I’m finally back to posting after a nice Thanksgiving. The food was good, the company was pleasant and that for which I am so very thankful…the TV remained off the entire time. I have a real pet peeve about TV’s being on at a social gathering. We listened to music all day instead and it was way better.
Since the huz drove us there and I was driving us home, I didn’t drink any alcohol. I was beat anyway. I’d stayed up late the night before and as the day wore on, all standard child-related duties plus the ancillary ones like making sure P didn’t destroy my SIL’s house, seemed to become my responsibility while the huz socialized and partook in the pleasant lubrication of an alcoholic beverage or two. By the time we rolled out of the driveway at 7:30pm, I was so ready to be home.
As soon as we got on the interstate I noticed I was having a hard time keeping my eyes open. For an hour and a half I pinched at my arm hairs through my jacket to stay awake. Good times, indeed, and tiny little bruises to boot.
When we were almost home P started to cry and when we got him into the house, we saw that he was COVERED with hives, which terrifies me because my daughter has a deadly food allergy. I gave him some Benadryl and and after he stopped scratching, I reluctantly put him to bed.
The next morning, still a bit testy about the division of labor at my SIL’s house, I wasn’t being very pleasant to the huz who seemed to feel like sleeping in was his destiny and without going into all the specifics, we ended up having a big argument.
It wasn’t about the night before or about any one thing in particular, which is what boggles my mind the most. And yet it’s the same argument we have had about twice a year for nearly all of the 12 years we’ve been married and long before we had children.
I don’t want to misrepresent my husband. It’s not that he’s a bad person, or that he hurts me me in any way. It’s not that he spends all our money on gambling or drugs or stays out all night. He’s a great husband and father and human being in all the ways that really matter and he does help around the house and he does help with the kids. He’s good with all that stuff. But there are issues…
I know going to work every day is a responsibility but it’s OVER at 5pm. My job is 24-7. And EVEN though he takes care of the kitchen, trash, outside stuff and helps with the kids, I still feel like the overall responsibility of making our lives run smoothly is mine and that it counts for just as much as his job.
And it’s not that he disagrees, either, because he knows what I do all day is hard. But it’s something else that goes way beyond whose turn it is to change the next diaper or get up with the baby in the middle of the night. I can and do ask him to do those things with NO problem. I reiterate…doing his part with housework, childcare etc. is not the issue.
The best way I can put it is to say that sometimes I would like him to step up, unsolicited, and just steer the damn ship and be the responsible party and make all the decisions and let me just sit back and be passive and and not have to think or worry about any aspect of our lives for just a little while, now and then. Doesn’t everyone need that sometime? Please tell me this makes sense.
During our argument, I had asked him when MY day off was? When is MY holiday from work? His response was that he is getting paid to not be at work which STILL doesn’t answer my question…when is MY day off? He doesn’t GET that if he had to be “on duty” every second of his life, he’d be resentful, too. In my opinion, he’s the lucky one because he knows that no matter what, I will be in the background making sure everything, as in EVERY DAMN THING, is taken care of. Who wouldn’t want that? Shit! I want a wife, too.
Maybe I’m asking for something he can’t give. Or maybe I’m the one who needs to change. I can’t even tell anymore. But I definitely don’t want to end up as the couple that’s been married for decades and barely speak to each other anymore because they can’t put themselves in the other person’s shoes.
No. I want to be happy. Deliriously, foolishly happy. But I’d settle for just being content. And thus, another argument is swept under the rug while I ponder what to do.
And to tie up my holiday weekend in a nice little bow, I took P to the doctor on Friday and the doctor determined that his recent rash and hives are the onset of a virus (which reared it’s ugly head today with a super high fever) Oh, and TQ developed hives on her stomach when we were AT the pediatrician’s office yesterday so I imagine her own viral illness will kick in sometime tomorrow. This is two weekends in a row of sick kids.
God clearly hates me.