to let him go at it. I just can’t believe that he can actually cry for that long!
    I am just so tired of getting up with him all night. He is good for three days and then bad for three days.
    and…it is time for the rocking chair in his room to go!

  • Amber says:

    Been there, doing that again with #2. Giving birth to two non-sleepers has taught me that as much as I hate using and doing those dreaded three words, that everyone is much happier in the end. There’s nothing worse than a grumpy kid because he has developed poor sleep habits.

    And so, go forth and let the good times roll. Or would that be roar?….

  • javajabber says:

    You’re doing the right thing. I saw this very thing on The Nanny. You have to let P cry. I know, I know. It hurts in a way that you think you’ll be paying for therapy for twenty years for this kid. But, you won’t. There have to be boundaries, even when autonomy is discovered and reveled in all other aspects of life. THIS can’t be tolerated. It WILL get worse if you don’t nip it in the bud right now.

    I feel for you.

  • Kristi says:

    Your sanity will be saved with time. You are doing the right thing and I am sure this phase will pass. Everyone eventually sleeps.

  • alison says:

    We did this with both of our children just before their first birthdays. They were nursing throughout the night and the pediatrician kept telling us they should be sleeping at least 6 hours (or more) at a stretch. I know how you feel—-listening to their crying is horrible and it makes you feel horrible, but it really works. Your little guy won’t remember this and after a few days, things should settle down. You will all feel 100% better when you’re able to get some much-needed, uninterrupted sleep—-P included.

  • Michelle says:

    I guess it doesn’t help to reassure you that is it a temporary situation. He’ll stop this nasty habit some time before he leaves for college. I promise, but hang in there.

  • Julie says:

    My sister did it for me. At about the age your child is now. Each time my daughter cried, she went in said, “You’re fine, go to sleep.” and you know how kids always obey people other than their parents better? Well, it works for sleep too. Also it was so much easier for her to keep cool about it. After all, not her kid, not her problem…also she wasn’t as sleep=deprived as we were.

    No prolonged crying. CIO won’t work for our kids. We’ve tried. They can outlast us big-time. They’ll cry for hours and hours and all night long.

    Do you know the No Cry Sleep Solution?

    We’re about the have to retrain after this sickness and developmental spurt. It is unbelievable to me that my kids need sleep training. My body BEGS for it, no training required. ;)

    Hang in there…good luck!

  • Jana says:

    I need the very same advice because our 18 month old is going through the same thing. Eczema and all. It’s not fun. Throw on top a cold and our cranky baby is making me lose my mind.

    Bring on the copious amounts of NyQuil (for me).

  • tiggerprr says:

    Would never jump on you for that. As my daughter is 17, I roll old school I guess. You’re doing just the right thing, absolutely the right thing. I know it’s hard, but you’ll be grateful later. And so will your little one.

  • Hugs for you. It must be so hard.

  • I’ll agree that CIO is hugely more difficult with #2 (and beyond) because not only are you and your husband disturbed by the crying, so are the siblings. “Family style” is definitely an apt descriptor.

    No jumping here. Just lots of sympathy.

  • Elizabeth says:

    No jumping from me, either. I let Kaitlyn cry herself back to sleep unless she has diaper rash, and then I get up, change her and lay her right back down in the crib, and then let her CIO. Every kid is different, what works for every kid is different, you have to do what’s best for you and your family. Hugs from me to you and P. Oh, and love the blog design!

  • Binkytown says:

    It’s not the PC answer, but I started laying on the floor next to the crib, then after a couple of days moved to the chair across the room for a few minutes when he woke up, then started standing next to the door and sneaking out and after all of that, it’s pretty much passed and he’s sleeping again. Do whatever you need to do girlfriend.

  • Becky says:

    Drink the NyQuil.

  • Gidge says:

    I have nothing of value to contribute, as my solution for my oldest was to let him sleep with me, until 3 months ago.
    So, ummmmmm……..I feel your pain. It is so hard.
    But like me, you’ll be SO glad when it’s over.

