Whatever Happened to Freeze Tag?
Have you all heard about this story of the second grade girl being assaulted by twelve boys on the playground of an elementary school in St. Louis?
WTF?
On CNN, the school superintendent asks something similar, “What transpires that allows such a thing to be on the minds of young men that are 6-7 years old?”
I know, right?
It reminds me of a conversation I had a while back with a male friend of mine who watches a lot of adult-oriented programming around his children. This same friend was lamenting over his 6.5 yr old daughter’s “sexy” behavior around boys, particularly older ones. I basically told him that he needed to not watch the kind of shows he does in front of the kids and not play his favorite chicks-ripping-each-other’s-clothes-off-while-wrestling video game around them. His response? Why shelter them? They’re going to learn it all anyway. For once in my life, I was at a loss for words.
While I am a flaming liberal on most issues, I’m strict about what I allow my children to be exposed to. Quite often, I’m sure I have been regarded as some sort of hovering, overprotective, tight-assed mother that can’t relax. But you know what? I’ll happily accept that criticism if it means my children never do something like these boys have allegedly done.
This is actually a real hot-button issue with me. I have long maintained that children need to be sheltered from the barrage of adult-oriented media (TV, movies, music, advertising) that swirls around them.
As adults, we have become very immune to it and tend not to notice a lot of it but children really are like sponges. They absorb everything around them and because they are not sophisticated enough to filter through what they take in, much of it is accepted at face value.
We tell our kids not to hit or hurt others but watch what your kids are watching. How much hitting, even under the guise of good vs. evil, are they actually viewing? (obviously, this doesn’t apply to very small children who are stil watching Barney and Playhouse Disney.) We tell them one thing and then let them watch things that convey the opposite. How are they to make sense of these mixed messages?
The same goes for sexually-provacative material. I’m not even talking rated R movies or evening programming here. I’m talking about advertising, the every day fare on soap operas and much of what is discussed on Oprah and other talk shows. We are so desensitized to it, we don’t even realize that to our children, these are direct messages indicating that what they are watching are, in fact, social norms.
Girls get the message that being physically beautiful is the key to their worth (thanks to diet and beauty product ads every 2 seconds on TV), and that her sexuality is the source of power. You rarely see anything where the subtext is “smart girls have power” or “using your brain will take you far in life” or “boys like a girl who thinks”. No. Again the messages are quite the opposite. How many of you have heard little girls talking about being fat? Or heard them say someone else is fat? That’s just wrong. Children shouldn’t even be thinking about such things.
The really sad part about all of this is that you can do everything right but there’s always some dipsh!t out there doing the complete opposite and guess what? Their kid probably goes to school with your kid.
Here’s a quote from an article that I originally read in the New York Times about a study done at the Univerity of North Carolina:
“This is the first time we’ve shown that the more kids are exposed to sex in media the earlier they have sex,” said Jane Brown of the University of North Carolina…”
No duh. You can read the whole article here.
(Thanks to Petite Mommy for the heads up on the CNN story)
30 Responses
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You perfectly summed up my feelings on this issue. I am continually shocked by the things that people allow their children to be exposed to. And saddened at the way women and increasingly younger and younger girls are sexualized and treated as objects on tv.
If I continue on much longer this will be an entry all of it’s own.
What a scary thing to happen. And you’re totally right - at that age, most boys are fascinated by their own equipment, sure, but it wouldn’t occur to them to do anything but play with it. As it should be. I hope that girl is okay and gets some help not to be too scarred by it.
And I too, while not a prude about what consenting adults want to do among themselves, think this stuff has no business being forced into a child’s life. I do think that there is way too much media pressure, so she watches only PBSKids, CBCkids, or Treehouse, all of which offer preschool-oriented programming with NO commericals. And even then, I only let her watch a few selected programmes, totalling about 2 hours max per week. Because let’s face it, even the best programming doesn’t stack up to going for a ride on her new bike, visiting the park, doing puzzles, reading together, or breaking out the playdough. Misterpie occasionally watches renovation shows with her around on the weekend, which I think is okay (especially since she’s such a Bob freak), but if he starts aimlessly flicking, it goes off. He is so not watching Stargate in front of a two-year-old.
