Happy Halloween!

Do they have 12 step programs for people that love Halloween too much?

I may need one…

The cards we sent…

At the pumpkin patch!

Also at the pumpkin patch!

Our pumpkin!

Our haunted house (made from a kit)

The candy corn costume made by yours truly!

Unfrosted ghost cakes for TQ’s class!

One of many new decorations purchased
months before Halloween!

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Don’t assume the telephone calls are coming from another house.

When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it’s really dead.

Don’t go into the basement to check the power when the lights go out.

If your children speak to you in Latin, Sanskrit, or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. Although this seems harsh, it will save you a lot of grief in the long run. Note that it will take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else’s voice.

As a general rule, don’t solve puzzles that open a portal to Hell.

If you wake up from a particularly horrific dream and find yourself still alive, you probably aren’t awake yet.

Always believe the kid. Even if the kid has lied before, even if you think that the kid has been watching too much TV — believe the kid.

If you’re searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it’s just the cat, don’t stand there sighing with relief - GET OUT!

If appliances start operating by themselves, don’t check for short circuits; JUST GET OUT!

The weirdo is always the one who saw this coming.

Do not take anything from the dead.

Don’t fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you’re really sure you know what you’re doing.

If trees, TVs, or other objects try to consume your children, save as many as you can and then get out of the area.

Never, ever, make fun of the “odd” kid.

Don’t go camping.

If at any time the house or place you’re staying in asks you to get out - DON’T argue.

If you’re running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice; more if you are of the female persuasion and/or wearing high heels.

If you turn and look back, and you don’t see the maniac/spirit/demon/creature chasing you, stop and run immediately back the way you came because the maniac/spirit/demon/ creature is now in front of you.

Listen to the dying person. They have the best ideas.

If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, etc., kill them immediately.

If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, and you think it strange because you were sure you had a full tank, shoot yourself. You are going to die anyway, and will most likely be eaten.

Never speak to clowns in sewers.

Castles are not normally found in the American Midwest. Be wary.

Beware of strangers bearing strange tools; for example: chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, laser pistols, Alludium Q-36 explosive space modulators, or any devices made from deceased companions. Also, be wary of anyone driving a combine.

Happy Halloween!

Pole Dancing! The Cure for Childhood Obesity

This is my 200th post! And 200 is significant because?

Uh, I guess it isn’t. Moving on then…

So have you heard the one about the stripper poles being sold as toys? Accidentally, of course. In a nutshell, this UK supermarket chain called Tesco mistakenly had these stripper pole kits for sale on their web site IN THE TOY SECTION!

Ooopsy!

Yeah, they allege that it was an error that they were placed in the toy section of the site — and perhaps that’s true — but then they said this:

“Tesco last night denied the pole dancing kit was sexually oriented and said it was clearly marked for “adult use”

So yeah, they claim the stripper pole isn’t actually a toy (noooo! really?) and that it’s also not sexually-oriented (even though the package invites one to “Unleash the sex kitten inside”).

Ummmm…okay, then.

So what the hell IS it?

It’s a FITNESS item, you dolt! Must I explain everything??? Geez…

One particularly brilliant commenter, Valerie of Gateshead, says:

Common sense should prevail here, there are those parents who will be outraged and those parents who see it as a way of their children using it to keep fit, in the end it will rest on the parent’s integrity.

She’s kidding, right? There aren’t really parents who see pole dancing as a way for their children to keep fit, are there?

Even their sons?

Valerie? Anyone?

Are people actually this dumb?

I’m thinking yes.

Anyway, deservedly or not, Tesco is being ripped a new one. *snicker*

(Thanks Karen)

Have you seen the hugging video yet? I guess it’s been out for a week or two and it finally turned up in my email box today.

It’s so inspiring that I want to go out and do it, too. This is some serious feel-good video.

Happy weekend, all!

Have Kids, Will Party?

Urrrrgghhhh! I learned the hard way over the weekend that I am not a “party with the kids” kind of mom. I mean I never thought I was or anything but I used to always wonder how some of my friends with children always managed to go to a party or get-together when they had young kid(s) and no babysitter.

Easy! They just take the kids with them.

My question is HOW?

How the holy hell do you do that AND have fun?

No really…I want to know because I tried, against my better judgment, and it was just short of disastrous. Toddlers in homes that have no little ones must be corralled and scooped up and chased around and removed from areas and it doesn’t stop the entire time.

After an hour I was exhausted and I knew that my first instincts were correct. I didn’t want to go to this thing because I knew P would be hard to manage but it was a guilt/obligation thing and thus, I didn’t listen to my gut.

Well, after drinking a Natural Light beer that tasted like ass and eating several greasy little pig-in-a-blanket thingies, my gut was speaking to me loud and clear. It was saying “Find a bathroom NOW!!!”

