First there was the doggy door incident where I turned my back on P for a minute to throw some laundry in the machine. I turned around to find him still chattering away in the general proximity of the patio but on the other side of the screen. AS IN OUTSIDE!
Yes officer, that is correct. The last time I saw my toddler was right before he absconded through the DOGGY DOOR!
Then there was the dishwasher incident where I left P sitting on the carpet 10 feet away, playing with a few of his favorite non-toys (my wallet, my headset and an old cellphone) while I went to the bathroom. When I returned less than a minute later, he was gone.
I followed the noise to the kitchen where I found him standing on the opened dishwasher door with the cat next to him and his hand in my box of Captain Crunch. I removed him, with much protest, and when I went to close up the cereal, I noticed he had stashed some forks and knives inside. And then I noticed he had very kindly emptied a few glasses from the dishwasher and placed them on the counter. Glasses? Forks? Knives? All he needed to complete the scenario was a lighter and some rat poison…
And now Dangerboy’s latest antic…climbing out of his crib head first. CRIB DIVING, DAMMIT!!!!
Of course we appreciate the punk rockness of it, honey, but it’s gotta stop.
So…this means the doggy door must be closed whenever P is on the patio. And now I have to use the dreaded baby gates since he knows how to lock and unlock the dishwasher, as well as turn it on. And it also means we are the owners of another new baby safety device.
And just in case you’re wondering how I could be so clueless about things like dishwashers and doggy doors, I plead ignorance. My daughter was nothing like this. She never got into anything or attempted any crazy stunts. I had NO idea toddlers could be so wily and insane. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
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