And finally, while I am at high risk for writing more than you, I must add that I don’t think people help the situation when they dress children like little teenagers, either. Sometimes even in things they would object to their teenagers wearing. Somehow if it’s too sexy for a 16-year-old, it’s cute on a 6-year-old? Hell, no. I think it’s dangerous. It suggests a sexiness that simply isn’t and shouldn’t be there. I am so encouraging my girl’s tomboy streak!
First of all, thanks for mentioning me.
I feel the same about this issue as you do! I just don’t get it though! I know it starts with the parents and this scares me so much because what are they thinking? Why? Children should not experience or be exposed to this. It’s just CRAZY!
This is one of the reasons I am glad I am not a mom. My heart could not take the strain. Just walking through the mall and seeing 8-foot-tall boobies in the Victoria’s Secret windows makes me wonder how moms handle it.
No one makes out well on TV. Dads are bumbling fools whose families can disrespect at every turn. Moms are always thin and sexy and all-knowing — and that is its own burden. Kids are obnoxious, shrill brats who can talk back and manipulate their parents.
The whole thing, with a few tiny slivers of exception, is such a toxic mess that I am surprised anyone who loves their family has it in their home.
I know, I know, the kids must be entertained. I’m just wondering - what did children do for the other 99.95 percent of human history before TV and video games?
this sort of thing was what made me believe for a lot of years that I would never, ever reproduce.
(obviously, I’ve since changed my mind.)
shit like this is probably going to ultimately motivate me to strip our house of all things electronic media related. my husband and I are going to tussle, I kinda think.
Izzy, what do you do to pacify your guilt about tv habits in reference to your offspring?
That makes me feel physically ill. I can only imagine Kyle’s reaction. Iz, what did your husband say? Anyone else - reactions from your spouse?
Izzy, you make a great point about how our kids will be exposed to other kids whose parents will convey different messages than we do. That’s why I think it is important to give our kids confidence to go against the crowd, even as early as pre-school.
I remember boys chasing girls on the playground in elementary school, and it scared me even then. We had a couple of “tunnels” - fifteen foot long, five foot high concrete pipes, and the boys would “trap” the girls in the tunnels. I used to worry about that, and even though my parents tried to help me, their advice to “stand still - no one can chase you if you don’t run” didn’t reassure me.
And my friend who recently visited with her daughter made a comment to her daughter about “that makes mommy get fat”. I cringed. My girls will NEVER hear me complain about my body or my appearance or hear me call myself “fat”.
The brainwashing starts earlier than we think.
This is terrifying. I hadn’t even heard about this story. Where on earth was the adult supervision? This should NOT be happening in a school playground.
How will I ever be able to have children and send them to school without fear when stuff like this happens in the world?
Good stuff izzy! I saw this yesterday and had a few thoughts about this. First of all, charging 6-7 year old boys with sexually assault is absolutely ridiculous and is more of a “statement” than actual punishment. Boys at this age completely act out what they see on TV, movies, games, older kids, or largely from their parents/family. The ones who should be charged are the ignorant parents for not teaching them what’s not appropriate and what is. Children this age are a direct reflection of the parents in my view.
I have a problem with the superintendent calling the boys “young Men”. Not. Even. Close.
Not only do you have to censor the t.v., how about the radio? I hate that stupid Pussycat Dolls song. I told my daughter I thought the lyrics should be “Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was smart like me, don’t cha wish your girlfriend was a good person like me” Ha! Like that would ever sell. With my older kids I will let them watch a sex scene in a movie if it’s not too freaky or explicit and it’s between two adults that care for each other and the same goes for good vs. evil violence. I don’t have a problem with either of those. I also should admit that my 10 year old son does play some video games that I think are too violent. I’m being a give in-give up mom on that one.
Wow my longest comment ever!
You hit the nail on the head. We took out cable/network tv altogether in my house. This was after my 4 year old was prancing around singing Hilary Duff songs she heard on the Disney channel. And since we homeschool as well, I know that my kids are incredibly sheltered from our sex focused culture. Oh well. You know something is wrong when one of the most popular toys for preteen girls looks like freakin’ prostitutes. How do you explain to a small child why you don’t allow Bratz in your home…’because these dolls look like hookers and I’ll tell you what that is in about 10 years.” It’s good to see other prude moms out there!
