A Change of Direction

Has anyone watched the new show Surviving Motherhood on TLC? It comes on at 3pm EST. I expected to hear more people buzzing about it. If you’ve seen it, what do you think? I’m undecided. I need to watch it a little more.

What about todays A Baby Story: Where are They Now? Anyone see it? They had this woman on who, when she was on a couple years ago, announced that she was going to have an elective C-section because “This is the new millenium. Pushing is so primitive.” Apparently, she is still causing controversy with that remark after all this time as people are still talking about it on the TLC message boards. But she must know, in retrospect, that it was a pretty dumb thing to say on national television. Maybe since she wasn’t a mom yet, she had no idea how passionate we can can get about things. She definitely wasn’t reading mommy blogs.

I actually think it was just her poor choice of words that caused the uproar. I totally understand the desire to NOT push out a baby. I wanted a C-section with my first baby (huge mistake) because I was terrified of an episiotomy and I doubt that would really piss anyone off. But if I told ya’ll you were a bunch of primitives for delivering your babies the old-fashioned way…I’d be running for cover. It just sounds kind of asshole-ish, even if she didn’t mean it that way.

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I don’t fall back on the old Google searches all that often but after saving the really good ones in a Word doc for a few months, I felt like I might die if I didn’t get to share these with you. They really are the crown jewels, the best of the best of all the cheesy, sleazy and just plain odd searches that bring people here:

God Damn those Tapered Leg Pants I know, right? I wish he would, too.

boob shaped building Sorry. I’m fresh out of boob shaped buildings. Try HGTV.com

forced to smell my mom’s feet Is that a problem?

exploded babysitter Dude, I *told* you her braces weren’t microwave safe.

she was young and attractive and loved to dress up and go to the mall to smoke How did you find me?

latest hair styles for the older woman Just what are you implying?

baby dolls burned Dude. Seriously. WTF?

Lyndsay Lohan Cup size  Before or after she became a human lollipop?

mommy’s slick thighs  Ahhhh yes…the miracle of Nair.

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On a less bizarre note… if you find yourself wanting to go to BlogHer and are bummed that it’s sold out or not within your budget, Minti is giving away 2 tickets. Check it out!

And if you really dig feelin’ the love, go here to read more about various acts of kindness and generosity related to BlogHer :)

As the hypothetical spouse in question felt he was a bit unfairly represented, I decided to replace my original post with something less likely to cause me any further aggravation on the topic. Thanks for your comments!

Just looking, thanks

As I was driving home from dropping my daughter off at school this morning, I caught myself doing something I’m kind of embarrassed about. I was looking. You know, at guys. Outside. Working. Shirtless.

And then there’s that guy that’s always outside with his giant greyhound. The one in the cowboy hat that never wears a shirt. With the abs. Yeah.

And then there’s the Vin Diesel-looking guy that walks the two little yapper dogs down my street a few mornings a week. He has a couple tattoos on his chest. How do I know? Well, because he’s always shirtless, of course.

Apparently I’m this perv driving around in the momvan scoping out shirtless men on every damn corner. But I’m going to use the excuse they’ve have used forever. I can’t help it. They’re just there. Right in front of me. How can I not see them? Sound familiar? Heheh. Well, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

So as I was driving around being an unintentional leering pervmom, I started thinking about how some moms like the opposite of shirtless, tan, chiseled-ab types in favor of say…Jack White. Yeah. He’s apparently quite a hit with the mommy set. Hey, I can dig it. I like ‘em all. But he sort of falls into that not-hot type of hot category. And that’s when I decided it was time to revive the not-hot survey.

Everyone has one. A person, or two or three, that they’re crushin’ on that is NOT hot in the popular sense of the word. Maybe you dig the slightly nerdy Stephen Colbert? Or the not-so-chiseled chunky Jack Black? Or perhaps you like the big and nerdy types, like Drew Carey. Whatever, ladies… Just dish it!