  • Susanne says:

    First I have to say that I didn’t read all of the comments before me, but as much as I hate the CIO-method for babies, we did the same with our son when he was 21 months old. At that time he refused to nap (but another mother told me, if I just tried to put him down he’d get back to it; and he did!), and he woke us up about four or five times a night, demanding to stay in our bed for the rest of the night. We explained to him what would happen from now on like, “And when it’s dark outside you go to your bed, we turn the light out and you can come to us when it’s morning again.” He’s 4 now and still greats us every morning with, “Is it morning yet?” (Oh, and it took less than two weeks wo get him sleep through the night for the first time ever.)

    Hugs to all of you. Breathe, and as you know, this too shall pass.

  • terry says:

    You are doing the right thing. It seems cruel, but are helping P develop healthy sleep habits. You are the parent, and you have to do what is best for your children even when they protest.

  • Carmen says:

    It’ll pass, Izzy. It totally sucks and makes your heart hurt, but it’ll pass. In the meantime, lots and LOTS of alcohol – for medicinal purposes only, of course.

    Hugs.

  • You and Catherine are totally freaking me out. It’s been a long time since I had a sleep issue with a child (like nine years) and I’m starting to think maybe this adoption idea is not my brightest.

    Maybe I’ll be blessed with a good sleeper. Snort. And maybe I’ll win the lotto this week too.

    Good luck. I’ve got nothing for you…but sympathy.

  • RWA says:

    I’m sure that the crying time will continue to decrease, and eventually everything will be fine. Hang in there!

  • tori says:

    I have never let any of my kids cry it out because it wasn’t right for ME. I did try it, and couldn’t take it. I would never presume to guess what is right for anyone else and their family. Just because it didn’t work for me, it has worked for tons of people. It does stink when they are up at night. The reason I am so chronically tired is because my youngest just doesn’t sleep. I try to keep him with me so he doesn’t wake anyone else up, and it has worked so far. His sleep pattern is just like mine would be natually, so I understand why he doesn’t want to sleep, but since I have to get up in the morning, I need to sleep at night. Now that he is getting older (just turned three) I am able to give him projects to work on while everyone else sleeps and then he can go to sleep whenever he wants. As long as he doesn’t disturb anyone, it is ok with me.

    Back to you though, bug hugs because know how hard it is to listen to them cry even when you know they don’t actually need anything. Hopefully it will work quickly and you will all be sleeping well again!

  • Mrs. Chicken says:

    yeaaahhh … we’re doing this one, too. The Poo has been a rock-solid sleeper since 8 weeks. Now, not so much. I wish I had some advice, Suffice to say that CIO does work, even at this age. The girl’s bedtime struggles are reducing significantly. Not to say that it doesn’t make me feel like I’m abusing her.

    Hang in. He’ll learn soon.

  • Devra says:

    My kids did this, but when they did it was ear infections that were the culprit of toddler sleep disturbance. They had NO other symptoms, no tugging on the ears, no fever, nada, nuffin’. Have you had his ears checked just to rule out the possibility of fluid bugging him when he lies down?

    As for the three letter word you need to do it’s “fun” right?

  • Arp says:

    I feel your pain, but a need that is fulfilled is no longer need. Dr. Sears has some info on the effects of crying, while KellyMom has some info on sleeping habit studies. And here’s even more info from Australia noting that most kids grow out of this behavior by 3 or 4.

    J’s nearly 2 and she still wakes 3-6 times a night, which is normal. Some nights are good, some are not, and we deal with it because it’s our responsibility to deal with it. Both kids still sleep with us, M sleeps through the night and J tends not to stay awake too long. I usually take her once a night and sleep on the couch with her to give Trish a break.

    Your intuitions should be trusted – if it’s tearing your heart out, then it probably isn’t the right thing to do.

  • Izzy says:

    I admire you for being able to handle it. Getting up at all hours of the night is killing me, both figuratively and literally.