I recently started back on birth control and I’ve been feeling queasy a lot lately. I think the bad beer and greasy food pushed my pseudo-pregnant tummy over the edge. Ughhh.

My 6 yr old daughter probably had the most fun out of all of us because she got to hang out with my friend’s 8 year old. I had to be a big old buzzkill, though, and tell them that my daughter wasn’t allowed to watch a horror movie on cable. A horror movie? The hell? They’re little kids!

Add in some drunk people that are my age acting like 20 yr old frat boys and the lowbrow portion of my evening from hell was complete. Thank God P started to get tired and grumpy around 8:30pm so we had a valid excuse to bail.

The following day we got invited to what I imagine will be a very fun costume party next Saturday night. The hostess said everyone is bringing their kids but seriously, what does one do with a 16 month old at a party that doesn’t start until 7pm when his bedtime is normally 8pm? I just don’t get it.

I called today to give our regrets so we’ll be home next Saturday night and though I bitch plenty about how boring we are these days, I’m honestly relieved.

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Check out this cute picture of P wearing his new Beastie Boys shirt sent especially for him from my friend, Mel.

Thanks Mel, it fits perfectly!

Stop the Insanity!

Last meta post for the foreseeable future. Pinky swear :)

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First and foremost, I’d like to thank those who commented on the previous post. Your wisdom, insight and kindness did me a world of good. I didn’t read blogs much last week, for which I feel very guilty, but I caught up a little the past couple days and read even MORE posts from people experiencing blogging blues, blahs, pressure and/or guilt. I had no idea.

The funny thing is that we all sort of mention the same things. That makes me think that though this is likely cyclical, as many a wise commenter suggested, I needed to draft something official to address this ennui.

Friends and passersby, I give you my declaration of independence from all ridiculous and counterproductive thoughts and behaviors related to blogging.

A Blogging Declaration of Independence

1. I will only write when I feel like writing. I will not allow myself to feel obligated to write a blog post or do any other blog-related activity if I don’t feel like it.

2. I will no longer stop to consider if a post will be boring to other people or use that as a deciding factor in what I write.

3. I will write from my heart and remember that my blog is about me and whatever I want to write about.

4. I will not compare myself to other bloggers.

5. I will not allow myself to feel bad if I notice that someone doesn’t come to my blog anymore.

6. I will not concern myself with comments or stat counters or other numeric devices that might have the ability to affect my mood or what I write.

7. I will not feel bad if something I care about doesn’t get a lot of feedback or comments.

8. I will always try to remember that blogging is a hobby first and foremost. When it stops being fun, I will step away and re-evaluate.

9. I will no longer feel guilty about not commenting “as much as I should” because my first responsibility is to myself and my kids. Though I love reading and connecting with other bloggers, real life needs to come first.

10. I will make an effort to not get lost in blogging. Just because I can while away an entire evening in the blogsophere with relative ease doesn’t mean I should.

11. I will not worry about losing readers if I change my focus from time to time.

12. I will be true to myself and my feelings. I will be cranky if that’s how I feel. Being a diplomat 24-7 is just exhausting and unnatural.

13. I will try really hard to fight that feeling that I am missing out on something if I’m not reading and commenting on blogs.

14. In committing myself to this declaration, I am setting myself free so that I can enjoy blogging more and stress about it less.

15. I will update and add to this declaration as necessary.

I invite anyone who wants it to take this declaration and personalize it to your specific needs. Post it on your blog and link to it from your sidebar so you will see it and think about it regularly. Be sure to come back and let me know about it so I can link you from this post :)

THESE PEOPLE ARE ON THE ROAD TO SANITY!

aka people posting or linking to:

Procrastamom

Turning Points

I have these….thoughts….buzzing around in my brain. They’re begging me to make sense of them and put them up on my blog. They are those kind of thoughts that probably don’t mean much to anyone else but I am compelled to share them nonetheless. And that, gentle readers, is probably one of the best things about blogging. You think it, you type it, and SHABLAMMMMMMM! It’s out there. YOU are a publisher. It’s much more powerful than I realize sometimes.

But let me just drop the whole facade of a smoove segue and get right to the point (frequently difficult for me)…

The blogosphere is on it’s fricken ear lately. Or is that just me projecting onto everyone else? Many of us seem to be at turning points in our blogging endeavors. Some have quit. Some entertain quitting. Some are taking a break. Some are depressed. Some are feeling pressured. Others are feeling creatively-challenged. Some are re-evaluating why they blog at all.

I hate to get all meta on ya’ll because I know a few of you detest discussing blogging in the blog format but I don’t have any other outlet so here’s your chance to bail. Run while you can. The rest of you please make yourselves comfy, have a powdered sugar donut if you like *passes bag of Sweet Sixteens around*

So…is this the blogging equivalent of a seven year itch?

