Is it REALLY Over?

I’m finally home from BlogHer and I hardly know where to start.

Since it’s so late (2:30am my time), I’ll keep it very brief with the promise (or threat, depending on your perspective) of coming back with a full report as soon as I can carve out some time to write, seeing as my kids will quite rightfully own my ass all day today.

In short, there was inspiration, sisterhood, female bonding and a lot of mutual admiration happening but most importantly, especially for those of us who don’t get out that often and in such good company, there was FUN!!! Loads and loads of fun and I got the most awesome photos to blackmail everyone with prove it!

My Boobs…Have You Seen Them?

No?

Yeah, me neither.

In case you couldn’t tell, I went bra shopping. Well, actually, I was really going “not-ugly-jeans or tired t-shirts” shopping but the bra sale was so tempting, so alluring…I could not resist it’s gravitational pull. Plus, having Kristen, my BlogHer roommate, see me in my five year-old bras (uh…you can stop laughing now. It’s not THAT funny) might be a tad embarrassing. Oh, and also because… *mumbles*

I SAID MY OLD BRAS ARE KIND OF BIG NOW. Okay? Did you all hear that? I weaned my baby and lost my boobs.

So bras have changed a lot since I last shopped for one. They’re all…molded now. Like boob bowls. And many have massive amounts of foam rubber push-up padding in them which is kind of weird. I mean I want to support the twins, not bounce quarters off of them. And the underwire? HELLOOOO? Way uncomfortable and so not necessary when you’re formerly B-ish boobs are now A-ish little things where boobs used to be. Underwire wouldn’t help them anyway. I did get lucky, though, and find some great non-underwire bowl bras that will not feel like I have a couple of stale croissants tucked inside it when I hug someone. Score one for for the twins!

But the jeans….grrrr. Designers of jeans apparently have it in for tall chicks.

Tommy Hilfiger? I know you’re a pipsqueak and all but when you label your jeans “Long”, they ought to be long. I shouldn’t have to buy pants three sizes bigger to get some length. You need to talk to Ralph Lauren. His jeans may be cut like they’re for old ladies but he knows what “long” means, dammit!

Gauchos? COME ON, PEOPLE. They were fugly the first time around. Stop trying to sell us on them. Seriously.

And my final shopping gripe…the capped sleeves. What in holy hell makes you designer types think American women want to showcase their upper arms in every damn piece of clothing they own? I think that about .02% of the general female population fits into that category. Enough already!

Anyway, this is going to seem very obnoxious & pompous but at the request of a few fellow attendees of BlogHer, I’m posting a pic of myself so you will recognize me with the new ‘do. It’s kind of flat in this picture. (leave-in conditioners are highly overrated *sigh*) AND…it’s not red. It’s brown. Don’t be looking for no redhead, k?

And if this pic doesn’t help, perhaps you’ll recognize me when I’m wearing this lovely blue fannypack that someone pawned off on me (click to get the FULL effect). Shut up…it’s not a joke. I detest carrying a purse all day long but I NEED a few things like my phone, camera, the lipstick my son just finished mutilating and partially eating and some other items. This is the unhappy medium between carrying a purse or cramming my pockets full of stuff. Actually, I’m torn between the blue WalMart-emblazoned fannypack or the tiny black early 90’s backpack. Decisions, decisions…

And if all else fails, the giant orb on my chin will serve as a beacon to all. You can’t miss it, people. But for the love of all that is decent, don’t point and laugh, okay? I can’t help it. The gods are conspiring against me…meaning my period has not arrived yet and will most likely come during some key moment or even worse, ON THE PLANE. This scenario would really, really suck because only a contortionist could put in a tampon in those tiny bathrooms.