  • NoodleMonkey says:

    You can only do what you can do. When my kids were getting up at all hours, I literally stopped functioning during the day. It was best for the family as a unit for them to sleep (and for me to sleep.) It ain’t easy, but if it’s what’s best for your family, do it, and try not to feel bad about it.

  • barbex says:

    Been there, done that, failed it.
    We had grown tired of sitting at our sons bed for 30-60 minutes atnight until he fell asleep. So we tried to sleep train him.
    After three nights of crying until he fell asleep from pure exhaustion only to take it up again after two hours, we saw our little boy change from a happy child to miserable, dreading sleeping time. When before, bedtime was a non issue now he started crying as soon as anyone mentioned sleep!

    We decided that this is not our thing, we can give 30 minutes to our sons sleep. We stopped this project, told him that we would go back to things like they were before. Peace was restored, Happiness returned.

    But he never woke up at night so things are a bit different for you.
    Ohter people have done this successfully. Trust your gut feeling, you know what is right.

  • Darla says:

    i have zero to no baby experience. :(

    read your comment, unfortunatly jasonbschmidt didn’t actually blogspam me, he is my best friend, he’s just bein a goof.

  • dennis says:

    heeheehee…as we have learned, once they get into your bed they will never leave.

    as for letting them cry themselves to sleep, it will eventually work. however they first have to cry as if you have torn their souls from their bodies. Once they are absolutely certain you are not having any more fun, then they start to sleep without the tantrums.

  • miah says:

    oh, i can see the trouble comng on. lila already has some pretty stinky nights. we co-sleep, and fully intended to wean her into a room at a year, but our house is so small…it’d be like sticking her in the computer room (ahem, she says, you mean my bedroom?) or the livingroom. good luck.

  • I’ve been there. It sucks. But it got better.

  • Jessica says:

    I can totally sympathize with you. We would snuggle with our daughter until she went to sleep until she was about 2 & 1/2. It wasn’t hard breaking her of that but after six months of good nights she has recently decided that she doesn’t want to go to sleep. She is trying everything. From needing to potty to desperately needing to tell me something, and then having to make it up when I get there.

    The most frustrating part is how I dread bedtime now. I know it is not going to be easy and could take up to an hour.

    Hang in there.

  • Lisa says:

    I am totally there with you – and our FOUR year old is still waking up at least twice a night for crazy reasons…needing milk, needing to sleep with ME – there’s no Daddy clinginess at all, which I am totally wishing for. Add the 3 and 2 year olds also getting up at least twice a night, and I’m a wreck. I wish I could do the CIO, but they just get up out of bed and come in and get me. I’m so ready to move into a hotel….alone. I’m that sleep deprived.

  • Trish says:

    That comment about them never leaving your bed isn’t true. M is 4 years old and has been sleeping happily in our room for his whole life. He is just getting to the point where he is ready for his own room, so we are responding to his needs. How bout giving co-sleeping a try? The waking isn’t nearly so annoying when they are right next to you and you can rub their back when they are upset.

    Try this: Tear off 3 squares of toilet paper and take a good look. Now unroll about 40 or 50 or so and look. Each square is only a year of the time you get to spend with your kids. Compare the three to the long one that represents the rest of your life. Very small, huh? You only have a few years when your kids have such high needs. Hug them all you can when they cry. These years will be over before you know it and you’ll forget all about the tiring nights. No mother that I know ever got to old age and looked back and wished they’d answered their baby’s cries a few times *less*!

  • Christina says:

    We did modified CIO with Cordy, and it worked very well. She’s a very light sleeper, and often still wakes up in the middle of the night. But she knows she’s safe, and so she talks to her stuffed animals, sings a little to herself, and then goes back to sleep every time. That’s how she goes to bed, too – we put her in her crib, she happily talks to herself for 10-20 minutes, and then she goes to sleep.

    I hope that you’ll have the same experience. Cordy has always been an independent child, so teaching her that she was safe in bed and needed to go back to sleep worked well. Now if she cries, we go to her right away, because we know something is clearly wrong.

