Jun 27 2006
The Vacation Postmortem
Hi all! I’m back and boy am I glad to be home. Kick back and put your feet up a while and I will tell you stories of injury, death (sad but true), stolen sustenance, my introduction to P’s very fussy doppelganger and more.
(In the interest of not turning this into a narrative of my entire vacation, which could easily take hours to write, I’m going to do bulletpoints)
- We arrived around noon to our apartment-style beach rental and I was unpacking our stuff when I noticed P had something in his mouth. Normally I can say, “What’s in your mouth? Let me see” and he’ll open his mouth and show me or even put it in my hand sometimes if it’s a non-food item. But this time he clamped his mouth closed and wouldn’t even let me peek. I squeezed his cheeks a little so he would open up and he did…just as he gulped down the mystery item. I swear I caught a glimpse of something pinkish and shiny — like a PENNY! I’ve heard of kids eating pennies and as I recalled, the prescription was for the parent to look through their poop to make sure it comes out. So I tell Hubz about P’s possible ingestion of coinage and he doesn’t hesitate to announce that HE will NOT be digging through any poopy diapers looking for a penny that may or may not have been eaten because if it’s in there, it will come out eventually. Somehow, his lazy man-logic doesn’t put me at ease so guess who has been squishing through turds all week looking for a damned penny? I’ll give you a hint. It’s not Hubz. (and because I can read your mind, let me just add that I’m using a double layer of wipes to do the search)
- Shortly after the penny incident, I’m changing P’s diaper on our bed, which has the bedspread folded down with the top sheet exposed (because hotel bedspreads are rarely washed and have been found in studies to be covered in a multitude of different bodily fluids…yick!) when P, butt-naked, decides to scamper away, giggling and clearly wanting me to chase him to the other end of the kind size bed. Because I cannot resist the cuteness, I give chase across the bed only to discover it’s wet. And slightly yellow. It seems Mr. Funtime Baby had not only absconded from the diaper change but he peed on the sheets, as well. Yay. And while I pondered the implications of this for a couple seconds, P seized the opportunity to dive off the side of the bed and landed on his forehead with one of those sickening thuds you hate to hear. He was okay after a lengthy crying jag but the bruise on his forehead screams “Call the authorities immediately.” And of course, since all of my in-laws haven’t seen P in a while, he will naturally end up having some kind of thing on his face for when we meet up with them and of course, it will be forever immortalized in every vacation photo. It happens every time…I swear to God. (We’ve been there for an hour. An HOUR and we’ve already had two “incidents” so I’m hoping I’ve reached our quota for the remainder of the week. I mean statistically, the odds are in our favor, right?)
- The second morning we are there, my niece tells everyone there are police all over the beach a couple hotels down. She goes down there to see what the deal is and comes back with some grim news. A young man, a teenager, has shot himself in the very early morning hours and has apparently been in his beach chair ever since. The tide came in and surrounded him with water and still nobody noticed him for hours. This haunts me for the rest of the trip and is still on my mind even now.
- We only wanted to stay for part of the week at the beach and my MIL & FIL only wanted to say part of the week so we decided to take over their place mid-week. This was a win-win for all and we were happy with the arrangement. The night before the trip, I went grocery shopping because our place has a kitchen and obviously, we will need stuff to eat. Because I don’t adore cooking, especially in a teeny kitchen that is not MY teeny kitchen, I buy a half pound of Boars Head turkey and a quarter pound of Boars Head baby swiss cheese, salivating at the thought of eating delicious turkey & swiss sandwiches for lunch after mornings of frolicking with my kids on the beach. Well…come our second day there, I go to make us one of the aforementioned sandwiches and uh…the turkey and swiss are gone. As in NOT THERE anymore. I search the fridge and notice that a lot of my in-laws things are still there, like the FIVE pounds of Canadian bacon from Sams Club and the pre-packaged Plumrose ham that I wouldn’t eat if my life depended on it. But the turkey and swiss that we desperately wanted to eat had vanished. They took it. Accidentally, I’m sure. But they took my lunch. And the huz and I are both supremely irritated about it and make endless remarks about the lunch that we will not get to eat because we really don’t have any other lunch kind of stuff. Incidentally, our provisions were returned to us upon arriving home (substantially lighter, I might add) but Boars Head turkey does not keep for 6 days and so I give it to the stray cat that hangs around outside my house. Grrrrrrr…
- P was super clingy and fussy the whole time and I don’t know why. I suppose it could have been a touch of stranger/separation anxiety but being the ONLY person your baby wants can be exhausting and annoying. I had ALL these people wanting to help with him and he wouldn’t have it. So NOT FAIR…
- My husband’s family is really nice. They are all seriously wonderful people. But…just like my family, they have very poor attention spans. I find almost nothing as annoying as starting to answer someone’s question only to have their attention diverted by some other blabbermouth before I have a sentence completed. I know this is an ego thing and if I were a more enlightened being it wouldn’t bother me but I really don’t care. I think it’s rude.