So just keep your eyes peeled for the mom-ish looking woman that is bloated, zitty and crabby, wearing a fanny pack, ugly clothes, a great bra and possibly unpainted toenails *gasp*

; )

(And to all the good people who continue to come here despite my absence on your blogs…I’m sorry I’ve been a no-show all week. The past week has been absolutely nuts and I’ve hardly had time to do anything besides bra-shop and ponder my fannypack. I promise to rectify that ASAP)

Don’t Hate Her Because She’s Awesome

Dear Gentle Readers,

I have yet another special surprise for you today. The lovely Christina has graciously agreed to a little BlogHer BlogMe Q & A with me. Continue reading to learn more about one of blogland’s finest scribes and when you’re done, swing by her blog, A Mommy Story, and see her in action!

1. When did you start blogging and why?

I started November, 2005. I had a Livejournal before that, but only a few friends read it. After finding Blogging Baby and reading the personal blogs of some of the writers, I decided I wanted to join in on the fun.

2. What is your blog motto?

Motto? I don’t know if I have a motto. The tagline for my blog is “Fairytales are overrated…this is real life” and I love it. The truth I live through is far better than a lot of fiction I’ve read. With a child like mine, you can’t make this stuff up.

3.Are you and your blogging persona the same person?

Sort of. I think my blog persona is far cooler than me. When writing on the web, you can choose to leave out the parts of you that aren’t as interesting. In person I’m a much bigger geek.

4. What historical or real life person do you most wish had a blog?

(OK, here comes the geek in me.) I’d love to read King Charles II of England’s blog. The guy had more mistresses than Angelina Jolie has tattoos, and he wasn’t afraid to admit it. It would be better than reading any tabloid out there. Ben Franklin probably would have had a kick ass blog as well.

5. What don’t you write about? Anything considered a no-no in your book?

Usually politics and my job, other than very vague mentions. I certainly don’t feel like being dooced. I also limit complaining about my husband, since he reads my blog everyday.

6. How do you feel about meeting bloggers in real life? Are you nervous? Will you have great expectations? What do you home to take away from the BlogHer experience?

Nervous? Oh hell yeah. I had my first meet-up with some Ohio bloggers this week, and it went really well, so I feel a little more confident about BlogHer. I have no great expecatations - I hope to learn some new tricks to improve my blog, and to meet a lot of other bloggers and hopefully make some new friends.

7. So soon we’re going to meet each other at BlogHer. Important question. How do you party?

Like it’s 1999? Actually, I tend to knock back one drink to relax a little, and then sip any other drinks after the first. I like to dance, I like karaoke, but I really like just sitting around in small groups and laughing and talking the night away.

8. What is your favorite thing that you wrote? What got a strong reaction from readers? Links please?

My favorite post has to be the Friday Night Smackdown post. This post got a strong reaction from readers, and prompted a few anonymous posts as well.

9. Why did you choose to share that piece of yourself in a photograph?

This is a pic of me before my hair was butchered today. I’m very picky about my hair, and now I’m finding myself mourning my old hair.

10. How would you describe your writing style?

Free form and truthful. I write whatever I’m thinking, without giving a lot of thought to planning out what I’m writing or going back and re-writing. I also think writing needs to come from the heart, and so I sometimes write about things that may be difficult to talk about, but the post is honest and transparent.

11. What natural gift would you most like to possess?

Social grace. I wish I had the ability to always know what to say in any situation. I find myself in situations where I’m trying to come up with the right thing to say, but it never comes out right.

12. What is your favorite virtue?

Kindness. I think if we all possessed that virtue, the world would be a much better place. Helping others is a hallmark of humanity, and without it we are nothing but animals. (You knew I wasn’t going to pick sobriety, moderation, or discretion, right?)

13. Who or what would you have liked to be?

My degree is in history, so of course I’m a history buff. I’d have loved to have been a lady in Queen Elizabeth I’s court. But thinking about all the disease and lack of hygeine in renaissance England, I think I’m happy just being me.

14. What is your idea of earthly happiness?

Laying on the couch, with my daughter sleeping peacefully on my chest. It’s hard to feel anything but love and happiness in that situation. (And it’s so rare for her to fall asleep on me, I treasure those moments.)