  • Susie J says:

    I think it is more painful for the Mom to listen to the crying than it is for the child. There were times when I had to let my kids cry, but I believed all those books who said that if I do this — they’ll be better sleepers for life. Well, my 11 year old still has trouble falliing asleep. So do for now, whatever makes you sane, and just remember, you’ll need to keep making adjustments as you go.

  • Izzy says:

    Trish,

    I am with you 1000% but there are a few obstacles to co-sleeping for us. The first being my husband, who is absolutely opposed to the idea. I don’t mind it at all because I really adore my little guy and any extra time with him is golden but the huz won’t go for it. He’s heard those stories of 5 yr olds still co-sleeping…

    The second obstacle is that P goes to bed at 8pm and we go to bed much, much later. I do all my work at night so it’s not negotiable. And P is not able to sleep in the big bed unattended. He climbs down and finagles the door open so one of us would have to go to bed with him at 8pm and my husband isn’t going to give up his down time for that and I can’t because I have to work.

    So, regretfully, for now anyway, P has to sleep in his crib. But thank you for your comment. I appreciate that you took the time to illustrate your point. You and Arp seem like awesome parents.

  • motherofbun says:

    It is so difficult to not snuggle them when they are awake in the middle of the night. You are tired and they are warm and cuddly and you will do whatever it takes to get back to sleep. I’ve got a 4.5 year old and there are STILL alot of nights he wakes up. gah!

    I hope he starts sleeping through the night for you soon!

  • Heather says:

    No ass-vice here since I’m kid-less but you definitely have my sympathy. Hope kiddo gets all sorted out and all is well very soon. You must be exhausted.

  • meghan says:

    I think CIO is bad for babies, but seeing as your little person is 18 months, I say do whatever you need to do to get everyone a good nights sleep at some point. Desperate times call for desperate measures. There is a reason sleep deprivation is an effective tool of torture. Good luck to you.

  • Melanie says:

    I don’t want to give you advice because frankly, one of my kids is almost a teenager and the other one just turned eight, and so any frame of reference I’d have would be outdated by new research and expert advice.
    I will tell you that I did use CIO before I knew what it was called or that there was a book or a method named for it… I just went on instinct and did what I felt was needed. With my second child, I had almost no problems with sleep at all, and so co-sleeping (again, before I knew what it was) worked for me.
    Every kid is different, and every parent is different, and every kid comes at a different psychological moment in a parent’s life; each and every situation is different, and there’s no ‘one-size-fits-all’ answer, no instant solution. You do what’s right for you, and that’s fine.

  • Arp says:

    Thank you. I do recall that it was much harder the first time around, also because M would not take comfort from me like J does now. who knows tho – maybe it was me and i’m just better than i was then.

    does your husband at least share in the getting-up-at-night duties?

  • kittenpie says:

    The thing that worked for us was to go in, say hello, give her one quick back pat, and say that now we had to go. Next time, we’d wait five minutes or so, next time ten. We also only go in if she’s full-on upset.

    I’ve also read the idea of sitting in a chair by their bed but with your back to them, and then moving the chair progressively closer to the door until you are in the door, then just beside it but visible, then in the hall, then gone. Over the course of a week or so.

    But if you really want solid advice? Ask Mary P!

  • Pattie says:

    Izzy,
    With the exception of when my kids were ill, I was determined that they were going to sleep in their own beds no matter what. The result? I have three kids who go to bed every night without a fight. I never made bedtime a huge issue. I made it fun, and a part of their autonomy. It works to let them cry it out for a few nights. Hang in there. He will (and you will) get through it.

  • Diana says:

    Why you horrible, horrible mother! :p

    Oh please, Izzy! No one in their right mind would even begin to think you want any less than the very best for your kids! I say feel out what works for you, and go with it. A sane and rested (at least somewhat) momma is better than an insane sleep-deprived one, do what you gotta do to keep the family peace!

