Raging Momvanner Ponders Toilets & Coffee

Posted by on April 25, 2006

Occasionally I get email from you guys and you want to know stuff about me. And if it’s not anything too weird or personal, I’ll usually oblige and answer back, but I’m pretty well convinced that everything you ever really needed to know about me can be found in the comments I leave around the blogosphere…

My comments on road rage and preggo face:

Found on Bamboo Lemur Boys are Mean to Their Girls

I’m so with ya. I’m usually a reasonably calm person but bad, stupid drivers PISS ME OFF.

While I try to be chill as I usually have kids in the car, my inner road rager yearns to be free and tends to find her way out via expletives, typically mangled in a feeble attempt to not swear in front of the kids.

Nice glasses and cute hair. Wish I had a face for short hair. I learned the hard way, during a pregnant “I must have a haircut frenzy” that I do not have such a face

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My comments on my badass minivan:

Found on Wendy Boucher’s Blog

Dude…I’m conflicted over my momvan, too. But a Prius would never work for me. My car is like a purse on wheels.

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My comments on toilet sitting:

Found on A Mommy Story

I have a circular logic thing going…it’s like this:

If everyone thinks that the seat is dirty so they’re not going to sit on it, then it’s probably actually pretty clean, right?

But what if everyone else over-thinks it the same way I do and they all assume that it’s clean and they all sit on it?

Then it’s not so clean.

I could go on and on but I think you get the picture…

I’m a seat wiper and layer down of TP or I use a seat cover thingy. I hate hovering over the toilet.

And according to the Target staff here, the seats are wet because the toilets spray water when they are flushed. Uh yeah…nasty TOILET WATER.

ewwww, okay?

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My comments on the joys of coffee:

Found here: A Crack’n Life

Dude..if not for coffee, I’d be lucky to go once a week.

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See? Now you know that I cuss a lot when I drive, that I’m frequently constipated, that half my earthly possessions reside in the momvan, that I think about toilets way too much and that I need a 12 step program to stop using the word “dude.”



27 Comments

  • mrsfortune says:

    That’s a totally awful thought about the toilets at Target, but it made me think of something that drives me freakin INSANE. Have you ever used one of those automatic flush toilets that flushes before you finish thus spraying you with … well, you know? God that drives me CRAZY, I hate automatic flush toilets. Eww.

  • Rhonda says:

    You are so FREAKIN funny :)

  • Redneckmommy says:

    That’s the excuse my son uses after he pisses all over the toilet. “It was the spray mom, from when I flushed it. I swear!!”

    Yeah right. Target and my son, I call bullshit to you both!

  • Man you are funny.

    Have to say you may stop readin me after you here I am one of those objects of your raging momvanners. Yikes :)

  • Chris says:

    I was behind a great case of road rage yesterday on my way home from work. People literally hanging out of their cars screaming at each other while going about 50 mph. Asshats.

  • Carolyn says:

    I’m terrified of purchasing the momvan for the reason you so honestly admit. The vehicle would become a trashcan on wheels.

  • Jerri Ann says:

    that is freakin’ funny…

    from, the constipated, non-coffee drinking, nap taking large lady over at A Crack ‘n Life!

  • Marcie says:

    Dude! My grandma taught me the art of toilet seat wiping and toilet paper laying when I little. As for the sprayers? I’ve thought about carrying a black marker in my purse and leaving a message in the public stalls: Squatters-While I can understand your germaphobic ways, please have the decency to wipe YOUR germ infested piss off the toilets. Thank you…….Or something like that:)

  • Pattie says:

    Well, Izzy, thanks for sharing…um…your thoughts! I loved it and can certainly relate.

  • LOL! Purse on wheels. That is so spot on it’s not even funny. I have a Momvan, and I unabashedly adore it.

    I’m pretty blase about public toilets, but if I let myself really think about it, I get grossed out. I have a friend who must change toilet seats when she moves into a new home or apartment.

  • fidget says:

    how apropo.. i stopped by today to answer the question you left me in my comments – I’m a gemini, do my weird things make a little more sense now? LOL

  • Kristen says:

    First of all, how creative of you. And second, NOT ONE person has emailed me about what they want to know about me. I must say too much on my blog :)

  • Amy says:

    Ha ha ha! At least you hit toilets and coffee in the same post, very thematic.

  • I think our most uninhibited thoughts are sometimes left on other’s blogs. It was a bold move to round them up! And dude, you totally make me laugh.

  • kittenpie says:

    okay, perhaps too much detail, but I find the hover over the seat and lean forward combo allows for accurate and germ-free use of really skanky bathrooms. But I prefer to hit a bathroom I know to be in pretty good shape. Seriously, I have a map of city bathrooms in my head, with favourites highlighted.

  • Ha! I love the minivan being referred to as a purse on wheels. And my purse? Well, I guess it’s a minivan with handles.

    ( I sent a blog design referral your way. Hope you don’t mind. I couldn’t find your email address on your site, so email me and I’ll give you the details.)

  • Mrs. Chicky says:

    A post about comments! Dude, you are too damn funny.

    Um, I’m with you on the coffee thing.

    :)

  • Nancy says:

    I love your comments when you leave them on my site — they always make me laugh and/or think.

    And now I know your thoughts on leashes, too. ;-)

  • Heather says:

    I too say dude WAY too much, but it really is the catch-all term that can be used in almost every setting. Except at work, where I definitely don’t wanna get caught saying it (court = not good place to say dude). I say it so much that my fiance started saying it within 3 months of dating me.

  • Mom101 says:

    Ha, I totally remember that purse on wheels comment. That was genius! If you ever see it on tv in an ad…you can stalk me and shake me down for your royalties.

  • Shouldn’t the title of this post be ‘Raging Momvanner Ponders Coffee and Toilets, Dude’?

    I don’t have a momvan, and I don’t think much about toilets, except when they plug, and then I FREAK OUT. But I am obsessed with coffee. And WonderBaby’s first word is going to be dude, I just know it. And then I will curl up and die of shame. Or, more likely, blog proudly about it.

  • Kristi says:

    NO way I’m sitting on a public toilet! My momvan looks more like an atomic bomb blew up inside it. Constipation, I’ve blogged about that.

  • Kristen says:

    I do the over-thinking about public toilets too. John once read somewhere that the FIRST stall is always the cleanest, because most people assume it’s used the most and go on to one of the middle stalls. I’ve used that bit of information many times…but I still wipe the seats with tp first!

  • Julie says:

    Once I had to do a piss test in a bathroom at the Pentagon. When you do a piss test, someone has to monitor you. They don’t stand in the stall with you, thank god, but they do stand outside the stall and you have to leave the stall door ajar.

    I often get stage fright when I have to urinate, and the piss test brought on stage fright big time. I hovered for a full five minutes, waiting for my insides to unclench. I apologized to my monitor for taking so long, and she replied, “I’m just amazed that you can hover for so long.”

    And the prevalence of “dude” in my speech is a throwback to all of my trips to LA, where it is used like “like” to punctuate conversations.

  • JessR says:

    Dude, you are awesome. I love the “purse on wheels!” I personally drove a “garbage can on wheels” until yesterday, when I cleaned it out at the gas station. Now it is a “doghair magnet with some grubby pennies in the change tray on wheels.”

  • Hey don’t worry – you didn’t freak me out into writing my post yesterrday. I laughed so hard because right after I wrote it, yours was one of the first blogs I checked out and saw your road rage piece – funny timing.

    S :)

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