My Boobs…Have You Seen Them?
No?
Yeah, me neither.
In case you couldn’t tell, I went bra shopping. Well, actually, I was really going “not-ugly-jeans or tired t-shirts” shopping but the bra sale was so tempting, so alluring…I could not resist it’s gravitational pull. Plus, having Kristen, my BlogHer roommate, see me in my five year-old bras (uh…you can stop laughing now. It’s not THAT funny) might be a tad embarrassing. Oh, and also because… *mumbles*
I SAID MY OLD BRAS ARE KIND OF BIG NOW. Okay? Did you all hear that? I weaned my baby and lost my boobs.
So bras have changed a lot since I last shopped for one. They’re all…molded now. Like boob bowls. And many have massive amounts of foam rubber push-up padding in them which is kind of weird. I mean I want to support the twins, not bounce quarters off of them. And the underwire? HELLOOOO? Way uncomfortable and so not necessary when you’re formerly B-ish boobs are now A-ish little things where boobs used to be. Underwire wouldn’t help them anyway. I did get lucky, though, and find some great non-underwire bowl bras that will not feel like I have a couple of stale croissants tucked inside it when I hug someone. Score one for for the twins!
But the jeans….grrrr. Designers of jeans apparently have it in for tall chicks.
Tommy Hilfiger? I know you’re a pipsqueak and all but when you label your jeans “Long”, they ought to be long. I shouldn’t have to buy pants three sizes bigger to get some length. You need to talk to Ralph Lauren. His jeans may be cut like they’re for old ladies but he knows what “long” means, dammit!
Gauchos? COME ON, PEOPLE. They were fugly the first time around. Stop trying to sell us on them. Seriously.
And my final shopping gripe…the capped sleeves. What in holy hell makes you designer types think American women want to showcase their upper arms in every damn piece of clothing they own? I think that about .02% of the general female population fits into that category. Enough already!
Anyway, this is going to seem very obnoxious & pompous but at the request of a
few fellow attendees of BlogHer, I’m posting a pic of myself so you will recognize me with the new ‘do. It’s kind of flat in this picture. (leave-in conditioners are highly overrated *sigh*) AND…it’s not red. It’s brown. Don’t be looking for no redhead, k?
And if this pic doesn’t help, perhaps you’ll recognize me when I’m 
wearing this lovely blue fannypack that someone pawned off on me (click to get the FULL effect). Shut up…it’s not a joke. I detest carrying a purse all day long but I NEED a few things like my phone, camera, the lipstick my son just finished mutilating and partially eating and some other items. This is the unhappy medium between carrying a purse or cramming my pockets full of stuff. Actually, I’m torn between the blue WalMart-emblazoned fannypack or the tiny black early 90’s backpack. Decisions, decisions…
And if all else fails, the giant orb on my chin will serve as a beacon to all. You can’t miss it, people. But for the love of all that is decent, don’t point and laugh, okay? I can’t help it. The gods are conspiring against me…meaning my period has not arrived yet and will most likely come during some key moment or even worse, ON THE PLANE. This scenario would really, really suck because only a contortionist could put in a tampon in those tiny bathrooms.
So just keep your eyes peeled for the mom-ish looking woman that is bloated, zitty and crabby, wearing a fanny pack, ugly clothes, a great bra and possibly unpainted toenails *gasp*
; )
(And to all the good people who continue to come here despite my absence on your blogs…I’m sorry I’ve been a no-show all week. The past week has been absolutely nuts and I’ve hardly had time to do anything besides bra-shop and ponder my fannypack. I promise to rectify that ASAP)
73 Responses
to “My Boobs…Have You Seen Them?”
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Hey! A face to the voice!!!
You gorgeous thing you…
Oh and … psssstttt … I moved off of wordpress.
Stop it now, don’t hit.
Change your link chicklet.
*wink*
You hot mama you! Bra shopping, jeans shopping and bathing suit shopping are all in the 9th pit of hell I figure….Anne
Yeah, right, when I first met you, you had this kind of typical mom snapshot on your blog that made you look like a normal person…now you reveal that you are actually a Ford model in some kind of witness protection program for gorgeous women.
You are SO right about the jeans! RL does cut them for old ladies; TH has no clue about length. You are talking my language. I’m almost tempted to try Express for Men jeans.
