Okay, Where are the Cameras?

Posted by on October 9, 2006

I went to the 24 hour CVS tonight to pick up a few things, including some cough syrup and a decongestant because I have yet another kindergarten cold.

As I exited the cold medicine aisle, marveling over how one human body can manufacture so much snot, I spotted Jennifer Weiner’s new book and stopped to take a gander. I was flipping around, trying to decide if the book of short stories was any good when I heard an accented voice next to me.

“Excuse me”

I look over to see a nicely-groomed blondish guy, not really “hott” but not scary nasty, either. Apparently, he is speaking to um…me.


“I would like to tell you that you are very beautiful” he said, spoken slowly and in an accent I cannot identify; possibly Russian or eastern European.

Huh? I mean I’m having a pretty good hair day and I know a woman with a phlegmy cough is SO irresistible but seriously…this is like Candid Camera or something, right? Where is Allen Funt?

But instead I just smile and say “thank you” because I can’t even remember the last time a person of the male persuasion complimented me, which is kind of pathetic on my part. I mean he could be a con artist or serial killer or something and I’m smiling at him.

But wait…I can see he’s winding up to say something else.

“I would like to ask you…”

Don’t tell me. Let me guess. You need some money for a cab because your car is broken down.

Or you need help picking out tampons for your sister/girlfriend/roomate.

Or…I’ve got it! You want me to buy you beer because you lost your passport, right?

“…can we go to a date together?”

The hell? A date? You want to go to a date? I glance over my shoulder looking for the cameras as I tell him in my very sexy hoarse voice that I am married. I even show him my ring just in case he wants to debate the point. But he doesn’t. He just say’s “Oh, okay” and hightails it out of there.

I’m not totally convinced that he didn’t have an ulterior motive because seriously, what normal guy is hitting on older women in a drugstore at 11:30 pm?

He could be part of some foreign white slavery ring that specializes in frumpy American housewives because a certain sultan overseas prefers them and his M.O. is to find them out alone at night and flatter them and convince them to go out with him and when they do, he kidnaps them.

Stop rolling your eyes already. It could happen.

I told my husband when I came home and he laughed.

LAUGHED, dammit.


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