And guys? If you’re here you HAVE to play. Spill :)

Consider including a brief explanation of who your not-hot crush is because I’m a bit out of the loop and unless they’re tabloid fodder like Brangelina or K-Fed, I might not know them.

EDITED TO ADD: Everyone keeps asking where I live that there are so many shirtless guys running around. I live in Florida. Everything grows like crazy here so there are lawn maintenance companies all over the place. We also have a McMansion-building boom going on so there are an assload of construction workers and tradesman in the neighborhoods I shortcut through to get my daughter to school. Now add to those the fact that it’s really hot here and voila! You have shirtless guys everywhere. That they happen to be attractive (instead of icky buttcrack-showing dudes with huge beer bellies) is clearly an anomaly. I don’t understand it either…

PS: I won the BlogHer comment contest hosted by the very generous Sue of Red Stapler but since I already paid for my registration, Sue let me give it to Elizabeth of Table for Five. Thanks Sue! You totally ROCK! See you both at BlogHer!

Who Doesn’t Love a Twofer?

First things first….

If you didn’t bawl your eyes out (or at least sob a little) while watching the season finale of Grey’s Anatomy, you may need to check your pulse and make sure you’re alive.

I know it’s just TV but it was one of the most heartbreakingly sad (fictional) shows I’ve watched on TV in a while. And I hope my namesake isn’t gone for good. Seeing Izzie curled up in bed with Denny was almost too much for me.

Oh! What about when they were dancing and Meredith and Derek’s eyes were locked? I was FREAKING!

To those of you that are too cool for television, I salute you. I’m not there yet. As long as there is sexual tension between Meredith and McDreamy, I’m keeping my TV. Last nights episode was hotter than anything you could ever rent at the dirty-old-man movie store. Seriously.

Now, to my regularly scheduled post…

Who Doesn’t Love a Twofer?

Well, when it’s two memes, probably everyone. But I was tagged for two different ones and ever the gracious (and easily-flattered) host, I’m gonna do them.

This is the “My Neighborhood Barbie” thing and I was tagged by Wendy. I didn’t really do my neighborhood’s Barbie because she would be boring and downright uncomedic. See, I don’t live in a neighborhood full of idle rich people. I merely live in very close proximity to them and breathe their air and shop in their stores. I’m middle class and that’s just dull. So…to up the ante, my Barbie is based on the women I see every morning and afternoon five days a week at my daughter’s school.

I like to call my neighborhood Barbie “Trophy Wife Barbie.” Almost always a well-coiffed bottle-blonde, TWB’s are often 10-15 years younger than their husbands and are always in better shape. The husbands, when in town, will come to the occasional Christmas or Spring Show but are rarely seen at any other time because of his busy work/golf schedule. TWB is also frequently crunched for time… Thank God for the nanny because TWB would never have time to squeeze in all her personal care activities if she had to take her two and four year-old girls to their classes, lessons and enrichment activities. Looking good is her job, dammit!

Every morning, she unloads her two perfectly color-coordinated and perfectly-spaced children out of her Escalade/Volvo/
BMW/Lexus/Range Rover/Hummer SUV and hustles them to their classrooms at their private day school. Always clad in a perky ponytail and designer work-out wear, she rushes because she wants to beat the other TWB’s to the gym and get one of the better ellipticals. When she’s finished working out, getting a massage and tanning, it’s time to shower, dress, and put on makeup before heading over to her eurotrash hairdresser for a blow-out. She then heads out for a little shopping before a calorically-void lunch with the other TWB’s and then she will possibly give the nanny a break and pick the kids up at school IF she has time. TWB’s life is soooo exhausting.

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I was also tagged for the “I Am” meme by Mommy Off the Record:

I AM: a mommy blogger. I got your baby poop schtick right here, suckers!

I WANT: another bedroom and a bigger kitchen in my tiny house but I’d settle for world peace and universal healthcare.