- The good news is my allergies didn’t bother me the whole time I was at the beach. The bad news? They kicked right back in as soon as I got home. It would seem that I’m allergic to something here in my house, which really sucks.
- I only mentioned the more notable parts but all in all, it was a pleasant and really fun, albeit exhausting, vacation. I think TQ had more fun than anyone. Every evening she played on the beach with her cousins and other kids while the sun set and even I got out there and played freeze tag and frisbee with them. One night my BIL produced a box of sparklers and throngs of kids came around to get one and put them in the huge sandcastle TQ and her cousin built that day. She said it was “the best day ever” and there must have been some truth to it because it felt magical to me, as well.
To everyone who dropped by and kept my bloggy company in my absence…THANK YOU! When you go out of town, rest assured that I will do the same for you :)
(And no, I’ve not yet found the penny)
Sounds like you made a thousand memories. After a couple of weeks you will look back and get a warm feeling inside. Some families would die for times like these and you have obviously gone above and beyond. Glad you got some family time in, and also glad your back.
“I know this is an ego thing and if I were a more enlightened being it wouldn’t bother me but I really don’t care. I think it’s rude. ”
never a truer sentence was uttered. er, typed.
I’m glad you’re back, ’cause I missed the hell out of you, Iz. And yes, I realize how sad a commentary that is on my life. Ehhh. Whatever.
Welcome back. :p
Welcome back. An important piece of blogland was missing while you were gone….although that sweaty balls post did keep me pretty good company while you were away.
So, what happened with the penny? Did it come out?
Sheesh what a trip! And I loved the ball story. I think I read it the first time, however. Way back when :)
Anyway, glad to came back in one piece. I know all about the clinginess - hard to get a relaxing moment. But I’m sure it was nice to be on the beach!
Sounds like you had a great time despite some unfortunate situations. Did you ever find that penny????
Our son had something in his mouth on our vacation last year. I squeezed it, expecting to find a penny or the like and found a frog. I swear I thought you were going to say the same thing.
Glad you’re back!
Glad you had a chance to relax, but even happier you’re back!
My son is also going through some separation anxiety right now and you’re so right- it gets exhausting.
Every single one of those snapshots could be an entire post.
So glad that you’re back. You were well and truly missed.
That sounds like a normal vacation - fun but exhausting, crazy relatives, beach…I think it is hysterical that they kept the lunch meat for you for 6 days. My parents would do the same thing. My mom has kept opened bottles of wine “for the next time you visit” like 3 months later. To her, whiskey keeps forever, why not wine?
I’m gald you’re back and…uh…that story about the guy who shot himself just makes me go blank on everything else. Just terrible
Welcome back! I’m glad that you had such a good time - for the most part - and that you’re all well.
Ok, now I want a vacation. I didn’t know about the bedspread thing (never thought about that?)…Now I’m going to be paranoid about pee next time in a hotel room.
I bet when that penny comes out it’ll be real shiny! My nephew swallowed a nasty looking quarter once and when it came out, it looked brand new.
Welcome back. Aside from the goose-egg, the penny incident, the peeing on the fresh sheets, the swiss cheese and lunch meat disappearing and the suicide (ugh, how utterly awful…), it sounds like a good trip. I’m glad you’re home.
Ha! We call our after-discussions “Post Mortems,” too! Perfect phrase!
Welcome back - hope you find some turkey and swiss to make up for the thievery!
Welcome back! Good luck with the poop search!
At least he doesn’t drink toilet water.
Sounds like you definately had a time, both good and bad. I feel so sorry for that poor teen, may he be in a better place.
I wish you luck on your penny finding adventure, and look at it this way at least he didn’t lick the carpet.
That sounds like a great vacation, besides from that tragic death.
I think I know what ails you in your house…it’s that sweaty ball toilet seat, even though you already changed it. Ted’s taunting you for ripping up his check. ;-)
i cannot believe that about the kid who shot himself. god that is so fucking sad. and so sick that i’m not surprised at all that people didn’t notice. which is even more sad.
well, you had one hell of a trip eh? glad you’re back!
ps- you should send the penny once it comes out to kevin federline, since he wants to save them and all.
I saw that same Dateline (or whatever) about hotel bedspreads. It made a lasting impression - but blacklights tend to have that effect.
Glad you’re back.
Welcome back! You know, my daughter is the same way with injuries - they always happen just before some big event, so she has a great big bruise in all the pictures. Hope the penny re-emerges soon!
Welcome back. What a week! I will have that image of the teenager in my mind all day. At least some of the vacation was good. Best of lucky with the penny.
I’m still stuck on the story about the teenager! How strange and scary. Aside from that it sounds like it wasn’t all bad. But, man, that poor kid …
Welcome home! I’m sending you a sandwich (and a margarita).