Your hair looks fabulous too! Wow! You look so much like a friend of mine from college. Have fun at BlogHer.
OOoh I m so scared to wean for that very reason. PS- You look hot in that picture!
Damn, great photo.
And how much am I loving the fanny pack? A lot much.
I hate shopping for clothes for myself. Since I only like buying size 3 my toddler has a fantastic wardrobe.
My God Izzy! You and your gorgeous roommate would really be turning heads at BlogHer if there was some men around. Hot!
You look fully gorgeous in your photo - and your hair isn’t flat, it’s smoooooth. Nice!
You look hawt! You get prettier with every picture.
But can’t we do something about the fanny pack? If you hate carrying a purse, maybe you can hide your camera and lipstick under furniture, kind of like a squirrel. Anything but the fanny pack. Please don’t do this to me.
Someone out here must have a clever solution.
Oh great. Intimidate me further with your beautifulness. Thanks Iz. You’re smart, talented and now pretty??? THANKS A LOT, WENCH!
Okay kidding. I’m totally pretty too. Fat, but pretty. Ha ha.
YOu are beautiful! Can’t wait to see you!
I love your haircut! You are really beautiful!!!
Clothes shopping is the bane of my existance. Jeans are the worst though. Blech.
You are so pretty! Have lots of fun at Blogher.
OMFG_ you are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO pretty! i can’t wait to molest you!
I can’t even shop at Victoria’s Secret anymore because they don’t make a size small enough for me. Apparently after breastfeeding 4 kids, my formerly C cups are now like quadruple A or something. You look totally adorable in that picture though! And I am glad you were able to find some comfy bras that fit!
I’m with you on the boob shrinkage. Those nursing books, they LIE! I remember reading something along the lines of, “You may experience a change in breast size after nursing and weaning. Some women may wind up with smaller breasts, but many women actually GAIN size!”
Yeah, change “many” to “two out of every five thousand” and we may be getting somewhere . . . heh.
Still, how many women would actually nurse if those books told you, “It hurts like hell at first, often for months; lots of babies DO bite, HARD; some days you will feel like waitress at a 24-hour diner who gets felt up by the customers all day long and never gets a break; but if at some point if you do miss even one feeding in the first six months without pumping to compensate you’ll be rewarded with rock hard stripper boobs and then when you finally get your kid to nurse the milk will squirt across the room– and, oh, yeah, when you’re done? Your boobs shrink a cup size. But trust us, it’s all worth it. Really! Have a nice time!”
And of course it is worth it, but who’d think it would be before trying it if they knew the score?
I still remember going bra shopping after weaning our older son, and being stunned that I had gone down a full cup size. But to me it was a relief. I’m soooo close to weaning our younger son and actually looking forward to shopping for pretty bras. Bras that don’t open for lunch.
And you picture….OMG, wow! I love your hair. And you look gorgeous. Have fun at Blogher!
okay. you’ve all convinced me not to wean lila. it will be really embarrassing for her in high school, i imagine, but i HATE bra shopping, and if weaning means i have to do that, well, then, nope.
OMG I’m so jealous of your haircut. You look amazing. Truly.
As for bras? I love the boob bowls. That is great.
And backpack. If you bring that fanny thing, I will hide it.
Or eat it (I’m pregnant… anything is possible).
Love the do!
And as a 5′1″ pipsqeak……it aint no fun goin jeans shopping either!!! Basically if your not the Average height (whatever that is!) your screwd!!
I hate those boob bowls too, but I like the underwire!
Yea, and I’m sure people said this already…but go backpack….SERIOUSLY!
Well this sucks! I think it’s in the “short stubby girl code” to not be blog friends with people who are gorgeous AND tall. :P
Hope you have a fantastic time at BlogHer. There must be some middle ground between fanny pack and little backpack!
Love your new haircut, you look gorgeous!
I’m right there with you on the “A’s formerly known as B’s” boobie thing. Oh well.
LOVE your haircut! LOVE IT! And boob bowls. heeheeheeheee. So envious I don’t get to go to Blogher and meet you.
Your haircut is fabulous!!! You look hot, Mama! And never fear, it appears that I’m on the same monthly schedule as you, zit and all. Mine will probably be bigger and deflect attention away from you.
Looking forward to the weekend!
I just did gauchos this week….. coincidence? Have fun at Blogher.
