How to Make My Head Explode

Posted by on April 26, 2006

A conversation with the pediatrician’s nurse yesterday…

Nurse: Here are his percentiles (handing me a sheet with my son’s height, weight, head size and corresponding percentiles for his 9 month check up)

Me: Are these the percentiles based on a 9 month old? Because he’s over 10 months now. He was sick twice when he was 9 months so we’re late

Nurse: No. Those percentiles are based on a 9 month old

Me: But he’s not 9 months. Why plot them for the wrong age?

Nurse: Because this is his 9 month check up

But he’s not 9 months old. Doesn’t being almost two months older make a difference?

Nurse: Yes, it does

Me: Then would you figure them for his actual age, please?

Nurse: I can’t. It’s his 9 month check up

And then my head exploded. I’m typing this from the great beyond.

(The doctor did his stats for 10.5 months and it turns out he made a semi-major jump down from 97th to 85th percentile in weight but not height or head size so it was good that I got the right info.)


  • Chantal says:

    Holy shit on a stick what an idiot!

  • Amy says:

    Oh lord. I love our pediatrician but her nurse is a nightmare–I’m sure I’ll have the same conversation with her at some point.

  • Pattie says:

    As a pediatric nurse in my previous life (before kids) that is embarassing for nurses everywhere. Geez…

  • Thanks for the laugh, but be careful over there. I’ve heard there are idiots on the “other side”, too!

  • cameo says:

    “duh duh duh duh. i’m following the rules and i can’t think for myself. don’t ask me to think for myself. don’t ask me to. i can’t. it’s against the rules.”

  • Kristen says:

    I loathe going to the dr – the nurses/techs suck. I had one ask me what food the little guy was eating; SHE was a month old at the time…

    And another one measured her head wrong and marked it on the chart so it looked like her head had shrunk…

    I feel your pain.

  • shannon says:

    Oh Gosh What a bimbo! I would have asked someone else!

  • Rhonda says:

    That nurse is a complete ASS!

  • Stefanie says:

    I think they only have charts for the different regular dr. visits. You’ll have to wait for the one year mark to know but really, who cares? As long as they’re not complaining that your baby is too big or too small it doesn’t matter.

  • Izzy says:

    Stef — That’s the thing. He’s very big for his age and that’s why I wanted to know his correct percentile. It was so irritating…

  • Christina says:

    OMG. Apparently graph paper is a little too complicated for her, eh? She can’t plot anything except the thick lines.

  • mama_tulip says:

    She must be a joy to work with.

  • Mrs. Chicky says:

    What a dumbass. I just got back from the ped’s myself where the nurse insists on calling me “Mum” over and over.

  • I bet she’s one of those people who would drive their car into a river because the GPS system told them that was the way to go. Hell-o-o!

  • Nancy says:

    My head exploded in sympathy.

    But Cameo’s comment has me laughing my ass off!

  • miah says:

    this sort of thing is the worst when it dawns on you, mid-experience ,that no matter what you do or say you won’t be able to convince whatever scourge of humanity you’re dealing with to do what you do, no matter how right you are.

  • Jerri Ann says:

    I hope I don’t offend anyone here but I have never had good experiences with NP…I hate to say that but every one I’ve ever seen was so stuck to the fact that they were a “NP” not just a nurse that they couldn’t get down to business. The only difference is……the one in my doc’s office that saw the boys once. Get it, I saw her once, our doctor tries to always see us but how weird that I would like her since we don’t have to see her much…go figure! And, yes holy shit on a stick!

  • Hipster Mom says:

    All the nurses at our ped look like they just took a big whiff off of a poopy diaper. How can you work at a job surrounded by cute little babies and toddlers and be that miserable? Moreover, why would you stay in a career that made you contort your face into a miserable shape every day? Sorry you had to deal with that dumb-ass.

  • katkat says:

    that sucks, i hope your head grows back too.

  • Oh man. Isn’t it comforting to know that the people that help you make medical decisions are so smart!

  • Stacy says:

    what the hell is wrong with people these days???

  • Sassy says:

    OMG my head exploded…that’s funny! LOL!

  • Elizabeth says:

    Gah! At least the doctor was able to give you the correct info. I also hate how they call me “Mom” instead of “Elizabeth” or “Mrs. E”. My name is right there in the chart after all.

  • Oh My. She was new, right?

    Those growth charts are highly subjective and IMO, often nothing more than another thing for mothers worry about needlessly.

    Glad your head didn’t explode.

  • Arabella says:

    Oh, how I hate stupid shit like that. I had to do a “postcoital exam” to help diagnose the cause of my infertility. The doctor’s office scheduled it. It was supposed to be done around the time that I was ovulating; I explained that I usually ovulated earlier, and was essentially ignored. Then the results showed up as “abnormal.” I asked, “Could the results be ‘abnormal’ because it was done too late in my cycle?” to which the reply was, “Absolutely.”

    My head exploded, too.

  • I took my daughter in at 8 months old for her 6 months vaccination (She’s two months behind because of her eczema.) The nurse kept treating it like we were there for our 9 month visit. She asked us a list of development questions based on a 9 month old making me feel nervous because she obviously couldn’t do everything yet. *Shakes head at standards and silly nurses.*

  • Julie says:

    Another reason I love my family practice. The nurses are great, the docs actually ask all the questions (and answer mine), and everyone treats us like human beings.

    Did you take pics when your head exploded? Can I see?

  • Kristi says:

    Well, I’m glad your head is intact. And I’m glad you got the right info. I hate those appointments.

  • Redneckmommy says:

    Nothing like an incompetent moron to make a mother’s head pop right off. Makes you want to put a boot up their ass sometimes, doesn’t it?

  • Melissa R says:

    That makes me glad that my peditrician’s practice is small enough not to have a nurse. We deal with the doctor for everything and he really knows his stuff. He is very good at calming a freaked out mother.

  • Kristen says:

    Oh come on! “This piece of paper says I have to do things THIS way. Your question does not compute. I am a brainless drone who has not been programmed to interact with humans.”

    ARGH! I’m so glad the dr. answered the question for you… GEEZ!

  • dorothy says:

    I have many stories about people telling me my child was fat. Oh, and the Nurse Ratched who works at Benevolent Pediatrician’s office who is pretty sure that my child, who wouldn’t sleep for six months straight, just had me wrapped around her pudgy little finger.


  • Auto Racer says:

    Is she trained to repeat the same words ?

    .-= Auto Racer’s last blog post…Your Guide To Pasadena Auto Insurance =-.

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