I WISH: that I had the power to change the world

I HATE: hypocrisy and bad manners (not table manners so much as the “why the hell don’t you people RSVP?” kind of manners)

I MISS: having time to pamper myself.

I FEAR: the state of the world right now.

I HEAR: A story on Nightline about abandoned, institutionalized children in Romania. It’s heart-wrenching.

I WONDER: if things will get better when George Bush leaves office.

I REGRET: nothing. Okay…that’s not true but the things I DO regret are not going to be forever immortalized in a meme.

I AM NOT: above wearing the same underwear two days in a row.

I DANCE: in my kitchen. The floor is perfect for it.

I SING: when I’m in the car by myself. I put in MY music and sing unabashedly.

I CRY: when babies are born, at weddings, at sappy commercials, at anything where children or animals are hurt.

I AM NOT ALWAYS: as self-absorbed as I think I seem on my blog.

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: these tiny felt dresses on tiny wire hangers. They’re so damn cute but I have no idea what to do with them…lol

I WRITE: myself a lot of post-it notes.

I CONFUSE: most people…hehe.

I NEED: a week of good sleep and a week of pure fun.

I SHOULD: be folding the ever-present baskets of laundry that languish in my living room or writing a review for Cool Mom Picks.

I START: my day wishing I’d gone to bed earlier.

I FINISH: hoping I will fall right to sleep.

And now I’m going to tag Kristen for the Barbie meme (because I think she could really have some fun with Mississippi Barbies)

For the “I Am” meme I am tagging Redneck Mommy, Mama Tulip, Midwestern Mommy and Kittenpie.

Have fun :)

The Great Mommy Blogger Love-In

At the behest of HBM, mistress of the blog Her Bad Mother I am attempting to pay homage to all the mom/women bloggers I enjoy. This is going to be hard. Do you KNOW how many blogs I read? Geez…

Honestly, I’ve been putting this off because I’m afraid I won’t do it well or that I will hurt someone’s feelings. The latter is the thing I am most concerned about. But I’m going to try. Please forgive me if I’ve left you out. It’s not intentional. This is a hell of a task!

But while I’ve got you all here, this would be a great time for you lurkers to step out of the bushes and say hi because how can I read YOU if I don’t know your blog? I don’t want this to just be a big blogger wankfest. I want this to be an opportunity to expand my horizons and meet new blogs. So how about it?

And now, without further ado…

A Beautiful Mess – Kristi rocks! I love her house and her blog and I hope she gets settled soon.

A Mama’s Rant - Always interesting to read, Anne Marie is a writing dynamo! She has more blogs than anyone I know :)

A Mommy Story – I met Christina through a blog exchange and I’m hooked! She’s a great writer as well as sincere and kind beyond words. I can’t wait to meet her at BlogHer!

Adventures in Everyday Life – My first blog friend. She’s cool, funny and has more energy than God.

Another Mommy Moment - J’s Mommy is a sweet lady and she writes some interesting stuff. Her recent post about what you shouldn’t do after age thirty was quite thought-provoking.

Baby on Bored – Don’t let Stef fool you. Under that funny, smart ass exterior, she has a soft, gooey center that is extremely sweet.

bamboo lemur boys are mean to their girls – Robin (aka Ghandi Rules) is unlike any other blogger I know. And I mean that in the best possible way.

Black Belt Mama –BBM is way cool and could probably kick my ass with both hands behind her back!

Blogs Are Stupid – BA is easily the best wordsmith I know. She’s unbelievably talented and always makes me think. I fully expect she will write a bestselling book someday.

Bread Crumbs In The Butter – Chantal is so damned funny and sassy. Love reading her!

Bridgermama –I love her blog and I’m sure she would be the coolest mom in my playgroup if we were in one together.

Chaotic World of Carrcakes – Carolyn is not only sweet and fun to read but an athlete that puts me to shame ten times over!

Chicky Chicky Baby – Going to Mrs. Chicky’s blog is like curling up on her sofa. She gives you that warm, friendly feeling that I love. If you’re not reading her, you’re missing out.