They come back. It took about a year, sorry to report, but mine came back from being raisins on pancakes. wink wink.
Lisa
Boob bowls? You’re hilarious. And absolutely gorgeous.
Have you discovered Wacoal bras yet? They’re magical. Really. They’re the best kind of boob bowls I’ve found.
And the pic? Lovely.
I love the Vicoria’s Secret Extra Sexy Push Up bras with all the extra foam padding. They’re the most realistic boob substitute if you ask me and so much cheaper than implants!
I have to speak for the crowd that is short and boob enhanced. I have trouble finding jeans short enough and I’ve had boobs since second grade and frankly I’m tired of carrying them around, they get in they way when I row and when I golf. whaaaa poor me!
Is it bad that this has left me laughing?
I vote for anything not from Walmart. For the love of God, I think the combo of Fanny Pack AND Walmart is just too much for my weak, 30-something heart to take.
Izzy! You are gorgeous. And I *love* the hair. Have a great time at BlogHer.
First: boob bowls—LOL! Second, are you a freaking model or what?!?!
Enjoy Blogher; can’t wait for the recap post!!!
From a fellow A/B cupper, I can relate to having no boobs. I haven’t been bra shopping in a looooong time cuz it’s just too depressing.
But to your picture–you’re a beauty! I love your haircut. It’s the exact haircut I WANTED but my hairstylist didn’t get what I was trying to describe to her so my bangs are short and choppy. Oh, and I have a zit or two as well. *sigh*
Anyway, I’m going to BlogHer and can’t wait to meet you! I’ll be there Saturday night…
yay! You are pregnant! I love hearing you say that. COngraTs again!
Wow Izzy! You are beautius! So pretty and I love your haircut. As for the bra shopping, I’m so laughing about it b/c I have these prune sized boobs after nursing 3 kids and double padded bras are needed. Walmart does have some nice and inexpensive bras believe it or not. I’m too frugal to spend my money at Victoria’s Secret for my “girls”.
I think the first post of yours that I read was about jeans. Oh and re tall girls and jeans: I was at a friend’s house reading her Oprah magazine. It had an article about jeans for various body types. Following the instructions for the tall woman, I checked out “long and lean” jeans at the gap. I don’t know the last time I bought jeans at the gap, but they were pretty good. I’m 5′9″ and their regular length are actually the right length (the “long”s were WAY too long, there’s a first). They are not too low but hit under the belly button. And due to their screwed up sizing I bought a size smaller than my usual (and tried on and fit, though tightly, two sizes smaller).
So glad you posted this photo so I know who to look for! The hair is gorgeous and so are you, pretty lady! But the Wal-Mart fanny pack? Hmmm, I won’t say a word if you don’t say anything about the streaks of grey in my hair. I have no time for even home hair color between now and tomorrow morning, so I’m coming to BlogHer with my hair au naturale!
As for the bras, when I find one that fits I buy in bulk because I have discovered if I find one that fits, the day I buy it is the day the manufacturer discontinues the style.
Now your fanny pack, do you have one for evening too or is this one you can dress up or down?
I feel so unqualified to comment here. So good luck at the blogvention and you look great in your pic!
I have that haircut, but it never looks that good.
Don’t worry, your beauty will take the attention away from the horror that is your fanny pack.
Ha, boob bowls. I don’t even know how to unhook a bra, let alone shop for one, but that’s pretty freaking funny. There isn’t a day that goes by that I’m not thankful to be a man. Thanks for popping by my place. I look forward to meeting you this weekend.
1. Boob bowls - perfect description
2. You are hot! It’s no fair when really pretty women are also good writers. You should only get one…good personality or looks. Not fair at all.
Izzy,
Have a great time at Blogher! Oh and that hair cut is just beautiful. You are one stunning woman!
Attempting to find a decent bra is the bane of my existence. And, of course, once I find one that’s at least 79% okay, it is guaranteed to be discontinued within the year.
And I hate modern jean designers with a passion.
Ha ha! Bras as “boob bowls” … so true.
i hear you on the boob thing–mine are reinflated right now, and i’m all “so *that’s* what it’s like to have titties again.
in about a year, a bra will be far less about a support system, and more about putting something on my chest to hint at what once was.
jeans–a curse to civilization. have recently found a brand, ruff hewn, that mercifully fits my shape (read: big fat arse)
hope you have tons of fun at BlogHer, and lick Kristen for me will you?
actually, you two are going to be looking like two hot, brunette tall chicks together, I can tell. work it!