Amen sister! I work in the criminal courts and often see young kids who are charged with offences and am STUNNED at not only the way they interact with their peers but how their parents either condone the behaviour.
I too am a pretty liberal gal, but I firmly believe that children are growing up way too fast and that a great deal of it has to do with them being exposed to adult issues, but also not having parents who take the time to explain why things are inappropriate for children their age.
I’ll also agree with Tony about these children not being charged (at least in Canada they can’t be until they are 12) because children that age don’t have the capacity to understand what they are doing.
(Ok I’ll step off my soap box and apologize for the rant)
some of the shit that comes out of my boys mouths! and i ask them where they got it, and the answer is usually from someone at school. the other day my oldest told me, ME!, that he was going to have a bikini car wash to raise money this summer! and guess where he got the idea? from a boy who lives with his single parent mom! whatever! you can’t control the people your kids come in contact with when they are out there in the world. but you sure shit can control what goes on in your house and what type of thinking WILL NOT be permitted!
I can’t get over how they seem to be focusing on the “sexual” aspect of the assault. I don’t care how mature a 6 year old is, they wouldn’t understand sex if the letters S E X walked up and pinched their cheeks. This was an act of aggression. How many times have we heard that rape isn’t sexually orientated but rather an act of aggression? This is the same thing, only in a pint size suit. These children saw some action on TV that they didn’t understand and began assaulting that poor girl in a way that made her react (probably cry and beg them to stop) that made them feel powerful.
Now lest you think that it’s only violent or adult themed shows that will make children aggressive, think again. Studies now confirm that children that spend more than two hours a day watching ANY kind of TV *or* playing ANY kind of video games have a MUCH higher rate of aggressive behavior. It’s not only WHAT your kids are watching. My eldest has been limited to an hour’s worth of TV a day for as long as I can remember unless it’s a semi-special occasion like we’re watching a movie together for “Family Night” or there’s a documentary I want him to see. My eldest is 14 now and still limited to an hour a day.
That being said I have a - unique - view on things most would consider “sexuality.” We hide our children’s eyes from even the most innocent display of nudity, such as a mother breast feeding her child, but then expect them, when they reach puberty and have to deal with hormones, to have a healthy view of their own sexuality and behave maturely towards others sexuality. I’m an aspiring photographer and a couple of the books I have on the subject have very tasteful nudes in them. I don’t hide these away from my children. Would you hide the statue of David? If my son accidentally walks in my bedroom while I’m changing I don’t grab for the nearest towel or blanket and scream “GET OUT OF HERE!” I usually politely ask him if I can finish changing in privacy, as typically he is unfazed and proceeds to ask what he came in search of me to ask. His reaction? I could be wearing jeans and a sweatshirt and there would be no difference in his reaction so when I ask him he usually says “Oh! Sorry” and walks out.
However when I first introduced my husband, Chris, to our household and found out he was getting the men’s magazine MAXIUM, I asked him to be sure to keep it in a place where Lou wouldn’t be exposed to it or even have the opportunity to come across it. There’s a huge difference between nudity and sexual material, between natural and air-brushed women advertised for their sexual attractiveness rather than their minds, souls, or character.
I’m liberal as Hell to Izzy. But I always remember that I am liberal when it comes to what adults do with/for other adults. That doesn’t mean you - or I or any other liberal wants to hand the porn rags to 6 year old boys.
At my school, I would listen to children tell me about really graphic movies they’d watched - sexual or horror - and think …WTF? A 4 year old watching Chucky?
But I think that having worked with families in crisis/poverty for as long as I have, I have to say that it isn’t that the parents don’t Care. It’s just that there are other stressors that are so overwhelming ( perhaps addictions/mental health, domestic violence) that these adults ( if they even ARE) don’t bat an eye at the sex and violence they are exposing their children to. It is the least of their worries.
Very few parents want to harm their child. They just may be so wrapped up in other “things” that they don’t see the issue.