CityMama – She gave me Friday Link Love and I’ve been hooked ever since!

Read more »

Hers, Mine, Ours

Another Mother’s Day is upon us and it seems they come faster and faster now that I have kids of my own. People always say things like that and by God, they sound so old when they do. But now I understand why they say it. It’s true. Something about being a parent causes life to move at warp speed. And I don’t like it. I don’t enjoy it whizzing past me like billboards on the interstate. I don’t like important dates sneaking up on me so quickly. And I don’t like getting old faster than I can get used to the idea of each age. I’m sure there’s a way to better handle all of it. Perhaps with Tai Chi or meditation. And I will look into those as soon as I have time, as soon as I’m done taking care of everyone else and everything else.

What I really wanted to write about was my mother, you know, in honor of the BIG day. It’s odd but I never think of Mother’s Day as MY holiday, too. In my mind, it’s still the one where my husband and I get up and make the effort, tired or not, for the other mothers in our life. When he and the kids do something nice for me, it never fails to surprise…because this is my mother’s special day.

I so wanted to write about her. I did. And parts of the story are already written. But I’m not sure this is the time I want to share it. Ideally my Mother’s Day tribute would be uplifting. And inspiring. Or at least happy. But the story of my mother is not. It’s sad and I don’t want to do sad; not this weekend anyway. So to honor my mother, I’ve decided to refer back to a recent blog post. It made me feel good in a cathartic sort of way, while inspiring me to treasure my own experiences as a mother and I know that’s what Mom would want.

But first…

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there. There’s nothing more I can say without sounding completely trite. Just know that you are special and important.

If you have a chance, please stop and visit Kristina. She’s a brand new mommy and she could use a little support. When you’re done there, don’t forget the funniest new mama on the block, Mrs. Fortune!

Happy First Mother’s Day to both of them :)

As for the Mother’s Day challenge issued by HBM, I’m pretty sure there’s no way I can have it done by Mother’s Day BUT it was such a fantastic idea that I’m still doing it. I’ll just be fashionably late.

.And now, in honor of my mother…

Silver Linings

“Mother may I?” is the topic of our blog writing exchange this month.

For me, these are loaded words.

My mother died in a car accident when I was thirteen. I am motherless.

I do have other mother figures in my life. I have a stepmother. I have a biological mother. I have a mother-in-law.

I’m grateful to have these other women in my life but they will never fill that hole. I feel so cheated. I am angry. I think a lot about what I don’t have.

People have asked me if I missed my mother more since having children. I have no idea how to answer that. I mean of course I miss having a “mother person” to do what mothers do when their daughters have babies. Help me. Support me. Teach me. Annoy me.

But I never knew my mother as an adult person. As an adolescent, however, our relationship was somewhat complicated and I can’t imagine what our relationship would be like now. I do imagine, of course, what I would want it to be like…but it feels like a dream. A fantasy. A wish unfulfilled.

And I have to accept it.

I will never have what everyone else takes for granted.

Unconditional maternal love.

But I can give it. And I have so much. Enough for a hundred children.

And it’s because of this that I tell my daughter that I love her two dozen times a day.

And remind her that I will always love her no matter what; that there is nothing she could ever do to make me stop; that I will always, always be here for her.

My son isn’t old enough to understand such things but I tell him anyway. I shower him with kisses. I shower him with happy smiles. I carry him around until my arm is about to break off.

My children are all I have in this world and I adore them.

Despite my feeling bitter over not having a mother for nearly my whole life, I am usually one to look for the silver lining; one who believes that everything happens just the way it’s supposed to and that good can come from bad.

But I’ve given up trying to find the silver lining in being motherless. I’m pretty sure there isn’t one for me.

But my children…they have a mother that loves them immeasurably; a mother who, in having lost every living family member before the age of 36, understands the fragility of life, the importance of the little things; a mother who takes nothing for granted.

And I think to myself, that’s OUR silver lining.

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