    ((HUGS))

  • Devra says:

    Every time my kids hit a developmental milestone their sleeping pattern got all out of wack for a good month or even longer. When this happened I did a modification on letting em cry it out. What we did when one of them was having a hard time sleeping is we would begin the bedtime routine earlier than “normal” (about 15 min to a half hour or so), then I (or my huz) would sit in their room with a book to read. One of OUR books, not the kids! This way our son saw we were “present” but he was not dependant upon us to rock him or hold him, etc. He also saw we had our attention on something other than him.

    If he cried, we would look up from the book and just repeat “You are okay. You know how to sleep. You can do it!” Usually about 15-30 minutes of this reptition would do the trick. Sometimes if I sat in the rocking chair, just the sound of the rocker would soothe him to settle down. What made this routine successful is our son saw we were there and got reinforcement from us that we believed he could take charge of the situation and we would be there to support him. Sometimes it took a couple of weeks of this, other times it would be just be a couple of days. Sometimes I would bring in a glass of wine for myself and that seemed to relax me too. So it ended up being a win/win for all of us. I got to get some reading done, our sons re-learned how to sleep on their own and we didn’t end up spending hours listening to a crying kid and feeling like failures. Of course all kids are different, so someoen may end up having a few more hours of crying if their child is really persistant, so I don’t want to lead anyone on that this will totally avert melt-downs and frustrations. But it’s just another way of doing it.

  • krista says:

    George is 18 months old, and my husband used to rock him to sleep every night until a few weeks ago. He was having shoulder pain and a massage therapist (whom I made him go to) told him that he probably had tendonitis from doing a repeated action. QUickly he realized that it was probably the rocking of 33 pound George everynight.

    We gave in to the hated three letters.

    Guess what? In 5 minutes he was asleep. Now everynight he goes to sleep on his own, and cries for maybe one minute.

    We tried the CIO thing before. I wrote about it in a post called 42 minutes. Because that is how long he cried the first (and pretty much last) time we tried it.

    He wasn’t ready for it.

    But now- he finally came around.

    I hope your little one does too!

  • Izzy says:

    Yes, we basically alternate but sometimes I wear earplugs (because he snores on occasion) and I don’t hear P so he will get up with him numerous times and just let me sleep, which I admittedly love.

  • jody says:

    Oh, that is so hard. I second the co-sleeping suggestion, but understand why it does not work for you. It really works well if both parents are on board with it. I have 4 and have co-slept with all but one, and everyone ‘cept our 2yo are in their own beds without sleep issues.

    One thing…my second son (the one who did not want to co-sleep and preferred his crib) started crying like that multiple times each night when he was a toddler….it went on for days and days and then into weeks. I finally took him to the doctor and he had bilateral ear infections. No signs or symptoms. No fever, nothing. Just the night crying. He was treated with anitbiotics and the night waking stopped. That might be something to check out.

    Good luck and I hope you get a good night sleep soon!

  • Maniacal says:

    I don’t want to give you ASS-vice, but I decided to leave you this comment because we sound very similar in regards to the CIO thing. I hated it. I had such a hard time doing it. HOWEVER, co-sleeping was not an option for us for all the reasons that you mentioned, plus the fact that my husband is such a light sleeper that he gets no sleep at all when my daughter is in the bed with us.

    What I did was a combo thing, and it worked for us. I couldn’t bring myself to let her cry for hours, and that’s what it would have taken. I worked on 5 min intervals. If after the first 5 minutes the sound of the crying didn’t change for the better (it almost always did) then I’d go in. If it did change, then I’d wait 5 more. It made it easier for me to have a end in site. 20 minutes was my max. I couldn’t stand more than that.

    After doing that for a couple of days, it got better, but I started to get burnt out. Couldn’t handle it, started thinking – There has GOT to be a better way to teach her this!!

    So what I did was sit next to the crib, one hand on her back as she cried. It worked much much better. I was there to comfort her, but I didn’t pick her up, and she wasn’t hysterical cause I was right there. She would fall asleep, and I would sneak out. The key to this is NO EYE CONTACT. I lay her in, and I sit right on the floor next to the crib, head down, eyes closed.

    NOW I’m happy to say that I lay her in her crib, and she may make a peep or two, but the crying has stopped. I still sit by the crib for a minute while she settles, but I don’t mind that.