Amen, Sister. Just chalk me up as another prude. A couple of weeks ago, my husband was watching “The Godfather” marathon, while my daughter and I were doing something else. Right before bedtime, she went and jumped on his lap. Knowing the movies, I recognized what scene was coming up. I said, “Um, Honey…I’m thinking that the simultaneous ‘whacking’ of the heads of the Five Families might not be suitable viewing for a 3-year-old.” It was like he never would have thought of turning it off otherwise! You are right, and we are far too desensitized.
I read that story to my boys (ages 9 and 7, third and first grades), and they didn’t even pick up on the sex part, Nathan just asked what did assault mean? I asked them why they thought boys would push a girl down like that and they said “probably pretending they were a movie or TV character or something”. So that led to a discussion about how what happens in movies or TV shows isn’t real, it’s pretend, and how they should never act out anything they watch. So first I want to thank you for sparking that discussion.
Wednesday night at 8:00 we were surfing the channels and flipped past HBO. On “Big Love”, Chloe Sevigny was sitting on top of Bill Paxton and it was obvious they were having sex. At 8:00 ! Nathan was in the room and he immediately covered his eyes and turned away as we changed the channel. The TV in their playroom has all the parental controls turned on so they would never accidentally see something like that without us around.
It is SICK SICK SICK! My MJ is in 2nd grade, and I couldn’t even IMAGINE how I would feel if that happened to her.
Scary world this is, very scary.
I don’t even know how to respond to this. I am really curious as to what the parents of those boys are thinking right now. How are they explaining this in their own minds?
Oh disgusting. I can only assure you that being liberal has NOTHING to do with seeing reasonable and age-appropriate limits for your kids. Boundaries, people. Boundaries. Oy. I know this and I haven’t even been a mother a year yet. What’s with that guy?
I’ll admit that at times my kids see things that are inappropriate. Inadvertently. And if something over their head is dealt with on a show we are watching - together - we talk about it. Not in a “we’re having a serious discussion” kind of way that would turn them off at their ages, but in an acknowledge and comment honestly kind of way. I also am very conscious of knowing what is allowed to be watched at their friends houses, and what’s available to them on the internet when they’re not under my watchful eye. It’s a different world out there. So much is better. So much is worse.
Here, here Izzy.
I couldn’t have said it better myself.
It’s a screwed up world we’re living in and I don’t know whether to attribute it to naivety, stupidity, or just plain laziness.
Maybe all three.
These are the kinds of stories that make me think that homeschooling is not such a bad idea after all.
You sent me off on a blogrant.
And I linked ya.
Hope you don’t mind.
The thing that kills me is that these boys are going to be allowed to continue going to school after a brief suspension. How is that little girl ever going to feel safe again? They should all be expelled. They have forever altered her life. If someone did that to my child. . . (can’t even say what I’d do.)
I can’t believe that SECOND graders would be doing such a thing. It’s so sad to think that children are growing up this fast.
I totally agree with you about the poison of television. My FIL thinks I should be exposing my 10 month old to more television. It makes me mad just thinking about it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m OK with a little TV. Heck I watch TV all the time, but I think that most of what’s on TV is totally inappropriate for little children and we need to be careful about what they’re viewing.
It is so true that we have become desensitized. The media is a hard thing to shield our children from. When my babies get older, I feel like I will have to be cautious of saying no to allowing them to watch certain programs because when strict limitations are enforced children usually find a way around it or rebel against it more venomously. I hope I’ll be able to teach them right from wrong and give them a lot of self-confidence not to fall prey to media standards.
What a horrible story. The news can be one of the scariest programs on TV for children.
I am pretty sick of American culture at the moment
Ugh. I seriously just want to pack my kids up and live in the mountains sometimes. But I know the answer is to protect them from unnecessary influences as long as possible, and keep the dialogue going when they are old enough to understand. I know the answer is NOT to let them buy slutty Bratz dolls and watch R-rated movies and all that crap. Even the news isn’t safe, I don’t watch it in front of my girls. Ugh, ugh.
Having worked in a movie theatre for five years I was constantly flabbergasted when a parent would drag a kid to a totally inappropriate movie. But then I realized I was doing virtually the same thing when I let my daughter watch t.v with me. That sure put the brakes on fast. The hubs and I have a rule now. The telly on comes on when the kids are in bed. And so far, it has worked. Not that we watch a lot of telly, what with only three channels to choose from….