Move over, Rover and let Jimi take over…
I always thought I made a concerted effort to not let my personal preferences, desires and likes/dislikes about certain things rub off on my kids. I mean, if P wants to be an athlete even though I’m not a sportsfan, then so be it. If TQ wants to be a starving performance artist instead of an engineer or architect (for the better earning potential so she can take care of her parents in relative comfort when they are old and frail), fine.
Part of the reason I do this is because I don’t want to live vicariously through my kids on any level. I want them to have their own interests and hopes and dreams, instead of living out mine and the same thing goes for the clothes they wear.
Sure, I’d love to buy P a onesie that says “Boob Man” or “Vegas Baby” because they’re clever and funny, but he’s just a toddler and thus, he wears clothing befitting a toddler. One thing that really bugs me, though, is all that cliché boys clothing with sports-themed stuff all over it. It’s such a stereotype that boys are expected to like sports.
How about clothes with computers or scientific stuff on them for the kids we hope will be brainy? Or clothes with arts-themed things on them for all the kids we hope will be artistic and creative? Why just sports? Bah!
The same goes for TQ. I’m not too thrilled with shirts that say “I’m Cute” or “Princess” or “Spoiled” any of that crapola because, like the sports-themed clothing, it’s so stereotypical and cheesy.
Frankly, I’m holding out for the shirts that say “I’m smart” or “I have a black belt in common sense” or “I can play my (insert instrument of choice) better than you” rather than claiming her milkshake is better than yours or that she’s “100% Brat”.
Heh…it seems that despite my best-laid plans to let them make a few of their own choices, I just can’t stay out of it.
And apparently, we have influenced TQ quite a bit in other ways, too. The following conversations are 100% real and when I think about it, I have to laugh at how prematurely hip our daughter is at the ripe old age of almost 6 (in a harmless, non-Bratz dollz kind of way).
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Me: Hey TQ, do you know who that is? (pointing to the TV)
TQ: Hmmmmm (thinking) I can’t remember his name.
Hubz: You know…he plays ball with us sometimes.
TQ: (face brightens) Oh yeah, Jimi Hendrix!
Hubz: That’s right!
Jimi Hendrix plays ball with TQ and the huz… You heard it here first, folks.
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Scene: Brushing TQ’s long curly/wavy hair in her bedroom
TQ: (making various noises and complaints about her tangled hair as I brush it)
Hubz: We’re just going to stop brushing your hair and let you have dreads
TQ: Nooooo! I don’t want Ziggy Marley hair. Nooooo!
Hubz: How about if we let you dye it pink?
TQ: Oooooh yes! Stop brushing my hair, mommy! I want pink dreadlocks!
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TQ: Daddy? Can we listen to DJ Zinc (podcast) for a few minutes before I get ready for bed?
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I am secretly thrilled that my daughter knows who Jimi Hendrix and Ziggy Marley and DJ Zinc are. I hope having some cultural literacy about things beyond her beloved Barbies and Polly Pockets will serve her well.
I also hope that P will grow up to love whatever he loves, despite wearing clothing covered in baseballs, soccer balls and footballs. As a matter of fact, I think I’m going to start designing those science and art-themed fashions right now.
It occurs to me as I write this that what I’ve been doing is sort of inadvertently rebelling against gender stereotyping.
Is this a good thing? Or does it not even matter?
Hell…I don’t know. I just thought it was interesting that my kid likes cool music and wants pink dreads.
Pink dreadlocks! How flippin’ cute.
I’d also add the “brands” to all that. One of my daughter’s friends can point out who makes everybody purse in the mall. Oh, that’s a Louie, oooh that a Guess bag. ICK!
Can tell a lot about the mother from the child!
How rad are you guys? I wouldn’t expect any less with the whole music thing and all.
Have you seen those armor tees we ran on CMP - all empowering cool stuff for girls.
i think we all impose a little SOMETHING on our kids, because it’s what we like- from foods to clothes to music. some of it is non intentional and some of it is intentional. i dressed blake like a little surfer boy ON PURPOSE dammit. and i made him a LA DODGER fan. god damn right! lol
My almost 6 yr old has always loved Al Green- even to the point of when she was 2, we were in the grocery store and heard him on the Muzak and she piped up “Is thith Al Gween?!!” She also likes to sing the song “Take the Skinheads Bowling”, by Camper Von Beethoven. Now we get, “Mommy, what’s a Skinhead?”
