Hungry Hearts
The other day at the community center I encountered a little boy, about seven years old who would have talked my ear off all afternoon if he could have. To say he was starved for attention would have been an understatement.
He told me he stayed at the center until 7pm every night. When I asked when he ate dinner, he said around 9pm but that it was okay because he ate lots of snacks at after-care.
What struck me most, however, was that in the course of our conversation, he announced the monetary value of everything he had (Playstation games, sneakers etc) or hoped to acquire.
It was sad because clearly he had been taught to value material things but it was equally clear that he really, really needed something intangible like some attention from his parent(s) or some other loving adult.
Unfortunately, this is not unusual with the kids who go to afterschool care at the community centers around here. If you seem the least bit interested, they will stick to you like glue and talk to you until you have to leave. They seem so…hungry…for someone to listen to them, to notice them.
I won’t even delve into the fact that they are grossly undersupervised and might as well be babysitting themselves…although I had no idea how much this observation would tie into the conference we had last night with my daughter’s kindergarten teacher.
That story, however, is worthy of it’s own post, which I don’t have time to compose right now. Suffice it to say that while I love the average Joe and Jane-ness of the parents I’ve seen around the school, as noted in a previous post, there’s much, much more to be said about the parents you never see at school and their children.
Stay tuned.
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Hubby told me about that boy. He had the same reaction as you. Sad.
Look forward to Part II!
That poor boy. Unfortunately, I have a friend who is equally neglecting her children… because she’s having an affair!!! It’s horrible. I’ll have to post about that soon.
I’ll be looking for your Part 2!
So sad. I found similar situations while I was subbing at the girls’ school.
I work full time but I vowed that I would never be THAT mother! My aunt is like that, drops the children off at 6:30 and picks them up at 6:30.
We have a similar problem within our family. Somebodies sister, (not mine I might add) has a couple of kids who would cut off their arms for a little parental affection and attention.
Said sister and husband are too busy looking right, fitting in and proving how rich they are that they substitute time and love with things.
When we confronted said sister about this, she told us to back off and respect the morals and beliefs they were teaching their kids.
Apparently, it is socially acceptable to teach your kids you can buy your way through life. And it is equally important to know the brand name and price of every little thing…
It is soo sad.
When my mom was alive she used to volunteer for the after school program at the elementary school where she was a secretary. She used to tell me about those kids, like the one you mentioned, who clung to her like velcro. Those were the ones who almost always were the ones who were picked up later than they should have been, after the program was over for the day. So sad.
It is nice for those kids that there are parents, like you, and I must say, like me, who have the time to listen to these children.
Oh, I know this well. Libraries are seen as free daycare by plenty of parents, especially in the branch I normally work in. Lunch may be a few bucks for the vending machine (chocolate and chips, as you might imagine). So sad, but that area is so poor and underserviced, there’s not much option.
That is a sad, sad story, Izzy. I hope he finds someone that he can count on to act as a strong, caring adult figure. If not, I worry about what kind of adult he will become.
His parents probably tell him the price of everything so they can somehow justify to him that they care. “Well, I just spent $200 on that game system. If I didn’t love you then I wouldn’t spend a dime on you!”
This reminded me of too many little souls I encountered when I worked the after-school program during my high school years. These kids would just stick to me and the other volunteers and their parents were more often late than on time. It still makes me sad thinking about some of those kids.
I went to a parent meeting last night. One parent asked how she could complain about one of the workers, but didn’t know that workers name…wasn’t even sure how to describe which person had made the mistake she wanted to complain about. This is not a big school. I think there are a total of 12 women that work there. You would think this parent could start by learning the NAMES of the people who care for her child all day so that she could talk to each one directly.
No, no. That is a crazy idea. I am nuts. Clearly.
I wonder how much he’s learned about the value of things…or just how quickly he’s learned to compensate for what he doesn’t have (and really wants) with the things he has. I’m sorry to hear this. It reminds me of the kids in my town whose parents through wads of cash at them in lieu of attention. They didn’t grow up to be the greatest people, let’s just say that.