    Just my $.02 Good Luck hun.

  • DeAnn says:

    I think that’s the best decision. He’s more likely to realize you can’t control him if you … don’t let him!

  • dorothy says:

    The little angel went through a six-month period when she did things like this. We tried everything (if archive digging, start in August 2005 and see through about February 2006). Save yourself some time – put your sleep first. I say this as a friend. We resorted to sleeping on the floor of her room because my beloved didn’t want to share the bed. But seriously – it could be a phase, and it could take a while to pass. Stop thinking you can bend your little darling to your will and just do what you need to do to get your sleep. You are important too, my dear.

  • I lack the energy and stick-to-it-ive-ness to do the three letter acronym … with all three of my kids. I play musical beds. Whatever to get us all through night and my kindergartner well rested enough to go to 8 a.m. to 3 p.m. school. Whatever gets ME rested enough to drink a whole pot of coffee on the daily. Good luck, mama.

  • Aprylsantics says:

    I wish I could give some advice. I’ve been back and forth a few days and was hoping I could offer some gem from my experience, but all seems to blur together. We did what we could do. We literally walked my daughter to sleep for several months to the same song over and over (If I never hear “Pink Moon” again…) for hours taking turns. She slept with us and before our son was born we weaned her out of our room by having my husband sleep with her in her own room. Then when my son was born almost 4 years ago, we co-slept with him. He’s still there. My daughter sneaks in at 3 am and it’s like “Little House on the Prairie” with all of us wedged on our sides, arms falling asleep and legs cramping. Our laziness inconveniences us, but OVERALL I can remember not losing large amounts of sleep. Instead, we opted for years of minor sleep loss.

  • Oh Izzy! I think as parents, we’ve all been there before. Sleep deprivation can play lots of tricks on everyone. I’m a fan of CIO! And with three kids and one more on the way, they all seemed fine to me after we check to make sure they were not wet, or even worse puked as a result of crying too much.

    I really wish you luck, it will get better I promise. Just don’t give up. Eventually, P will know that his parents mean business. Big hugs to you!!

  • joy says:

    i don’t have any suggestions, but only reassurances that this is the Right Thing. ANd I would personally just go cold turkey and stay out of there. I did it with my first boy, and life was immeasurably better–and HE was better too. Sleep–who knew kids actually thrive on UNINTERRUPTED SLEEP? In other words, this can feel selfish, but he needs it as much, if not more than you.

    I say all this, but I am currently co-sleeping with my 10 week old because it’s just so fucking convenient for the boob access. I’ll be coming down your road soon enough. (sigh…)

  • We had to “let her cry” a few time and it was horrible (for us). Thankfully we haven’t had to do that more than 3 times in 18 months.

    You’d think somebody would invent a robot to help a parent out…

  • Jill says:

    Visiting via Blog Explosion. :)

    I totally understand what you have been going through. I had to use the CIO method with my youngest. She was a very clingy baby… still is today actually. She would not sleep on her own unless she was out cold when I put her down and even then, she would wake up several times. It eventually got to the point where I spent four nights sitting up in a rocking chair trying to get her to sleep but she would start screaming if I tried to put her down. Due to pure exhaustion, I went to letting her cry it out. The first night was absolutely horrible. I cried all night right along with her but I stuck to it and it got better. After 2 nights, she was sleeping on her on just fine. :)

  • MamaKBear says:

    My little one is going on 22 months old and is going through this also.

    You are not alone!

  • Karen says:

    I’d read this post before, but just had to add I’ve done a similar post today on the same subject….because I really feel your pain. This is the 2nd child of mine to put me through the wringer like this

  • Felisha says:

    I’m doing the same thing! I have the No Cry Sleep Solution, but I’ve modified it a bit. I was picking her up for a few minutes as she cried, then I’d sit her back in the crib when she was almost asleep. Now I just sit by the bed, no eye contact, and either pat her chest and tell her it’s ok or I’ll gently rock her (she’s swaddled)–and 2 1/2 months old. It’s working–and last night she slept 7 hours straight, AND she’s nursing. Good luck. Every night is different though.