Keep on with the anti-Bratz (I call them Slutz).
I think your onto something with those taglines for clothing. You should start something. :)
Over here we are wanting our kids to stand out. We dont want them to feel like they have to be a part of the “normal” crowd. We don’t buy or emphasize brands either.
If you’re thinking about it, being conscious, you are already ahead of the game.
My heart aches for all the kids (and adults!) who think that wearing a designer name makes them somehow better. Like they don’t have enough of their own identity, so they borrow a designer’s as cultural shorthand. I think it is a waste of time and money, but then again, I am a fashion don’t.
My mom never told me one single thing about dressing myself besides “Don’t wear stripes and patterns together.” When we would go shopping, she would complain that the music hurt her ears and she would leave me to fend for myself. I really could have used some creative female input, because to this day I feel like an impostor when I walk into a clothing or shoe store.
I’m always waiting for the fashion police to spring like those asshats from “What Not to Wear.” I mean, they probably should, because I dress like a boring dork, but I still don’t want them to.
hope I don’t promote stereotypes with Girlie but I’m afraid that there are probably some so deep-seeded that I don’t even see them. Luckily for me, Girlie couldn’t possibly care less about fashion and clothing and she favors short, care-free hair. She’ll have to follow her own inclinations about fashion because I’m hopeless.
Love your clothing ideas. You gotta print some of those t-shirts, sell em on cafeexpress and then plug em on Cool Mom Pix.
I WISH my parents had been as hip as you. Maybe then I wouldn’t be such a nerd. You’re doing well. Carry on.
Like Jennster said, I think we all influence our kids to some degree, whether we mean to or not. When Isaac was a baby I HATED that the only clothes I could find were either trucks or sports. I also hate that since Vivian is a girl, pink seems to be the only color available. I refuse to let her wear anything that says “Spoiled Brat” or “Princess” and sometimes at Target that’s all they have!
I think the girls’ clothes do reflect my own taste, to some extent — just because I was picking stuff out myself to start — but now that Mimi’s old enough to have a say in what she wears, her own preferences are coming into play. I do try to steer her clear of the blatant marketing crap (i.e., princesses) as much as possible but she does have a couple of favorite things that are character-based. I think stuff like that in moderation is probably OK, as long as the girls don’t think they can get all the expensive labels, all the character stuff, etc.
Our family is the culture that shapes us Izzy - You’re just socializing them into your collective culture and values.
Now, if you value shoes ( ahem), your child will value shoes. If you value books, then your child will value books. If you value diversity, then your child will value diversity.
Nothing wrong in that - it’s our job as Moms and Dads.
I was determined not to allow Becca to get all girly unless she directed herself there. She used to wear a lot of funky fun clothes….now she wants to dress like a princess all the time….I have no idea where I went wrong!!! But I cannot steer her away if she likes it ..
I don’t think it’s wrong (but mainly because I have the same gender stereotyping issues as you and plan to do the exact same thing).
My assistant at my old job defined herself by the labels she wore. Yeah, we didn’t get along. I could care less whose label is on my clothes.
As parents, we do the best we can to steer, guide, model, and define our values to our kids. That’s all we can do. If we’re lucky, our kids might actually listen to us. Whether or not they agree with us, however, is another story…
It really is pretty hard not to rub off on your kids that way. That is the beauty of raising kids they become you but you in a different and fun way.
Well, I really like the shirts available here:
http://www.babywit.com/oneliners.html
One time I was shopping and saw a small onsie that said, “Spoiled Bitch.” I was floored. I couldn’t BELIEVE someone would put that on their 6 month old baby girl!
My Mom taught us a great lesson that you don’t need to spend lots of money to look good. And I’m doing the same thing for my children. They don’t know one label from the next. And I refuse to put on anything with a huge designer name on any piece of clothing for any of my children and myself. Why should we be walking billboards for these wealthy designers?! They should pay US for advertising their goods, I think.