It seems like many of us that are nearing or have recently reached our one year anniversaries are doing a lot of blogger soul-searching these days. I know…this doesn’t apply to everyone. No need to comment on that. But it seems like so many people that I read and many that I care about are unhappy.

What gives?

Is it that after blogging for so long, we feel less inclined to hide the more unpleasant aspects of our lives? Has blogging just helped shine a light on the darker parts of our lives and our selves?

Are people just burning out and it’s manifesting itself in our blogging via lack of interest, creativity, joy, enthusiasm, inspiration etc?

Is it just a natural part of the evolution of the medium that after a certain point some will tire of it for whatever reason and drop off? I’ve only been here for 11 months so I have nothing to compare it to. Anyone who’s been around for a few years have any thoughts or observations on that?

Or is it a natural response to a Pavlovian device that trains us to love feedback and interaction and we simply exhaust ourselves trying to maintain that blogger’s high that we all got the first time we had more than two comments by working feverishly to top our personal best every day?

Is it that regular everyday blogging does not and can not live up to the awesome times many of us had at BlogHer, resulting in a sort of collective letdown? Because I do recall a lot of malaise or dysthymia amongst attendees several weeks after the hubbub died down.

I have personally tried not to give in to those blogging blues, to not voice my feelings on the topic as much as I’d like to sometimes. In some ways, I’ve actually focussed on other things, specifically avoiding discussion of the medium itself, like my avoidance of the news (which is working out very well for me in case you’re interested) but the fact is, I’m feeling some of the ick, too.

For a while now I have been quietly evaluating my place in the blogosphere and wondering if I’m still doing it for the right reasons or just doing it because I’ve done it for almost a year and it’s become an old shoe metaphor.

What is the old shoe metaphor? Well…imagine that you have a pair of shoes that are so tired and worn out but you love them anyway. They are comfy and they’re always there for you so you keep them; resisting having to go try on and consider new shoes. The old shoes work and you know they don’t cause blisters so you just keep wearing them. They are safe.

I love blogging. I love the ability to write how I feel and put it out there and get feedback (usually positive, occasionally trollish). I like sharing my ups and downs with all of you and hearing your thoughts on things. In a weird way, I feel very connected to you, though most of you are total strangers. Blogging has a way of making the world seem a little smaller and a little less impersonal and I like that.

I truly do love blogging.

But things have changed a little. At first, I thought it would be great to have a place where I could talk about my life without feeling self-centered and say how I really feel about things and basically be as blunt and honest as I wanted. My huz thought a blog would be well-suited to my need to rant and opine and express myself.

So I did it and it was fun. Exhilarating, even, when I would get a few comments and realize someone was reading my words and felt compelled to respond to them. I suddenly understood why actors and musicians crave an audience. And I blogged. And blogged. And read blogs. And commented on blogs. And blogged some more. And made friends. And met friends. And continued to blog.

But somewhere along the way, I’ve begun to feel less true to myself. And I’m not sure why because everything I write is exactly how I feel. I never fudge my feelings. But maybe I’m holding back a little? In the interest of pleasing or not displeasing those who continue to come here and share the love.

Why? My best guess is because I LOVE the love and I don’t want it to go away. And honestly…who could blame me?

But trying to figure out new and interesting ways to spin my not-so-interesting life and opinions about things, in addition to reading and commenting on 100+ blogs, is exhausting. I mean there’s only so much one can say about poop (with all due respect to those who do it so well) and my beautiful and occasionally challenging children and the ups and downs of marriage and life being a SAHM and ___ ___ ___ ___(fill in the blanks) without feeling like a slightly broken record after a while.

But life IS mostly mundane and repetitive and we do run over the same old ground every day but somehow covering that same ground yet again seems hackneyed (for me anyway). And when I break away from all that, I usually end up on some rant about my well-documented hatred for a culture that is not conducive to raising children so much as sexy little adults and daughters with terrible self-esteem

So there I am, wondering how I can possibly cover any of my activistic ranty topics yet again and at the same time wondering how I can NOT? Because that’s what’s important to me right now. As my daughter grows and ventures out into the world where I have less influence on her and less ability to protect and guide her, I see more and more the need to do just that; to rail against things that make my job impossible. And while a few of you disagree with my way of parenting, I feel strongly about these things and I ought to be able to write about them without wondering if I’m flogging another dead horse or boring you and being a downer.

And yet I do wonder. And I hate it. And I frown upon myself for caring.

But I love the love.

And because of that conflict, I feel a bit stuck. I feel like I’m hanging on to those damned old shoes, resisting the change that is inherent to all aspects of life…even blogging.

And I don’t know how to get unstuck. To feel uncompromised and unconflicted. To feel like I used to feel.