  • Henry's Mom says:

    We just got through with the CIO and let me say I was VERY scared of the prospect, but after one hellish night when he decided to sleep no longer than 30 m at a time all night long (this was after about 6 weeks of increasing night wakings) we bit the bullet. Our boy is 6 months old and once we committed, it took us 2 (yes only 2!) days to break him of all bad night sleep habits! It was a miracle. Night 3: I got 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep – not ONE single peep from him from 8:30pm to 6:30am! We decided to go in immediately whenever he started crying to feel his pjs to make sure he wasn’t wet, make sure he had no limbs painfully sticking out of the crib, and then patted his tummy good night, then leave. He would scream like crazy, and we decided for every 30 min of crying, we would repeat the check-in process. It wasn’t fun, but it worked! Good luck!!

  • Henry's Mom says:

    We just got through with the CIO and let me say I was VERY scared of the prospect, but after one hellish night when he decided to sleep no longer than 30 m at a time all night long (this was after about 6 weeks of increasing night wakings) we bit the bullet. Our boy is 6 months old and once we committed, it took us 2 (yes only 2!) days to break him of all bad night sleep habits! It was a miracle. Night 3: I got 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep – not ONE single peep from him from 8:30pm to 6:30am! We decided to go in immediately whenever he started crying to feel his pjs to make sure he wasn’t wet, make sure he had no limbs painfully sticking out of the crib, and then patted his tummy good night, then leave. He would scream like crazy, and we decided for every 30 min of crying, we would repeat the check-in process. It wasn’t fun, but it worked! Good luck!!

  • Henry's Mom says:

    We just got through with the CIO and let me say I was VERY scared of the prospect, but after one hellish night when he decided to sleep no longer than 30 m at a time all night long (this was after about 6 weeks of increasing night wakings) we bit the bullet. Our boy is 6 months old and once we committed, it took us 2 (yes only 2!) days to break him of all bad night sleep habits! It was a miracle. Night 3: I got 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep – not ONE single peep from him from 8:30pm to 6:30am! We decided to go in immediately whenever he started crying to feel his pjs to make sure he wasn’t wet, make sure he had no limbs painfully sticking out of the crib, and then patted his tummy good night, then leave. He would scream like crazy, and we decided for every 30 min of crying, we would repeat the check-in process. It wasn’t fun, but it worked! Good luck!!

  • Henry's Mom says:

    We just got through with the CIO and let me say I was VERY scared of the prospect, but after one hellish night when he decided to sleep no longer than 30 m at a time all night long (this was after about 6 weeks of increasing night wakings) we bit the bullet. Our boy is 6 months old and once we committed, it took us 2 (yes only 2!) days to break him of all bad night sleep habits! It was a miracle. Night 3: I got 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep – not ONE single peep from him from 8:30pm to 6:30am! We decided to go in immediately whenever he started crying to feel his pjs to make sure he wasn’t wet, make sure he had no limbs painfully sticking out of the crib, and then patted his tummy good night, then leave. He would scream like crazy, and we decided for every 30 min of crying, we would repeat the check-in process. It wasn’t fun, but it worked! Good luck!!

  • Henry's Mom says:

    We just got through with the CIO and let me say I was VERY scared of the prospect, but after one hellish night when he decided to sleep no longer than 30 m at a time all night long (this was after about 6 weeks of increasing night wakings) we bit the bullet. Our boy is 6 months old and once we committed, it took us 2 (yes only 2!) days to break him of all bad night sleep habits! It was a miracle. Night 3: I got 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep – not ONE single peep from him from 8:30pm to 6:30am! We decided to go in immediately whenever he started crying to feel his pjs to make sure he wasn’t wet, make sure he had no limbs painfully sticking out of the crib, and then patted his tummy good night, then leave. He would scream like crazy, and we decided for every 30 min of crying, we would repeat the check-in process. It wasn’t fun, but it worked! Good luck!!

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