Wow. You are beautiful! Have fun a BlogHer. Please don’t wear the fanny pack. What about a small purse that you can drape across your body? Although, I love Gauchos so you probably wouldn’t want to listen to me. I only have two pair but they are so comfy. And they are fabulous for my post-baby “figure”.
I thought you were blonde for some reason! LOL! You look beautiful!! Can’t wait to read the details!
Boob Bowls! Ha! I have a bra like that and I will think about how you referred to that type everytime I wear it.
And you are one smokin’ mama. I don’t even care that you wear a fanny pack. :)
Bra shopping is bad no matter what….no matter what! (But at least when you do it, it’s done for awhile…kinda like yearly exams, pulling teeth, and cleaning the fridge!) :)
You have the nicest smile!! Very pretty!
Do you PROMISE that my boobs will shrink? I’d love to be a B cup!! My Ds went to DDs with nursing and the idea that they’ll shrink makes me itch to wean just to see it!
dude, I don’t know, maybe WARN SOMEBODY before you go throwing your hottness around in the vicinity of the eyeballs. I was unprepared for the hottness. it burns, dude. it *burns*.
p.s. boob bowls. do they serve ice cream in those? ’cause I love ice cream. also, I’d settle for cake, if there was no ice cream. in the boob bowls.
p.p.s. blogher. eff off. because I’m hostile when I’m seething with jealousy.
You CANNOT wear a fannypack!!! How embarrassing!!!LOL
That’s a great picture of you…but the fannypack? No!!
God, I hate that all bras are padded and molded. I have enough issues with the way shirts are so clingy these days - do I need to add an extra inch to my rack?! Can I just get some SUPPORT around here? *pointing to chest* Yeah, bra shopping sucks. And then there’s the ones where the straps are set so close to the centre that it makes you look like you have football shoulders - thanks, guys.
Love the hair, lady! Wish I was coming too. And I would bring you a fricking purse from my collection because no one should be wearing a fanny pack, even if you are a tourist! Sheesh.
I still wear a fannypack to the gym, but have started using a shoulder pack to gain some “cool” points. Otherwise, this was way too much info for me, but I hope you have a wonderful time at the conference. Oh, bring back some freebies if you get your hands on some…..Ed
Great post! Very funny. Get your designer jeans hemmed. If you buy them at a good store, i.e. Nordstrom, they do a great job hemming them. http://www.sharpmom.com
You have great hair!
i think we should start a petition against capped sleeves. i don’t need my lunchlady to hang out any more than she already does.
your hair is so bitchin’
and i forgive you for the fanny pack.
you’re still cool.
You look fabulous and I’m so jealous. Or…as the anonymous commenters on my blog enjoy spelling it, “jelus”. Yeah…both of those.
THAT is exactly how I pictured you. But, I could see both of your eyes in my imagination.
I was wearing maternity/nursing bra’s until recently when I went to VS and discovered that I don’t wear a size 40E anymore, no I now wear a 36C. Imagine how big those bra’s were, eh?
Please tell me you wore the blue fannypack and that someone got a picture it!
Wow! You look great. I wish my hair agreed with the FL humidity like that. I’m here in your neck of the woods and my hair does the whole frizz-out thing. It reacts no better to the just as humid D.C. conditions. Hope you are having a great time at Blogher!
well, the photos that i have seen posted round the blogosphere show you looking very lovely and having lots of fun! can’t wait to hear about it!
1) Your hair is gorgeous. I love it and I’m JEALOUS.
2) I loathe capped sleeved shirts.
3) Now gauchos. Here’s the thing. They are SOOOOO comfortable. Like sweatpants for the new millenium. My husband calls them “Grouchos” because he says seeing them on me makes him grouchy. Whatevs. I *heart* them.
God, I REALLY hope this works and that the picture shows up.
Fanny Porn!!!!
I was so thrilled to have boobs in the 9 years or so I nursed and was pregnant. Godamn things sure didn’t stick around long after #4 weaned. Now I’m smaller than before I had kids!
I’ve always had As. Live proud, girlfriend!
I love this look. I keep trying to add a few pieces like this to my collection, but I can never seem to find them, when I’m out shopping.