My daughter went through our vacation with a bruise on either side of her forhead as well as one on her leg. ALWAYS!!!
Welcome back…and yea that’s icky about the guy on the beach chair
Welcome back. Sounds like you had an interesting trip. I am too exhausted to say more at the moment. I read the posts you made while away but I didn’t comment. ttyl.
I thought that my vacation was eventful. At least everybody lived. (oooh, sad, bad joke, I know). I’m sorry about the guy, I really am but your post will leave me laughing about you having to dig through P’s poop. What happens if you DON’T find what you’re looking for?
Glad you’re back. What are you doing Friday night? (I could email you but the jealousy quotient will go way up if we make plans in the comments.)
Welcome back! I can imagine there were more than a few times that you thought to yourself “Man, this sucks. But it will make for a kick ass blog story.”
We missed you.
Hope kiddo coughs up the change soon! (and the kid on the beach - I dunno what to say that hasn’t already been said… too sad and too bad it was too late to help him).
We had a penny incident too. I spent several hours in the ER, in the middle of the night, waiting for X-rays because my 1.5-yr-old daughter said she felt it stuck in her throat. Thankfully, it had passed to her stomach. The doctor told us to search for the penny in her poop. Ewwwww. Every time she had a poop, I’d put it in a zip-lock bag and squish it around to see if I could find anything hard. Yes, it was warm and mushy and gross and made me gag, but it wasn’t as bad a smelling it at the same time and possibly gettting it on my hands.
Aagh, isn’t it bad that I missed your ENTIRE vacation? I’m way behind on my blog-reading…
Glad you had a nice vacation. I know those extended family deals are never 100% restful.
Welcome Back! The stolen lunch sucks!!
Well, it might not be turkey and swiss, but five pounds of canadian bacon sounds AWESOME to me right about now.
But then again, I eat bacon like twice a week.
Sounds like you guys deserve another vacation. Welcome back!
I LOVE going on vacation, but I REALLY love coming home after a particularly exhausting vacation. Glad you’re back…now get to blogging…we’ve missed you!
Welcome back…
Sounds like what a family vacation should be…Exhausting and the essence of what goes into a kid’s childhood nostolgia books…
Sad about the suicide story… How alone that kid must have felt…
The lunch story priceless…
And the question that stays with me is…
Did the penny ever surface???
That’s some vacation.
I knew we had a problem when we started having issues like snotty noses when we were home, but no signs of any problems when we were on vacation. The first time I noticed it, the boys were really so sick I thought of canceling our trip to see my in-laws. But we went anyway. They were fine the entire trip and I was amazed. Then, we had only been home like 15 minutes and I had to wipe both childrens noses. Finally, we have taken steps to rid our home of carpet, one room at a time because carpet padding seems to be a big allergy issue. But this weekend we started pulling out our bathroom cabinets and shower b/c I couldn’t keep the mold dried up out of the shower edges…sure enough, there was mold there that I’m sure was there when we bought the house 2 years ago. Under the shower (which has been used about 6 months of the two years) there was wet wood…we haven’t used it at all in months….I knew then the culprit of our allergies had to be that mold. Believe it or not, within 2 days of getting that crap out of our house, both boys are fine and dandy…..apparently mold is toxic from what I’ve been able to read…..no one wants to admit that they have mold (kind of like roaches I suppose) but the fact is, it grows quite easily and it doesn’t take much to make you sick. Not only that, it dies very slowly and even dry doesn’t mean the mold is gone…you have to search long and hard for spores…good luck and maybe that will help you find what is at the root of your problem.
Welcome back home. Funny stories. Sounds like the classic situation of you need a vacation after your vacation. Sigh.
Lisa
Welcome home, Izzy!
You’re home! You’re home!
So what happened with the penny? Did you ever um…see it again?
Welcome back! Happy penny searching! Yeech.
I would also like the penny update!
And may I say - you are a brave woman. I loathe going anywhere with a toddler. She is always a production in front of other people. Like suddenly having eating issues when she eats like a horse at home. Makes me crazy.
I’m glad you had some great memorable times too!
Wow, that is quite a vacation story. How sad about that boy, it would haunt me too. But besides that, the penny, the turkey and swiss (yum!), even the peeing on the bed were funny in a way, right? Thanks for the reminder about the hotel bedspreads though. Someone should call the Hyatt San Jose and warn them to bleach the hell out of their bedspreads before we get there!
My niece ate a washer once at my mother- and father-in-law’s house. In the basement. They had to deal with the poop searches, too. I made a mental note not to let the little angel play alone in the basement, because really, who leaves washers on the floor?
while i was gone the wool blanket we ordered to protect the mattress from ec accidents (i’ve spilled a couple buckets on the bed, at least. ICK.) came. my hubby couldn’t imagine us spending at an army surplus store and cancelled the credit card my second week in utah, when he couldn’t get hold of me over the course of a couple hours.