15. Is there anything you’d like to say to the blog world at-large? On any topic?

We don’t all have to agree on everything. It’s OK to disagree, as long as you do it respectfully. And in the realm of parenting, there is no one right way, as long as you love your child and do not abuse them.

The Year of Linen and Silk

Today, July 23rd, is a trés important day, you know.

‘Tis the day that my beloved and I got married twelve years ago.

After a brief, whirlwind relationship worthy of any romance novel where the protagonists were poor, and distinctly counterculture, we decided to marry. It wasn’t the cool thing to do and we certainly didn’t KNOW any other married folks but that didn’t stop us.

With almost no knowledge of how to plan a proper wedding, I forged ahead and did my very best. My only glaring mistake is that I planned it (he let me handle all those tiresome details) for July…in Florida…outside. HELLLOOO? Must have been all that acid I took in college…

But honestly, it was the best (as in not boring) wedding I’ve ever been to and according to everyone who attended, it hasn’t been topped yet. I’m rather proud of that fact, although knowing what I know now, Martha Stewart would have been appalled. Good thing I don’t give a crap.

The huz and I started with almost nothing. Neither of us had “career” type jobs yet and neither of us had very much to bring into the marriage other than our clothes, a little furniture and some mismatched household items. There were no down payments on a house given to us or any of the other newlywed niceties that are so common today. We registered for practical things (no china, no crystal) and got most of them and with that we started our lives together. Honestly, I’m actually really proud of how how far we’ve come in twelve short years

We’ve been through some hard times. The road to this grown-up life we now have was not always smoothly paved. And yet here we are…still together and still happy.

This photo, the same one I gave for my BlogMe interview with lovely Christina, is of a tattoo above my hipbone that I got on our honeymoon. People always used to ask how I could do that. What if we got divorced? And my answer was that I didn’t get married thinking about divorce.

Notice that it’s kind of blurry now. Those black lines aren’t as crisp as they used to be and though you can’t tell, the skin isn’t so tight anymore. But this tattoo has seen me through twelve years of marriage and two babies and that means something.

Happy anniversary to us :)

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Don’t forget to read the results of the alien mind probe sessions with Sue of Red Stapler and Catherine of Her Bad Mother. This information WILL be on the exam. And besides…they’re very interesting.

Let it Roll, Baby, Roll…

It occurred to me this afternoon, as I drove alone in the momvan, that it’s been years and years since I participated in a youthful rite of passage. You know the one where you’re tearin’ down the highway or the lonely open road, windows down, blaring the stereo to some great driving music. I mean can you even really “open ‘er up” when you’re driving a minivan? I’m thinking not. Not without feeling really dorky…

But I digress. What I really want to discuss is good driving music. I think everyone has a few old standards. Though they’re not my favorite songs in the world, mine absolutely represent the aforementioned rite of passage.

My top two are Roadhouse Blues by The Doors (as evidenced by the title of this post) and She Sells Sanctuary by The Cult. To me, something about these songs just goes perfectly with driving in the wind at unsafe speeds and leaving the world behind in your proverbial dust.

What are your top ass-hauling, wind-in-your-hair driving songs?

I want to hear from all of you and definitely from Chag and Chris as your recent posts have been music-oriented.

And when you’re done thinking about this question, scroll down for a treat from two of my favoritest bloggers…two of blogging’s most interesting people…two chiquitas that just plain rock!

These interviews are part of the Blogher BlogMe online mixer to help us all get to know each other a bit better. But please, even if you’re not going, feel free to participate. You can get the details here.

This first interview is with Sue of the blog Red Stapler. Not only is Sue good people, but she’s sharp and witty and has a way of reaching all sorts of people with her writing (which she really should be getting paid for, IMO)

The second interview is with Catherine of the blog Her Bad Mother. Catherine’s blog just blows my mind sometimes. She’s so SMART! and FUNNY! She has her own unique way of seeing the world. And her baby looks like a living doll.

So without further ado…

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