I think that it’s ok somewhat to be part of the crowd. If your kids are comfortable, when they are older, sitting on the outside of the circle, then that is great! If they aren’t and want to be inside it with a name-brand tee or a trendy backpack, then it’s probably best to allow them to do that too. If it’s what they want, either way, they will be fine with cool and loving parents. Just my two cents.
Okay. I’m back. It’s emotional armor tees - and you’ll love them. And I think it’s great what you are doing. I’m all about gender neutrality. And while I still dress Q in pink and she wears more “girl-like” clothes than not, I am and will be a hawk when it comes to the crap you mentioned.
Dude…I LOVE “Take the Skinheads Bowling”. I forgot all about that. Thanks for reminding me!
awwwww….pink dreads….how much better can it get?
PS, I don’t know if it matters…we are still trying to figure out what planets our children came from…..Anne
a) it’s interesting, and b) it’s important. yes. god. yes.
I worry about this shit all the time, Iz. ALL. THE. TIME.
I think it’s on my top three list of parental worries - will my child be able to fight his way through the sick amount of garbage foisted on him by the marketocracy? fuck.
(I should probably worry about whether my potty mouth is going to affect him negatively, but strangely, I am blissfully unconcerned about that. Huh.)
Yes- I could never understand why my son had to like dogs,bears,sports and tractors and my daughter must love kitties, crowns, fluffy shit and inane adjectives. So, we have lots of stripes. I was never more proud then when my 4 yo son looked up at my husband in the mall and said “Hey Daddy, listen! Isn’t that the Ramones?” We sniffled proudly at each other and took him straight to Hot Topic for his first ever band Tee…..Sweet!
Between my daughter and her iPod and iTunes, I feel like such a fuddy duddy. A song came on the radio today and I was practically booted out of the car when I mistook The Fray for Nickelback.
To paraphrase a wise man from a bygone age: Agitate, Agitate, Agitate!
(but I will never let my g.imp find out pink dreadlocks can be had!!)
Bye the way, she is now off of her Shania Twain kick! Just Monday she asked if we could listen to some Neil Diamond!!
I am angling for some Aerosmith next…
I remember being so bummed out that my son wanted those horrendous spiderman sneakers, but I had to bite my tongue. Some things they’ll figure out by themselves, but a little bit of us always sneaks in!
I constantly thank GOD I have cats. The worst they do is puke or go where they shouldn’t go.
I guess I just don’t get where the simple t-shirts have gone. Is it really necessary to get a child a t-shirt with “brat” on the front? Very weird. OH well…
All kids rub off their parents on some way. At least every kids and adult I know…
I really hate all that sports stuff made for little boys. I’m the anti-sports guy, I would be the one buying the clothes you talking about.
It’s been interesting for me to watch our three daughters grow up (I don’t really count the boy yet, cause he’s only 3, but I think he’s gonna be a greasemonkey). I have one who’s really sporty and despises much of the girly stuff and two who are maximum girl. I have no clue about anything related to dance, yet I have an 8 year old who rocks her dance team and I’m just muddling my way through being a dance Mom.
A few years a go I found a shirt at Old Navy that says “I (picture of a calculator) MATH.” I snapped it up so fast. I love it when my almost 10 year old wears it to school.
My daughter knows a lot of musicians…
She knows David Bowie, The Stones, She knows Bob Marley, She knows The Beatles, She even knows Radiohead, Katftwerk,She knows a lot of Opera(we get really affordable opera tickets) she knows symphonies…
But the other day she saw the Gorillaz with Madonna…(I must admit to liking the odd Madonna tune) and she turns to me and asks if Madonna is alive… I say yes…
How old is Madonna?
Well, She’s older than Daddy…This is a recent thing that she did… So she is older than Daddy in that show…
Long pause…
Looks at me…
Momma, I thought she was younger than you…
(And here I thought I looked young… Out of the mouths of Babes…)
This reminds me of when I was teaching and one of my 9 year-old students came in wearing short shorts that said “hot kitten” on the butt and told me to “but my mom loves these!” when I made her go home and change…But I’ve been buying a lot of birthday gifts for little people recently and have been finding it hard to find something that’s *not* in some way branded or sloganized.