I worked for a woman who once was that little girl. The little girl who wanted attention but her mom was too busy chasing rich men to pay attention to her. And no, it wasn’t fun working for her. In fact, she’d shop on-line for designer items. When the packages would come, she’d open them up in front of people she paid $6 an hour to who lived in a mobile home and barely got by. It was sad and pathetic.
so sad. but, honestly, i’d like for you to continue writing on this topic. looking forward to part II. it’s interesting to read. and so sad to read at the same time.
This reminds me of an experience I had when we first moved here. While walking Julia I met a girl, probably around 12, and her younger brother, who were so starved for attention it almost became annoying. The girl called us and came over unannounced for weeks after meeting us that day to the point where my husband and I had to speak to her parents about it. At the time the family was having quite a difficult time with an older sibling and it was quite upsetting for me to see these two kids — decent kids — who so obviously needed their parents love, affection and attention. I feel for the little boy and for those kids at the community centre…and I’m looking forward to the second part of this post.
And thanks for the heads up about the BB shout out — and congrats. :)
When I worked at the preschool, there were kids that were under 2 who were dropped off at 6 in the morning and picked up at 6 at night. Five days a week. It made me so sad, and I didn’t even have my own kids yet. I look forward to reading more from you on this!
Sounds like the two little girls across the street, who glom onto me whenever they see me. They always want to “ride” my bicycle…by ride I mean sit on the seat and grasp the handlebars and giggle like littlelunatics as I wheel them up and down the sidewalk. And heavens forfend my cat gets outside. They’d play with that cat for a week of sundays.
Their mom mostly just hollers at them from the porch day in and out, and so I think they are incredibly attracted by the notion of an adult who talks nicely to them. I have to get firm with them when they get too pesty, and because they’re used to no discipline whtsoever and repetitive yelling, they can be pretty hard to manage, but when all is said and done, they’re nice enough kids, and not getting half the chance they ought to get.
One of my friends, who runs a bike shop, said she’ll keep an eye out for a couple of little junk bikes, the size for a five and 7 year old, which I’m going to give to their mom for their use. These girls need something positive to do, and something to burn off their mischievous energy, and I know if they had heir right sizes, they’d be going 70 times a day up and down the sidewalk in front of our houses.
I feel sad for that boy, and for his parent(s). You might have a chance to really make a difference in his life.
I always find it sad when I encounter kids who have the opposite problem, they don’t know how to talk to adults, as if no adult ever just talks to them like they are a person. I will sometimes come across one of my kids’ classmates who, when asked a personal question, stares at me like they aren’t used to actually being talked to.
Those kinds of kids make me so sad. Do the exhausted parents who pick them up at the end of the day know how much love and attention their kids need? Are they getting it? I hope so, but I doubt it very much.
I was one of those kids. And I vowed that none of my kids would ever be like that! As a teacher I see it all the time. Very sad, but nice for me to be able to do what I can.
Wow poor kid. Can you adopt him?
I see this all the time …. When I see these kids, I feel terribly sad. Don’t their parents realize that their children are neglected and in need of love and attention? (sigh).
Aw man, that made my heart so sad. This is the stuff that breaks my heart. I’d like to adopt him….
Makes me wanna go hug my kids (even tho they are asleep right now).
That was sooo sad. I was a latch key kid. My situation wasn’t as bad as that kids, but my poor kids are a little too sheltered because I vowed that my kids wouldn’t have to go through any of that. Some parents put careers and jobs ahead of all else. The only ones that suffer, are the kids.
My husband says that I attract any creature under two feet tall. Animal or human. It’s so sad. I’ll be at McDonald’s at the playland making sure my kids don’t kill each other (or anyone else). Standing there minding my own business. Inevitably, a child will come up, stand next to me, and take my hand. I’ll look down and just say, “Hi there” and continue my vigil while using my peripheral vision to try and find the parent of this little new addition to the family. Usually, finally, a nanny of a different ethnicity will come and yell at me in another language. The children are always content to just stand with me holding their hand. They just want a “mommy” to touch them it seems. My heart breaks for them.