I, too, try not let my opinions and taste be forced on my girls and refrain from buying them cliché clothing. But why do you see my daughters wearing Barbie Princess and Power Puff girls T-shirts you ask? They picked them out. They love that stuff. Ew. I prefer to see them in a cute, bright, floral Lilly Pulitzer dress. “Now, that’s what a real princess looks like,” I tell them. Here I go again, forcing my opinions. I guess we just can’t help it.
Despite my best efforts (enrolling her in karate), my daughter is 110% girly-girl. She adores the color pink, wants to wear dresses all the time and is obsess with putting “pretty” on (that’s code word for chapstick). I’m not one of those fussy women; I mean I like to look nice but I don’t spend eons in front of the mirror. I think it’s just her, and I’ll just have to deal. Sigh.
But she can be a girly-girl and still be a black belt, damn it!
He’s a kid with his own tastes. And I think that’s pretty cool! I hope my kid is too.
Now THIS attitude is why you’re such a perfect fit for Cool Mom Picks. Speaking of which, remember these tees? Maybe it’s time to take another look.
But if you want the Jimi shirt, you’ll have to go to babywit.com, or steal Thalia’s.
Wait..did the blog eat my comment? It doesn’t matter, I just posted the same emotional armor link as Kristen. Great tees. And babywit has the Jimi one.
“I don’t want Ziggy Marley hair….” Totally funny.
I’ll be your first customer, Izzy!
We were thrilled when Hugo got an outer space sleeper with a spaceship on it. Science doesn’t get the love it deserves, that’s for sure.
I think we are always influencing them whether we like it or not - too cute!
Well, she’s got good taste, that’s for sure! ;) And cool as hell parents.
It takes a conscious decision not to want to live vicariously through our children. I have three, so it is easy to look at them individually with their own unique personalities.
I think some mothers who enmesh with their children perhaps have some unresolved issues that they then work out through their children. imo.
Cheers.
I was thinking about the same thing over at my place, how we are so careful about messages to our daughters because they seem so loaded. It seems to me from watching the kids at work that most people are not so careful with their sons - it’s good to see that some are (in fact, I’ll add another link to this post) thinking about these things for their boys too.
Meanwhile, I love this stage right now, where Pumpkinpie totally mixes a pink dress with a hardhat. We love Thomas and Bob the Builder, and I try to avoid disney for as long as I can. I shop in boys and girls sections for her, and I hope she sees the whole world as open to her when she gets older, too.
My parents imposed their hippy music tastes onto me….without realizing it….and I still love it to this day. But I added my own stuff on there as well.
I tried to do that with my brother….and now he listens to only rap…WHAT HAPPENED???
I agree with you on the girl clothing though. But…also, I’m cheap…so if someone gives me an outfit that says cutie girlie girl….*shrug* She’ll prolly wear it.
I’d definitely buy those shirts. I love the “black belt in common sense,” one. i try not to push my daughter in any direction and let her likes/dislikes evolve on their own. I am curious where they will take her.
yep, it all sounds dangerously feminist to me. watch out, or we’ll grab onto you for good;-)
I would be thrilled too. I think it is great that she knows who those people are too!! That’s awesome.
Please! Grab me! Grab me!
And my daughter :)
Mom-101 referred methere a long tiome ago for what? A teeny little Jimi Hendrix shirt! They have really cool stuff there :)
Marketocracy…dId you make that up? It’s BRILLIANT!
Don’t feel too bad. I don’t even know what the fricken Fray is….
Why thank you! *blush*
Love the pink dreds. My kids are as Crazy for Coldplay as I am. The last concert was very difficult for me to explain to them why they couldn’t come.
I think that’s just brilliant and I want nothing less for WonderBaby - strenght, chutzpah and cultural literacy of the highest order.
So, um, we’ll be copying you, I guess. That’s still cool, right?
You should be so very proud.
My 5 year old niece wants a mohawk. A pink mohawk.
There are some really cute baby clothes out there for kids. You just need to know where to look! See: http://www.sandboxcoutre.com has some hip clothes!